Order-naries: Redux

by CTVulpin

Chapter 12: Chaos for Dinner

Dinner at Fluttershy’s cottage was a crowded affair, and it didn’t get off to a very good start. Discord decided to invite Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Applejack to join in, and they were none too happy about being suddenly teleported to Fluttershy’s without warning, interrupting whatever business they’d been in the middle of. They each gave the dragonequus a piece of their minds, and he contritely sent them back to their homes. Several minutes later, once dinner was actually ready, Pinkie and Rarity showed up at Fluttershy’s door in more amenable moods, having had time to cool off and set things right at home. AJ was apparently not as quick to forgive, since she didn’t return. To fit everypony, Discord had to stretch the table, and then increase the interior dimensions of Fluttershy’s main room to make room around the table.

Once everypony was seated and the serving dishes started moving around to deposit portions to each plate, the mood lightened a little and stories began to be exchanged. Discord went first, explaining to the still suspicious Order-naries how he’d changed his ways after Fluttershy’s near infinite patience and genuine trust had taught him the true value of friendship. After that, the events of the previous few days were related with much commentary from just about every pony at the table. Discord found the mistaken identity plot at the beginning particularly hilarious, but then started to become uncharacteristically serious as the story drew closer to his entrance into it.

“And so it seems we’re finally back to you, Discord,” Soul Mage said in conclusion. “How did you end up with the Topaz and a giant flying fire-bird golem chasing after you?”

“It’s not all that exciting,” Discord said, looking resigned. “Celestia graciously gave me permission to join the little Equestria-wide hunt for the Gems she’d organized in your honor, Bipersonality Team, and it sounded like an amusing distraction from my normal routine so I jumped at the chance. They should have repaired the neat hole I made in the roof from that particular jump; I made sure to not actually break any stones and left the ones I dislodged stacked somewhere easy to find. I think.

“Anywho, I wasn’t having any luck until just this morning when my breakfast was interrupted by the second-most-handsome-looking monster I have ever seen. I, of course, being the most handsome.” Rarity and a couple others bit back their knee-jerk objections to that statement and there were some rolling eyes, but Soul chuckled and raised his glass in a gesture of approval. “He really was a sight to behold,” Discord continued, “looking like someone had painted exactly one quarter of his body red, yellow, blue, or green without considering his figure or letting the colors mix together where they met. I could hardly make out his face through the glow he gave off, but it wasn’t hard to tell what he was thinking.”

“You met Vanatos,” Traev said matter-of-factly. “He approached you, you said?”

“He was very direct and didn’t waste time on frivolities,” Discord said. “Even if I were my old dastardly, friendless self I wouldn’t want anything to do with something so bland and one-note. The only thing that kept me from dumping pudding on his head and finding somewhere more interesting for breakfast was the big yellow topaz he was holding. I don’t know where he got his information on me, but it was so two years ago and grossly inaccurate. Even if I were looking to get payback from you Elements of Harmony and your Princessly support group, that Gem couldn’t let me do anything I could do by myself if I had a mind to. Still, it was golden opportunity to not only be a helpful dragonequus to the good guys, but to give someone a nasty little surprise in the same move. Although, taunting glow-boy’s descision to trust me as I flew away wasn’t my best idea.”

“He sicced the bird on you,” Ash said, smirking.

“Must you ruin my all punchlines?” Discord grumped. “Yes, he conjured it straight out of his red left hand and it chased me all the way to Cloudsdale, where I had the good fortune to run into all of you. All of you minus two that is,” he amended, gesturing at Pinkie and Rarity before downing an entire pitcher of lemonade to quench his dry throat.

“I have a question,” Ash said. “You’re a powerful reality warper, Discord, so what reason did you have for leading the construct to Cloudsdale and then making us deal with it rather than just destroying it outright yourself?”

Discord slid under the table and popped back up next to Ash, putting an arm around the grey unicorn’s neck in a friendly manner. “I’m sensing some lack of trust here,” Discord said. “It’s because you’re still upset over that harmless bit of mind control all those years ago, isn’t it?”

“Everything you put Ash and the rest of us through was hardly ‘harmless’,” Gold Heart said testily. The look she shot Discord actually gave him pause, and he slowly removed his arm from Ash’s shoulders.

