Alicorn
Joined 6th Feb, 2013 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The premise is sound, albeit unoriginal, but everything moves way too fast. If you reigned in the pacing and added more detail, this would be great. As it is, though, it reads more like an outline than an actual story.
I agree with Pinkie. TOO CUTE. And sad.
Oh yeah, and
Celestia.
Quick, but sweet.
SWEETIE BELLE: awwwww... that was such a sweet story
I quoted her in the Cutie Mark Chronicles
A Great Idea that I feel wasn't used to its full potential. I would love to see you revise this and add in a bit more detail. You do that and you will have a masterpiece on your hands. at this point it is good but also disappointing.
I know ! The most unexpected end ever !
"then Hitler ( pt. Godwyn woo hoo ! ) appeared by an dimensional vortex, and drop a nuclear bomb wich destroyed all Equestria. And everyone happilly died for ever ! The end"
:3
Not bad at all.
But who is Clestis?