Nuts!

by Brumby_Run

Bring Your Own Snacks

"I'll never forget the first time I successfully shelled a pistachio," Twilight said.

The group of six mares, and one dragon, had gathered in the Golden Oak's library. It was a quiet gathering, not quite a party, but something more than just 'hanging out.' They had all met up, by chance, at the markets. Applejack had been working her stall, and Rainbow Dash had stopped by to discuss the upcoming weather plan. Fluttershy and Rarity were making their way back from the spa, while Twilight and Spike had bumped into Pinkie Pie while doing their weekly shopping. As the shadows lengthened, and the night's chill started to fall across them, they all agreed to retire to the library.

How the topic of conversation turned to nuts wasn't exactly clear, even to those involved...

"I'd never really understood why my parents and brother loved them so much. It's a tiny little nut, in a really hard shell. Eating them just looked like so much hard work," Equestria's youngest princess continued. "It was Cadance that clued me in on why unicorns favour the pistachio. It's a display of skill, you see. You have to split your telekinesis three ways, between the two shell halves and the nut itself."

"Ah always wondered about that," Applejack interjected.

"So, when I started to develop my skills, being able to shell my own pistachios was high on my list of things to acomplish. It's really difficult, splitting your control three ways like that, when you're still a filly. Whenever she came over, Cadance would bring a bag of nuts for me to practice with. I'll never forget that first success, splitting the shell, and floating the nut to my mouth. Cadance was bouncing with excitement, as I set the two shell halves on the coffee table."

Twilight broke into a wide grin, as she reenacted the moment for all present. There was a tiny snap from the breaking shell, and she made exaggerated chewing motions as the nut settled underneath her molars.

"Did you show off to your parents as soon as they got home?" Pinkie asked.

"No," Twilight admitted. "I kept practicing until I could do three at once. Shining Armour was astonished when I stole them from him."

"Showing off like that? Wow, that's so unlike you," Rainbow said.

"Well, he'd been teasing me about it for months. I'd worked hard for that. I earned those nuts," she replied.

"On the other hoof," Rarity said, "my father was more impressed with being able to shell peanuts, using your hooves. He played hoofball, you see. One of the few unicorns to play professionally. He learned to shell peanuts, earth pony style as-it-were, in order to fit in with his team mates."

Rarity shook an unshelled peanut from a bag onto the coffee table. "You start by fracturing the shell by rolling it under your hoof," she demonstrated as her friends looked on. "With the edge of your hoof, you split the shell at the waist, and move on to using circular motions on the two halves. If you are careful, putting pressure in the right spot should have the nut pop free, leaving the skin behind."

One nut skittered across the table, just as she had described. The other, while it was free of the shell, still had its dark brown skin intact. Everyone looked at Rarity expectantly.

"If you don't manage to free the nut from it's skin, you have to pinch it very carefully..."

With cautious placement of her hoof, the peanut was soon free of its skin, and skittering across the table to its shell mate. Rarity broke into a broad grin. "Ha! I've still got it."

"Impressive dexterity, Rarity. Did it take you long to learn?" Twilight asked.

"Months of daily practice. I remember," she reminisced, "constantly asking why I should bother to learn to shell peanuts that way, when I had my telekinesis. My father always said that practicing with my hooves would be a boon for anything I needed to use them for. He was right. I doubt I'd be as skilled with a needle and thread today without all of that practice with the peanuts. And your right, Twilight. Nothing tasted as sweet as my first success."

"Ha! Pistachios and peanuts are kiddie stuff," Rainbow announced. "If you want a real nut, you have to go for the walnut." She slammed one down on the coffee table, splinters from the fractured shell flying everywhere. "One of the toughest nuts to crack," she said as she puffed out her chest.

"But Rainbow," Fluttershy said, "walnuts taste terrible."

"You've obviously never had my 'Walnut Surprise' cookies," she retorted.

"Yeah, I have sugarcube," Applejack said. "The only surprise in those cookies is how the chocolate chips out number the walnuts."

"Pfft. Walnuts are awesome."

"Are you going to eat that?" Rarity indicated the mangled mess in front of the pegasus speedster.

"Maybe later," Rainbow replied as she swept the remains of her wallnut back into the bag with her wing.

"Ah don't know why y'all aren't keen on cashews," Applejack drawled.

"You're just saying that because they grow from apples, and you can use the fruit in your apple pies," Pinkie said.

"That 'aint it at all."

"Trust Big Mac to come up with a crop you can sell twice," Spike added. The other mares nodded in agreement.

"What makes y'all think it was Mac that came up with our cashew crop?"

"Because he's a mathematical genius," five mares and one dragon replied in a sing-song voice.