“Ok, I’ll be sure to avoid pressing that button while Gold Heart is around,” Discord muttered. “Ash, to show my pure intentions, I’ll tell you a secret about myself that I’ve never witnessed any pony ever figure out. My powers are phenomenal and cosmic, but they aren’t permanent. Active spells, like a magically animated fire shaped like a phoenix, will quickly return to their normal course if I don’t pay constant attention to toying with them. And you know how I feel about constancy. I can’t force a spell to stop either, or else I would have stolen and hidden the Elements of Harmony as soon as I was freed from my statue for Fluttershy’s reformation class.” Ash looked thoughtfully at Discord, but before he could say anything the dragonequus returned to his side of the table, flopping his tongue out as if he’d just tasted something nasty. “Yeuck, all this serious talk’s souring my tongue. Somepony change the topic.”

“Actually,” Gale said, “I do have something to discuss, with Carrie. Before my group left Equestria two years ago, I gave the Royal Guard the blueprints for my Gel Launcher and the method of creating Magebane from local resources. Since you and I fill the same roles on our respective teams, I can probably pull strings to get you outfitted with a launcher and Magebane of your own. That way we won’t have to worry about who’ll be side-lined in any future fights for the Gems.”

“That’s thoughtful of you,” Carrie said. “It’s not necessary though, since I have the Topaz now.”

Gale went very still, a small smile frozen on her lips as her eyes started to unfocus. “Well, sure you do have that now,” she said. “That transformation trick was impressive, but it’s magic. We don’t need to rely on magic to be useful.”

“I’m afraid I have to disagree on that,” Carrie said diplomatically. “I’ll take the power of Topaz of Air over anything.”

The smile vanished from Gale’s face in an instant. “No, that can’t be right,” she said. Heart and Soul exchanged a concerned glance at the earth pony’s tone of voice. “You told me you’d invented your own version of Magebane. Traev’s already a mage, so relying on the Topaz before your own weapons and talents would just be redundant.”

“It puts me on equal footing with him and Johnten,” Carrie retorted, beginning to grow angry. “The only thing special about me at the start was that I have Johnten’s sister sharing my body. Even when I started developing my gels and other tools, I could never match up to John and Traev. The Gems put all of us on even ground, able to face any threat with the exact same, reliable approach.”

“You… you…” Gale leaped up and tried to throw herself at the other brown pony, but Soul caught her in the air and gagged her with the end of his spirit tendril.

“Trancing,” he said with resignation. “Sorry about that,” he said to Carrie and the other Bipersonality ponies with sincere contrition. “She can get like this if things don’t appear to be working to her expectations. We’ll go calm her down. Heart, Ash, let’s go.” Heart and Ash left the table and followed Soul and the floating, struggling Gale outside without a word. An awkward silence filled the room in their wake; even Discord seemed to be at a loss for a comment, inappropriate or otherwise.

“Well,” Rainbow Dash said at last, looking contemplative, “She kinda had a point.”

“Sure, take their side, as always,” Johnten drawled. “I get it. We’re just the annoying interlopers; no one needs to worry about our feelings. I’m out of here.” He stormed out of the cottage, and his teammates were quick to follow him.

“Hey, wait!” Rainbow called after them. “I didn’t mean it like that, honest!” She looked at her friends, most of whom were giving her judgmental looks, and grew defensive. “They didn’t give me a chance to explain myself,” she protested.

“Explain it to us then,” Twilight said.

“Alright,” Rainbow said. “Beneath the crazy, I think Gale was trying to say that groups work better when everypony has something only they can do, and not when they all try to be the same. That’s what makes us, and Applejack, so great. Twilight’s a magical Princess and the best organizer, no one’s better than Rarity at sewing and fashion, AJ’s strong and dependably stubborn, Pinkie lives off other ponies’ smiles, Fluttershy’s a wizard with animals, and I’m practically a Wonderbolt.”

“What about me?” Discord asked coyly.

“You’re… Discord,” Rainbow said. “The point is, we each have something the others can’t do, and that makes us all the stronger as the Elements of Harmony.”

“That is a good point,” Twilight said. “The Order-naries have the same perspective, but evidently the Bipersonality Team sees things differently. Perhaps that’s why they haven’t fit in as well around here. We need to try harder to accept their differences if we’re going to keep helping them. Agreed?”

“Agreed,” everypony else said.

---

“I still find it a bit disturbing that while a few spirit blasts to the head can short-circuit my tantrums, they do nothing for a deGrange trance.”

“I can’t explain it either, Ash,” Soul Mage said. “Just hold her still.”

