Reader and writer of all things shipping and Rainbow Dash. Also, AppleDash will forever be the ultimate ship.
Fluttershy and Applejack have been dating for over a year, so the latter has decided it's about time for them to make the next step and move in with each other. However, Fluttershy isn't too happy about this idea and there's trouble at Sweet Apple Acres. Entry for AppleShy contest.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This was alright, but I feel like Fluttershy didn't have much of a reason to not move in with Applejack initially. She acknowledges that she can control the animals so they won't eat all the crops, but she still says that she can't move in for no real reason, or at least not a reason that's adequately expressed. Also, the bull stampede seems like a bit of a contrived coincidence, but I guess that's forgivable for a one shot. Finally, there are some spelling errors, so you might want to check for those.
3587790
Okay then. If it isn't too much of a bother, could you please point out some of the spelling mistakes?
3587838 Will do in about 5 or so hours when I'm at my computer. I can't do it as easily on my phone.
Use "its", not "it's". The one you used is a contraction of "it is"
All this needs is a space in between the words.
I think you mean "quiet" here.
I think you just mispelled "minute" here.
Not a spelling error, but you should put a space after your periods.
Those are all that I was able to find at the moment.
Wow taking it slow and not wanting to move to saying yes and being engaged... Who does Fluttershy think she is? Rainbow Dash? In all seriousness though, you really need to slow down your writing...
3590858
Okay, thanks. I'll go through and correct those
the ships, man. so many.
OMG!
4 ever!
This story felt very jagged - the pacing was all over the place, Fluttershy putting Angel in a cage is extremely weird (especially right at the start!), and the whole thing just feels off. None of the dialogue is particularly inspired, but really it is the overall frame and structure of the story which just doesn't work for me.
The story was supposed to show Fluttershy being hesitant, and overcoming her worries to move in with Applejack... but really, it just didn't feel like it did that. It all felt very arbitrary, rather than having a natural flow to it. Character development has to be done in a more gradual and realistic fashion, or else it just feels like you're shoving them here and there.
3656152
Yeah, this definitely isn't one of the stories I'm proud of and I know I could've done better. Anyway, thanks for commenting.