Why I Travel
Cold, and dark, and lonely. I recognise this place. I’ve been here before. If I told you that this dark, damp, foreboding place was Canterlot, you would tell my I’m crazy. But it’s the truth. This is Canterlot. Or rather, it’s one of the many alleyways in Canterlot, where all the trash gets discarded, so that it does not offend the eyes of the ponies living in this ‘perfect’ city.
All the trash. And that includes me. Because I have no home, I must live here. Because I have no money, nopony spares me even a crumb of their precious bread. Because I have no power, I have no place in this world. That is how my life was back then. But it’s different now. I no longer live that same lonely, pathetic life I once did. So why am I here again?
Ah, there I go again. Searching through the nearby trashcan for even the tiniest morsel of food, or perhaps some shelter from the rain. Struggling to raise to my hooves because my weak, tiny body has been denied the proper nutrition that it needs to grow. Any second now, she will show up. My guardian angel, my saviour, and my light.
“Pathetic child,” I hear her call out as she walks closer towards me. Back then, that voice frightened me. Now, I fear losing that voice forever. “Look at you, fighting with all your might to cling onto what? What life have you to struggle for? What path do you follow? You who has been abandoned by your own kind.”
Harsh, but true. Why did I fight back then? Did I hope for some good fortune to drop into my lap? Did I simply fear the aspect of death? Or did I just not know any better than to follow my instincts? Even I have no idea.
“But, there is power inside you. Untapped, and wasted in your current state.” That was the first time I ever felt a warm embrace around my body. Even though it was raining, it wasn’t cold. Even though I was out in the open, at night, I felt safe. Even though I didn’t know how to, I smiled.
“You will die if I leave you here, but perhaps we may cut a deal. For you see, I have many children like you, who also have no path in life to follow. You, my child, may just be their saving grace. All you have to do is-”
I open my eyes suddenly, and find myself in the middle of nowhere. My head Is resting on a tree, there is a lake to m left, a dirt road to my right… Oh, now I remember. The weather forecast said that it was going to be a warm, dry night, so I decided to sleep out beneath the stars. My trailer is hidden behind some bushes. And I was dreaming about the past. Right, now I get what’s going on.
I recently performed a show in that town I just visited, didn’t I? Yes, in Fillydelphia. And I was on my way to my next town when it turned nightfall. And now that it is morning, I suppose the first thing that I should do is fix up some breakfast, and then after I eat, I can be on my way.
“Good morning, child.”
That voice! She’s come to visit! “Mother!” I call out, jumping to my hooves and looking around. But she’s nowhere to be found. Right, of course not. She has to remain hidden, after all. She can’t be seen anywhere in this Country. Because, she’s a…
“Trixie, I saw your show yesterday. As wonderful as always.” She’s behind the bushes where my trailer is. I run over to meet her, and sure enough, the tall, black figure of my mother is there waiting for me. Her long, crooked horn, her legs full of holes, her insect-like wings… Everything about her just drives home the fact that she’s not a pony. But she’ll always be my mother. Because she’s the one who saved me, and raised me as a child, so that’s why… I’m her daughter.
“Did you get much love from that show?” Always right to the point. But I guess it can’t really helped. She has an entire family at her home, wherever that is, that need this love in order to live. And she relies on me to bring it to her. She actually needs me, and when I do a good job, she praises me for it.
“Trixie believes that this is the most bountiful harvest she has achieved yet!” I love my name. I love to hear it. I love to say it. I love everything about it. Because it was given to me by my mother. It was this name that defined my place in this world. Proved I actually exist. Gave me an identity, and a reason to keep on living. Without it, ponies wouldn’t even know I was ever born in the first place.
“That is great news. May I?”
“But of course! Wait one moment!” I walk past my mother, and hop into my trailer behind her. Inside my trailer, is a device that my mother created – being the genius that she is – that can absorb the love from my admiring audience, and convert it into a sort of liquid form. I don’t fully understand it myself, but it is essentially a device that creates sustenance for my mother and her children.
Opening the secret compartment within my trailer, I take out the twenty-five bottle that I had made yesterday. Easily enough to feed her children, and then some.
