Letters Home
Sweetie Belle sang the last few chords of her latest song as she heard a knock at the door. She trotted over and found the last pony she would ever expect outside her door.
“Hello Rainbow Dash,” she greeted with a smile. While she had known Rainbow Dash since she was a filly, it was Scootaloo who had adored her and who had adopted her as a sister.
“Hey, I need you, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon to go to the library. I don’t know why, but Twilight sent me.”
“Okay, who all have you told so far?”
“Just you.”
“Okay, Apple Bloom is most likely at the farm and if Scootaloo isn’t flying around she’s at home. If you can get them, I’ll bring Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. With a quick nod, Rainbow Dash flew off leaving Sweetie Belle to shut her door and trot through town.
“Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon!” she called as she saw the two ponies walking together. She trotted over and was greeted by her two friends.
“Hello Sweetie Belle,” Diamond Tiara greeted with a smile.
“Good afternoon,” Silver Spoon added, “We were thinking about going to the spa, would you like to come?”
“Actually, Twilight has asked us to meet her at the library,” Sweetie Belle explained.
“What for?” Diamond Tiara asked.
“I’m not entirely sure, but she asked to see us three as well as Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.”
“Could it be about Flora?” Silver Spoon inquired.
“So soon?” Diamond Tiara questioned, “She only left yesterday.”
“Well, there really is only one way to find out,” Sweetie Belle added. The three mares trotted off in silence; as they were too busy pondering about Flora. She only left yesterday, but I miss her already.
The three arrived at the library and were surprised to see that not only both Apple Bloom and Scootaloo had arrived, but Twilight’s five closest friends as well. Sweetie Belle found it hard to move as the three mares joined their other two friends, as the small library was not built for holding so many ponies.
“QUIET!”
The room abed the shout’s request and everypony turned to see Twilight standing on the staircase with a sheepish grin.
“*ahem* Thank you. Now, as to why I have called you all here. This morning, I received two letters, both being from Flora. The first letter is addressed to you five girls,” Twilight said nodding towards the five younger mares.
“Let me see!” Sweetie Belle cried not caring if she acted somewhat like a filly. She grasped the letter Twilight held up with her own aura of magic and trotted out of the library.
“What’s it say?” Scootaloo cried as they rushed out of the library.
“Shh, Scootaloo, let ‘er read!” Apple Bloom demanded.
Sweetie Belle cleared her throat and waited until her four friends remained silent before reading,
For Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon,
My beloved friends,
I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I had to leave yesterday without telling any of you! While Celestia needed me to leave right away, she told me I could return to Ponyville one day. Sadly, I’m not sure when I will be able to.
You five, along with me, always wanted to know where I was from. Now I know. I am from the Spectral Kingdom and the only heir to the throne. These ponies have suffered for years and much needs repaired. Thankfully, I have my Uncle Thunder Wing and my childhood friend Snow Shield here to help.
Even though I no longer reside in Ponyville, know that you are always welcome in my home. However, please wait before visiting, there is a lot that needs to be taken care of.
Forever your friend,
Flora Spectrum
}i{
Twilight trotted up a few of the stair steps and tried to get the attention of the talking ponies below. “Excuse me. Everypony? QUIET!” Upon her outburst, the library fell silent. “*Ahem* Thank you. Now, as to why I have called you all here. This morning, I received two letters, both being from Flora. The first letter is addressed to you five girls,” Twilight said nodding towards the five younger mares.
“Let me see!” Sweetie Belle cried acting quite foolish. She grasped the letter Twilight held up with her own aura of magic and trotted out of the library.
“Anyway,” Twilight continued as the other four mares followed their friend out of the library, “The second letter is for us.” She cleared her throat and read,
For Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie,
Dear beloved friends,
Princess Celestia is here with me this morning, but I don’t know how much she told you yesterday, so allow me to start at the beginning.
My parents, Sparkler and Lightening Blade, ruled over the Spectral Kingdom until they were killed in a battle against a unicorn by the name of Malevolentia. My mother’s assistant, Platinum Charm, was entrusted with raising me as my Uncle Thunder Wing swore to protect me.
Two years after the death of my parents, I ran away from the Spectral Kingdom. It was at this time, a grey dome encased the entire kingdom. Celestia suspected that Malevolentia had returned but I had managed to escape.
Upon returning to the Spectral Kingdom, I found everything, including the buildings, to be different hues of grey. Strangely, the ponies themselves were missing their cutie marks.
I worked my way into the castle only to find that Platinum Charm had entrapped all of these ponies. Needless to say, a fight ensued. While I defeated her, she managed to escape with a few guards who sided with her. I was able to take down the dome where I was reunited with my Uncle
Thunder Wing and childhood friend Snow Shield.
While the Spectral Kingdom is once again true to its name, there is much to be done. There are ponies that were foals when the kingdom became entrapped and have yet to earn their cutie marks. Also, several ponies are missing and I have to be prepared incase Platinum Charm returns.
