DJ Hooves
Joined 1st Jun, 2013 ·
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Eeeee, i see many run-on sentences here... However, it was a great start to your first story.
2664276 I knew there would be errers, that's almost damn near impossible to avoid. But thank you for your thoughts.
2668402 That would be appreciated. Thank you. Just don't expect me to repost the edit up for a while.
2669795 Thank you.
And now we come to the hard part of any relationship...meeting potential in-laws
2670922 agreed the in-laws.
2671135
2670922
Do you guys think it's a bit rushed?
2671173 Not really, but longer chapters would be nice if you could manage it.
2671227 I'll see what I can do about that.
2671238 Another thing that would be nice is if you could add a bit of comedy to your fic. Like, for example, Celestia's pregnancy causes her to have mood swings in the middle of court and she would get angry at random ponies or Celestia would have cravings in the middle of court.
2671255 I was thinking about doing that.
2671461 One idea i had was that Prince Blueblood would be complaining to Celestia about some unimportant thing and Celestia has a mood swing and starts yelling at Blueblood in the Royal Canterlot Voice, telling her nephew that he is a whiny, spoiled, insignificant foal who isn't fit to lick the dirt off her horseshoes and other stuff like that. Blueblood would then run out of the room crying like the wimpy pansy that he is.
What do you think?
The clop was about as bland and generic as possible, and the reason doesn't make sense, which is only slightly mitigated by the fact that the characters don't think it makes sense, either. With as rushed as the clop is, it might be a good idea to edit it and the explicit descriptions (such as the mention of Chrysalis's "growth") out and turn this into a Teen-rated fic.
Also, you need to work on expanding your vocabulary. You have a significant amout of spelling errors. One example of this is in the description itself: the word is spelled "warning".
Aside from the initial blandness, the rest of the story that comes after it is intriguing. I'll have to keep an eye on it.
2671461>>2671560
or for the blueblood scene, have her forget to temper her voice so it goes Canterlock while trying to remain calm, her mood swings messing with her control while she is perfectly intact mentally. otherwise We'd have multiple Twilights on our hooves and a destroyed Canterlot.
as for the pacing well it is pretty good as far as I'm concerned.
Oh and as for cravings, since her child is half changeling, have her crave Lots and Lots of chocolate.
probably three cakes a day rather than her normal one.
Have laugh giddily over one of discords jokes.
and finally have her introduce Chrychry to Twilight. that meeting will be a blast
2671560 I have only one response to that. Ready?
2671645 I said it before, spelling errers are almost impossible to avoid, but I will go back to fix things as best I can. As for details in the clop, I'm fresh with it, so it's bound to be not as good as some others. Plus I haven't slept with a girl yet, wich is sad realy for someone my age...
2671660 Or maybe since the baby is part changeling she should crave sex for the love of it, and when Chrysalis is around the craving is gone.
2671713 oooch that would sting a lot especially if she gets an extreme mood swing in that direction while Luna is in the room. but atleast it would be better than raping one of the castle staff randomly.
2671719
I think Luna would fight at first, but she would soon fall victim to the pleasure and willingly give herself to pregnant Molestia.
2673093 heh your right. and the awesomeness would continue.
maybe even catch twi at an inopportune time or opportune depending on who looks at it.
2673107
Oh damn! Twilight would freak! She would try to fight it all the way and the crave wouldn't be satisfied.
2673129 or she'd go with it after realizing it wasn't malicious and would possibly be interested in discovering the secrets of alicorn reproduction and such. Also I doubt twi would defy Celestia in this matter she worships her too much.
p.s. Ooh even better Idea Twi walks in on Celestia molesting luna and they both catch her as she tries to escape.
2673180
Ooh, I like that! And to add on top of that, Chrysalis could be with Celestia at that time and since she's a changeling she can't realy satisfy the love cravings so Celestia goes after those closest to her!
2673198 Muahahaha, That is perfect, now to draw out the scene just right.
2673300 Y'know, we should get together and come up with a story. I think we could come up with something realy good.
2673393If you want to, the real question is when, where, and how. and I think either skype or GDocs would be the best places for the conversation.
2673444 Can we not PM? I have a skype, I just can't do anything while using it, and I don't have GDogs.
2673464 sure we can but I think skype would be faster to get the message across and since you have the problems with programs while using skype you can initiate the conversations anytime you wish.
2673685 It's not tech probs so much as if I use it, I can't use anything else.
2673732 ah ok
then What are we going to do about the messaging?
2673766 If you have no problem using PMs here for a bit, I'll get a new laptop eventually and we'll get together through other means.
2673933 kk sounds good.
2673942 Sweet.
"For the next few months at least. When my sister wakes please tell her to come see me in my chambers." Celestia instrucked. (instructed)
way to kill the mood luna
Go on...
2697897 Thank you. I'm going to go back and rewrite the chapter eventually.
2697898 I know. I mainly did that to make it so the story didn't seam rushed, plus to add some conflict to the mix.
2700579 Oh, I will. After I do some rewriting. Glad you like it thus far.
2710210 dont get me wrong i like the conflict and want to see what happens next
2710224 I never thought otherwise. I just wantd to avoid rushing the story, and having Luna kill the mood seamed like a good idea at the time.
2710236 don't worry it was perfect i just had to comment
2710240 And the comments are all appreciated.
I just reply to them if I feel like it, y'know?
2710253 totaly understandable keep up with the great work
2710260 I will. Thank you.
My chemical changeling Romance,damn i have to say it
It took you an long to write an chapter.
oh c'mon you can't abandon this!!!
2711393
IT BEEN 2 BEEPING YEARS