As always, she open it up and takes a whiff. It always smells the same to me – sweet, and sort of tingly. But apparently, mother can tell the quality of the love by smelling it, like with wine. “This is very good,” she tells me, and raises her hoof to give me my reward.
I remove my hat and lower my head, and as always, she pats me on the head for a job well done. “Thank you. Trixie always does her best for you.” She takes the remaining bottles, and gets up to leave. But, I’m not ready yet. I still want to spend time with her some more. “Um, mother… is there any chance that we can spend some more time together? You know, as mother and daughter?”
“I’m sorry, my child, but my other children need me, you realise.” Yeah, I know, but… “Now, come and give you mother a proper goodbye. Or do you wish to strain this old Quuen’s back by having her climb up into your trailer?”
Oh mother! You aren’t that old! … Or, you certainly don’t look it. “Okay.” I jump out of my trailer and approach my mother. She is easily twice my height, maybe even more. Because of this, when I hug her, she has to lean down in order to nuzzle my cheek. “A little snack for the road?” I ask as I feel my energy being drained from me.
“Your love is always of the finest quality,” she answers me, and it makes me feel so happy. To be praised such by my mother. To know that I am helpful to her. That she actually depends on me for something, and won’t just throw me aside. “Where to next, Trixie?”
“Trixie was thinking of taking her show to the small town of Ponyville. Probably not much there, but her next target, a town called Detrot, would otherwise be three days from now. And besides, more renown is always good for drawing more fans.”
“You’ve grown so much, and have achieved much more than I ever imagined you would. You have certainly made me proud, my daughter.”
I feel a tear roll down my cheek, and I quickly move a hoof to wipe it away. Thank you, mother. Thank you. I love you.
“Then, I shall meet you in three days to collect some more love?”
“Yes, mother. I’ll do my best, to give you a bountiful harvest.”
Sometimes, ponies really try my patience. Sometimes, I really struggle to keep myself from using my magic to just rip their manes from their heads. Like this one here. This rainbow one, with her three friends in the crowd. What, you don’t like my show? Then get out of here! My show thrives on love, and your hatred is tainting it!
If I don’t sort these ponies out, then more are just going to join them! I have to make a stand. My magic is who I am, and nopony is going to bring me down like this and get away with it! And I know just how to handle these rude fillies, who seem to think they’re all that. Yes, I know exactly what to do.
A little tale about my vanquishing an ursa major should do the trick. This story is always a crowd pleaser. Especially amongst those foals. They always give the most love, being so young and innocent. And by inserting myself into the tale, that should hopefully cause them to back… off…
They’re still going at it?! Right, then this calls for drastic measures! What was it that that minotaur once said? ‘If somepony tries to block, show them that you rock’? Oh, I’ll show them alright. And when I’m through with them, neither they nor anypony else will ever think to challenge me again! Not only that, but I’ll prove my power before their very eyes, and the love of my adoring fans will make a fine bounty indeed!
First, this hayseed. So she’s good with a rope, huh? Well, she’s not the only one. Watch in awe! First, the most delicate of movements of this rope with my magic will hypnotise that feeble mind of yours, throwing you off your guard. Then, swifter than any Wonderbolt could ever hope to be, I shall tie you up and stuff that magic-hating mouth of yours!
Still not enough? Foolish Pegasus. Have you ever met a Unicorn that can control rainbows with her magic? You may be fast on your hooves, but let’s see if I can’t still make you dizzy… And, a little zap to flank always a good gag to end on.
Finally, this fellow Unicor- HEY! H-How dare you tear up my curtain like that?! That was a gift from my mother, to commemorate my graduating Celestia’s School, and becoming a full-fledged magician! Ooh, that is it! No more mercy! No more patience shall be wasted on you!
Let’s see how beautiful that dress looks on you, with your mane like this!
Hmph! That’s better! Now that those three are gone, I can finally get back to my work. Putting on a show to please my fans, and collect their love at the same time! Then I’ll move on to Detrot, meet with my mother, and make her proud once more. Nothing could possibly go wrong from here on out.
