Dear Diary,
When I was just a filly in school I had a crush on another filly.
It went away a few weeks later, but recently that crush has come back
full force, I think I may be in love.
Hopefully I can find out what these feeling mean and if I really am in love.
***********************
I'd like to thank Heart 97 for inspiring me to make my first Fanfiction.
Thanks a lot I owe you.
I found this Cover Art though Google. I do not take Credit for it.
Chapter 1, 2, and 3 edited by drvonkitty
Chapter 4 and 5 by Salnalus
Chapter 6 by AmaraDash19
Chapters (6)
really you are pairing the biggest bitch in the show with scoots... your funeral
Scootatiara, Scootatiara, Scootatiara, Scootatiara, Scootatiara, oh how I love it
. With that comment finished, continue onward my good author.
(Scootatiara) (Subliminal messaging) (ariatatoocS)
NO.
2184193 agreed.
And, author. You need to be careful with past and present tense; you're swapping back and forth like Rainbow Dash's sexuallity in fanfics.
I think this is a great idea. yes, diamond tiara usually is a jerk to scoots, but that just makes it that much better of an idea.
you still have to watch out because you are in a dangerous area of character shipping.
i have a good feeling about this, and congrats on your first fic, ill make sure to stick along for the rest.
2184193>>2184247 I know its a weird pairing but this is also Aged up so Tiara has changed.
2184271 Thanks. Its weird yes but i think it would be good sence its aged up. I cant take all the credit though. Heart 97 helped me out by giving me the inspiration I needed to write my first fic.
Im doubtful about the Tiara-Scoots pairing, but ive seen weirder things work on this site.
Also, if this works- a demand of Cheerilight ship backstory will be demanded.
Will fav for now, thumb pending :P
2184377 Thanks a lot for the Comment. Im hopping i can get this to work.
This is constructive criticism. Don't take this in a mean way, my goal is to help you improve the story :)
Interesting concept, but it gets a bit confusing. Is this from both Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara's perspective? That could make it a little more complicated (I found it kind of hard to follow with the sudden switch between the two), and I feel it kind of ruins the drama when you know right off the get-go that they both like each other (which is what I gathered, at least).
The second thing that bothered me was just how out-of-character Diamond Tiara seems. Even though she's older now, she really hated the CMC when she was younger, so it seems unlikely that she'd have a crush on Scootaloo. I think starting off by letting them get to know each other might make the shipping itself a little more believable. All-in-all, the dialogue in general was kinda flat. Try to get some more characterization in there, make the characters seem more like characters rather than static robots.
And the final issue I have is with the grammar. There were a lot of errors, and some structural things that made the story feel kind of awkward, and while I didn't notice any of the tense changes that Sorren mentioned, I don't usually notice that kind of thing (it's one of my weaker points, really). Now, I promise I'm not saying this to be negative, and I think the story has some real promise with some improvements. I really like the aged-up CMC fics (one of my favourite stories is SweetiexSilver), so this one could be great. I'd love to help pre-read and help with the grammar, but for now I'll go ahead and favourite and follow the story.
Good luck!
No offense, but I found quite a few grammatical errors in this fix, and it ruined this story for me. Please get someone to proofread your stories before you upload them.
2184851 This is my First fic so im not that good yet
And atm Scoot has no feelings for Tiara its one sided i plan to explain more on it in the next chapter
2184950 Oh, now I see. I misread, sorry. But that's one of the major problems too. By suddenly switching from Scootaloo's perspective to Diamond Tiara's perspective, you run the risk of seriously confusing your readers, like me.
And you shouldn't blame your bad writing on it being your first fic. You always have to be striving to improve your story! You can't just write it down and call it done-- you have to edit and revise your story, and let others help you proof-read it so you can get an idea of what the readers are going to think when they first see the story.
(And you especially can't blame the grammatical errors on it being your first. That's what the pre-readers and proof-readers are for :P)
2184988 Don't have any Proof Readers and ive never realy been good at writing. Im hopping to use this fic to improve my writting for another stories ive had in my mind and want to find a editor
You should add Diamond Tiara on the characters list and why does everypony pairs the teacher with Twilight?
But,,, A bit confusing, few gramatical errors but overall I like it, I never thought on this shipping though
2195352 Wanted the character with scoot to be surprise lol.
2195374 I thought on doing the same with "Magic of Love" I never say in the description with who Fluttershy is in love, but the cover and characters list gave it away
2195391 and my summary doesnt really say whos Diary entry it is lol
2195417 I noticed that, at first I thought that Scots was in love with Apple Bloom
Ooh Update! Been waiting for this!
Ok, frstly, I'd like to say that for your first fic, the pace and grammer is perfect; You don't rush encounters, nor do you spend an eternity describing a simple walk. Reading through, I for one couldn't find any grammer mistakes, so thats good.
There is one thing that caught my eye; you tend to overuse the phrase 'Finished (x)...' after (x) talks. A suggestion would be just to remove it;
e.g.
.... nice seeing you again." He waved a hoof in Scoots direction before turning his attention to another customer.
Also, your characters dialogue is a little broken, being interupted every sencence by and action descriptor. She blushed, She continued, She sighed. To make it flow better, try only doing this when you have a large chunk of talking, describe at the end if short enough, or describe when the character pauses in talking ( "Well, I..." She paused, trying to find the right words.)
But apart from that, great piece, I congratulate you and your editors/pre readers.
2327730 Thank you for the advise... Ill try to incorporate it during the next chapter ^^
im glad your liking this story.... makes me really happy I started this story, knowing someone was watching for an update.
