After a nasty fight with her father, a now grown-up Diamond Tiara wondered Ponyville, failing to see how much the little town is changing, or realizing how little she had changed since her youth. Her problems only gets worse when she has an encountered with her best friend, and like the obilivious pony she has become, Diamond failed to see what happened to Silver. Even after another encountered with a certain pony failed to opem her eyes, the question remain, who is Diamond Tiara?
Note: A light side-story to the Cutie Crusaders Transformers, talking place nearly 12 years later. Isn't required to red that story to understand what's going on with this one, though.
Chapters (1)
Poor bastard. By the time she realizes what a twit she's been, it will quite possibly be to late to mend even the bridge with Silver Spoon.
Utterly deserved and self-inflicted, but still.
Meh.
It had a good premise, and I can see a good story in this, but it wasn't fleshed out nearly as much as it should have been.
Twilight Time Center? Genious!
I haven't read the story which is supposed to take place before this, but I knew what was going on...kind of.
You see, there are a lot of minor problems here and there in your story. A lot of times, you seem to forget the tense that you are writing in. At times the sentences are simply...wrong. Because of that, at times it's hard knowing what's going on in the story.
Example:
Try reading the sentence out-loud. You'll see that it's terribly off.
I recommend revising the whole story. Read it slowly, out-loud, or in a whisper, if you wish. You'll notice some mistakes that you haven't noticed before.
I hope I wasn't to harsh on you...
Not bad. Good premise, if a little shakily handled. If I could offer any advice, I'd drop the robot thing. That's a bit... out there.
It would be better without the robots. Though, this one-shot has potential. Maybe you should rework it one day.
There is a lot I'd like to say, but the one thing that stands out the most is, aside from the AU tag, the lack of doing a round of checking for spelling errors which for many these days take less than a minute, or even the complete and utter ignorance that can only really be summed up as escapism on Diamond's part. No none of that really stands out as much as being told repeatedly that a transforming robot pony that's usually in his non-pony form I guess is "Not afraid of Diamond Tiara."
Not even if one didn't know what a transformer was, and the fact that it's made to be such a norm in this story that is directly set in your CMCT universe, I would never once even begin to imagine Diamond Tiara ever making a robot that can blast her into atoms as ever 'feeling afraid' of a prissy pink pony living in her own pretty pink world and past accomplishments.
This universe of yours spawned a mentally retarded Diamond Tiara. And though I curious to read how a world with robot CMC would affect the world they live in, just reading this makes me think DT was either intimidated to continue going to school with those robot 'freaks' or she choose to actually deprive herself of being around ponies her age she could continually show off her specialness too and prove how much better she think herself to be. And that's if she even appears as so much as a mention in such a robot filled universe.
Now, if Diamond Tiara was some past psycho robot obsessed with herself or like Arachnid, then I can see the potential of that robot might possibly have a chance to be instilled with fear, but then showing none of it.
I think the word you want was "unphased" by Diamond's glare. And not mentioned again as we'd just take that word and go "Yeah, this robot ain't going to be intimidated by some fleshy pony with an attitude."
Anyways, apologies, just really couldn't buy into this pony that's missing 12 years of character growth that would be shown not to notice her friend's and the town's change around her. It's just too, rushed. And it takes 12 years for something to put Diamond in her place? Okay, so she has to be a secretary now. She's in denial and living off petty past accomplishments and clinging to everything of what she knew that was special about her of 12 years ago that may be signs of regret that she may have missed out on growing up, which is exactly what happened as it looks like she never grew up from the day she left school.
In fact, there is no conflict in a universe where the CMC are robots but Silver and Diamond are normal? You could of wrote this as a sort of Trauma or Shock that she's never outgrown after discovering Apple Bloom was one of those.
It could use some cleanup but it's not a bad story, just another alternate viewpoint of how Diamond can end up that seems to be either canon or stand alone to whatever happens in CMCT I guess. If only implied as a possible outcome. Or a definitive one in your universe. Either way, it's hard to see someone not suffering some sort of mental disorder to being this retarded considering how intuitive she is in the show. I'm going to chalk this up to a mental disorder on Diamond's part to avoid giving it a dislike.
Presentation feels rushed. Too much stuff feels out of place. Alternate dimension changes everything about Equestria but doesn't bother to explain or show us how she ended up this way. The descriptions alone has errors. Again, just feels like it was put together on a whim and without a care =/
Also, while it may not seem sad that someone, anyone, would waste their life away like this. I'd still recommend a sad tag since this is a DT POV story.
Slice of Life, Sad, AU.
Put her in her place and throw her family under the bus^^ Last one didn't exactly endear him to me. Giving Diamond lip? Fine, but being a smug bastard while insulting her family left a bad taste.
To all whom may had read this little fic. I truly grateful for all you have said, and I would admit that I did rush this. This was just a small project that I wanted to do, it was rushed in a big way. But, again, thanks for your reviews. And I'm promise that this whole robot/pony angle will be explored in the actually story.
I like that, expect for one thing. Twelve years. I honestly can't believe that Diamond Tiara would still be like this for twelve years. Four, maybe six, but not twelve. I don't think Filthy Rich would have waited this long to force his daughter to get a job by cutting her off financially. So, have a like, but not a fav.
4133047
Taunting the CMC is just a game to her, a distraction to entertain herself in a way video games and movies can't provide, they're toys to her. The Foal Free Press proved that she is quite capable as a leader if ruthless and doesn't have much or empathy outside of those she cares for.
4667658
Depends.
How do you feel now that fate has changed?
7224929 You mean now that she isn't a bully anymore?
7225362
Yes.
7225376 Really, not much. I'm looking forward to see where they will take the character in the future, though
Well... I'd say the winds of fate have changed.