"While, at a sign from you, sire, the unique and final city raises its stainless walls, I am collecting the ashes of the other possible cities that vanish to make room for it, cities that can never be rebuilt or remembered."
- Italo Calvino, Invisible Cities
North of Canterlot, in the far marches of the Equestrian lands near the border with the Griffon tribes, there is a mountain that flies.
It is not shaped like the mountains adhering to the rocky earth far below. It is not shaped like the easy geometric summits drawn in foal’s storybooks. It does not share their snow-capped peaks or bedrock roots. There are no veins of ore running through it like blood. It cannot be climbed.
But it is a mountain, nevertheless.
From below, Derecho appears as a massive stone hanging in the sky. It is vaguely diamond-shaped, with two tapered poles pointing toward the heaven and the earth. Here and there, visible as it slowly rotates, sharp angles and straight lines still hold their shape, but time and weather and the relentless hail of solar radiation have eroded much of the rest, transforming it into a landscape of runnels and abstract sculpture.
A wall a thousand feet high girdles the mountain like a belt around its middle. This wall has survived somewhat better than the rest of the structure, for the pegasi who created it used the densest, hardest clouds their magic could manufacture in its construction. Still, even these clouds were not meant to withstand the centuries, and they have begun to crumble, leaving the thousand-foot high wall significantly shorter in spots. The upper edge of the wall has suffered more than the lower, which remains almost perfect for its miles-long run.
Tiny spikes dot the wall at regular intervals. Pegasi who dare to fly closer may see these specks resolve into towers, placed there for the city’s defenders to rest and, if necessary, take shelter from the harsh weather of the north. Most have crumbled. A few seem untouched. Again, the towers hanging from the bottom of the wall have fared better than those above.
By itself, this wall would be counted among the largest cloud structures ever created. When it was still intact, its cubic volume was greater than the entire city of Cloudsdale.
Seen against the entirety of Derecho, of the mountain it rings, the wall is little more than a thin band. A white ribbon, once satin, now laced with holes and imperfections.
It is fair to assume that the first pegasi who dreamed of Derecho could not imagine the enormity their creation would become. Few records remain from Equestria prior to the Unification, and besides, pegasi were never renowned for their bookkeeping.
Deep inside Derecho, in the heart of the mountain, there remains a small compound, made of thick cloud walls with thin, high windows just wide enough for an arrow to pass through on its way out. Once, these windows stared out at the high airless reaches facing the Griffon tribes. From these windows, pegasi could see the sky and the ground and everything between. It is small, barely twenty paces across, with only three rooms.
From this tiny seed, the mountain was born.
* * *
Unlike most cloud cities, Derecho is not white. The pegasi who built it over the course of centuries packed its structure hard with water, turning it the color of a thunderstorm. Over time, the lighter clouds – the streets and houses and parks – dissolved and blew away, leaving only the city’s bones behind. Foundation clouds a mile deep still hold their form remarkably well, and give Derecho its characteristic diamond shape, like a pair of ziggurats joined at their base.
Derecho is so large that its two poles experience different weather. Wet air, driven by the wind into the upper half of the city, is forced further upward, causing it to cool. This forms clouds, which in turn form rain that runs down the city’s slopes in a constant stream that becomes a waterfall when it reaches the city wall. Mist perpetually shrouds the top of the city, turning Derecho’s peak into a nebulous dark shape more imagined than seen.
The underside of the city, by contrast, is dry. The mountain above intercepts the rain like the world’s most inefficient umbrella. The cloud walls and bricks have dried and turned brittle over the centuries, and they tear like paper.
When it was still inhabited, Derecho held station at the border between Equestria and the Griffon lands to the north. It did not drift with the winds, as it does today. It and its shadow were ever present.
To the earth ponies living below, Derecho was a mixed blessing. It kept away the griffons, as was its intention, but earth ponies as a rule prefer their mountains to stay on the ground.
The earth ponies did not talk much with the pegasi back then, except to trade food for favorable weather. They did not know the pegasi called their fortress city Derecho. They did not know pegasi named their great cities after storms. Instead they gave it their own name, one spoken with both derision and awe, in honor of the weight of its shadow on their backs.
They called the city Eclipse.
