When a storm hits Ponyville, Applejack and Rainbow Dash are forced to stay in the barn together until it clears up. But what happens when a certain cowpony feels something...strange for the pegasus?
Chapters (1)
Alicorn
Joined 6th Feb, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Jondor · 8.4k words · 122 16 · 3.2k views
- TheFineBrony · 4.9k words · 129 11 · 5.7k views
- Writer12577 · 9.8k words · 60 6 · 2.9k views
- Bandy · 2.1k words · 92 3 · 5.5k views
- Craine · 2.9k words · 134 10 · 4.6k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.111 seconds
Total duration
703 users online
606,748 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
And then they had sex.
Alright, for the sake of making this story the best it can possibly be, I'd like to help you out on the grammar front.
1. "She enjoyed the suns warmth..." (Should be "sun's")
2. There is an odd extra "t" at the very end of the first paragraph.
3. "She turned to the scream. Rainbow flew right toward her." I would use "Rainbow Dash" instead of "Rainbow" here. Using a full name just makes sense when introducing a character.
4. "..."Heh...I knew that." Applejack said, her face growing red of embarrassment."
You need a space right before the "I" in "I knew that" and should replace the word "of" with "from".
5. "Both of the mares have been too busy talking to notice the rain clouds moving in."
Should be "had been too busy" instead of "have been too busy".
6. "The wind and rain was so strong,"
Should be "were so strong" instead of "was so strong".
7. "...running next to each other."
Should be "running next to her."
8. "The rain falling onto her coat looked...attractive."
Needs a space before the word "attractive".
9. "Rainbow looks really...good when she does that."
Needs a space before the word "good".
10. "It was...peaceful."
Needs a space before the word "peaceful".
11. "..."It...it is calmin'." Applejack said"
Needs a space before the second word "it".
12. "..."Today, how we are here togetha, I can't but feel...different..."
Maybe the word "help" between "can;t" and "but"?
13. "only focusing on the kiss."
Should be "bringing her focus to only the kiss."
14. "Applejack nor Rainbow didn't care"
Should be "Neither Applejack nor Rainbow Dash cared"
That's all I found! Other than that, very cute story!
No time to explain... Too much d'awww
SO.ADORABLE. (hugs myself) this is an example of why this is my OTP
dawww, indeed is very cute X3
great first AppleDash! hope we can see more from you!
Quick but fluffy. Not too bad.
Disappointingly short...but so ADORABLE!!
Keep writing!
What a cute story, i'm a sucker for appledash. On another note, i've seen a lot of stories try and do applejack's accent and fail, i think that you tried a liitle to hard to get it, it's ok for applejack to say "me ", otherwise it breaks the flow of the story. Anyhoo great story! Keep at it!
It's good, nice, cute and lovely, but not mind-blowing. For a first fic, real good.
2313839 Thanks, I fixed it.
Not a bad job. it was a little fast and there were some grammar problems but it was a good story with a nice ending.
AppleDash
appledash is my fave pairing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...
Er
Why is this in the Raridash group?
This is pretty good, a little bit too short and too fast, but awesome
, keep up the good work.
AppleDash ftw
A really nice and cute little story. It could have definately been lengthened a bit to make it not so rushed. Keep up the great writing, you will only get better!
Love it.
2313586
In the Rain
I liked this a lot.
here take a Big Mac.
This story was cute, but I thought the romance was a little bit rushed. Other than that I like it
you know what would make this story better? NOTHING! awesome job!!!
oh my god im crying
I know it's a decade since you've been here, but on the off-chance someone wanders by, I reviewed this. In all honesty this is written okay with a fairly aww ending, but it does suffer from being incredibly predictable. Readers who want something like that may like it, but it's not for those who want to be surprised.