Silence settled over the library, as most of those present turned to introspection, or outright fantasy. Applejack scrutinized her friend's reactions, whipping her head from one pony to the next. "Why do y'all go doe-eyed every time we talk about my brother?" She demanded.

"He's hot," Pinkie said simply.

"The guy is all muscle," added an impressed Rainbow.

"He is the perfect gentlecolt," Rarity replied.

"I've looked up his borrowing history here," Twilight said. "It's an impressive list."

"He's a gentle, considerate, and highly skilled lover."

Everypony focused on Fluttershy at that startling revelation. Slack-jaws and wide-eyes stared at her. Spike glanced between Rarity and Fluttershy, and he resolved to pay very close attention during the rest of this conversation. It never hurt a guy to be on the lookout for tips and tricks with the fairer sex.

"You are dating Macintosh?" Rarity asked, breaking the silence. "You've kept that secret."

"Oh, we only dated for a short while," She replied.

"He dumped you? That's rough," Rainbow said.

"Oh, no. I broke it off with him."

"What?" Twilight cried. "What went wrong?"

"Um... Angel Bunny didn't approve," Fluttershy replied.

Silence settled over the group as they processed the thought that her pet was dictating Fluttershy's love life.

"So, how do you know about Mackie's prowess?" Pinkie asked.

"Well, we both still have our needs, so we came to a 'bed-buddies' arrangement."

"Whoa," Rainbow cried. "That rabbit won't let you date, so you sneak around with Mac as 'bed-buddies'?"

"Oh, yes," Fluttershy responded. "He does this thing, where..."

"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" a shell shocked Applejack shouted.

"Nuts!" Twilight yelled. "We were talking about nuts. Whose nuts... I mean, which species of nut do you like Fluttershy."

"Oh, um... I like macadamias," she said, shrinking away from Applejack.

"Exotic nut there, Fluttershy," Rainbow responded.

"You just know when a restaurant uses macadamias in their desserts they are a quality establishment," Fluttershy replied.

"But, darling," Rarity said, trying to shake the image of her delicate spa partner with the farm stallion out of her head, "I've never seen you order anything with macadamias in it."

"Oh, I can't afford to eat them, I just think they're really nice."

"Um..." Twilight decided not to press the issue. "Pinkie, how about you. What's your favorite kind of nut?"

"Oh, how could I decide on just one!" she cried. "You've got your sugarcoated almonds, or honey roasted peanuts. Then there are the lime and sweet chilli cashews..."

"Sugarcube," Applejack interrupted as she recovered from the shock of the night's revelations, "I'm guessing it's more about the coatings that the nuts."

She glanced back and forth, her eyes darting from one friend to another. Panic bubbled to the surface. "It's true!" Pinkie wailed. "The only good nuts are mushed up into a paste and put in a jar, so you can spread it on sandwiches."

"There's some peanut butter in the kitchen, along with some strawberry jam in the fridge, if you want to make yourself a sandwich," Twilight offered.

There was a wild blur, along with a Pinkie shaped hole in the air, as she raced towards the kitchen. Her bag of sugarcoated almonds spun in the air several times, before falling into the out streched claw of Spike. He fished one from the bag, and tossed it into his mouth. "Meh, not bad," he said after crunching down on the rock hard coating.

"It's getting late," Pinkie said as she returned from the kitchen. "We should probably call it a night."

The five mares gathered themselves together, and made their way to the door. Rarity and Fluttershy took the lead, heading into the night. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow were only a couple of paces behind them.

"So," Rainbow said, "Fluttershy has a 'bed-buddies' deal with Mac. Do you think she'd share?"

"Or how about a great big pony pile, with Mackie in the middle?" Pinkie responded.

Applejack froze, mid pace. "They're just pranking ya," she muttered under her breath. "But if Ah find out Mac is being passed around my friends like a party favour, I'll geld him with Pappy's razor." She walked off into the night, scowling.

Twilight locked the door behind her friends. Looking around, she decided that cleaning up could wait until morning. "Bedtime mister," she said to Spike. "And no, we are not going to discuss Fluttershy and Macintosh, or what you might be able to do to woo Rarity."

"Yeah, yeah. G'night Twi," he replied as he trudged up the stairs.

When she was sure she was alone, Twilight retrived a locked box from under the stairs. She opened it, and retrived a scroll. Floating it over to her favourite study nook, she laid it flat on the desk. As she scanned the parchment, she dipped a quill into her red inkwell. The title of the scroll read 'List of Potential Candidates to Become My Very Special Somepony.' With a sigh, she scratched a line through Macintosh's entry in the list.

"Damn," she said ruefully.

Author's Note:

Link to my authors notes. Thanks for reading.