“I’m fine,” Gale insisted, struggling in vain to escape the magic bubble Ash was holding her in. “Really, I’m fine.” She’d been repeating that ever since the Order-naries had left Fluttershy’s cottage, and they still weren’t convinced.

“Gale,” Heart said, “try to think about something else. Say, why don’t we go to the library and find you a DIY book. Maybe there are some home repairs you can do for Twilight.”

“I’m…” The crazed look started to fade from Gale’s eyes and she grew still. “Twilight lives in a tree,” she said. “A living, enchanted tree. It probably fixes itself over time. Nice and efficient.”

“Ok, I think that’s progress,” Soul muttered cautiously to Ash. Ash nodded in agreement and set Gale down on the ground, releasing her from the bubble.

At that very moment, the Bipersonality Team walked into view down the road, focused so intently on a conversation of their own that they didn’t notice the Order-naries until Gale caught sight of her counterpart and slipped right back into a fit, screaming “Sellout!”

“Agh,” Soul groaned, facehoofing as he lassoed Gale by the tail with his spirit tendril to keep her from taking off. “Off to elsewhere then,” he said, changing his grip to carry Gale as he trotted away from the Bipersonality Team. Heart started hovering, rubbing her front hooves together as she tried to decide between following her brother or staying to try and make peace.

“I think I can handle them,” Ash said, seeing her dilemma. Heart gave him a dubious look, so he added, “I’ll try my best not to get into an argument. Trust me.”

“Best of luck then,” Heart said, and then flew off. Ash watched her for a moment as an excuse for not looking at Traev and company until he felt ready for the encounter. He started to have second thoughts as he considered the seemingly perpetually-annoyed Traev, but he pushed those doubts aside firmly. He’d just given Heart a promise, and Ashen Blaze never reneged on a promise.

He walked up to the group with an apology on Gale’s behalf on the tip of his tongue, but Traev beat him to the first word, stating without preamble, “I think it’s best if we just go our separate ways. Our two teams clearly can’t coexist without our differences clashing violently, and the locals side with your team. You’ve been helpful, Maestron Ash Thamule, but we’re going to finish things our way.”

“Meis,” Ah corrected automatically. “And it’s just Ash, or Ashen Blaze for formality’s sake. Now, don’t be so hasty to give up on us just because Gale’s being a little nuts right now. She’ll get over it.”

“I dunno about that,” Johnten said. “She seemed pretty incensed.”

“And downright insensitive,” Carrie added.

“She’ll get over it,” Ash repeated. “Besides, how do you plan to locate the remaining Gems without my ship and PC here? The way I see it, you still need us.” Traev narrowed his eyes, but didn’t dispute Ash’s assessment. Taking that as a good sign, Ash smiled and said, “I know we haven’t been doing well in the friendship department, but my Order-naries and the Elements of Harmony are both sincere about helping you beat Vanatos. Take some time to let everything cool down and really think about whether you want to throw away that help. That’s all I’ll ask of you. Well, that and your agreement to continue locking the Gems in the Lirin tonight, for security.”

Traev glanced at the western horizon, noting the sun’s position. “Very well,” he said. “It is getting to be too late for further adventures anyway. You’re too much like me for my comfort, Ashen Blaze, but at least I know I can rely on your ship’s security to keep any nighttime thieves out.” He gestured to Johnten and Carrie, and they pulled the four Gems out of their bags.

“Nothing gets in,” Ash said smugly as he gathered the Gems into a cloud of telekinetic magic. “Except for your ghost friends at least, but since the only spirits interested in the Gems are on our side, I don’t have anything to worry about, yes?”

“No,” Traev said, “nothing to worry about at all. Good evening to you.”

---

Ash reached his ship just as the sun was about to set, and he wasted no time getting inside and securing the Diamond, Topaz, Sapphire, and Emerald in a cargo compartment. He then walked to the cockpit and set PC down on the control panel. “Does the old ship have anything worth telling me about?” he asked.

“Nothing of immediate concern,” PC answered through the ship’s comm. “The Lirin is flight-capable and by all indicators able to stand an inter-dimensional jump. Additional diagnostics should not be necessary.”

“Good,” Ash said, turning away. “I think I’ll be turning in for the evening then.”

“Before you do that, sirrah,” PC said, “I just picked up Ray on the sensors, approaching the ship. He seems to be alone though, so it may be the other one. Discerning between Order-nary and Bipersonality is still prone to accuracy errors.”

