Glorious.

DEC. 14! THATS ONE DAY AFTER MY B-DAY!

I COUNT THAT AS A WIN IN MY BOOKS!

Great chapter btw. Really feelin steam-punk pinkie and super commander Twilight

Rarity is a boss as always.

Dash.... not a fan (not your writing just don't like her personality) but like what you did.

Fluttershy? well kinda hoping you make her like a chemastry boss and have her make bombs and other flash-based weapons.

TTYL!!!!

Well... that was entirely worth the wait.

My brain's still processing the sheer amount of awesome it just imbibed, so I'll just go ahead and echo the sentiments of the first comment for now.

I just about squeed when the new chapter notice popped up!
The amazingness of this story is too amazing for words and as always, I can't wait until the next chapter

NAME DROP!!!!!!!!

another amazing chapter, and I am literally bracing for the 14th cause I can see foreshadow in the next chapter's title!!!

56724!Dec 14th. that is my b-day! unfortunately im reading this about 2 months later.
but still..

I want that book... soooooo badly...

im just gonna say this before i start reading this chapter i laughed so hard when i saw the name captian coconut crunch

So Luna is goddamn Batman? I approve of this!

For some reason when you described Rarity's outfit, all I got was the Assassin's Creed look in my head. Still, cool story :)

Well, somepony's been doing some offscreen level grinding. I notice that in these kinds of stories, Pinkie usually either fails to punch on the same weight class as her friends and gets all depressed, or swings entirely in the other direction, turns into freaking Batmare, and proceeds to kick a terrifying amount of ass.

Throughout the entire Pinkie smackdown, I was hearing this in my head. That, and her harpoon-incontinence when seeing Twilight was just the right kind of bizarrely adorable.

The question, given that this is the point of the story I'm in, is if Twilight REMEMBERS anything that Naughty read. Though I bet she did. The question is how she uses it.

Also, can't wait to see what' Twi's blade is made of, given that, as a Unicorn, she WILL have one.

You know, I am actually kind of surprised no one has commented on the absolute hell Twilight had to go through. I mean, she can't even look Dash in the eyes, and for God's sake she pretty much ate her beloved mentor. She gave the order to kill Fluttershy. She's seven kinds of fucked up, and it shows.

As for the person who said they didn't like Dash's personality. Yeah, she may be rude right now, but think of what she went through. She almost killed her best friend, mercillesly beat the others, and was forced to eat books. If anything, those two ponies have all my sympathy and feelings.

Anyway, brilliant story so far. All the characters are great, and you just have loads of comflict stored away. Man am I looking forward to the resolutions

Magic Missile, someone plays D&D.
This was an amazing chapter!

Pinkies fighting style reminded me of Harlequins. [img]file:///C:/Users/john/Desktop/Warhammer_40K_Harley_queen_by_Tauring.jpg[/img]

Captain Coconut Crunch...good sir, you just made eating breakfast cereal 10 times more awkward!

Pinkie's fighting style is great! I've always seen her as more of a "ninja" type, despite being an earth pony.

Twilight, strategy, and tactics are all great and written well! Being huge fan of all three, reading that segment brought a smile to my face.

Emotional backdrop was done perfectly and you drew emotion from me during Twilight's sobbing with Fluttershy and also her awkward relation with Rainbow Dash.

"The various twists and turns of the labyrinth matched what she had in her mind. Without Discord to rearrange a maze at will, Twilight could navigate them with ease, which was probably why she had been so eager to dive into the hedge labyrinth upon hearing his riddle."

This was pure genius! Not only did you find a way to make this entire "maze craze" component relevant to the story in a major way, you also keep true to canon and you gave us a explanation of why Twilight chose the labyrinth in the show as well.

Trust me, I can analyze everything amazing in every chapter of this story but it would take me forever. So I apologize for my inability to cough up more analysis.

Ponies Make War

That book man. And also the original name of the story.

I do however, agree with renaming though.

The old name wasn't as relevant as the new one is.

I mean, yeah the book is important, but it isn't the focus of the entire story (thus far anyway, I haven't read any of the new chapters), and also Ponies Make War was an awkward name for a story that deserved better.

I do like however, that the name of this fic would have been shared with the name of a book...within this fic...goddammit inception! Why do you have to be relevant everywhere!?

Besides, The Immortal Game, is way more revelant, flows better, more likely to catch a reader's eye, and let's be honest...The Immortal Game sounds a hundred times sexier than Ponies Make War!

I have read many a great MLP fanfic but I have yet to find one that can give your's a run for its money or even come close. And I've read some high-quality shit in my day as a veteran reader and a nugget (rookie) writer.

