Twilight and Fluttershy realize they each love their Princesses much more than platonically...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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hubba hubba!
212422
And there's more like this-- And hotter to boot-- On the way.
Woah you update fast I went to bed and woke up to two chapters. I found them both enjoyable.
212447
Why thank ya! Chapter 2 went up last night because I felt the urge to post it. Chapter 3 went up the moment I found out 4o2 got feature-boxed. Glad to hear they were both pleasing. :3
Right when i finished chapter 2! I LOVE YOU
....
...
...
..
and MOAR
212473
And I love all of you, as well.
And delicious lovely MOAR is coming sooner than one might think... There's even a bonus surprise planned for this coming Saturday, which should be quite... pleasing.
finally, a celestiaXtwilight fanfic without any rape. p
Spike is responsible for Twilight... You know that actually sounds a whole lot more reasonable than the other way around.
212545
It would certainly explain a lot.
212545
Yes, but the way it works officially is Twilight cares for Spike no matter how inaccurate that may be.
212557
Eeyup. In practice, it is almost like a pair of relatively-young siblings with no parental control: The older one has the -official- power, but they both care for the other when the chips are down.
'Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I discovered the most awesome thing ...'
212645
'Dear Princess Luna,
Today I began gathering a collection of incredibly amazing readers...'
Sorry, I got nothing.
I imagine a letter she would write...
Dear Princess Celestia... Screw it - Celestia,
Tonight, I've stumbled upon a most... amusing book. It shows the way two (or more... Yes, usually more) ponies can express their undying love and attraction towards each other. I believe the book is worth studying it together - in private. I have some suggestions, although I don't want to ruin the surprise for you.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S. And then they all fucked. And we should too.
SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!!
212741
Hmmm. I went to make a witty reply, but then I think I had that awkward feeling that I've...
I see what you did there.
good stuff my friend. Tracking.
212749
Roughly one day later, a freshly-homeless purple and green dragon questions if that jab was really worth it.
Sending the letter before she could fix it?
Totally worth it.
212753
Damn, Spike is awesome. And so are you. But not as awesome as Spike. Because you don't have a moustache. Probably. And he does. Well, did. Maybe if you grow a mustache, you'll be more awesome than Spike.
WTF did I just write?
212760
Welcome to the herd. Everything you write here makes no sense outside of context.
212760
Ahahha now I am half-tempted to post a photo or link a Fanime pic just to show off my beloved moustache! /steven
212775
Ladies and gentlemen, the power of ponies.
And Spike.
212791
Oh my... I didn't know you were a proud member of the Moustache Society as well! We usually don't talk about it openly, but could you remind me when exactly have we planned to conquer the world? I've got to see the doctor on Tuesday so...
212791 More please..? MORE!
Also, watching now, keep up the good work
hey, i have already written your next chapter...
Celestia shows up
and they fuck
the end
...
you like it?
...
...
you don't like it...
...
that is all
kthanxabi
I really ought to have gotten around to commetning on this sooner but....
One, I imagine Twilight and Spike do take care of each other most of the time.
Two, I am curious as to exactly what happened in Celestia's talk with Twilight...
Three, very, very nice scene with Twilight....Finding about the joys a mare's body can bring. One wonders what Spike's reactions to hearing her pleasured screams of Celestia's name will be.
....And just whre DID Twilight find out about the Kamare Suta? It's probably not on standard relationship guides...
Yeah, not to be a downer or anything, but...this story just goes to show that teasing sex and having really gratuitous clop in is the key to the feature box, no matter how poorly written.
Tracking
213930
Couldn't agree more.
Good grief, how did this even get featured? I've read ten fics today which are most certainly better, if not Fallout: Equestria in comparison.
When I first saw the Mature tag, I figured this was gonna be a clopfic. I was pleasantly surprised.
ooh well... it seems i won't be hitting the hay just yet...
Twilight could have gotten them into the castle instantly, couldn't she?
It seems a lot of potential emotional conflict offered in this story is dispelled all-too quickly. Rarity hiding her relationship with AJ is instantly dispelled as she comes clean to everyone immediately. As such, what story purpose did that whole segment serve, really? And did you really build up that Twilesia angle, only to resolve it off-screen?