“How dare they?! How dare they?! They think that they have the right to mock the Great and Powerful Trixie like that?! They think that they have the right to laugh at her?! To degrade her?! Ponies don’t laugh at Trixie, they laugh with her! They love her! They accept her! They-”
“What is troubling you, my child?” That voice! “And why, may I ask, are you here in this forest clearing, rather than that at the town of Detrot?” I hear hoofsteps moving towards me, but I don’t turn to meet my mother’s eyes. For they are surely filled with scorn and hatred, just like everypony else’s. “And why… are you crying?”
“… I-I’m so sorry, mother…” Please, please don’t hate me. “I’m so sorry. I-I promise, I’ll find some more love for you soon. So, please, d-don’t hate me. Don’t throw me away.” I can’t take it anymore! I turn around, and throw my hooves around my mother’s leg. “Please! Please don’t leave me!”
“Leave you? Trixie dear, what are you talking about? Why would I leave you?”
So, she doesn’t hate me then? She’s not going to abandon me, for letting her down? T-That helps somewhat, I guess. But… I still have to tell her the truth… That there’s no more love that I can give her.
So I tell her everything. I tell her of my humiliation in Ponyville. Of the hardships I’ve felt since then. Of the mocking laughs and the hateful words I’ve endured. That ponies no longer love me or my shows, and that… I can no longer supply the love that she needs to feed her children. Through it all, I lost track of how many times I apologised, and she had comforted me by bringing my head to her shoulders.
At first, I thought that it was all going to be okay. But, as soon as I told her that there would be no more love coming her way…
“I see… So you are unable to assist in that regard anymore.” Her voice was cold, and the gentle tone it once held was gone. I thought it was going to be okay, but now, I feel scared. I feel petrified.
“B-But, I’ll still be here for you. Whatever you need me to do, whatever it takes… please, just don’t abandon me…”
“Trixie, you don’t seem to understand,” she says, removing her legs from around my neck and backing away. “The reason I saved you, was so that you could save us. By offering you my power, and my love, you would, in exchange, use that power to harvest more love for us. It was a mutual arrangement between the two of us, and now that it is no longer in effect…”
“M-Mother…”
“I’m sorry, Trixie. But I have so many children that are depending on me, and I cannot spare any of my time with you if there is nothing to gain from it.” With that, mother turns around and begins to leave. I want to go after her, to say something to try to stop her, but my voice catches in my throat. “You are now a lost cause. I wish you luck, though, through the coming winter.”
T-This can’t be happening. This can’t be real. Of all the ponies that could abandon me. Of all the ponies that could throw me aside, leaving me to fend for myself… “Et tu, mother?”
“… I’m sorry…”
As she leaves, all I can do is bring my hooves to my face, and cry. Love is supposed to be the foundation of all happiness, right? With love, the world goes round, and ponies can live together in harmony.
If that’s true… then why does it hurt so much? And what are you supposed to do when you lose that love? Who do I turn to now? Why was I saved all those years ago, just to be abandoned now?!
Cold, and dark, and lonely. I’ve been here before. This is Canterlot. Or rather, it’s one of the many alleyways in Canterlot, where all the trash gets discarded, so that it does not offend the eyes of the ponies living in this ‘perfect’ city.
All the trash. And that includes me. Because I have no home, I must live here. Because I have no money, nopony spares me even a crumb of their precious bread. Because I have no friends or family, I am rejected everywhere that I go. That is how my life is right now. And this time, she won’t be coming to save me. My guardian angel. My saviour. My light, extinguished.
Twilight Sparkle… If it wasn’t for her, I never would have lost my job as a travelling showmare.
Hate.
If it wasn’t for her, I never would have lost my mother, the only one in this world who ever had any need for me.
Hate.
If it wasn’t for her, mother would have never been forced to use such methods to obtain love. And she and her children would never have been blasted from Equestria.
Hate.
But, things are different now. I have more awareness now than I did then. And I know that, in order to live, one must have a purpose. If I do not have a purpose, then I shall make one. I shall take revenge on Twilight Sparkle, both for destroying me, and to avenge my mother! I shall separate Twilight Sparkle from all those that she holds dear, and just as she has denied me my love, I shall deny her hers!