Celestia is sending Shining Armor to help retrain the Unicorn Guard while my Uncle remains Captain of the Pegasus Guard. Sadly, I don’t think Princess Cadence will be able to visit either.
There is much to do and many ponies that need my help. However, today is a day of celebration and Snow Shield is urging me to hurry as there are many ponies wanting to meet me.
I am forever grateful for the lessons you all have taught me. I know I could never have achieved what I have without you. I am looking forward to the day the Kingdom is ready to accept visitors as I hope you will be on the first train here.
Forever your friend,
Flora Spectrum
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Its nice to see that the CMC became friends with the snooty ones, even if it was only once they got their Cutie Mark.
3314651
Technically, they became friends even before they got their cutie marks back when they were all fillies. Flora Spectrum refused to choose between the two groups of friends and basically forced them to get along. But yeah, it's nice that they get along now
3314657
Even better!
I like the ending. I will be unfavoriting the story,don't be alarmed I like the story but I need to make room in my favorites for new story's that I want to read. Please don't be mad.
3314754
But I'm glad you still liked it 
I understand
3314761 Thank you for understanding. I'm looking foreword to your story.
hmmm you didnt really give a emotional ending, like i thought you would...
the ponies didnt saying anything as well. like how happy they are for her,
but still, good ending
7/10 spikes.
3315039
Honestly, I couldn't figure out how to end the story with the others saying something. I'm sure they would all react to the news differently in one way or another, but it would be hard to cover the different perspectives of eleven ponies. Nevertheless, I'm glad you enjoyed it
Well, till next time! Let me know if a sequel is in the works, by PMing me! *Fist pump!!!!!!*
3315231
One final fist pump, both a happy and sad occasion. Yes a sequel is in the works, just don't know when it will be put into intelligible words. Until next time!
And there's the great ending to the great story. Good on ya!
3317184
Thanks!
The story of the alicorn OC stands on shaky ground for the average reader. Since most have already formed an opinion of this kind of story before reading the first sentence, they immediately transform into critics, assuming the story bad by default unless it happens to exceed their expectations. It's not in my best interest to succumb to this manner of thinking, because it creates unfair bias against the reader that can cloud my judgment when writing my review. Besides, it's not the author's cosmetic choices that I'm interested in. I care about the story.
Our story here focuses on the alicorn filly named Flora Spectrum. After having the title of the story named after her, Flora somehow ended up in the garden of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, and she had just as much info about her past and who she was as the reader did. Luckily, Celestia had full knowledge of her origin, but lacked the resources to properly take care of her, so it was only natural that she'd have one of the Elements of Harmony take on the responsibility of raising her. Hopefully, with their help, Flora could learn everything she needed to know to one day save her kingdom from its state of despair.
Right off the bat, this story did something very interesting that separated it from the norm of the typical alicorn hagriography: it told the story from the point of view of characters other than the OC herself. When we have a story begin with a filly who shows up out of nowhere with no idea who she is, a sense of mystery is created. By seeing this character through the eyes of other characters who know just as much about her as we do, that mystery has the chance to linger and ferment, because we as the reader are left to wonder about who she is by her actions, words, and body language alone. However, once chapter three arrives, we are suddenly thrown into Flora's perspective as if she showed up late to her own story, and we mostly remain there for the remainder of it. Her motivations and desires are robbed of all their ambiguity, and her thoughts are made perfectly clear. That's not to say it was a mistake to show things from her POV, but it needs to be consistent. If this is a story meant to be seen from Flora's perspective, we need to see it from her perspective from the very beginning. If it's her story, make it her story from beginning to end. The vast majority of it is seen from her eyes, which makes the parts that don't feel disconnected from the parts that do.
Since Flora is such an integral part of this story, I think it's worth discussing my impression of her character. Firstly, I like the design and naming very much. Her cutie mark is the rainbow flower, and everything else about her is white, the color of all wavelengths of visible light without absorption. It's a very nice aesthetic, and the naming fits perfectly with the theme. I can perfectly visualize what she looks like without seeing an image, which is very powerful in literature.
Now about her character itself. Though I am hesitant to bring up the term, I believe she is prone to a few tendencies of a "Mary Sue". In case you're unfamiliar with this term, you can click here.
Here are a few examples of some of these tendencies:
-She is adored by everyone except for the villain who is envious of her.
-She can easily solve conflicts that no one else can.
-Others dedicate their lives to her.
-She is unquestionably morally superior to those around her.
-The entire story and world revolves around her.
