This story is a sequel to Summer Sun, Dawning Chaos
It's been almost two years since the Order-naries left Equestria to return to their own universe, and the world has moved on without them. Twilight, now an alicorn princess of Equestria, continues to live in Ponyville and tries to carry on a normal life in between her self-guided research into new magic and the occasional problems in the neighborhood. As she has done from time to time over the past couple of years, she has started to search for a way to see the world of the Order-naries as a prelude to reestablishing contact with them.
After a fruitless attempt to scry across the dimensions, a strange sequence of events takes place that gives Twilight a bad case of deja vu: a dimensional portal tears open near Fluttershy's house, a large magical gemstone crashes into Rarity's house, and three familiar-looking ponies appear and plunge deep into the Everfree Forest without a word to anypony.
Mysteries abound, and nopony seems to have an answer.
And so it begins... again.
But where could Gold Heart be? And why are the Gems back, and apparently more powerful than before?
All shall be revealed... in due time.
Ahh, nice rework of Magic Duel into your setting.
Interesting. My first thought was that someone was getting frisky with time travel and screwed up the timeline, but that seems out. So, magical clones, maybe?
Interesting... Could be from another, yet very similar, universe (Such as our Order-naries came from). Or, we could have much bigger problems. If, as 2384955 said, they are magical clones... This could have some very, very bad outcomes.
2385762 Oh yeah, didn't think about the different universe possibility. That could explain Gold Heart's absence, she may not even exist wherever these new Order-naries come from.
2385845 Exactly my thoughts. Though, that could also create quite a few problems. If other universes are starting to reach the same climax... who knows how many different sets of Order-naries could arrive at once in Equestria. Unlikely, but possible. Really, either possibility can't be good.
... Dafuq?
So... we've got two different groups of Order-naries from two different universes. This is gonna cause SUCH a train wreck...
Soul, but no Heart... well this can't be good.
...and so the plot thickens.
Ai chi-hwah... This gets more and more out of hoof each second.
I'm guessing, though, that things won't be as simple as Luna smashing the Amethyst while it's attached to the demon's head this time, eh?
Well, this is certainly getting weird. I'm even less certain of what to make of these dopplegangers now. They might look the same, arrived the same, and even be on the same old quest, but increasingly they seem to be wholly distinct individuals rather than mere AU counterparts.
Then there's Trixie and her seemingly unrelated side story going on, except it looks like that may become relevant shortly.
You've certainly managed to perk my curiosity if nothing else.
Yeah, even cross dimensional clones is seeming unlikely at this point. Three completely different individuals who just happen to be on their dimensions version of the same quest?
I forgot to mention before, but I really enjoyed the scrying scene back in the first chapter between Twilight and Celestia.
Um... I get the distinct impression that whoever is tempting Tremolo and whoever's after the gem are one and the same.
Also, I'm predicting that there's a bit of a communication error; namely, the demon that the new Ordernaries are chasing isn't Tau'rin. And I doubt that the same strategy from before will work this time.
Hmn, so who might be hanging around in spirit form and also want revenge? Unless this is a new villain that came through with the alt-Order-naries, I'm guessing it's the Tau'rin that was defeated back in the original story. Not sure if it came off crazy enough though, but I could be remembering the original incorrectly on that point.
Was there any others villain that got straight up killed? I don't quite remember what happened to the evil program from PC or Evil Ash.
Alright, there's one of the ghosts, the one in Ponyville at least. I'm going to assume for now that the temptation of Tremolo ghost/spirit/whatever either is the enemy or is connected to the enemy that this new team is chasing.
Hmmm...given the gems in play I'm going to wager some kind of time shift if not a parallel one.
Yyyeah, I can see that this might be going a bit pear-shaped.
Looking forward to more. Also, more Naboreal!!
Um... wat?
I thought in SS:DC Cabbage was only a changeling during the Twisted Desire event. Is she truly a changeling and the Twisted Desire kept her from changeing at all?
Oh, well. Aside from that confusion, I can guess that the Emerald is on its way to Ponyville, chasing down Trixie and her entourage. Looking forward to more!
2459572
Did you not read The Canterlot Tales? It's a genuine Order-naries side-story, and therefore canon.
2459587 Not really...
They didn't engage me like the rest of the series did.
2459593
Well then, you can be excused for not knowing what that story revealed.
That's just a completely different origin story, now isn't it.
Oooo, Gem of Earth powered monster, I'm assuming.
First order of business, destroy the rock monster. Second order of business, destroy all wheels!
I /like/ this version of Trixie, she kind of reminds me of the one in Earth and Sky.
I was kind of expecting a simile of Cabbage Patch latching like a barnacle onto the sailor pony.
Oh lord, I just got a HORRIBLE idea of using the Alicorn Amulet to boost Cabbage's confidence and fight her stage fright.
I'm not sure on the effectiveness of the footnotes... hmm. Maybe put them in the text, with the spoiler tags to hide them... Sorry, footnotes in documents read on computers is one of those things I think about a lot. ^-^;
Also, I can't help but wonder how the Everfree group plans to take the Gem from this particular dragon? Ah, well, I'll find out next time.