I have power now. I have the power to walk. The power to get what I need for my revenge. This sack of rocks by my side… a simply illusion spell will make it appear to be a sack of bits. With ‘money’, you can buy anything.
I also have nothing to lose now. And I realise that. If I have nothing to lose, then there is no reason to hold myself back. If the world has no place for me, then I will simply take Twilight Sparkle’s. That is all that there is to it.
I’ll do it. I’ll return to Ponyville. I’ll use whatever power necessary to take what this world has robbed from me for so long! Prepare yourself, Twilight Sparkle! It is time for you to share that love that you have selfishly hogged to yourself for so long!
The Great and Powerful Trixie, has revived!
Huh? W-Where am I? Why am I… sitting on grass right now? Last I remember, I was in a shop in Canterlot, purchasing… AH! The Alicorn Amulet! Where is it? That’s my ticket to defeating Twilight Sparkle! To reclaiming what I was robbed of!
… Okay, stay calm Trixie. Let’s think clearly about this… I arrived at Ponyville… I did? I… I attacked innocent ponies. W-Why did I… Oh my gosh. I-Is that really me saying those things? Doing those horrible deeds? Those two colts, sure they ruined my whole life that one night, but they’re just children. My only target should be Twilight Sparkle. She’s the one I need to beat to rebuild my reputation.
I… enslaved Ponyville? I did? But I… W-What am I doing now? Forcing these ponies to work for me? Locking away those who refuse to obey? What is this?!
“That’s not me!” I shout as kick the tree beside me as hard as I can. And then something hits me on the head. I turn to see what it was, and find an apple. I see. I hit an apple tree… Well, eating usually helps me to calm down, so…
But I… I can’t believe it. Was that really what happened? Did I really… do all of that? “Damnit. Now I’m back where I started. Now what do I do?” I don’t know. I don’t know how to move on on my own. Mother has abandoned me, and I don’t even know where she is. My own kind don’t want anything to do with me, save for reducing me to a laughing stock. I’ve got nowhere to go, and nopony to turn to.
I just want to scream. That’s all I can think to do right now. Scream, and maybe mother will hear me. Maybe mother will come to my rescue.
… Or maybe, I should just face the fact that I’m all alone. Unlike that Twilight Sparkle. Friends, family, prestige, renown… she has it all. She has whatever she wants. And, even when I took it all from her, she was still able to get it back. Even when I bested her, her friends still didn’t want to come over to me.
Why? I proved that I was the superior Unicorn. Why wouldn’t anypony accept me after that? Why did I have to force their love? Couldn’t they just forget about her and become my friends? I had power, and she didn’t. What’s so difficult to understand about that?
“Do you want to understand why?” Who’s there?! I turn around to check, and I find… “N-Nightmare Moon!”
“Close,” the tall, dark-blue Alicorn says to me. “We wouldst prefer Princess Luna, if you may.”
“O-Oh. Right. I sort of grew up on tales of Nightmare Moon, and a lot of my stories are based off of her, so…”
“Really? Wouldst thou care to show Us one? Our sister, though We care for her deeply, unfortunately does her best to keep Us in the dark about how Our subjects have viewed us this past millennium.”
“Uh… Well, they’re a little exaggerated…”
“That is fine. In fact, if we know that it isn’t true, then we can enjoy it simply for it, rather than let it affect us in reality.”
“… I, kind of made myself the main character. So, just give me a second to think up something else…”
“We do not mind. Please, let us see.” Well, I can hardly refuse a request from a Princess, now can I? So I tell her one of the stories I made up during my travels. Based on Nightmare Moon’s return to this world, and how her eternal night stirred up a pack of wolves living outside of Timbucktu. While it is true that this actually happened, I was not quite as heroic as this story would have me suggest.
“Um, I’m feeling a little tired,” I say as I rub my eyes.
“Yes. The Alicorn Amulet had drained a significant amount of energy from you. Which brings Us to Our purpose here. You seem to have hit an impasse in your life.”
