The Monster of Cane's Hill

by ArgonMatrix

Epilogue

Princesses Celestia and Luna soared across the snowy barrens, the latter scanning the horizon very closely.

“Perhaps the earth ponies were mistaken,” Celestia said.

“Perhaps,” Luna said, “but I find that unlikely. That elderly mare was quite sure of herself. Apparently this ‘monster’ killed her mother. That is not a fact easily mistaken.”

“Of course, but how are they certain this Cane pony had anything to do with it? No one has seen him in decades.”

“They claimed that if anyone knew of this monster, it would be him. He was supposedly quite the strange pony.”

Celestia nodded. “Remind me, though. Why are we seeking this monster in the first place? Seems like a fruitless venture to me.”

“We must understand the past in order to build a strong future, Tia. You taught me that.”

“I know, I know,” Celestia said, smirking. “But still, I—”

“Halt!” Luna called, holding out a slowing hoof. “Look there in the distance!”

Celestia squinted at the horizon. Just through the misty atmosphere, a decrepit mansion sat atop a hill. Its colours were dulled and its roof was peaked with a thick layer of snow. “Do you think that’s the infamous Cane’s Hill?”

“Only one way to find out.” Together, Luna and Celestia pushed through the icy sky towards the distant mansion.

Comments

[amacita]

That was awesome.

[Techno Flare]

Prepare yourself, the EqD effect is coming.

[kovabomb]

A good read. It has a few flaws, but the central story is good. It does have the feel of "Frankenstein," but in Equestria.

[InMyMind]

This was an okay story. Your prose didn,t always flow too well, but your general story was pretty good.

[HaveANiceDay]

Excellent story. Is there going to be a sequel? The epilogue seemed to leave things open, and I would love to see more of this. Keep up the great work!

[DannyJ]

You can definitely see the inspiration in this. I really liked how Noire was handled. I like how the story in general was handled, for that matter. The only thing is, while I'm aware that this story was just as much about Cane as it was Noire, I feel like it missed a trick by stopping with Cane's death and Luna and Celestia's finding the mansion.

We saw in the show that there are more batponies in the present serving as Luna's guards, so the clear implication is that this is an origin story for the batpony race as a whole, not just Noire, and it feels like we're missing a lot as a result. The actual first interactions between her and the princesses, her introduction to greater society, and there's of course the implication that she must have met somepony and had a family at some point in the future for there to ever be more batponies. That or Cane's formula was replicated.

And in either case, there's the further questions beyond that of how the later batponies came to control themselves well enough to be trusted to fill Luna's night guard when night is when they're most vulnerable.

All in all though, I think it's a pretty good sign that the only real criticism I have is that I want to see a lot more. I hope to God you're planning a sequel, because I'd read the hell out of that. Perhaps it wouldn't have the same Frankenstein feel to it, but with all the set-up provided by this story, I can't help but feel it'd be a waste to not make full use of the premise.

[HoofBitingActionOverload]

Very Frankenstein-esque, but with more of a family vibe. Noir was perfect as the doting, devoted child and Victor was perfect as the dismissive, arrogant, selfish parent. I might agree that it feels like there are large chunks of the story of the bat ponies that we didn't get to see. But the story as is, the story of Victor and Noir together feels entirely complete, and I was completely satisfied with that ending.

[Still Wearing Black]

Throughout the whole thing, I was falling in love with your sweet little bat-pony. My mind kept going off on tangents in which Spike and Twilight saw her treatment and confronted Frankencane with commons sense or righteous anger while explaining to Noire that she could, and should, be living better. The poor girl was a sweetheart up until the end, even after she saw Cane for the monster he was, and gave him the end he deserved. Noire was willing to suffer hours of agony every full moon to keep people safe, and Cane only cared about her as a means to force his own vision on the world.

Unity between races was a worthwhile vision, to be sure, but in Cane it came from a very selfish place. Rather than caring about how everyone would benefit from a less judgmental and more accepting world, he just wanted to world to apologize to him. Overall, I'd say this is a pitch-perfect illustration of the difference between the creatures who look like monsters and the people who are monsters.

I had hoped the epilogue would describe her existence from a detached perspective (like a local myth or an urban legend). It would've been a whopper of a cliché, but at least we would have known that she was still alive.