I think I've said my piece...for now.

Silver out!

Pinkie's appereance sounds like V,
rarity's is ezio,
and AJ's is a space marine. Also, if that unicorn had said to me what he had said to luna (we all hate it when people get accusational like that) i would have had him tortured and finally executed in teh most brutal manner possible while his comrades watched. come to think of it, if i was there at all that would've happened. that unicorn is a dick

Halfway through Twilight's rambling I thought it was Coco-crunch or whatever her name was...

Captain Crunch. I actually did a face palm on that one. Pinkie Pie is best ninja.

"A unicorn puppet stood at the other end of the street"
"She quickly rushed to put her back to a/the wall"

Both of these lines read a little weird, but maybe it's just because I don't see them used that way often? The red is a suggestion.

Holy shit, Dash kicks ass in every way possible for a pegasus. Fire and lightning? Anyone up for fried pegasus? Twi alive=good, Twi coma=crap... So it was Esteem that was originally loyal to Titan! It was him that made Twi evil! That bastard! Dang, I really like this Astor character. She seems really cool. It almost seems as though Celestia foresaw the return of Titan and was preparing ger to destroy him when he did come back and get rid of Celly. Superb planning and storyline went into making this marvelous piece of literature.

Pinkie pie hates breakfast cereal.

I'm really loving the story so far, but sometimes, particularly in this chapter for whatever reason, there are a lot of typos that are fairly easy to catch.

the mental image of fluttershy carrying two cups of steaming hot cocoa and a box of tissue IN HER MOUTH made me laugh harder then anything has in a long time

Twilight was a badass before she even knew it!

Another wonderful chapter! I loved seeing the Mane 5 in action after a month of training and experience, that was just cool. I think this is the first time we've had a 'clean' battle where nobody got injured or killed, which allows the reader to just enjoy the awesomeness.

The scenes with Twilight were heavy, man. It's obvious that she's not okay yet by a long shot and the same presumably goes for RD. I was afraid you might mess up what is effectively Twilight's introduction to the story, but you pulled it off wonderfully.

Those books are very interesting. Two copies of the book on Warfare, two copies of the book on War Magic and finally the diary. Twilight has one copy of the first two books, and the second copy of the book on Warfare is in her personal quarters, so it's probably safe since the only one who'd find it important enough would be Esteem. Since you're evil I'll just assume that Esteem has the second copy of both books. That leaves the diary, which will probably be found and be useful (or the opposite) later in the story. Anyway, for now Twilight has a lot up her sleeve. She knows everything about warfare and a good deal of devastating spells to boot, if not all the spells from the book. She probably won't use any offensive ones from the latter group though.

Well, this is certainly going in an interesting direction! Esteem is coming to the lower city to kill the Mane 6 (who he believes to be the Mane 5) while those exact ponies he wants to hunt are about to head where he's coming from. Will they meet halfway? Will they miss each other? Will they meet in the lower city before Twilight even has a chance to down the barrier? Everything can happen!

Also, it's still Starswirl, not Starsworl.

I know this more or less predates the craze, but thinking about Pinkie Pie's fighting style, all I can think of is "Pinkamena's leading an attack on Titan..."

Twilight's brain power is over nine thousand, and by over I mean it's closer to nine quintillion.

This is a fantastic book. You have proven why Dash, Twilight, and Pinkie are best pony.

I like this pinkie pie, I'm imagining her like some weird cross between Harley Quinn and Ezio, and its totally awesome. Huh, Rarity too! I'm liking all the assassin's creed stuff here!

You’re under arrest, Captain Crunch

They were all staring at her as though she’d grown and extra horn

she'd grown an extra horn

How did the elements of harmony get back into Twilight's null space? They were out when Nihilus was destroyed, and from then on Twilight was unconscious.

5569300 magic

Luna's King James dialect is starting to really wear on me.
I mean, yeah that's how Luna spoke in one episode, but it's just so much here. It's like she's not even trying to speak like everyone else.
Sorry to complain, but I needed to say something.

I'm quite glad you didn't call this Attack on Titan...

Luna's accent is almost entirely wrong. Sorry, but it was fine during the Battle of Cloudsdale, so I don't understand why we're reverting to the misused "thou" and "-eth/-est" prefixes. It's also way too much for a month of hanging around modern ponies. Especially since we started some time after season 1 into the first few episodes of season 2. Luna should be at least trying to break the habit.

I'd appreciate if someone went in and changed all that, because, not only is it unfair to newcomers who have to put up with several chapters of cringeworthy Luna dialogue, but this is THE standard for MLP war-fiction. It's not really the best idea to leave stuff like that there to rot for eternity.

