me gusta

liked the ending

really looking forward to finding out more about Rar's dad

i love what you did with him

also, do i see another epic battle scene on the horizon? 20000 words of canterlotian distruction? full blown avatar state twilight sparkle and a battle to the death for rar and her dad? with sweety belle coming to the rescue?

HINT HINT!

or i you have somethin better
just do that

Hello.
My name is Twilight Sparkle.
You killed my princess.
Prepare to die.

Really digging the story, can hardly complain about you making us wait 2 weeks when its been over a month since a couple of my favorite fics updated. Care to give a touch more detail on this upcoming comedy piece? Characters, setting, maybe even a dialogue teaser?

35355
I don't think I'll give dialogue teaser, just because I honestly have no idea what I'd pick, and it would probably end up being two pages long. I will say that the story centers around the mane six as they prepare for the Summer Sun Celebration once again. Except Fluttershy is missing, so Pinkie decides to play detective as she searches for her. Dash volunteers to tame the birds in place of Fluttershy, and Applejack is dealing with a bit of an identity crisis. Hopefully it will be funny, but it's hard to tell when I don't have an audience to gauge. If nothing else, it's a nice short break from Grimdark, and I'm doing something new.

Hey AB. You sir are awesome. Out of all the fanfics I have read, yours is the only one that I absolutely recommend to any brony. I might just be some line of words on the screen, but this is the only fanfic which I take seriously. I love how you write fight scenes, I adore how you can set the mood that all hope is lost, only to grab me and tell me it's alright. If this was youtube, I would subscribe to your channel, favorite it, even make it my home page. Keep writing.

PS. I'm excited to see you trying something new. Can't wait for the first chapter.

It's probably getting a bit redundant on saying how much I love this fic, but I do. I love how you portray everypony, it's believable and powerful and I can easily picture everything that's going on and it leaves me wanting more. I can't wait to read the next chapter.
Also, I've added this to TV Tropes' FiM Fanfic recommendations page. I hope you don't mind

This shit is cash! I'm so glad I read this after reading your comedy piece.

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I do care. I absolutely care. This isn't even something I'm doing that could be construed as right or that anyone could have a disagreement about. This is objectively wrong. A friend of mine has been on my ass about this lately, too.
That said, I probably won't do an editing run over the earlier chapters specifically to knock out the hanging quotes. It's just way to much effort for something I see as relatively small. If I ever need to do an editing run over them in the future (Dear Celestia I hope not, I've been over parts 1-3 exactly six times each,) I'll be sure to take them out. For now, though, My new chapters will just do things right.
What? I can be lazy if I want. I'm the boss. I'm allowed.

I don't understand where the new chapter is, it hurts my head, and makes me sad

54436
It's coming. I'm actually two chapters ahead of the published fic. I just want to release the best Ponies Make War that I can, which means making everypony wait longer than I anticipated. I'd rather break my word and seem like a bad pony than release a chapter that isn't up to my standards (which grow higher every day.) I fully intend to once again settle into a regular release schedule again after part 9.

Why Can't I rate YOU 5 stars

Heh...I really liked the part where Rainbow goes through weirrdd shit as Nihlus pet...kinda horrifying yet intriguing prospect

The Sliver of Darkness was forced into Twilight's left eye, and yet her right eye is the one that changed to blood red with a slit. (Ya, ya, I know I nit pick over tiny details, but it keeps me thinking. )

dude this is epic

113368 You could say that Twilight was trapped in the left eye, since that is also what the Sliver of Darkness does, apart from the whole inversion-thingy

I totally did not see Esteem as Rarity's father.
...
*reads over story up until this point*

HOW DID I MISS THAT?

You sir are a Master. You acknowledged the canon the show gave you and destroyed it in a perfectly believable way. You are officially in my top 3 and the story isn't even half done.

Huh. This went down faster than the other chapters. Usually it'd take much more time to read. I guess this is just much more dynamic.

Whenever I think of the prince, I think of King Joffrey, from Game of Thrones At least this one has a father who's willing to smack him around.

ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL.
[youtube=p3h8ZnXLsRg]
How did no one notice that reference yet, man?

“I am assuming control.” Mass Effect 2 reference WOOO!!!

Another amazing chapter! The plot is starting to get good and I know for a fact that it only gets better!

Also, the Canterlot battles are coming up! Woohoo!

113368

Actually, if you look again, it WAS her right eye that the Sliver was shoved into.