The pegasi did not think much of the earth ponies below them. Most didn’t realize they were there at all.
* * *
Derecho’s construction took centuries. Swaths of Equestria’s northern territories turned to desert after the pegasi stole their clouds as building blocks. Some of those deserts are still there today.
At the height of its power, nearly half the souls of the pegasus race resided in Derecho. The Thunder Queen ruled from its highest spire. Cloudforming became a true art in Derecho’s halls, and today the Derecho style of sculpture remains the most widely imitated throughout the world. The largest library ever built by pegasi, containing over a thousand volumes, is said to have existed here.
As noted earlier, the pegasi were not known as bookkeepers.
History records two instances of Celestia visiting Derecho. The first, in the decades leading up to the Unification, was a diplomatic visit by her and Luna with the notionally equally ranked pegasus monarch at the time, Hurricane III. Her daughter, Hurricane IV, was the first of their line to rule the pegasi from the new unified capital, Everfree.
The second visit was centuries later, shortly after Nightmare Moon’s banishment, by which time Derecho was already derelict and abandoned. No accounts exist of this visit except for a single line in the Canterlot Sun Court’s daily proceedings, noting that the princess had departed for a short trip, and returned by sundown of the same day.
* * *
Modern sky maps do not show Derecho as a fixed point. Instead there is a line, showing its gradual course across the northern territories, with dots occasionally marking a date when the city was spotted at its new location. After the most recent date, the solid line becomes a dashed line, the product of the best guesses of pegasi forecasters for its wanderings.
Nopony calls Derecho home today. Pegasi sometimes visit to explore its depths or relive the glory days of their race. Most leave soon, realizing how little comfort glory is.
And Derecho, the Mountain that Flies, the Fortress City of the Clouds, continues on its silent way, a mass of bones and ghosts floating ever into the future.
I'll have to watch this story. Good job on the first chapter, even if it is a little short.
It's a writing exercise? Very well-done, but you might oughta warn people that it isn't a story. (Or, you know, turn it into a story... )
Oh yeah, that's what I was hoping for after the recent Shorts chapter. Sweet world building.
A very interesting and thought provoking one-shot. Could make for an interesting story of it's own if anyone was so inclined. Thanks for sharing with us.
Nice to see some flavor to that new piece you put in Shorts. The descriptions of the mystery and majesty of the place made me think of a Skyrim dungeon I wanted to explore... maybe it would make an excellent dungeon in The Wind Thief. Too bad unicorns can't access it easily.
Interesting. I especially like how I can interpret Celestia's visit in several ways, each of which fits with the story wonderfully.
It can even be read as a pun.
That's the beauty[1] of good writing -- it even supports irreverent smart-alecky interpretations.
[1] Well. One of them, obviously.
2538414
I'm not sure it isn't a story. I mean, there's no plot, sure, but there is I feel a theme to it.
It would be interesting to try to form a narrative of some description by merely writing a dozen of factual/lyrical descriptions of this nature and lining 'em up. Write a plot, of sorts, using the empty spaces in between. I read a book, once, that tried much the same.
2538394
Isn't it marked as "Complete?"
EDITED TO ADD:
I apologize. I meant the above comment about it maybe being a story after all for Bad Horse. Don't know how I came to address it poorly.
I've always liked the idea of expanding on the nature of cloud architecture and construction.
This reminds me of two things at the moment. First is Stewart Cowley's TTA books, specifically Spacewreck. I can picture a suite of Peter Elson's paintings, wrapped with the story of lost Derecho. Second is Lovecraft, and here I had in mind his more detached and descriptive short pieces such as Doom that Came to Sarnath. I get that same feeling of matter-of-fact at-arms's-length description here, bristling with story hooks and history yet casually swept aside into some dusty history text which may never be opened again. Good show!
True, it is not a story of the "Once upon a time, something, something, They Lived Happily Ever After" type, but it brings a mental picture floating into view of a haunted and ancient ruin of a type we have never seen before, and causes the mind to explore the hidden recesses and nooks of this briefly-exposed ancient wonder.
