What if Magical mystery cure never happened, and instead of Twilght becoming an alicorn princess, she finds out that she has "secret" sister?
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 6th Mar, 2013
- offline last seen Jul 21st, 2018
Twinight
♪we'll have a battle!we'll go all in it!let's have a battle!bath!Battle!battle of the bands.♪
Twinight
Joined 6th Mar, 2013 ·
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It should be ponies, not pony's
Ponyville is one word.
Just minor errors I want to help fix
Interesting idea, I can't wait to hear the rest!
I love the story so far, but you need to work on your spelling and grammar a little. (Please don't take that offensively, I'm just trying to help.) Other than that, I hope to see more of this story!
Should be:
Oh, the grammar!
Okaaaaaay, time to critique!
1. You need an editor, as the entire chapter is one big grammar error.
2. The chapter is SUPER short! Try to add more detail to make it longer!
3. Yeah, that was pretty rushed. Like I said before, detail please!
It's a nice idea, but with everything I said above..... well, in short, your story needs some work! Try and find an editor, and perhaps a proofreader!
Same criticism as last chapter! But, that was interesting! Humph, Stardust is a bit of a brat, isn't she?!
The title is incorrect. I'm leaving now.
Great concept, but you really need an editor. This story hosts a whole plethora of grammatical, punctuation and formatting errors.
I dot understand i can read the story chest fine
This is good,But Make your grammar Better.
Is that a penis on her tail ? xD
Pinkie pie smile HD.-
I thought that Stardust would have been the complete opposite of Twilight... Oh well :D
43 word chapter ?????????
4856553 the chapters being worked on
4441745 well can you be my editor or no?
Same with everyone else, this fic is good, but it needs editing
5460956 well I need an editor
what did you planned for this story?, how was it supposed to be? If you want it, i would like a short PM about it, i am somewhat interessted in this story idea, i mean i would like it if her secret sister would be special too, and not just stay normal while she is going to be a Princess, but i am interessted in that secret sister theme.
eddit: Do you still want to write in this story?
6235396 I wrote the story on paper but I need to re-write a chapter and finish it I do plan on finishing this story but i"'vevery busy lately and I just can't find the time
6253865 well it´s okay, for now it is enough to know that the story isn´t dead.
However like i said, i don´t need an OP OC, but i would like it if her sister has the same potential as Twilight.
Somehow i think i would not enjoy it to have her weaker, at least not if Twilight should act like i think she maybe would.
edit: If you want to add something like that, a slow paced romance with one of her friends would be interessting too, maybe they could mistaken her for Twilight.
6253968 omg that's so guinus!
6254073 well i am glad if i could actually give you a good
idea
yes you should really make the chapter much longer, i would like around 2,000 words.
Some sentences doesn´t sound right, like the first one with Rainbow Dash flew over.
i don´t really tried, but i guess you would have to add something like that, or just get an editor that really knows his english grammar.
I somehow hope that Stardust (that was her name right?), isn´t as easy to understand as she wants to believe it, maybe she could act like Maud, just different enough to let her make a false verdict.
Why did really only Rainbow Dash thought that she was Twilight?, i would have expected her to say a bit more, Stardust i mean.
I don´t want to be mean, but it feels like there could be more throughts written down, explanations, or anything else,
4442150 i agree with that, it was a nice try to make her a little bit less friendly, but i don´t know if it is quite the opposide yet.
However, if she has a different type of personality, it would nice to have the main six to actually try to acclimate themself with her, and not trying to change her, i really hope they doesn´t try to change her personality.
4440882 let her be a brat, it would be really interessting to see how they try to get used to it, and doesn´t try to change her.
I noticed that you already agreed that you need an editor, and i guess it is alright then, but i still want to make my comment about this chapter.
I can´t poin out the mistake, since i am more or less bad with the english grammar, but the last part with Rainbow Dash seems to be wrong, and it was to short again, take more time and make a longer chapter, rather then trying to give us more even faster, if you should do it like that.
I am not that much after the grammar actually, i just hope for a long story, that they doesn´t try to get Stardust to exactly act like them, and i would like it if Stardust is allowed to stay as cocky as she is.
Like i said, and only to make sure i got my point across, i am okay with the trying to get Stardust to nnot being intentional mean to them, but till now i think Rainbow Dash just can´t stand it, that someone doesn´t like her, she never did something really mean, but Stardust could have told her that she doesn´t care.
If it is a help, i think i miss some thought´s from Stardust, more talking, or at least her point of View.
I give you a thumb up, i like the story, and i hope you get an editor to make it even better, maybe even a proffreader to give more ideas what you could add or whatever they do.
I really would like a new chapter, I remember I liked the idea, but I would prefer much more words.
I would like to have a new chapter please.
I probably said something like this alrady, but I had read a certain part of the story again, and I hope Stardust isn't that type of character that is just changing her whole personality and be as happy as everyone. I would rather like to she the others getting used to her and stardust itself just being a little less mean, not....what was the word again when Discord turned good?
I like it if a character doesn't wants to do what they do, that they actually don't do it and not just agree with everything suddenly.