Epilogue
Chapter 6
Apple Bloom trotted out of the bakery and frowned. The sun was much lower than the last time she was outside. She shrugged then looked to see Tiara waving to her new friends, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. Tiara finished then looked up at her. "What would you like to do?
"Let's go nap fer a little." Tiara giggled and nodded.
Apple Bloom settled against Tiara under a nice looking tree and nuzzled her gently. "Why didn't you tell them about that other thing?"
"What other thing?"
"After the confession." Apple Bloom flushed then looked away.
"Ah don't think Applejack needs ter know ‘bout that."
"You singing?"
"Yeah. She thinks herself a right good Taylor SwiftTail." Tiara chuckled then kissed her softly and Apple Bloom grinned.
"Well she does sing nice." Apple Bloom made a face then kissed her cheek and snuggled closer. "I love you Apple Bloom."
"Ah love ya too Diamond Tiara."
"Ah can't believe Ah lost..."
"Sorry Gala. I told you I would win." Not far from the two napping fillies two white wearing mares stood smiling. One was a large mare with a red coat but a white stetson rested on her head and white vest was on her torso. Her eyes were an emerald green and her mane a golden sunset. The other mare was wearing a white lounge dress over her pale pink coat and her lavender mane was pulled into a low bun but a few wisps of hair escaped. She her grey eyes danced with mischief and she smiled at the red mare. "Seriously Gala. I could see this a mile away!
"Oh shut up Sonata!" The lavender mare laughed and trotted over to the two fillies and nudged them closer together. The red mare grunted then trotted over and nuzzled Apple Bloom. "Nice of Sickle ta give us the day off."
"Ah yes. I hate judging souls."
"Hey you get ta judge them, Ah have ter drag the reluctant souls ta hell! Ya can't guess how many times Ah'm called a hick! We should be gettin' back though."
"Yes we should. Momma loves you Tiara."
"Same fer you Apple Bloom." Both mares turned and trotted off towards a tree and disappeared from sight.
Apple Bloom was wiser and more mature for her years, while Diamond Tiara was immature and selfish but both fillies were up to the challenge of Learning to Love one another.
Well that's it, sorry this took so long. Don't forget to keep an eye out for the next one, Learning to Love: A Sparkling Sun.
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Slight typo at the very very end. Learning was spelled wrong.
Gotta admit though, This story is the shortest one i'v read that ACTUALLY kept hold of my attention!
350786 Sweet! Fixed Learning.
Wow there really need to be more stories like this. I wonder why ppl don't write filly love stories... They're great... Especially if you are a younger briny lik me...
352336 Thank you. I don't know either. It'd be nice to see a bit more AppleTiara or ScootaBelle, or ScootaBloom or even SweetieBloom.
Personally, I don't like the pairing, but the story got me to appreciate it a bit more, because it's such a well-written story.
352715 Thank you.
352797 No problem, just keep writing awesome stories!
371072 Lol
This story started oit pretty rough, with several obvious errors; but over time, you totally captivated me. Great job.
958614 YAY!
1147219 YAY
.....Favorited. Nuff said.
1254008 YAY!
The dialogue separation would be my main critique, and that's been covered by the others. I like the story regardless and adore this shipping.
2043618 Ahh I know but soon all will be fixed. I've been busy and soon all the revised version of all the Learning to Love stories will be up!
It always pains me to come across a story that I don't like. For one, I don't like to excessively complain about something someone puts a lot of time and effort into completing. Also, I don't want an author to get the wrong idea and think I'm just trying to discourage them from writing. My goal is to do my best to help people become better writers, so I prefer to be as lenient as I can when I give my honest opinion on a work, but I do need it to still be honest.