“Ne bara,” Ash sighed to himself. He exited the ship and paused at the bottom of the ramp, peering out into the growing gloom at the golden-yellow unicorn coming his way. “Ah, Soul,” he said when the unicorn drew close enough to recognize. “What are you doing here, alone?”

“Heart’s safe, back at Twilight’s,” Soul responded. From the jittery look in his eyes, Ash figured that statement had been as much for Soul’s own sanity as to answer Ash’s question. “I just wanted to let you know that Gale’s back to normal. She did some repairs to the plumbing in Rarity’s kitchen, and that apparently satisfied her need to fix the universe, for now.”

“Well, as long as she doesn’t blow her top around her double tomorrow everything should be fine,” Ash said. “Thanks Soul, and good night. Hope your sister doesn’t flip out before you get back.”

“She won’t,” Soul assured as he turned to leave. “We can handle willful separations, you know.”

Ash chuckled and nodded as Soul departed, and then went back inside his ship and gave the orders for it to close up and dim the lights so he could sleep.

---

All was darkness in the Changeling hive; darkness deeper and more total than a moonless night. All was silent, the normal buzzing chatter of Changeling voices, clicking of carapace-covered hooves on the stone, and muted flashes of disguises being assumed and discarded were all absent. It should have been an eerie, nay, frightening place for anything familiar with the normal goings-on of the hive caverns, but to the Queen it seemed a thing of beauty. A new order of things had been established, and now it was time for her to pay the required price.

The sun vanished below the horizon, and the welcoming embrace of night’s darkness swept up to the hive’s entrance and filled the Queen with even greater resolve to act. With only a thought, she brought her army, the entire population of the hive, to attention, and in utter silence they formed up behind her in perfect ranks, ready to set out on the ultimate hunt.

---

The lights went up and an alarm blared, jolting Ash from his sleep. “What’s happening?” he demanded, instantly alert as he dropped to the floor and looked around. The Lirin’s hatch was still closed and a cursory look around the main cabin revealed nothing out of the ordinary. “PC?” Ash prompted.

“The secure locker containing the Chaotic Gems appears to be opening of its own accord,” the computer responded promptly. “I can detect no traces of active magic, no signs of forced entry onto the ship, and external sensors show a unicorn whose life-signs correlate to Ray M’Dale or his counterpart and an earth pony whose life-signs correlate to Carmilla deGrange or her countterpart.. Do I need to put the pieces together for you, sirrah?”

“No, I-” Before Ash could finish the thought, he felt an odd pressure like hands pressed against his throat.

The air began to swirl around the grey unicorn, and within the wind was a gruff-voiced whisper saying, “Sorry about this, but we took a vote and it didn’t go your way.” There was a sudden, sharp pain between Ash’s eyes, and he staggered back, dazed but still upright.

“You again,” he said, his speech slurred. “Carlez Baker?”

“You’re a sturdy one,” the wind-voiced spirit said in Ash’s ear. “How will you be after this though?” There was another blow to Ash’s head that felt like it penetrated several inches past his skull, quickly followed a sudden lurch of his heart, and then the world faded away to black.

Comments

[Emeral Bookwise]

This is commentary on both Ch11&12, seeing as I apparently forgot to leave a comment previously -- sorry about that.

So anyway, I can say I was all that happy to see Discord show up in this fic. I'm still a bit sore about what I see as the gross mishandling of his character at the end of KC&FO, but that's not your fault and I can't really begrudge you for holding canon to it. That said, while it makes sense for Rarity & AJ to have been upset at being teleported away without warning, Pinkie has always shown something of an affinity for Discord's more whimsical antics (such as the chocolate rain and living gravy boat), so I'd have expected her to be more tolerant or even playfully indulgent. Not that there seemed to be much point in mention those three in the first place anyway though, seeing as AJ never came back and I can't recall Pinkie or Rarity contributing anything much to the dinner conversation.

The Bipersonality team's ability to fuse with the chaotic gems was a pretty interesting trick, and Gale's furry at her doppelganger preferring that technique to gadgets was priceless. I will say though I was a bit disappointed that the dispute between the twins and Johnten was pretty much resolved and anticlimactically. At the very least, I think I'd like to have seen the discussion between Heart and Soul that led to their apology.