However, while these traits may shape her character, I don't believe she is a full-fledged Mary Sue. If she were, she would have no weakness, no uncertainty, no doubt, and no fear towards anything outside of scenes intended to invoke pity toward her. There are times in this story when she is unsure, when she does need advice, and when she does show vulnerability, generally for the purpose of showing growth. She doesn't seem unbelievably perfect. Instead, she's just a bit too good to be true. Her virtues far outweigh her vices, and her character doesn't have much actual depth. Her only aspirations are to make friends and find out who she is, and the only thing we know about her interests and disinterests are the ones she shares with her friends. Her status as the main character makes her stands out, but nothing about her personality really follows suit. My advice to you in improving in this area would be to write two lists: one for all her positive traits and one for all her negative traits. If you can get the two lists to be the same length, you've got a balanced character on your hands, and that's what a main character needs to be. Remember, flaws lead to mistakes which lead to conflict, and conflict is a story's lifeblood.
As a related note, while it's not important (or advisable) that we know every little detail about the character we are reading, it's important that we know enough to become invested in that character if they have relevance to the story. Consider the questions that a reader would want to know about your character. How did Flora's recurring nightmare shape her as she matured? How did living with Fluttershy shape her as she matured? Did she spend time with Fluttershy's animals? What sort of gripes did she have about living in Ponyville or with Fluttershy? What's her greatest fear? What did she use her special talent for other than coloring flowers?
The key is not to directly answer all of these questions in your story, but to know your character well enough that you could answer them if you needed to. And when you come across an opportunity to use this knowledge to further the story, you'll have both something to interest the reader and keep the story believable.
In all honesty, I would say the story's greatest strength lies at the story's climax. The revelation that Platinum Charm is the one responsible for the state of affairs was a good plot twist. I didn't see it coming, and you foreshadowed to it well with the gray, opaque, (platinum) dome. You gave it a sense of inevitability in retrospect, which is exactly how it should be done. The only issue I have with it is similar to one I had with Flora: we didn't know anything about Platinum Charm other than her name and the fact that she was Flora's mother's assistant. Thus, there was no payoff to finding out she was a villain. Similarly, when Flora is reunited with Snow Shield, there's no payoff there either, because his name hadn't even been mentioned before he was introduced. A character is only as significant as they are relevant. Just like when you meet a stranger on the street, he has to tell you about himself before he can ask to come to your house. Otherwise, the reader will most likely reject him and alert the authorities.
As for the weakest point, it has to do with your narrative style. This story is a prime example of serial monogamy. To put it simply, it is a story that is greatly lacking in suspense. Any problem that Flora comes across is sorted out and resolved quickly and absolutely. She has a nightmare. She talks it out. Her friends are enemies. She makes them friends. She doesn't find something enjoyable. She realizes it is. It's too episodic, and the episodes aren't long enough to stand on their own. It reads like a checklist rather than a story. Also, this is part of her being too good to be true, but she has a perfect win streak. There's nothing she fails at that she eventually solves later. When she fights Platinum, Platinum seems to give up after Flora starts to gain the advantage, even though she has all her guards with her. When it comes to fixing serial monogamy, the cure is substantial conflict that drives the story forward. A great obstacle that the character cannot seem to overcome and remains a consistent element of the story. You had something resembling it with Flora's past, but that was swept under the rug for a good deal of chapters, and it wasn't so much of an obstacle as it was a landmark.
Your spelling and punctuation was very nice. Only a few typos here and there that I saw, and none of it made the story difficult to read. One thing I will say is that your story had a purpose. Having Flora save her kingdom was a goal, even if it wasn't a consistent plot point, which means this was more than just a collection of things happening. I consider that a tremendous step in the right direction of storytelling.
I'd call this story a strawberry cupcake. I personally haven't had many of them in my lifetime, and this one could use some frosting, but it's got the yeast and the sugar, and I believe Diamond Tiara would find it suitable to eat if they're really that good.
Make the most!
3357336
Thank you for the great review! I understand all of your points and will no doubt look back to them over and over again as I write the sequel. I thank you for taking the time to write this thorough review and for the excellent rating.
3358513
Then I thank you for taking the time to read it.
I SWEAR THE PICURE WAS SPINING WHEN I STARED AT IT!
3758365 Don't stare too long! It's your only hope!
3758616 Too late!
3758742 Oh no!
3758778 it stop spiining and more like twitching now
3758870 Progress
Um I was kind of wondering um if you could you know make a sequel maybethat is ifyou really want to meep
5654419 Hey! I'm glad you liked it! I had originally planned on a sequel, but about a year ago I decided to start on a prequel focusing on the relationship between Flora's parents. It would be about how they met, the challenges they faced, and how they fell in love. Both Platinum Charm and Thunder Wing as well play a part in the story and I dive into a bit more of their characters and stories as well. It's something I've started on, but sadly haven't gotten too far yet due to not having much time (yeah yeah number one excuse I know).
I am happy to say however I do have a set idea of how the story will start, progress and end, with plenty of sad moments, daw moments, a fight scene or two, and hopefully some laughs. Once I finish this, I may end of writing a sequel to Flora Spectrum, as I have an idea for that as well, but it may be a little while.
Thank you for the favorite, and I hope you can remain patient with me as I slowly but surely squeeze some writing back into my day and eventually churn out another decent story!
Just one word
Hue
Good story 👍