Comments

[Reiku]

Hah, that was a thoroughly enjoyable fic, good work! Oh, you misspelled Apple jack the first time around.

[Brumby_Run]

3492160 thanks for that. One of the joys of self editing, stupid typos like that slip through...

[Vectored Thrust]

wouldn't surprise Mr at all if twiley actually had that list.

most entertaining. that was am amusing read

[Nordlichter]

Cute.

[Maud Pie]

"Or how about a great big pony pile, with Mackie in the middle?" Pinkie responded.

Wow, Pinkie. Why don't you stab Spike in the crotch while you're at it?

"But if Ah find out Mac is being passed around my friends like a party favour, I'll geld him with Pappy's razor."

Sure, that makes sense, AJ. He's your brother, so that gives you the right to do him harm if he's getting awesome sex from ponies just because you happen to know them. I really hate Applejack when people writer her as a knee-jerk hillbilly.

[SgtFrog]

3492329

Or perhaps it's like a brother getting annoyed because his sister is a bit of a slut, the genders are just reversed. Of course, Mac isn't called out on this. Double standards, ho!

[Brumby_Run]

3492400
3492329
Whoa, very different interpretations from what I intended...

With regard to Spike, he's still a child. Despite the fact that he may try to present himself as sophisticated and worldly, he is no more ready for sex than the cutie mark crusaders. He just overheard a conversation by accident.

As for Applejack's comments... Some people are squeamish about hearing about the sex life of their family members. People that scream "Ewwww" when their parents kiss, for example. Pinkie and Rainbow had made a crack to try to get Applejack to react, and she fell for it. Of course she wouldn't maim her brother, it was said in the heat of the moment, for the pranksters to overhear. The same way someone may say, "I'm going to kill whoever took the last cookie."

I obviously haven't written this story very well if that's what you guys think...

[EquesTRON]

"Ah don't know why y'all aren't keen on cashews," Applejack drawled.

"You're just saying that because they grow from apples, and you can use the fruit in your apple pies," Pinkie said.

I hate to be "that guy", but -- I don't think that would work very well, actually. Despite the name, the "cashew apple" isn't even remotely an apple, as such; cashews are a member of the Anacardiaceae family, while apples are part of the Rosaceae family (related to roses, oddly enough). it's also a soft tropical fruit, closer to a mango or a papaya, not firm and crispy like a true apple.

(Aw, don't listen ta him, he's just bein' persnickerty. Apples is apples.)
(That's "apples are apples,", Applejack.)
(Ah know, Ah just said that.)
(No, you said... oh, never mind.)

Cute story, though!

(Yyyeah, but Ah really did not need ta know th' details of mah brother's love life...)

[Seether00]

That was short and cute. Just what I needed.

[ShittyMKSound]

NOT NEARLY ENOUGH TALK OF NUTS TO WARRANT TITLE. IF I WANTED DIALOGUE THAT DEALS WITH HOW "HOT" BIG MAC IS, I WOULD READ A CLOPFIC (WHICH I WONT.)

4/10 PUT IN MORE NUTS.

[DuctapeAssassin]

A very silly story although, I'm rather confused as to why there's a "sex" tag to this story as nothing is truly mentioned or brought into detal... I'd understand if FS had gone into detail but that didn't occur...
3.75 / 5 stars...
Cute story!

[Maud Pie]

3492523 Don't worry, that was obvious enough. It just angers me when people get so worked up over something that really isn't their business. Big Mac can sleep with whomever he likes, just as Applejack can.

And it's clear AJ would never do anything so violent to anyone, but her words were much more intense than necessary. If I had a sister who was sleeping around, I sure as hell wouldn't say, "If she is, I'll carve out her uterus." That's kinda goin' too far.

[Brutal Heart]

... I honestly don't really even know what to think here.

When I read the description, I thought it was going to switch between being about nuts... To being about another type of "nuts" (and thus, making the characters less childish than we would have expected). Yet, this is not the case; apparently Big Mac just had to step in and drop some metaphorical panties.
I mean, I don't exactly hate the way it turned out... It just feels like a brown-nosing fic. I'd rather read about the Mane 6 somehow revealing themselves to be skanks than to read about how, apparently, awesome Big Mac is.

[Admiral Biscuit]

I'm curious about the cashews-- what's going on there?

[Brumby_Run]

7192273 Cashews are a seed of the cashew apple. Applejack grows all kinds of apples... At harvest time, you can sell the cashews to the nut lovers, and use the fruit for something else. A crop you can sell twice. Who else but Macintosh would come up with that (fancy mathematics)?

True, the Cashew tree is more tropical than whatever latitude Ponyville is, and the fruit is softer and more pulp like... But look! Magical talking horses! Eating nuts!