Mooncalf
Joined 9th Apr, 2012 ·
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I've never read anything just as good as this in my entire life.
Well.
That was...unusual. But well done, all things considered.
You could have, perhaps, been a bit more descriptive with the violence, but that would edge this story into some Cupcakes / Rainbow Factory territory. Not sure if you wanted to do that.
4145109 Well, it was intended as lighthearted splattercomedy, not anything serious. CC and RF are emotionally evocative because the victims are characters you're supposed to sympathize with, and the aggressors are ponies who would normally never hurt their friends. These victims? Buncha jerks, all of them.
4144999 Technically that could be interpreted to mean that you've read better and worse, just not hitting this exact spot, but I'll take it as a compliment nonetheless.
Thanks, all!
4145175
Indeed, that's exactly what I was trying to say when I said I wasn't sure if you wanted to do that.
Well done, regardless! I can't figure why it has so many downvotes.
I don't see any glaring grammatical or spelling errors, so maybe it's just that so many folks aren't quite prepared for splattercomedy. *shrugs*
4145187 I happened to check in a few minutes after the story went through. Six downvotes, two reads.
Yeah. Some people vote without reading. Can't do anything about that, unfortunately.
Neat.
4145246
Well, that's...lame.
You did well, regardless! And I know the feeling on downvotes without reading, now that I think of it. My own story got a few downvotes before it had any ups. I think it's cause mine is an OC story.
Well its a bit different from your usual fare, if it wasn't for the Twixie shipping I'd sware someone else wrote it.
Got that out of your system now?
4148199 I like to consider myself versatile. Got to keep myself flexible, y'know? Curiously, when I ran it through I Write Like, I got the same author I always do - Ian Fleming. I guess my writing style is somewhat consistent, at least.
Still, it was good practice. Perhaps some day I'll publish something with actual sex scenes, maybe.
4148444
That is an interesting site
I seem to vary for each of my stories: -
James Joyce - Training Day
Chuck Palahniuk (never heard of him) - Cheerilee's school (not published)
Stephen King - Another life another child
H. G. Wells - Generosity Games
J. K. Rowling - Pinkie and Bluie
Neil Gaiman - Time after Time
Dan Brown - Climbing the Mountain
David Foster Wallace - Fragrant's day
I'm not sure what that says about me.
4148701 Possibly that you vary your style a lot?
Chuck Palahniuk wrote "Fight Club". The original book, that is.
4148730
Maybe, its not a conscious thing.
Fight Club sort of makes sense given what School is about.
Hmm, is like the lost brother of Kill Bill, Mortal Kombat and Sin City, with ponies.
Like.
4696813 Sweet! Maybe some day this story will have a positive score!
4697077
Well, it's definitely funnier to read than Cupcakes and Rainbow Factory. Where those two falls into 'dude, not funny' territory, this one is easily 'bloody hilarious'.
Oh and I forgot, when Trixie killed that stoned yellow unicorn it looked like the Sub-Zero fatality, is that intentional?
4698086 'Bloody hilarious' was what I was aiming for (in every sense of the term), so... success!
As for Trixie doing a MK ref, not intentional. I just thought it would be funny and over the top. And also I wanted to work in a line about 'having a lot of spine'. Or possibly something about 'guts'. Really should have worked in more jokes. Oh well.
"Not soon ago" -Did you mean long?
5044862 Other way around, actually. She means that she got fed up with it waay back.
5044951 Noooo! My carefully wrought nit picking!
5045015 Mwahaha!
Good stuff
I bet that first pony was named Jerry. Because only Jerrys are that much of an ass.
Fuck JerryBtw, great story you have here.
Hot Threeway between Zecora, Twi, and Trix was a very welcome ending.