Ehh, maybe it'll be a friendly dragon.
Oooooo, so no issues with taking the Amulet off. Nice job, Trixie.
Oh, dear. This isn't good.
So, the Nightmare has infested a Changeling living in Ponyville. And since you mentioned a clock shop... I'm guessing one Time Turner, AKA Doctor Whooves may be involved?
Ahh crap. So, upcoming Nightmare Chrysalis, I'm guessing?
It's time to stop handling Tremolo with velvet gloves, at this point he's proven himself to be a straight up villain as far as I'm concerned. Equestria has jails, right?
2531913 I'm hoping he comes up with something other than "Nightmare Chrysalis" or "Nightmare anything". I really don't like it when people just tack Nightmare onto something and call it a villain. What a lot of people don't realize is that Nightmare Moon is a double entendre (It has two meanings). Nightmare as in a bad dream, and Night Mare as in a mare of the night. Both these meanings are fulfilled with Princess Luna because she's the princess of the moon and ruler of dreams.
2532189 Based on what we're getting out of the current comic arc, the forces responsible for Nightmare Moon have dream powers all of their own.
2532189
While I agree with your argument that the term "Nightmare" fits with Luna the best, some characters within the story may tack the title onto anything that spirit possesses because it was originally Luna's evil side. Ash calls it Noctus for the sole reason of changing the automatic association with Luna
2533192 In that case, yes, it is acceptable.
2532206 I also know that, I'm just saying that as a general principle some people just tack Nightmare on to a pony. Like in those fics where Celestia is the one who turned evil instead of Luna, or Celestia turns evil for some other reason. They'll just put Nightmare and some sun related word together. Hell, even if it was Nightmare Moon possessing Celestia, Nightmare is completely ill fitting for Celestia. And others are guilty of doing that too, I've seen a few "Twilight goes dark" fic that just tack Nightmare on. It really annoys me that some people just can't be creative.
2552042 Ehh, creative or not, the name Nightmare Rarity is straight out of issue 6.
2552301 I'm aware, I read the comics. I still call it lazy.
Nopony walks away from a Pinkie party! At least not without an unending amount of nagging.
I'm liking the explanation for the missing twin, makes sense that she would be hanging around somewhere. And is Samantha a new name to the story? Doesn't ring any bells, not that it would if it's someone from a previous world.
2589545
Samantha is from the Bipersonality Team's home universe. Originally, she was just part of Johnten and Carrie's circle of "normal life" friends, but then for some reason I decided Traev needed some romance in his life, so Samantha got bit by a werewolf and Traev was called on to create a talisman that would give her control over her transformed state.
I had a number of ideas for the Bipersonality Team's far future that involved Traev and Samantha gettign married and having a super-magical werewolf kid.
I'd been suspecting one of the ghosts was Heart's seemingly missing counterpart, and I'd expected it to freak the two twins out a bit when it became apparent, though the degree of revolution was a surprise. Of course that's only because as with so many things about their world I was unfamiliar with the base line concept that it paralleled how spiriters go bad, or warlocks as they are apparently called. Not a complaint or anything, I've always loved how these little things just come up out of nowhere as it reinforces the otherworldliness of the Order-naries. I must wonder though how may warlocks truly become such out of greed -vs- how many do so out of an almost instinctive reflex? What with spiriters going insane if deprived of their twin, I could imagine that even in the case of accidental death some might walk that path (only to be vilified by that taboo regardless of their motives).
It was also nice to get the flashback for how they got the gem from the dragon. It wasn't exactly a plot-hole as it was pretty easy to figure out something like that must have happened, but it did still feel rather abrupt when we initially skipped over it.
Oh, and Ash and Rarity on a dinner date; just the concept alone is interesting. Also, I must commend you for the way you've built them up. Rarity is my best-pony, so I naturally can be a bit defensive about attempts to ship her, but I've never had a problem with this pairing, to the point where it was almost heart breaking when he openly rejected her in SSDC, and I'm glad to see her apparent refusal to give up entirely because of it. It's subtly touching in a way that a lot of ships tend to miss.
2621342
I don't consider myself an expert on romance and shipping, so that's a real compliment.
Just some simple snapshots of life before we enter the next phase of action.
Oh my!
Queen Chrysalis + the essence of Nightmare Moon + the elemental jewel of shadows...
...things are about to get a whole lot worse for our heroes.
Because Discord never does things the easy way.
2829052
Well, duh. Where's the fun in fixing problems the quick and easy way?
2830755
Not entirely sure what you're saying, but think you're referring to how the Big Bad, Vanatos, is trying to operate through agents, yes?
A smart, long-lived villain avoids being identified or located by the hero for as long as possible, regardless of their goal.
This is commentary on both Ch11&12, seeing as I apparently forgot to leave a comment previously -- sorry about that.
