• Member Since 24th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 23 minutes ago

monsterlord18


heartbreakingly single...

E

*Takes place before and during Starlight, Starbright*

Applebloom moved to Trottingham to become a good veterinarian. and with Helios and her cousin Zim Zam, it seemed like it was going to work... until she found out her bully Diamond Tiara moved there. she couldn't bare to go though all that bullying again.

but... turns out Tiara had a bad life here and it got worse. and Applebloom is now her pillar of support. they never expected they would find happiness with each other.

guess opposites really can attract.

Chapters (22)
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Comments ( 129 )

Okay I can't give this a rate for a couple reasons...
-Grammar
-Unnecessary capitalization
-Abrupt endings of sentences
-Formatting of paragraphs
-Progressing too quickly with the story.
I don't know if anyone else feels the same about this, but it needs some work.

2208089 give it time. this first chapter was copied and pasted from Starlight, Starbright.

2208425 Never said it was a bad story...
I like the idea of a weird pairing happening. Just don't want to see it get shot down due to simple errors...
But I'll keep up with this story with a bookmark.

2208440 thanks. and you weren't the first to criticize me about grammar. a lot of grammar nazies out there.

and there are a few Tiara/Bloom fics out there; even spotted a couple of pics. they say those who bully someone the most is the one they care about the most.

and just so you know, they don't fall in love then and there. it's a... awkward situation.

2208461
Lol yeah I can tell :rainbowlaugh:
It's definitely a worthy cliffhanger but I wouldn't expect it off the bat on the first chapter.

Not sure what to think of this. On one hand the grammar needs work, but on the other hand the story seems pretty good and I do love me some DiamondBloom.


...I'll follow for a while, see where this goes and decide from there. You might want to fix up this chapter a bit, a lot of people would turn away from a chapter this unpolished.

GOOD LUCK YOUNG BRAVE WARRIOR OF JUSTICE!

2209807 you'd be surprised how many bronies did not think of this ship. i saw a few fics and pics but, all together, they number around 10.

Still needs fixing up. i should be capitalized, and you need to capitalize the first letter of each sentence. The story's good and all but all of these problems that shouldn't be here are very distracting.

You just totally destroyed my confusion that was about who's kid was with who

2232224sorry the way I worded that was a bit odd. What I meant was that you cleared up any remaining confusion I had about the other fic having to dj with the relationships and such.

S- is about to go down soon. I can't wait to see what happens next. Thought if I were there I would be showing Green Star the business.

*Holds up his left hand which has the Flame Dragon Ring from Kamen Rider Wizard on his left middle finger*

2248551 un... the who from what?

2248558
Sorry I'm was writing my story when I saw this chapter up and my mind could not help but draw from it as I was writing the review. :fluttershyouch: :facehoof:

Kamen Rider Wizard is basically a live action show from Japan dealing with a Magic Using Hero that fights monsters who are born -literally- from people who give into their despair causing the human to die while the monster/Phantom takes their form as a disguise.

2208089


Same here, the story is readable, but not enjoyable for the same reasons. You know you can edit the story to correct these, right ?

in a word...SHIT!

One sentence:
That Griffin is a mean bastard that more than likely put DT into labor!!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage:

2252044 Tiara's only in her first month.

2252192 you should have said that in your story. (Note. I have a bad memory.)

2252192 you should have said that in your story. (Note. I have a bad memory.)

2252522 i did. in the first chapter.

I am gonna say I really like the idea of a Tiarabloom story, but I just am put off by the mistakes.

However, I would be more than delighted to edit for you if you needed, or anything like that.

Anyways, rating up for the idea and stuff :twilightsmile: keep working hard!

A LOT of grammar errors...:facehoof:

2300886 oh my god, you grammer-nazies are just intolerable. not everyone's the next Shakespeare, you know.

2300897I'm just notifying, jeeze, I'm not saying it's a bad thnig, s'long as it doesn't effect the plot.:twilightsmile:

"she's awake and she's going fine. Mr. Green Star's assault didn't harm the baby; it's doing fine, from what we can tell." the 3 of them breathed a collective sigh of relief.

oh... thank Lord smooze.

"The assault did rupture her right kidney. it's completely destroyed beyond repair. and she already gave her left one for a friend of hers a few years ago, a... Ms. Silver Spoons, who lost both kidneys during a drinking contest, according to her medical records." "If Tiara doesn't get a kidney in 48 hours, she and the baby will die."

OH SH*T

2310145 bit late, don't you think?

and who's smooze?

Oh, hey. I'm bored, it's midnight, reviewing time.

I'm not going in-depth(my last in-depth review was deleted by a certain someone) but I will give a basic synopsis.

I like this story, it's good. The characters are good, the story is good, most of this is good. Now, with that said, there was one glaring flaw, and I know you're gonna hate me for bringing this up, but here goes.

Your grammar is bad. I would almost call it terrible(if I wasn't so familiar with apple short) but there are worse people out there.

There are authors (like apple short) where I excuse it because that's how they're tailored. The stories are mindless and stupid, but this, this is actually pretty good.

I'm aware that we can't all be Shakespeare but coherence is the foundation of a story. There are thousands of users on this site who will agree with me when I say this. I can't get immersed in a story when it's full of mistakes.

There is a variable cornucopia of proofreading groups on this website, so many of which will help you. Oh look, here's a big one.


Now that that's out of the way, lets get down to the nitty gritty.

Your characters are great. I love them.

The interactions between the two are really good. I like the challenges, I like the awkward moments. The sad moments are actually sad unlike in some stories.

The touching moments are touching unlike in some overrated stories.

I really think this has great potential.

Bottom line:
This story is good, get an editor and your others can be phenomenal.

Tip: Editors don't just fix grammar, they'll also help you with diction if you've got a good one.

Is it great? No. Is it bad? No.
It's just good.

just so you know, there are no gemstones in the name silver crown. silver is a metal alloy refined for jewlery, and crowns are a peice of headware, no gems.

Did you use Snowdrop with permission? Just out of curiosity.:rainbowhuh:

2322432 i couldn't find the site. besides, i'm sure others aren't using her with permission. and we're using Hasbro's characters without permission, aren't we?

2322432 plus, what about all the facebook pages and the tumblers being made in her name?

2321252 umm...no silver is a preciouse metal, its considered brother being gold.

2324215 ........... break in tradition, then.

i just found a fantastic amount of refrences

2310167 the smooze is a glob thing from I think the first mlp ever. Either that or the second. In Friendship is Witchcraft episode three Fluttershy says "thank Lord smooze." Who Fluttershy worships in FiW.

I advise correcting a major error. Diamond Tiara is an Earth Pony, not a Unicorn

Uhh.... Tiara's an earth pony

Uhh.... Tiara's an earth pony

2374927 my bad>>2374967 reediting.

not a bad chapter, though an editor would help

Story of chapter was good but the writing was terrible, lots of words not starting with a capital letter after full stop, miss used words, using lower case I when one pony was talking about themself was lazy and unprofessional

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