Grammer Mistakes you can Thank my Editor for lol... he fixed a lot of them
Hopfully you wont have to wait as long for chapter 3 as you did for this one lol
As I told you on that PM, I liked it!
It's always good to show what happened in the past
2329564 Just you wait ^^ more back story coming in the next few chapters ^^
2329571 Yay!
This is Kalash93 from Authors Helping Authors. I am writing your review.
Grammatik: 5. Your spelling is fine. However, your grammar has numerous recurring errors, especially with your usage of commas.
Pros:
1. Your story does not drag.
2. Adult Scootaloo is handled with a new spin.
3. You put effort into it.
Cons:
1. The story is extremely choppy.
2. You tell far too much.
3. Your scene construction is woeful.
Comments: To be honest, this story is bad. I can't be nicer about it. Your story does not drag. Something is always happened. The action is always moving. The style is laconic, which helps to distract from the problems. I do like how Scootaloo is an adult in this story. You did show that things have changed for her since she was a filly. I do have to commend you on putting effort into the story. What you really need is practice. Now, your story is very choppy. You cut far too many scenes short. You have far too many flashbacks and jumps. It completely breaks any sort of atmosphere or flow that might be. You also tell too much. Spelling everything out is boring and not good writing. Finally, you are veyr bad at constructing scenes. Everything might as well be happening in white voids without any backgrounds. You need to develop things.
You earn 2/10 flutteryays. You need to practice and study good writing. Don't be discouraged, for everybody sucks at the start.
Please review one of my stories. It doesn't matter which one; take your pick.
2477157 I thank you for your Review and will aim to improve my work on this story and future stories i am working on.
I like this fic, but, if you don't mind me saying, it could be executed a bit better, for example, the characters seem too different from the way they are portrayed in the show, even with the leap in time, and another thing, more of a personal annoyance really, but what are the CMC's marks? I'm very anxious to see how everyone's favorite fillies found their destinies, but for the sake of this story, I'd at least like to know what that destiny is, I'll be watching this story to see how it progresses over time. Well Done!
I noticed many punctuation errors in this chapter, as well as a good bit in the previous chapters, no offense intended to Mr. drvonkitty, but maybe a new editor could help your story
2665751 Actually first chapter said what AppleBloom Talent was....
As for Scootaloo... you see what her mark is on my pic i choose... but what her talent is? ull just have to wait and find out...
If this is Sweetie Belle I would ask you to look at her again. Her coloring is white much like her sister and father.
My opinion thus far is not optimistic. My major concern oddly to me is just how forgiving Scootaloo was to Silver Spoon. This may be my head-cannon talking but Scootaloo seems like the type to hold a grudge. I'm not saying she wouldn't eventually forgive Silver and move on but I feel that Scoots would have her do some petty thing for revenge (like climb a tree and get covered in tree sap) then forgive her. I may revise this after I read the next chapter.
2690323 I figured someone may say something like that... but remember.. Even in this flash back its aged up.. Scootaloo has alrdy had time to think back on her time in school...
As for the Sweetie Belle thing... I took my Info from here....Link Here
2690338 As for the Sweetie Belle coloring I'm going to say either the person who wrote that article was color blind or lazy. The aged up setting was something I should have taken into account so I apologize. Now I have a new question that needs answering: What happened between Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara? I'm sure you have this already worked out in your head so I'll just wait for it to be answered in the story.
2690455 I think I agree with you... I looked at Rarity on that same place and it says Light Grey on her Coat as well... I also thought myself that Sweetie was just a Slightly bit darker then Rarity... but I know for a fact Rarity is pure White... Thank you for actually saying something... doing more research on it always helps...
Thanks for the comment... I hope you enjoy this fic
and about DT and SS... yes you will find out
i like this fic i would love to see more
2751370 im glad you like it... I have not abandoned it... iI am working on the next chapter
grate looking forword to it
2665780 Hi there! If you can give me an example or two of the errors you noticed, I'll work on making sure I don't make similar errors in the future. I strive to improve upon my own grammar as I edit (after all, nobody's perfect), so thank you for the feedback!
I want moar.
And, add some space between paragraphs in chapter 3.
3028328 more will be added soon... just waiting on my editor to get back chapter 4
I guess no one knows where you got the CMC talents from, too bad, I really wanted to know.
3379932 lol... somepony could take a wild guess lol the prize is still up for grabs
update! and it's good!
3502464 thanks
2665780
No longer the editor for this story, but I feel the need to go back and defend my grammatical work, as when i re-read this story I notice many errors, many of which you may have noticed yourself, which I would not have made. This is due to how Phoenix Skyfire and I did the editing process. Instead of me editing the story and sending a copy to him that would then be posted, I would edit the story, highlight changes, and allow him to go through the story and make those fixes. Any errors you see were probably not due to me having a lack of grammatical skill, but actually due to Phoenix Skyfire simply missing some of the changes I made.
...Sorry, suddenly felt the need to defend my grammatical skills
so that no future readers would get a negative impression of my grammar.
I'm glad you found a new editor to work on the story! Unfortunately, life stepped in the way of my writing and I simply didn't have the time to continue editing the story (heck, I had to stop writing my own story too). Good luck on future chapters!
3631386 thanks alot ^^ ill do what i can ^^
Oh my god. I thought today was April's fool, not my birthday.
4171340 Sorry no April Fools joke for this story. Honestly, just raw luck it was released today lol.