So anyway, I can say I was all that happy to see Discord show up in this fic. I'm still a bit sore about what I see as the gross mishandling of his character at the end of KC&FO, but that's not your fault and I can't really begrudge you for holding canon to it. That said, while it makes sense for Rarity & AJ to have been upset at being teleported away without warning, Pinkie has always shown something of an affinity for Discord's more whimsical antics (such as the chocolate rain and living gravy boat), so I'd have expected her to be more tolerant or even playfully indulgent. Not that there seemed to be much point in mention those three in the first place anyway though, seeing as AJ never came back and I can't recall Pinkie or Rarity contributing anything much to the dinner conversation.
The Bipersonality team's ability to fuse with the chaotic gems was a pretty interesting trick, and Gale's furry at her doppelganger preferring that technique to gadgets was priceless. I will say though I was a bit disappointed that the dispute between the twins and Johnten was pretty much resolved and anticlimactically. At the very least, I think I'd like to have seen the discussion between Heart and Soul that led to their apology.
Actually, that's something I've noticed somewhat lacking in the fic. The narrative and the action are all pretty strong, but the characters have been kind of weak, with entire conversations skipped over with barely a passing mention (such as where we are simply told about AJ, Pinkie, and Rarity become incensed at Discord teleporting them, rather then actually getting to see the scene play out). As such, it's sometimes difficult to stay properly immersed in the story for any length. I'm still quite interested in seeing how events play out, but I find myself less excited and eager for each new chapter than I have been with your previous works.
2967944
I guess I've had my priorities regarding what's important for the plot and characters improperly balanced.
I see your points, and I am now ashamed.
I'll try to add a scene expanding on AJ, Rarity, and Pinkie being annoyed at Discord, but I'm not as sure I can make adding to the resolution of Soul, Heart, and Johnten's conflict all that interesting to read.
Although this is my most active fan-fiction right now, I still find myself sitting and back and wondering "what the hay am I doing? It all feels so contrived." Maybe that's why the characters are coming across weaker than in earlier fics.
2968701
Don't be too hard on your self. The character moments, when they happen, are still great. The afore mentioned dispute between Gale and her double about the value of magic -vs- tech was absolutely great. Likewise, Rainbow's observation about the importance of being different was brilliant. The initial misunderstanding between the twins and Johnten due to values dissonance between their native worlds was also great, and also raised some very interesting philosophical questions in regard to things like love, morality, social taboos, and even simple practicality (just too bade all of that kind of got glossed over).
Part of the problem is that you've just got so many characters to split time with. The Mane-Six, the four Order-Naries, the three members of the Bipersonality team (or five counting ghosts). Plus, even more guest characters like Discord this these last two chapters and the quartette of Trixie and her traveling thespians before that. Which isn't even counting the villains antagonist, like the NMM essence, Chrysalis, and Vanatos. The story is very, VERY busy, so it's hardly surprising bits and pieces get lost in the shuffle, but isn't entirely unmanageable.
If nothing else you've still managed to do great work when the characters are broken up into smaller groups and not tried to have all 13+ sharing the same scene. So maybe you should just take more time to consider what any given character brings to a scene, and if they don't serve a purpose allow them to be somewhere else instead. For example Traev and Ash really didn't do much of anything in Cloudsdale except provide exposition banter, which could have just as easily been between any other characters, and so kind of defeats the purpose of Twilights royal pardon. For that matter I can't recall anyone else other than Johnten and Carrie doing much in Cloudsdale -- I guess Gale got off one shot with her gell launcher, but it seemed like Rainbow, Fluttershy, and Twilight all just sat around and watched. I'd have expected at least Rainbow to rush in on the fight and probably Twilight as well, after taking time to plan a strategy.
Not only do you have a lot of characters, but they are ALL of them heroes so it's important none of them get overshadowed. The original Order-Naries fic did a great job of balancing it out, so that all 10 ponies felt useful. This new fic less so and instead just alternates between extremes with the Bipersonalites, who in some scenes are the obvious The Loads due to there uncooperativeness, only to become something of a Spotlight Stealing Squad whenever showing off their fancy powers.
Anyway, I guess all of that might sound a bit harshly critical, but I hope you don't take it the wrong way. Just keep trying your best, and I'm sure you'll find your stride again.
2970724
You've pretty much hit the problem right on the head. Loads and Loads of Characters.
2971260
Exactly, so stop trying to squeeze in everyone at once. Just identify the key and most dynamic intersections and then contrive whatever excuses you need to give them the face time they need to explore those issues. Though as the most obvious discrepancies are how the Order-Narries and Bipersonalities relate, extra attention will have to be made to keep the Mane-Six relevant, otherwise there was probably not much point to this being a pony fic.
Now, of course the larger story of the chaotic gems should be important driving concern that motivates the characters, and everyone should always be giving there all to resolve it, but it's the characters themselves that make a story compelling, that give us a reason to care about whether the world is saved in the first place.
...also, don't worry about squeezing every possible interaction into this one fic. If later you decide something important got left out, that's what sequels, side-stories, spin-offs, or even revision are for.