Blazing streak, a red pegaus with red eyes and an orange mane is sent from her home land to Equestria by her long time nemesis and grudge. She then finds that she doesn't want to leave to the crime ridden realm that she once dared to call 'home'.
This is my first fic, so dont be surprised if it isn't that good. Constructive criticism is welcome and highly appreciated
Page generated in 0.13 seconds
Total duration
837 users online
1,320,399 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I will read and rate.
Your biggest problem is capitalization. If you planned this story out in a word document, didn't you also write it in one? That would have caught a lot of errors.
Another thing I would like to note is the wall of text you have going. Either indent paragraphs or put space between them.
3291131
Ah, thanks for pointing that out, I shall fix this
and yes there were a lot of errors on it and I didn't follow it exactly, because of writing new things into it, adding changing etc. so I guess that's where the errors came from
I'll start the second chapter on the weekend, either that or tommorow, depends on when I have time
Why have you got the KSL logo from the last one?
Its a great idea but it does need to be spaced out a bit more
. my head hurts because it was a constant flow of information
. this should be less of a problem later on in the story just be aware of that for the next story you write
If you're going to capitalize Pegasus, then Unicorn and Earth Pony deserve it, too. Sorry to be the capitalization Nazi here.
I also suggest you revise your description. I myself prefer the KISS method. For example:
The "first fic" part is probably best reserved for the author note at the end of the chapter. Also, it is customary to capitalize every major word in the title of a story - Flame of a Different World
3292230
oh that's quite alright, yeah i only capitalized Pegasus because it came up with an error if i didn't
3291873
KSL...?
sorry i dunno what that means
http://z0r.de/5118
3297059
well that was..... interesting
3300483
If you want interesting switch out the last four numbers on that link with 4655.
3306847
Just because I was curious I tried replacing them with 1234 and I got...
http://z0r.de/1234
Dam dude you really know how to put a good story together. You don't have the views you deserve which saddens me but I hope it wont put you off finishing something that you clearly spent a lot of time putting together. You've earned yourself a follower and a reviewer for the work you've done. So please carry on writing this book it's really great (I'm really hard to please by the way) no not just great it's a stellar piece of writing keep it going. Also I hope you wouldn't mind if I borrowed Firefly to put her in a few chapters of my book I will only do that if you let me. I just think she is a great character and needs to be put in more stuff so I will probably put her in some of the chapters of my book "Derpy Hooves: An unexpected journey"
if you let me I will put your name in the description for the co-op publicity and see if we cant get you a few more well deserved fans. 敬具デクラン. 良い仕事を維持し、あなたのちょっとわがままなように上に運ぶ、それは背の高いスタンドとあなたの仕事を誇りに思うようにあなたの時間です. もう一度前方の夜明けがた. Translate this then send me a message also your pony you will get one of Derpy's famous non-english muffins.
3452325
Thank you, No really thank you for the ridiculously positive feedback, if I'm honest, I dont think this story is all that you say it is, but it's reassuring to know that some people like my writing, especially since its my first story.
And of course you can use her in your stories, I'll be looking out for it!
As for credit, that would be cool.
Also I'm gonno follow u cos that story your writing looks cool
To maintain a good job Best regards Declan., To carry on as selfish little of you, your time to be proud of your work and stand tall. It dawn play forward again.
I believe that is what 敬具デクラン. 良い仕事を維持し、あなたのちょっとわがままなように上に運ぶ、それは背の高いスタンドとあなたの仕事を誇りに思うようにあなたの時間です. もう一度前方の夜明けがた means. Why thank you Declan!
...Uh, I think that's your name, I dont trust google translate much.. :P
3451914
Again... DAFUQ!?
Nice. You nailed Pinkiepies personality
Yay...
Um...no idea how al that compiled into one chapter...BUT IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!
3502555
aw shucks.
3452446
http://z0r.de/3675
Wow, I'm surprised this did as well as it did.
I know it isn't by any means one of the popular ones, but it's still awesome to see that so many people like this.
Thanks guys.
4854204
I have not gotten anyone to proof-read it yet.