(with apologies to Percy Bysshe Shelly)
My name is Hurricane, Ruler of the Sky:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level clouds stretch far away
This a beautiful one-shot, the descriptions and the little snippets of history pack a lot of depth and flavor into very few words. In an odd way, it almost reminds me of a game I'm currently running over on SB, one of my personal favorite options for the capitol city (and the one I was most excited about) would've been a cloud fortress-city much like this one, I can't help but imagine it and go "what if"...
I usually can't stand to read exposition past two or three paragraphs. That you kept my attention for an entire 1.2K words with only two rushing jerks of the eyes towards the bottom of the page on my part is a definite good thing. Consider your exercise successful.
Would it be okay for authors to use this mystical relic of Equestria's past in their own stories?
One of the great forts of the pegasi, so important that it created its own city out of light clouds. It reminds me of keeps during the Middle Ages, and their popular recreations with towns around the walls.
It was a nice and short read. The history for the city must be fantastic.
2538548 Now you have me wanting to write something composed entirely of swaths of pure narration like this. Why are there so many ideas!!
I must admit, I don't see the pun. I'm not a massive punner myself, but I'm still curious what it could possibly be.
2538965
Certainly.
2539048 Ya know, just because the show likes to horseshoehorn pony puns into their locales doesn't mean we're obligated to do the same.
I'd paraliptically say that the commas are numerously misplaced and that there's too much narrative-delivered exposition, but that would be mean.
As it is, however, the story's bones are quite solid, even if I might be misinterpreting them, and -
I think I just came.
2539150
I have trouble with the whole independent/dependent clause thing. At some point in my misspent youth I mislearned the appropriate usage of commas to join clauses, and it persists to this day.
Ah well. Live and learn.
253854
Ah, silly me. ;)
2539048
Perhaps 'pun' isn't the best word for it, but Celestia, at her lowest point, goes to a place that's known as 'Eclipse.' Fitting.
Fascinating. I disagree with whoever said this isn't a story, for there is most certainly a story here, and its fascination stems from its total lack of characters to be hung upon. Minus a few repetitions (not the one about bookkeeping, mind), I'd say you rose very neatly to that challenge. :)
2539131 Oh, it has nothing to do with the name of the place. Ghost was remarking on Celestia's visiting the place.
2539299 Ah. I see what you did there. Fitting indeed.
I believe I would have called that "word-play", of which punning is a form. I think the distinction is that puns are seen as having some humor value, even if that value is "groan, really?" Close enough, I suppose.
Liked it. A quite fun, well written piece of world building.
2539379 Ahhhh, I see now.
I am ashamed that that didn't click during the reading...
Yeah, this is going to find its way to a pony based RPG.
Thanks for the great location!
Your experience as a military journalist is showing in the voice of this narrative. The face-valueness of it makes it, on the whole, a bit difficult to become fully immersed like your other stories, but there's nothing stopping this from expanding as a documentary-esque story way past what you've already set up. With your mind, it's only a matter of time.
Chilling to imagine. An entire battlestation, abandoned to the winds centuries ago and still housing the ghosts of its past? It reminds me of a Warhammer 40K space hulk, only with more promises of adventure and spooky abandoned architecture than threats of Tyranid infestation.
I could see this being a springboard for stories concerning the pegasi's militant past. (I hope it's used as such, its story must be told!)
Is Derecho somehow derived from Jericho?
Derecho and everything to do with it are a very cool bit of worldbuilding, and this moody little piece gives it an atmosphere (hah!) of age and desolation. It's interesting to imagine an ancient ruin made of clouds!
The ancient fortress-capital of the pegasi, crumbling to wisp yet still a construction of such power.
What?
Ooh. Heh.
For someone lacking practice with the bones of this story, it came out amazingly well. There was just a slight bit of repetition in the middle, but I don't quite think I could put my finger on it to point it out. Also, I agree that this would make wonderful exposition for any number of story directions!
For some reason, the title "Thunder Queen" tickles my fancy in inexplicably delicious ways. It's a really tiny, brief detail in the story, but it really stood out to me.
Exercise in writing? That was awesome.
Earth ponies called it "Eclipse," huh? I seem to remember seeing that word in some art related to The Wind Thief's sequel. Color me intrigued.
2539814 Don't tell anyone in the chat, randomguy
but you forgot
Didn't you?