I really hope we see what happened between them soon, because it's an important moment. Really, it should have been present here, because now the drama of the scene is going to be dampened by the fact that we know she says yes. At least, that's IF her feelings for Celestia was what Twilight wanted to talk to her about. Now that I think about it, it's very vague as to what Twilight is actually planning at all in the past two chapters.
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Thanks across the board! To those commenting that they were surprised this was not a clopfic, I'll point out that there will be clop content, but it's certainly not pure clop. I personally prefer to keep a plot in every smut and some smut in every plot... Although given the fandom in question, I suppose I could say a 'plot' in every plot and that would work just as well.
213138
As several comments have already clarified, nope: This fic is of the sort where "I don't feel Equestria really has a concrete gender lean by default". It's more about the emotional connections on an individual level then it is about preferences for one gender or the other-- Otherwise, the completely lopsided gender-ratio of the show wouldn't function with things like monogamous relationships or even just 'settling down' in any way.
213930 , 214145
Well, such is the way the dice fall, I suppose. I write what I enjoy, and share it with the hope that others enjoy it as well. And... Whaddya know, that seems to be how it's working out for the most part. Problem?
214038 , 214484
Where Twilight getting them in is concerned, you're both right-- Yes, she could.
Now, getting a meeting with Luna specifically, on short notice, without causing a scene or being a bit too obvious? Maybe not.
And even if so... It is Rarity's plan, so she took advantage of her moment of control to get some enjoyable test-leverage out of her social tricks.
As to quick resolution... Well, two parts to that. First, given the show we're talking about, quick resolution is kinda the order of the day- Especially where this group is concerned. Trust me when I say that other issues might not go over nearly that smoothly.
And what Twilight accomplished with Celestia? A very good question-- Although from context, it doesn't seem like it would have been her confession.
Oh wow, this is awesome. This is my first time on FIMFiction, and this story has made my first day here quite memorable. I can't wait to read the next update!
I'm naturally drawn to anything involving Twilight, Celestia, and Luna (in any setting, I mean, not just the romantic), so I jumped right in when I saw a new one featured. It's not a bad premise. With work and patience, it could be a fine story, and there are some very funny moments (particularly in the first chapter). That said, I think the execution overall needs a lot of improvement. If you're interested, here are my suggestions. (There's no button for bulleted lists, and I don't know if the standard codes for them work here, so... congratulations, Pinkie, you've been promoted to punctuation.)
First, technical errors. I don't have the eye to catch them all, but there are definitely a number of them there. You'll need someone with more editing skill than me to weed those out. The Proofreaders and People willing to proof-read group might be able to help there.
Pacing. Slow down and smell the drama. Twilight's daydreaming about Celestia, something she had never done before, came on very suddenly, and very strongly. I would have expected it to sort of sneak up on her over weeks - if not months or years - of becoming increasingly infatuated, rather than waking up one day and finding herself hot between the haunches for her mentor. Her rapid acceptance of the feeling is, while not entirely unbelievable for Twilight, at least odd as well. The spa scene went by at a better pace, as did Sweet Apple Acres. Canterlot gets its own bullet points, but was overall fast. Twilight's masturbation scene was paced fine from my perspective, but I tend to skim through sex scenes unless they have dialog in them, so that may be my bias.
Given, there are protocols to be followed, and I'm sure they're all more comfortable playing by the rules. Still, the amount of trepidation they approached scheduling the meeting with Luna with is severely downplaying their positions as celebrated heroes of Equestria, and Twilight's as Celestia's personal student.
Twilight's conversation with Celestia. Are you holding it close to your chest for the suspense, or maybe to purposefully cause a misinterpretation of the content of the conversation? Even if you are, it feels more like the story just skipped to its resolution. All the tension is completely gone at the end of the third chapter from the reader's point of view. If you have something up your sleeve, at least drop enough of a hint to keep the reader wondering.
Overall, it could be better, and it's got enough potential that I want to see it get better. 3.5 stars and tracked.
214720
Promoted to Punctuation would be a good name for a band...
On topic:
1- Yeah, I've been weeding them out with the help of a dedicated group for a while now, but these earliest bits still feel rough. The polish and overall quality definitely goes up from here, however. Although these chapters in particular got a heavy run-over by a dedicated editor, so unless my GDoc reverted to an old copy somehow, or the GDoc upload here on FimFiction deleted parts of it, there shouldn't be any issues.