“… Dead end is more accurate.”
“And you have no idea why those ponies would not accept you, even after demonstrating your new powers?”
I shake my head and sigh. “They laugh at me and cast me aside because I’m weak, then scorn me for being strong. What do I need to do in order to be accepted?”
The Princess puts her hoof on my head… This feeling. I know this feeling. It’s the same as… “NO!” I shout as I bat the hoof away. “I know what you’re doing! It’s the same as back then! You’re trying to confuse me with these warm feelings, then you’ll abandon me when I’m of no use to you! Just like mother did!”
“You are wrong,” the Princess says, pulling her hoof away from me. “We merely wanted to offer you the chance to understand why. Tell Us, what art thou planning to do from here?”
“… No idea. Maybe… go into the Everfree Forest, away from all these ponies, and just live out the rest of my days in peace?”
The Princess nods her head. “Okay, that is one option. Alternatively, how would you like to come with Us? We have been planning a trip for some time now, to better understand this modern age that we live in. But some company would be nice… And perhaps, on the way, thou can find the answers thou seek.”
Just like before. Just like when mother invited me to follow her. My only other choice back then was to die on my own. Not much has changed since then. But, I won’t make the same mistake twice. “Very well then. I shall accompany you.” But I won’t get attached. I will never allow myself to become attached ever again. “But some fair warning: as soon as I have learned Twilight Sparkle’s secret, I shall return to defeat her.”
Rather than frowning and brushing me off, as I had expected, she simply smiles. “Very good. It is good to have goals. Now then, shall we leave? We can get back to the castle before sunrise, and then you can get some rest.”
“One second.” She looks confused, and I feel confused. “There’s… something I must do…” Even though my desire for revenge still burns strong… even though I still hate that town for what it has done to me… and even though I regret losing my position of power there… I cannot help but feel bad, whenever I think of the awful things I did under that amulet’s control. I can’t leave things like this. I… I know what I must do. Even though this can only end badly, I won’t be able to continue, until I let her know that I’m sorry.
“Then, We shall wait for you here,” Luna says as I turn to leave. “Make your peace, and then prepare yourself. Your path is long, and We predict many hardships along the way.”
“… But, if I can finally find my place in this world, then it’ll be worth it.”
That is why I will travel. That is why, I refuse to give up. I was born for a reason, and I will find it, no matter what.
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Loved it. The idea is unique and you really captured Trixie's personality! Bravo to you sir/madam.
Ooh, so Chrysalis is pretty much Fagin in this version of events? Interesting take.
Damn that was good
There's an old saying about how there is nothing more dangerous than someone who has nothing to lose.
And this is why Luna is the best Princess. She looks after the outcasts when no one else cares. Including her damn sister.
Any how, I like how you showed Trixie and the life she had.
Not bad. I love how you pulled different parts of canon together for this.
Damn, that was a bit darker than I thought it'd be. I hope Trixie eventually goes with Luna.
Wow. Just...wow. I hope Trixie finds her purpose in life.
I doubt it, but any chance of a sequel?
Oh, Trixie. The day you learn Twilight's secret... you will also learn that you won't have to defeat her. Godspeed.
And she matches Luna very well, I think. They have many similarities and would identify well with each other. I hope we get to see more of both in the fourth season.
There's yet to be a Trixie fic from you that I don't like. You are Trixie Writing Deity, and people should start calling you that (unless they come with a better name).
I love this story, I love how you portray Trixie, I love how you make Chrysalis the villain but not the bad guy, and I love how you wrote Luna.
You are the best Trixie writer ever.
"Very good. It is good to have goals." how lighthearted after all this brooding sadness!
I enjoy the integration of canon events with lore and explanations. the reuse of the opening scene is very powerful and rather well-done - it's not just a means to an end (or even at the end for once). Trixie's mindset was clear and reasonable for the whole piece and that's an accomplishment. the small amount of dialogue with the princess is beautiful and you wrote her very much in character too! (I've noticed a lot of people have a hard time getting a grip on consistently speaking like in her voice).
very good read! the open endedness is refreshing