Sorry!

Silver out!

i just realized... a pony's name generally corrousponds to their cutie mark. If sweetie bell's name was intended to be allure, then... CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PROSTITUTES!

Awesome awesome awesome ending!

Ponies. You've changed nothing. Your species has the attention of those infinitely your greater. That which you know as Titan is your salvation through tyranny.

Esteem made a small noise. “Prince Empyrean,” he corrected. “The title is important.” He left out the fact that Blueblood had been failing to call him by his title all morning. “In any case, the only other pony who served directly under Prince Empyrean was not Twilight Sparkle, but rather Nihilus Nix Naught, and inversion of her created by the Sliver of Darkness and tasked with killing the ponies now on my doorstep.”

That should be "an inversion" not "and inversion"

Um... can I help preread The Epilogue?

My daughter.

So, yeah, I consider myself pretty widely read, etc etc, other smug bullshit here. I also enjoy writing, so I'm sort of familiar with some good ways to introduce plot twists. I'm also a tragically huge snob when it comes to actually liking a story unreservedly.

But this is a pretty good fucking story. I didn't see any of the surprises thus far coming in a million years.

Unlike a lot of other stories on this site, this story feels complete in pretty much every way. There aren't any holes left by the characters' actions or the flow of the story. There's never a moment where I'm feeling, 'well, I wish this was explained more', and I really do find myself wishing I could write this well, as I read your story.

The way you introduced Rarity's heritage without breaking her character completely was flawless. Luna's history was excellent, well-paced and appropriate, giving her the very image of a powerful, but lesser goddess. The idea for the segmented unicorn blades manipulated for telekinesis was inspired, and your own interpretation of the magic innate to the three types ponies is excellent. I like the portrayal of these new characters you've introduced - Nihilus didn't feel like an archetypal villain, even though she tended to think that way, and in the end was totally undone by her own greed. That's not a particular character trait I see a lot in any form writing, and I really like it. Her own sub-plot to rule Equestria kept me interested, and, assuming that this chapter on Esteem is the beginning of a second arc, I already like the way he's been portrayed as a thoughtful military man.

While I think I'd like have the mane six act a little less themselves (and perhaps a little more gritty) in such a dire situation, that is really the only thing I can think of that's even close to a complaint about this story so far, and I guess that comes down to taste, doesn't it? Maybe you hit the mark in the next few chapters, because this is one month on from the beginning.

The twists are pretty excellently played. I'm not guessing, but I'm actually enjoying being surprised for once by a story.

And I still haven't forgotten about Celestia's little game of chess.

So, out of a mixture of jealousy and interest;

24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1xjssHqAm1r8fpcno1_500.gif

You have my undivided attention. This story is now a big time favourite of mine, and I can't wait to see how it all ends.

...With a few savage and heartbreaking choices, I hope :)

“I am assuming control.”

Okeee, so Titan is Harbinger?!
Where is Shepard when you need him!!!

Seriously thou, that was an awesome thread stopper there, I literally trashed my chair, loling hard.

I don't wish to be rude, but you could have seperated the first seven chapters into it's own book, and make like a series. But, do whatever you want, I din't write it. By the way, where I'm at, it's three in the morning, and I can't stop reading!

Esteem is such a deliciously evil villain. Lawful evil has always been much more interesting to me than Nihilus-style chaotic evil psychopathy. Like a fine wine, Esteem's evil is mature and refined; it has a purpose and he feels that his ruthlessness is justified and necessary for the advancement and perhaps the survival of ponykind. That reference that Titan makes to third party powers, and the damage that Celestia has done to the world makes me wonder... Good fiction makes one consider the antagonists' motivations. In defeat, Esteem would not attempt to deny reality, to claim that the unbelievable had happened, or that his foe had been lucky, or he had been betrayed by third parties. He would accept that be had been bested and that perhaps that points to a weakness he had been blind to. There are certain traits that are admirable in a good villain.

And I love the way he abuses Blueblood. Esteem is best evil pony.

Tonight I went with the gang to see Starsworl’s comet.

That typo made me think this was a filly-Twi entry.
Also, is there a reason that everything following that diary entry is centered?

Nopony knew exactly how Nightmare Moon had been vanquished, but Esteem believed trickery must have been involved. Six ordinary ponies could not have defeated an alicorn with over a millennium of power in a fair fight.