So, that being said, let me just say that, as a whole, I didn't like this story. Allow me to explain why:
First, there's the framing device. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo find out about the relationship, so Apple Bloom and Diamond decide to tell them the story. Ergo, the entire story's essentially a flashback, which is perfectly fine and gives it more of a "storytelling" feel. The problem I have with this setup is the fact that everyone and their pet goat just abruptly comes in to listen to it. I could understand if they were telling a story about something comedic or an interesting happenstance, but the things they're talking about are extremely personal. I mean, not only was it about a personal relationship, but it also went into detail about personal tragedy and loss. That's just not the kind of discussion someone should ever eavesdrop on. Even if they got consent to listen afterwards, it's still incredibly rude to come over without being invited first. This was probably the biggest issue I had with the story itself as it seriously lessened the seriousness factor of the story they were telling. It started out fine when the group was just their circle of friends, but once the crowd started getting gigantic, it just started to seem more like a trip to the storytelling festival than a personal and emotional triumph of love. The more people that came, the more it all seemed to be just played for laughs. If this was a parody of a sad story, that would have been an excellent way to go about it, but for a serious story, it had the complete opposite effect. Also, it kind of confused me why Apple Bloom was the one who didn't want to tell about it while Diamond was so fine with it, considering Diamond was supposed to be the selfish and immature one.
Now, if there's one thing about this story I had to choose that I felt could have been so much stronger, it would be Diamond's character. To be honest, I didn't really see much of Diamond's character in this story. I know there was a character in this story named Diamond Tiara, but that's really the only similarity I could find. Basically, there's three criticisms I have with Diamond as a whole:
1) She completely loses her spine.
After the thunderstorm scene, Diamond undergoes a complete, dramatic, whiplash-causing character transformation that makes very little sense when taking everything into consideration. Then, once we reach the present, she becomes, for lack of a better term, Apple Bloom's arm candy, kissing her every three seconds and essentially only continuing to exist as Apple Bloom's significant other. It's particularly jarring considering that Apple Bloom's personality remained consistent throughout. As a word of advice, I'd like to say that when writing romance, never trade personality for relationship status. Find a solid middle ground.
2) The reason for her canon behavior doesn't make sense.
If this was really her mentality, she would be living a completely isolated life, turning away any and all acts of companionship. It wouldn't make any sense for her to be friends with Silver Spoon if she merely wants to avoid getting close to anyone. Character motivations are very important. They drive each character forward and give us a reason to sympathize with them. If they don't make sense, the reader isn't sure what to think. I'd suggest keeping this in mind.
3) Diamond is inferior to Apple Bloom
The relationship between Apple Bloom and Diamond doesn't feel natural to me in this story. I think the main reason for that is because Apple Bloom has seven hundred positive traits to Diamond's seven hundredth. Apple Bloom's the smarter one, the nicer one, the nobler one, the one that makes the sacrifice, and, most baffling, the one who encourages the other to stop being so timid. It's a completely one-sided relationship. All Diamond does is present more problems for Apple Bloom to solve. It makes it come across as Apple Bloom being much too good for Diamond, and the relationship seems weaker as a whole because of it. I think you could have improved in this area by either giving Apple Bloom a few distinct character flaws or by drawing Apple Bloom's explicit superiority into the spotlight as a bump in the relationship. If done well, it might be an interesting twist to see Diamond feeling inadequate around Apple Bloom.
It's very easy to get into a critical mentality and ignore all positive aspects, so let me say something I liked about the story. I can easily say it wasn't boring. As far as I'm concerned, the only way a story can truly fail is if its audience says the phrase of death: "I don't care what happens to these characters." I can promise you that thought never crossed my mind while reading this. We do have some action, we do have some emotion, and we do have some character development even if it is a bit simple. Apple Bloom being intelligent offered an interesting twist on the classic format, and you did have a few instances of "show, don't tell" with it. Definitely have to give you the points for that. Also, seeing as how this is such a short story, I think the use of music was very called for and helped to set the tone to where it needed to be. I think it's for that reason that Chapter 4 was my favorite of them all.
To me, I think this is the type of story that someone would enjoy if they're looking to see Apple Bloom and Diamond Tiara getting paired together. The story's interesting enough such that wearing the shipping goggles will make it read like one of the best stories ever made. In that respect, I suppose this story's fried chicken. A lot of people may like the taste, but I don't particularly care for it.
I wish you the best and hope you continue to improve in your writing!
uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh what did I just read!!!!!!!???????!?!?!?!?!??!
Very cute romance between two enemies, it works well.