Rarity had grown to like the bladecasting robe; it, along with her white coat, gave her a sort of austere appearance that was intensified by the completely transparent diamonds that made up Vorpal.

assassin's creed vibe

She was vaguely aware of falling to the ground in front of the prince

Who is the prince?

Ah, now we have the previos title!

So you gave a studious unicorn with a photographic memory and the power to rival gods, books on how to do war on a scale so immense that it was burned from existence for fear the damage it could cause... so basically Twilight is the ultimate war machine now.

I am hoping it's not too obtuse to be making suggested corrections all these years late (and with the author lost to time )

If they tried to get a sizable force through the loyalists from the inner city could stand on the bridgeways and tear them apart with an easy escape route through the glass factory.

a comma after 'through' would ensure that 'the loyalists' isn't being mistaken as an object of 'get through' on the first reading.

get to their posts in the most efficient was possible

*way*

back to this place shouldn’t be to hard, you just follow this route here

*too*

I can at least say that this is my favourite chapter since the first one, and I'm sure looking forward to continuing

“You picked a book about warfare when you were fourteen?”

lol

Coconut, like any warm-blooded pony in Equestria, would have preferred it if Titan and Terra had never come. She would have liked it if Celestia still ruled. She couldn’t change the past, however, and neither could any of the loyalists. Celestia was dead, and there was no way any amount of rebelling ponies was going to overthrow their new gods. They were gods, after all. Coconut was only trying to keep things orderly and make enough bits to put a roof over her head.

Not all who serve the new regime are loyal. Such cracks could prove vital.

“There’s gonna be a fight! Better hightail it outta here so nopony gets hurt!”
Coconut could appreciate what Pinkamena was doing, so she waited for the civilians to clear the street before she gave her order.

Sacrificing time that could bring enemy reinforcements crashing upon you to prevent civilians getting into the crossfire. An admirable move from Captain Coconut. This is exactly the sort of war where 'don't shoot the civilians' is most applicable. A civil war, where both sides are, on at least some level, fighting for the civilians. I'm usually the last to call for restraint and honor in the messy, bloody business of war, but I look forward to more such choices here.

And so, Princess Luna is reminded of the propaganda of war. It makes or breaks loyalties among those who don't know all the ins and outs of a conflict. Therefore, maintaining the right public image can be surprisingly important to winning a war. But it's not easy. There's convincing people you're the right side, but you also have to convince them that you have a chance, or it doesn't really matter how good and just you are. And of course, that's harder when you're plain relies on a pile of secrets.
At least we know that Twilight’s starting to recover.

While true healing magic was impossible, there were all sorts of spells that were designed to help with traditional medical treatments.

Well that's not true. We need only look as far as Applejack to see healing magic.
Of course, she also said that Pinkie Sense was impossible...

She stood motionless, hardly breathing, staring at the book she held aloft with magic. Then, she gently set it on the floor and began to cry.
Her tears came with great, wracking sobs that broke the otherwise perfect silence of the library. She fell to the ground, rocking herself back and forth until she could once again focus on what was important. In all, she wasted fifteen minutes of time shaking uncontrollably on the library floor.
She picked up the book, Draconic Appetites and Ailments, and set it in the useless pile next to the musical storybook It’s a Wonderful Equestria.

That does not bode well for Spike.

Once, when she wandered close to the inner city labyrinth, she found a curtain of white energy blocking a passageway. She imagined that it was the same barrier she had observed from outside the city. She extended her magical senses, but they could not penetrate the barrier. Twilight marvelled at the sheer amount of power it must take to sustain such a thing before moving on.

I had wondered if they could bypass the barriers by traveling underground. I see they cannot.

“So what about Fluttershy? How can she use earthpony magic?”
“I have not the slightest idea!” Luna practically shouted. “I was hoping that thou couldst explain it to us.

Yes, I've been wondering about that myself.

“Almost certainly,” Coconut added. “We usually come through on Bay Street, if that’s any help.”
Luna gave her an icy look. “Thou art a prisoner, Captain. I shall not trust a word that thou speaketh.”

Then why’d you capture her? It can't be for ransom, she's just some captain, hardly irreplaceable to Empyrean.

3089433
On the contrary, she seemed perfectly friendly with Captain Crunch. Next, they should venture to the kitchen sink, to lay claim on the name over the leader of that infamous band of scallywags, The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything.
And I hadn't noticed that she shared a name with a cereal mascot until I got to the comments.

8568724
Agreed.

So that leaves Main Street, Starsworl Avenue, Alicorn Way, and Bay Street as potential main roads to send your troops down.

Starswirl