Yep. No kidding, it wasn't really fair for Nightmare Moon.

“I am assuming control.”

Titan is HARBINGER!!

Yep, this dude is Rarity's father. I knew it! Muahaha! Wow, Blueblood is such a bitch. I was actually rooting for Esteem when he had Blue under his control. I liked the report on the Elements, telling about their strengths and roles on the team. It appears that they don't know that Twi lived after the battle. This is going to get even better.

        “General Esteem,” it said. “My name is Puppet.
XD

I'm glad blueblood got what was coming to him, but dang.

Did I just see a silly filly studios reference?

2992688
Well technically this was revealed a few chapters ago.

Dammit someone already did the collector reference. Goodbye cruel world.

A relatively mild chapter again to calm down from all of the ruckus in the last one. Still, we get to see Esteem some more and get his character a bit more fleshed out and holy hell he's as bad as Nihilus, but not nearly as insane. That potentially makes him far more dangerous. Aside from his intelligence he probably scores around 9 on the Corusacre Scale, in addition to being a master at Bladecasting. He certainly has the potential to be far more dangerous than Nihilus ever was. His plan with Blueblood and Empyrean demonstrates this.

Speaking of Empyrean, the way he is portrayed right now I'd imagine they won't actually need to overpower him in order to defeat him. Even better, they might even be able to convert him to the side of good! It's not like he loves his father or anything. He also isn't smart enough to play along with the Mane 6 trying to convert him only to double-cross them later. There are lots of things that could happen with Empyrean right now. I wonder where that will go.

Also, for a 3000 year old Alicorn Titan is underestimating his opponents very much. He claims he is stronger than Luna even in his Puppet form, but Twilight managed to defeat Luna twice and the rest of the Mane 6 aren't lightweights either. Also, his entire plan hinges on Esteem managing to kill the Mane 6, but that won't be that easy since Esteem won't kill Rarity and even he is underestimating most of them, most notably Fluttershy. Also, neither of them know about the Elements of Harmony, so there's that. If they were able to stomp Discord, who is apparently Titan's equal, they'll stomp Titan just as easily.

The diary entries and the flashback were a deliciously harsh contrast. Now that I've gotten used to your brutal storytelling I must say that it's more enjoyable than I would have believed before I read this. Anyway, we finally know what happened to Spike now. Well, sort of. He's most likely still alive on account of all the (admittedly horrifying) uses a tame dragon would have and his use as a hostage to take Twilight out of the battle easily. But aside from that we don't really know much.

I also wonder how much time has passed since Twilight fell unconscious. Has she really been down for a month? Given that the report to Esteem said that there were five ponies who did most of the damage it does look like it.

To close this review, I'd like to point out that it's Starswirl. not Starsworl. Also, everything after Twilight's first diary entry seems to be missing from the EPUB ebook version (it skips straight to the next chapter), although I don't know if that's within your ability to fix.

EDIT: It seems that that's just something weird my e-reader did. When I opened the EPUB file on my computer it displayed everything just fine. My e-reader also doesn't display the images.

Be glad that she was not Twilight Sparkle. Celestia’s pupil,

For a pony that insists so heavily on others referring to various personages by their proper titles, this is an incredible slip.

3057722 I am puppet.

And you?

I am puppet.

2244427 I thing chaotic evil and lawful evil are both good. But so far, Nihilus Nix Naught is my favourite villain. Followed by Esteem. And then Wrong. Then Titan.

4402446 He seems to do that a lot.

“Rarity appears to enjoy public appearances and engagements, so we do have a great deal of information to work with. Her blade is made up of fourteen fragments, suggesting a high level of mental ability. She worked as a designer and shopkeeper before Nihilus destroyed her home.”

Wasn't Rarity's originally 12? did she craft two more or???

6102516

No, she had fourteen.

Esteem chuckled menacingly as he ran a hoof down the prince's cheek collecting a drop of blood. He regarded it thoughtfully for a moment. "Well, look at that. It seems your blood isn't blue after all."

Woulda been a great addition to the satisfying Blueblood intimidation scene. I don't often cheer for the villain, but... yeah that was good.

soooo where is spike

While he was not harsh or cruel

debatable

The pony sat across from her. “Captain Esteem, at your service.” He gave a mini-bow.

OOOOhhh shit, well gotta keep reading, and ill edit this after i finish reading.

Wait what? I don’t understand that ending.