- Member Since 25th Oct, 2013
- offline last seen Dec 27th, 2013
strawberrymocha
I just really like my little pony. Thats all
strawberrymocha
Joined 25th Oct, 2013 ·
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I am sorry this story sucks
and well, I tried at least, so please humor me. I enjoy tips 
3480830 Um the best tip is more sex.
3481130 chapter 2 has more incest and sexual content. A friend of mine dared me to make a series surrounding rule 63
3481195 Lol bro I was joking but since you talked back i will read your story.
Meh mare on mare sex is not my thing though.
Hey, I gave this a read.
I'll be honest here and say somethings. It's very confusing when you click on a story and not be able to know what you're reading. I love Twilight and Shining Armor. 
But to some readers, they hate that ship. Give at least the pairing and a small synopsis at the beginning to be mindful.
I also see ' - ' a lot in the story. Try commas instead. You can really basically understand what's going on, but a few things, it'll be bootiful.
Shining Armor jumped at her too quick, give at least some character tension. Since these two are brother and sister, and Twilight, in this case, has sexual feelings for him.
There's little stuff left, but you'll improve if you write more!
If you need help, message me!
3481204 yes, if you want to request a shipping than I will take it into account
3481255 Cadence and a Human male.
3481219 I do use this'-'a lot out of habit. I am new to making rule 63 work. and I am thankful for your offer. you just earned a basket of muffins
3481263 interesting. write a separate fiction for that! Follow me and I will notify you when it is complete. This will be so fun!
3481278 You got it bro.
3481282 any suggests for name of human? certain ways you wish it to be presented???
3481297 Nope I will let the artist work his magics! I gave you the idea. You make it happen. Deal?
3481307 alright. I'll work my magic, as long as you press like
3481346 Done.
3481360 I started, but its going to be crappy....
3481514 Don't care as long as it dirty.
3481519 great, time to buy new sets of pants lol
3481536 Good this pair got a lot of holes in them!
I loved the IM'ing.
Try adding Big Mac, that'd make it perfect.
Other than that it was rather good.
...
I can frankly see why people are disliking this. It's just not written well at all.
Grammar errors everywhere, action happens way too fast... I skimmed it and got the same message that reading it would give.
It is virtually unreadable. I seriously got a headache looking at it.
I'm not upvoting it or downvoting it. I'm just going to give this opinion and move on.
Also, I apologize if this came across as mean. I saw a comment you posted elsewhere about this getting a lot of hate, and I wanted to see for myself. And now I know why.
3481726
I personally don't want to see more Big Mac shipping...
It's dirty, but it just doesn't appeal to my senses, it wasn't very arousing, so it will need a lot of work.
3485273 I tried
3481964 what do you wish to see?
3481829 thank you I am seriously in problem. If you know how I can get help please suggest!
3481632 thank you so much
3481539 the story is going rather badly. Am having a written one on paper done first.
3496571
I'd suggest asking for help here: http://www.fimfiction.net/group/200723/the-clop-workshop
There are a lot of veteran clop writers here who are more than willing to give some amazing advice to a writer in need. I can't really say more than I already have. So my advice: Go here and ask around, maybe find an editor or pre-reader to help you out. Heck, you can just look at some of the advice that's already been given and that should give you an idea.
3496566 And it was a valiant effort.
You will get the results you seek through practice and guidance. If it is any consolation I would like for you to send me an email with your next project chapter before it is submitted, I will talk to some friends of mine here on the site and we will look it over , in gdocs, and we can help you In, a live chat surrounding.
I will give it a like for the effort.
3496574 All you can do is try anything else is means nothing. You're better than me at least you try shit I can't write worth a shit. I dont even try to so you're better than me.