The name of Derecho. But ah Cyne never forgets. You even mentioned it would find it's way into a pony RPG! Hehehe.
2715915
I'm bad with names... Also, I realized it once I actually had some sleep in me. And I'll keep this to myself.
As I was reading this awesome exercise in writing, I cannot have been the only one to notice similarities between Detecho and a certain incarnation of Jonathan Swift's "The Whore" (translated).
I love world building.
An incredible piece of worldbuilding. Loved it!
And knowing how things were pre-Unification, there were probably times the earth ponies would have preferred to take their chances with the griffons. Pegasi may not be carnivorous, but when you're starving it's pretty clear that dead is dead, no matter how you get there. And in a fight, I'd rather be up against a single griffon than a squad of pesasus soldiers.
Chapter 2: A "Castle in the Sky"
Guess they fired lightning down on the poor Earth Ponies after a while, and ruled the world and stuff. Then Celestia was like, "Oh no you didn't!" and pwnd them hard.
ts2.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4566891431659761&pid=15.1
Does this mean Dash (as the obvious descendant of Commander Hurricane) has the little blue stone and can control the city?
This is bringing back memories of one of the old "Terran Trade Authority" books, (the one about starship wrecks). If it wasn't the inspiration, I suggest you dig it up, (there are scans online).
Have you read the full version of Gulliver's Travels? Again, if you have, you know why I asked ...
¡A gigantic floating Octahedron of dense cloud , a mile on an edge! ¡Impressive!
¡Only! 1 thousand volumes in the library! ¡RainBow Dash is not the first Pegasus to not be an egghead! ¡I have more books!
Amazing. Ghost cities are awesome.
I would not want to be within a few kilometers of that Unicorn Tower when the magic fades. Any engineer (indeed, anyone passingly familiar with the square-cube law) worth his salt would know such a large tower would be doomed to fall.
This fic does some amazing worldbuilding, but I think the biggest chunk of worldbuilding is in the fridge logic: Ponies must be a very small and compact race -no more than a few hundred million, to go and leave so many ruins deserted.
If you look at Humanity, by comparison, we have very few monuments that are or were completely abandoned, and those select few are only that way because of specific circumstances. We never "left" the pyramids of Giza, and most of our cities have their ruins buried underground in catacombs. Our closest examples to the ruins depicted here would probably be the Eastern Island Heads.
Christ, CiG, these are amazing! I told you I'd look at your stuff and I must say I think I know where I'll be for the next three weeks.
2539948
A derecho is a violent kind of weather event, a terrible linear wind-storm like a shockwave, with hurricane-force winds, attendant spawned tornadoes, and flash floods in its wake. There was a fairly violent one a few years ago that combed over the American Middle Atlantic states pretty thoroughly.
Has anyone tried to draw these yet???
Very interesting. I imagine anything of value in it must have been stolen by now.
One minor problem I have with this chapter, is the remark that pegasi are bad bookkeepers. I can't imagine any military force more than...oh, maybe two dozen strong--let alone an entire civilization--being bad bookkeepers. There is just far too much to keep track of. Individuals, weapons, armor, other equipment, locations, ranks, orders, maintenance/upkeep, and most importantly, pay and food. SOMEONE has to budget all of that, and provide. Whether it's the top ranks or a separate civilian government, expenditures must be justified to someone.
At least, that's what I assume. I've never served--medical issues, primarily--so I can't be sure. If I'm wrong, feel free to let me know. I enjoy learning all sorts of things, even stuff that'll never be useful to me in real life.
Unless you're referring to non-military bookkeeping, which I just realized might be the case. If so, then ignore my ramblings. However you meant it, though, I hope this comment doesn't come across as too critical. This is a good piece of work, and I'm enjoying it so far.
I think the most interesting part here is probably Celestia's second visit. I wonder what drew her to the corpse of the city -- maybe just a desire for solitude, to ruminate on the ghosts of the past?
It's also interesting to wonder how and why such a large city was abandoned. Given the themes in the other cities, it does seem like ponies retreated significantly from a lot of land and settlements -- like their numbers just dropped significantly at some point, or they all compacted into the core of their country.
Looks like I was wrong about this being in reverse order. Though seeing a variety of abandoned, once wonders of the world is surely an interesting idea.