Hipster Brony will occasinaly write fics about my OC (Romance/ship, friendship,family love, etc.) Cutie mark: Script {for a play} Talent: Script writing
Cheese sandwich, the self proclaimed greatest party planner in all of equestria has heard his "Cheese senses" and came to ponyville to plan Rainbow Dash's Birthaversry. But when a certian pink pony catches his eye he now has 2 missions: Suscesfully plan the best party Rainbow Dash has ever had and capture the heart of Pinkie Pie. (I'M THE FIRST TO DO THIS OORAH I'M THE FIRST TO WRITE A SHIP BETWEEN THESE 2)
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That was nice to read. I can't wait for the next chapter, but I recommend something of a conflict, to spice up this story, but great beginning.
No! No conflicts it will just mess the fic up omg plz update soon!
I think you really need to find a pre-reader for this. I'm struggling with the format that this is written in and at times its difficult to tell who is talking.
There is a LOT of telling going on too, and very little showing at all. I really recommend looking at the site's Writing Guide for working and developing more of your skills in writing. Because writing is a really fun thing to do, it gives a release for the imagination and introduces your world to others to enjoy. Instead of telling us so much, tell us the emotions they are felling by the way your characters stand or respond. Paint the background for us so we know where this is taking place - describe the world around them as you see it so we can see it as well.
I know you are jumping on a unreleased episode of the season with this story. Might be a better idea to plan your story out, develop it, and then release it when everyone is in the mood for the episode's slide of fanfics.
3865013 listen thanks for the advice but i have tried in the past (projects for school, fics with friends and others.) but i simply cannot set the setting i was plannaing on editing it in once the fic was done but i need a sub writer someone who can help me willingly by the time the episode comes out unless you or someone else can help i have to put this fic on hold and continue my other story.
3866134
Normally, I would jump at the chance to help someone. That's what I love about being a editor/pre-reader for people because you get to help them make their dreams come true and get to watch someone become better. It's pretty fulfilling.
But I can't help you with this story by the time the episode comes around. I'm already doing a three proofreading jobs, a reconstruction of a story, and my own works to contend with. For future projects if you need help, you can PM me and see if I'm available. I do recommend seeing these guys about someone helping out. They're a bunch of great people who really know what they are doing.
If I were you, besides contacting someone from that group, I would also try to work with your problem of setting up a environment for your characters. Just imagine where it is at and then give some description of it. What do the buildings look like, what do the characters look like, what does the weather look like, are there any items of interest that need to be explained in detail? Those kinds of things. Because it isn't going to matter that you were the first to develop this ship, its going to matter how well you pull it off and how much your readers enjoy it. They are going to enjoy it if it is easy to read and it speaks to their imagination.
Other then that, I wish you good luck on your project. You'll do good, just take some time and sharpen those skills!
awesome keep going
please
You have a good storyline for this, but I would suggest slowing things down a bit. Its all crammed into a small amount of words. Other than that, you don't really have alot of writing errors.
I would say, spread out these chapters. You just had a huge leap. Best of luck with future stories.
my dear Sir did you accidentally upload the wrong chapter? because I just felt like I just jump off a cliff. It was just random. And just when did he... my brain hurts.
REWRITE THE STORY!!!!
To everyone who wishes me to extend the story I never actually planned on finishing it. In fact I wanted to delete it cause I wanted to work on the other fic Universem Der Ponys I wasn't really enthuastic about this story and I just couldn't bring myself to deleting it with the likes as well as good reviews and views in general so I may just give the rights of the fic to someone else so it will be theirs to edit
static1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120921164820/dragonage/images/2/2a/Anchorman-well-that-escalated-quickly.jpg
Okay if no body wants the story i'm deleting it in 3 days
I kind of absolutely D'awwed at the end scene.
Richthofen: NIEN zis is not possible
Dempsy: The fuck you mean?
Richthofen: ZIS HAZ MORE VIEWS ZEN OUR STORY UNT IT IZ LONGER UNT BETTER!
Dempsy: Wait WHAT?!?! ALRIGHT ASS MAGGOTS GO READ UNIVERSEM DER PONYS NOW!!!
Takeo: YOU WILL ALL HAVE DISHONOR!
Nikolai: VODKA!
Cute!! It was a little fast- paced, but I loved it anyway!!
One suggestion is for you to leave out the "6 hours later part." I doubt that they would be there 6 hours while Pinkie begged. I thought this was adorable and you wrote it great!!
One more thing-you said aunt Rainbow Dash. That would mean that Dash is Pinkie's sister. You might wanna fix that. Great story though!
Aw why can't Pinkie call him Cheesey?
3898983 Same here.