• Member Since 28th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Masters-of-the-Elements


T

Princess Celestia, after serving her time, now wonders the changed earth, taking in the sight, learning about the world, and reflecting on all the mistakes she had made in her lifetime.

Originally, this was a one-shot, but after much thought, I had decided to continue this, to try and extend on my work. But, warning, updates are going to be random.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 10 )

Wow. That was amazing.
...
I'm speechless.

Sequel with the hearing plz?:applecry:

Hm... An interesting take on the TCB setting, in which the winners are those who found harmony rather than genocidal victory.
Will we get some views from this new world
/Mane 6 and their reactions to their home standing up against their leader?
As a continuation of sorts.
(Still, this felt like the epilogue to a TBC story rather than a stand alone experience)
Good story, will read again!

Great story Definatly an interesting take on the subject

Also found a typo:

If I could chuckle, even bitterly I would, as the kids gave the historian awkward stares, clearly lost on what the man was trying to say. Luckily for the young minds Jacob seem to understand they confusion and continued without a question being asked.

They should be their

Soooo many typos, and the historian 'looked back at the pen' way too many times. I know it's there to drive a point home, and it's good, but you did it too often that they actually ruined the pacing of the entire story.

Still, the premise is wonderful and I can see this story has potential, but I'd suggest to be more careful on the spellings and try not to overuse certain parts of the story in the future.

Thumbs up anyway :moustache:

I like the idea of a peaceful utopian world where Humans and Ponies coexist and where the technological prowess of Humans and magic of the Ponies combine to make a near-perfect world. Celestia as a victim of the Conversion Wars due to her own prejudices and beliefs is a unique twist.

Would I be right in presuming the Hammers of the Sun are a religious terrorist group?

I have two gripes though:

1.) The grammar needs serious work. There are numerous mispelled words and other mechanical errors.

2.) Earth and Equestria becoming what can be termed golems and taking out Celestia was frankly put, a ridiculous idea. Might I suggest using the EoH instead? When they recoil and strike Celestia instead of their target, it'll wake up the Bearers about how wrong their crusade was.

Howe

You really need to get an editor to look this over. There's a decent story here, but it's half buried under a ton of grammatical errors that most readers might be turned off because of it.

The Good:
- Celestia's motivations. She's not actively evil, but was simply genuinely misguided by how "nice" everything was. I find it interesting she seemed to see the ponies as children just playing and frolicking in fields instead of dynamic grown ups.
- The cult of Celestia worshipper.
- The ponies and humans creating a great world together.
- The framing device of the story.

The Bad:
- The grammar and spelling. :twilightoops: Really got to fix those.
- Poor Gilda and Iron Will! :fluttercry: I know Gilda was a jerk, but DAYUM! And Iron Will... :pinkiesad2:

The Mixed:
- Not sure on the whole way the war was resolved with a literal Deus Est Machina. I'd have preferred for humanity to beat the ponies by being better at war and battlefield tech. Also, I have a hard time believing the ponies really outnumber humanity. And I'd think the only way 79% of humanity got ponified would be if no one even fought back. But that's probably just me. :trixieshiftright:

While the gramatical errors are annoying, the story itself is pretty good. You might wanna write more. :ajsmug:

This, this is how TCB should really be...:yay::moustache:

Hmm caged like a wild animal and a 250 year sentence that would sounds like a fitting punishment. Better than being executed on the spot and in my eyes this experience might give her time to think and reflect on her past decisions and realize that humans are just like ponies and stallions in their own way and they can live together in harmony. Besides both races can work together and stop evil Forces that are beyond the planet and protect it from an alien invasion now that you think about it.

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