Hello. I am Alika. I mainly joined here to have a place where I can write my MLP stories. I am always up for ideas and help
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After she became a princess,Twilight Sparkle started to receive letters by somepony named Onyx. They come everyday and they scare her. This stallion comes in and changes the course of everything that Twilight holds dear. Can she get things back to normal or is it here to stay?
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Wha... I just... she... they...
.... I must have more.
Hmm no villain tag
Onyx onyx onyx I KNOW I've heard that name before
Moar plz. I wanna see what happens.
3322344
Sorry hun,but Onyx is an OC
3322999 *snaps fingers* I got it! another story on here had a character named onyx, THATS why it sounds so familiar
3323284
It is a bit of a common one. But Onyx is just part of his name
Too short but otherwise good chapter
3458993i know. Writing a longer one as I sit here :)
Fluttershy is not dead
RIGHT??? *gives evil eye*
3472136 Sorry, the writer never gives spoilers
I'm watching you... If one of the mane six doesnt die, I will be very dissapointed,
3472174 I'll keep that in mind
5 bits it's a yellow navi like fairy
It's Fluttershy.
This has far too few views.
3522552 Thanks. I've tried to advertise,but I guess I'm not too good at it
3523738 I know that feel *pats back* I know that feel too well.
3524384 And I'm a bit shy about that stuff so that doesn't help
3525567 Yeah, I feel that one too
I generally don't self promote too much(which is ironic considering I found this through the shameless self-promotion group), it makes me feel like one of those "like this or ____" posts on facebook.
A few scattered grammatical errors, but nothing too serious to make it illegible. The OC interests me and seems to have some complex motives behind his actions. His personality is intriguing as well. The descriptive language could be a bit more involved; there's a lot of visual information, but nothing that really attracts the other senses as well and adding that information in may help to bring the reader further into the world of your story. Overall, for a first chapter this is decent and has the added bonus of having a good cliff hanger. Nice job.
-Weird Alicorn
3530530 thank you. I'll do my best to fix it. I want to be a writer so anything helps
Oh no! Scootaloo!
This story is crazy in the best way. This concept is.... Words fail me, but I like it a whole lot. This new reality presented here is something I must see more of. I really like these stories that go, "What if X didn't happen?" This story is definitely underappreciated.
3615468 Thank you so much! It is comments like your;s that keep me writing. I've been busy with finals but tomorrow is my last one so expect a new chapter soon
Sweetie belle has an e at the end
3697530 I know, but I was going with this is what this universe Rarity calls her.
3697563 ... I don't think that works like that
3697609 I always saw Sweetie Belle nickname to just Bell or Bells. That is just how I see it, so sorry if it is different
3697733 oh carry on
Why is this canceled?
I'd like to read more...
Night
Onyx is Twilight's fiancee?
Oh gods I'm going to...
*falls over shocked*
Night