Actually, that's something I've noticed somewhat lacking in the fic. The narrative and the action are all pretty strong, but the characters have been kind of weak, with entire conversations skipped over with barely a passing mention (such as where we are simply told about AJ, Pinkie, and Rarity become incensed at Discord teleporting them, rather then actually getting to see the scene play out). As such, it's sometimes difficult to stay properly immersed in the story for any length. I'm still quite interested in seeing how events play out, but I find myself less excited and eager for each new chapter than I have been with your previous works.

[CTVulpin]

2967944
I see your points, and I am now ashamed. I guess I've had my priorities regarding what's important for the plot and characters improperly balanced.
I'll try to add a scene expanding on AJ, Rarity, and Pinkie being annoyed at Discord, but I'm not as sure I can make adding to the resolution of Soul, Heart, and Johnten's conflict all that interesting to read.

[CTVulpin]

Although this is my most active fan-fiction right now, I still find myself sitting and back and wondering "what the hay am I doing? It all feels so contrived." Maybe that's why the characters are coming across weaker than in earlier fics.

[Emeral Bookwise]

2968701
Don't be too hard on your self. The character moments, when they happen, are still great. The afore mentioned dispute between Gale and her double about the value of magic -vs- tech was absolutely great. Likewise, Rainbow's observation about the importance of being different was brilliant. The initial misunderstanding between the twins and Johnten due to values dissonance between their native worlds was also great, and also raised some very interesting philosophical questions in regard to things like love, morality, social taboos, and even simple practicality (just too bade all of that kind of got glossed over).

Part of the problem is that you've just got so many characters to split time with. The Mane-Six, the four Order-Naries, the three members of the Bipersonality team (or five counting ghosts). Plus, even more guest characters like Discord this these last two chapters and the quartette of Trixie and her traveling thespians before that. Which isn't even counting the villains antagonist, like the NMM essence, Chrysalis, and Vanatos. The story is very, VERY busy, so it's hardly surprising bits and pieces get lost in the shuffle, but isn't entirely unmanageable.

If nothing else you've still managed to do great work when the characters are broken up into smaller groups and not tried to have all 13+ sharing the same scene. So maybe you should just take more time to consider what any given character brings to a scene, and if they don't serve a purpose allow them to be somewhere else instead. For example Traev and Ash really didn't do much of anything in Cloudsdale except provide exposition banter, which could have just as easily been between any other characters, and so kind of defeats the purpose of Twilights royal pardon. For that matter I can't recall anyone else other than Johnten and Carrie doing much in Cloudsdale -- I guess Gale got off one shot with her gell launcher, but it seemed like Rainbow, Fluttershy, and Twilight all just sat around and watched. I'd have expected at least Rainbow to rush in on the fight and probably Twilight as well, after taking time to plan a strategy.

Not only do you have a lot of characters, but they are ALL of them heroes so it's important none of them get overshadowed. The original Order-Naries fic did a great job of balancing it out, so that all 10 ponies felt useful. This new fic less so and instead just alternates between extremes with the Bipersonalites, who in some scenes are the obvious The Loads due to there uncooperativeness, only to become something of a Spotlight Stealing Squad whenever showing off their fancy powers.

Anyway, I guess all of that might sound a bit harshly critical, but I hope you don't take it the wrong way. Just keep trying your best, and I'm sure you'll find your stride again.

[CTVulpin]

2970724
You've pretty much hit the problem right on the head. Loads and Loads of Characters.

[Emeral Bookwise]

2971260
Exactly, so stop trying to squeeze in everyone at once. Just identify the key and most dynamic intersections and then contrive whatever excuses you need to give them the face time they need to explore those issues. Though as the most obvious discrepancies are how the Order-Narries and Bipersonalities relate, extra attention will have to be made to keep the Mane-Six relevant, otherwise there was probably not much point to this being a pony fic.

Now, of course the larger story of the chaotic gems should be important driving concern that motivates the characters, and everyone should always be giving there all to resolve it, but it's the characters themselves that make a story compelling, that give us a reason to care about whether the world is saved in the first place.

...also, don't worry about squeezing every possible interaction into this one fic. If later you decide something important got left out, that's what sequels, side-stories, spin-offs, or even revision are for.

[djthomp]

The BP team ticked me off something fierce by the end of the chapter. If you're dealing with magical gems that are basically WMDs, rejecting the incredibly competent local help is dumb at best, not to mention astonishingly inconsiderate. Don't mind us, we're just going to go do our own thing which may or may not cause massive destruction to your planet in the near future. Hope it doesn't turn out we needed your help.