• Member Since 19th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 27th, 2012

FluttershyFan5


I like ponies.

E

The mane six are just doing what they normally do, when they hear about a letter from Princess Celestia. They get ready for the upcoming danger, not expecting what's going to happen next. When they reach the castle, they see a horrible sight not anypony wants to see.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 5 )

The most descriptive word I can think of for this fic: bland. The sentences are short and uninteresting, the dialog is stilted, and the whole thing feels rushed. The plot twists have no motivation behind them, the scene with Derpy just feels like a shoved in excuse to have her in the fic, and while Discord taking over Celestia's body is a cool concept, you didn't do anything with it. It would have been interesting and tense if maybe Discord had fooled all the ponies or was using Celestia's position of power to create chaos instead of just using his magic. And another thing! You appear to be able to turn off Discord's powers whenever the plot needs you to. Discord could have done a million things with his powers and gotten away with... whatever he was trying to do, but he doesn't.
Why not?
>a. No reason.
b. The plot demands it
c. The author was lazy
To be honest, this feels like it was written by the show's target audience.
That said, it was kind of entertaining. In a guilty pleasure sort of way.

this is the lowest rated story on fimfiction at the moment

Your story gave me ammonia...:pinkiesick:

I really don't think this story is as bad as its +0/-16 score makes it look. It's not good, but I've read plenty worse. Shrederman98's comment pretty much covers its faults, but also points out the potentially interesting concept you came up with,

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