2- These initial segments are a bit fast because they're more of the set-up than the focus. Later events get a much slower roll to them.
3- I think the issue is a bit more that they're kinda transposing their paranoia about the entire situation -onto- the meeting. They're too worried about the whole issue to realize they shouldn't be worried about the scheduling or getting inside.
4- Yeah, that was a poor choice on my part. It was being held for suspense, but I should have placed it better and been more clear what they did not talk about. I will be handling similar events better in the future, should any occur.
Here's hoping it does improve for ya: And either way, thanks for the commentary and rating.
214855
The Dutch~!
AGAIN!
this is what mature SHOULD be like
Dude I gotta give you props for this super sexy story (or just SSS) and the fact that you actually reply to your fans. Keep it up cuz this is gettin steamy!
Hmm... I have to wonder where the mindset comes from that bookish types are inexperienced in matters of sexuality... not so much in interpersonal, but rather self-centric ones... I mean, even toddlers seem to know themselves better than one writers portray characters...(much to the awkward dismay of everyone around them)... I'm not really complaining about the fic mind you, but... I can't say I've ever even met a person that didn't have at least some experience in manipulating that which separates men and women... and considering the average person meets more than 700 people easily before their 20th annua...
In any case, this is certainly a nice change of pace on the regular Twilight secretly loves Celestia, or Celestia is covertly infatuated with her student scenario. Luna and Fluttershy is a bit... not unexpected, but sort of edging on disbelief... at least with the details displayed thus far.
Perhaps you could work in a little more introspection on the parts of the characters... though that in itself is dangerous, as many authors end up making it less believable when they try too hard to justify characters' feelings.
And as a last bit of advice, if you plan on having Luna continue her archaisms, I'd suggest you give this a read-through... Not because you've done it wrong, but because it really bothers me when people get it wrong, and its better to solve a potential problem before it crops up, nay?
http://www.elfwood.com/farp/thewriting/glarchthou/glarchthou.html
...On a more final note, I'm glad to see a version of Equestria that is purely about the emotions and not the typical human prejudices... Certainly nothing else of Earth proper works in Equestria, so why should sexism or homophobia? And I agree that Equestria's female:male ratio is morbidly imbalanced for heterosexual only mindsets...
Ok ok ok... the final final note: F#
215892
The characters, at least the main (mane) cast are portrayed as anywhere from the equivalent of late teens to early 20s. And while rare, it is not entirely unheard of for someone in that age range to not know of self-love. Especially, for example, when a character is very non-physical and orients primarily on their studies or their training.
There is definitely more introspection to come- the characters, for now at least, are focusing outward, on setting up the path to their relationships. Once the ball starts rolling, there's time for contemplation.
And do not worry at all about the archaic speech-- My boyfriend is a phenomenal aide and double-check on the matter, and I know most of the core facts myself. I won't mess it up. :)
Thank you for all of the commentary, and for liking the way my version of the setting works-- I plan to keep things like that fairly core to the concept, since especially for this story, it's relevant.
And thanks for that last note, the most helpful one of all.
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Thank you all! And as to how Twilight found the KaMare Sutra?
Well, she's a librarian, in a public library. Such books would be in age-restricted sections, but I can name several libraries in my area alone that carry such material.
i normally jump to big mac, luna, or doctor hooves in any kind of story. the first and third may not be here but luna is so i rather like it
I really loved it, Can i have your opinion on my fanfic ?
I would've really liked to see how Twilight worked up the nerve to admit her feelings, but that's been done so moving forward quickly was a good call. Clopping Twilight made up for it. Why is it always book?
I'm still very interested in Fluttershy's ordeal. How does she get with someone that can't help yelling so much?
I think enough people have already pointed out a few mishaps here and there, but I'll refrain from focusing on the bad, and instead say that you've made a story I got a few chuckles out of so far, and that is interesting.
I particularly liked the way Rarity and AJ "confessed" to each other.
All in all, looking forward to the next chapter.
SAUCY! YEAH!
can i have more? :D
217037
I'll just clarify it, since a lot of people mentioned this:
Whatever Twilight accomplished in her meeting, it was not confessing. This will be explained soon, and will be more clear in a future revision.
Thank you for enjoying everything so far. :)