Life was never suppose to be this complicated. Unfortunately for Twilight Sparkle, life has just become more complicated than she'd ever wanted. Especially when you're dealing with your new found status 2 weeks after your own coronation. The last thing she was expecting was finding herself now a human, or for that matter every other pony in Equestria. With no rhyme or reason on why it had happened to them, Twilight and her friends must now either find a way to undo what has already been done, or adapt.
A Note, I have begun this story from the beginning again, meaning I have, and am doing major edits, so if you haven't reread what I've changed, you might want to do that, this for those who have already read it thus far.
P.S 7/9/2015 holy crap... I can't believe this was featured... Thank you so much you guys! I am in awe.
This was all very good. My only thought was that Twilight might have been slightly annoyed that they all saw her naked and she didn't see any of them naked. I'm not saying she'd want to see that, just that she would feel self concious about it.
She does feel self conscious about it, that's why she didn't want to reveal herself in the first place, but reluctantly did so anyways so that Rarity could finish her dress.
i love the idea. please write often so i can read?
My interest in the Story is awaken and I Hope to read more in the near Future
2292299 I will aim to have one chapter up every week if not more.
2293019 week is too long but i'll have to wait. annoying, very, but nessesary
Turned human... THE HORROR!!!
I looked at it and thought, "WHY THE FUCK NOT?" and read it..............................................Worth it.
Where is Spike though?
There's not enough humanized ponies stories, and frankly I find this idea far too fun. Please continue, though I do have one comment, one question, and one suggestion.
Ponies use the term everyone, it's just not as commonly used as everypony.
Were there scientific or mythological records of humans? Was it a side effect of the change? Or is it just Pinkie being Pinkie?
And as for a suggestion, I'd really like it if you kept Spike a dragon in some way. He's meant to be a different species from the ponies and making him human takes a lot of the fun out of the character. I just find it odd everytime someone humanizes Spike since it feels like his species is a big part of his character and his relationship with everyone else.
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He'll be appearing in the next chapter, that's where this chapter left off with them going to retrieve him, so you'll see that bit in the next chapter.
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With the everyone thing I may have missed that in watching the episodes, but I can correct that line of thought.
To answer your second question, yes there are mythological records of humans, or at least they're referenced in the Library (Where Twilight is intending to head) and secondly most of it was Pinkie just being Pinkie, I mean she's going to be breaking the fourth wall, and doing a whole bunch of other crazy things so yeah.
Also I was debating whether or not to humanize Spike or not, but he's not exactly a Pony and so I wouldn't have a justifiable reason as to why he suddenly became human as well.
I herby vote for spike staying a Dragon. Thank you.
Not bad, I usually hate humanized ponies BUT you have given it a reason to make sense. MOAR!
I couldn't read this. It had potential, I admit, but the amount of errors and grammatically incorrect sentences one after the other just took away the whole experience. You need an editor, badly.
P.S. Applejack, not AppleJack.
I can't even list all of the mistakes, or single out their types because there's just too many. Sorry.
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Hence me saying I need a proofreader does no one read the Authors comments?
What was Spike supposed to do in the library?
Also fix this sentence please
“Sweet jumpin’ junipers.” Appledash said as he and Dash, rushed towards Twilight yanking her away from the guard.
Unless Appledash is some new OC colt
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thank you for noticing that, it shall be fixed promptly, so they've been paired off. Fluttershy is helping Rainbow Dash, Rarity is helping Twilight, Spike is helping Applejack, and Pinkie is by herself.
i have an idea of what they should have done to figure out what they are. ask lyra. (also, we NEED a lyra emote!)
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Not to worry, Lyra will be appearing... as soon as I figure out her personality.
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This cracks me up everytime I read it
I get the feeling the "people" of Equestria aren't going to be happy that their hopes lie with an "unproven" princess.
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Which is another reason Twilight is freaking out, however, you have to remember she has saved the world what... 4 times? So she's gotten that going for her, and she's been presented in front of them many times so they also know who she is and what element she and her friends represent.
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Being a savior and being a ruler are to very different things, keep in mind. Remember that Twilight's caused a swarm of parasprites to go from eating all the food, to eating EVERYTHING! What's more, she caused an entire town to be at each-others' throats over a doll, which was due to Twilight "freaking out." I'm sure word of both events spread to Canterlot long ago. Would you want to be ruled somepony who makes such rash decisions?
Furthermore, Celestia is, in essence, mother to everypony in Equestria. And like most lost, frightened children, being told their mother can't be found WON'T go over well.
In short; Twilight is NOT Celestia, and the ponies of Equestria are NOT going to be happy about it.
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True they may not be entirely pleased, Twilight isn't herself, but hey she didn't try and Overthrow Celestia, like Luna and Chrysalis or throw the land into eternal Chaos. So while yes they won't be happy, I'm pretty sure it's safe to say they'd give her a chance. Which is what I'll be rolling with... them giving her a chance.
So, everyponies' just going to roll with the fact that Celestia, the ruler of Equestria for 1000+ years, is missing and nopony knows how or why? I just hope you address the fact that some ponies are going to start panicking. It's inevitable. Otherwise it's going to be hard to beleave the rest of the story.
I'm just sayin'.
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I never said that, I simply stated that they'll give her a chance.
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True. I can imagine Twilight dreading telling an entire nation the Celestia and Luna are missing. Especially in a time of crisis.
Then again, this whole thing could be another test by
.
nice
In my opinion, Crazy Twilight is best Twilight.
Will be interesting, when they found out, they can eat meat. Poor Fluttershy
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I do.
more!
quotepix.com/pictures/4342.jpg
5895588 Somebody gets it.
2305207 Ponies retain their horns and wings? Kinda a minus IMO
Here's to hoping that you update more often. Though something tells me you don't quite have everything planned.
6184861 They retained their wings, not their horns.
6185240 Also I have roughly... 5 chapters planned ahead already...
6187082 That's good to know. Though I still think it's strange that despite them becoming human, they kept their wings and magic. They have a lot more power and abilities than normal humans have, when concept of being human is the exact opposite. If I may be so bold to say, more so with Twilight in a deus ex way. And so far, the only thing they had to adapt to was a change in anatomy, yet that hurdle was easily overcame, in just 1 chapter in fact. Now the transformation into humans is hardly presenting any sort of complication and it feels as if they are going about their biz like they were still ponies. I'm actually hoping they lose their powers soon.
6187179 That actually really depends on the world... in most fantasy stories humans have magic, whether it be through a wand, or various other means. Sure if this was real life it would apply, and they likely would have lost their powers, but since it is a fantasy realm, them losing their abilities would be like the X-men losing theirs. Also they haven't completely learned their anatomy yet, yes they've learned to walk, yes they've learned how to use their hands and all the basic skills a person would have. Eventually however, they will realize they can't go eating the same things they did before, can't do the same things they did before (i.e Applejack bucking apples) So at the moment in the story all they've learned is movement and magic, and even then they still don't have full control over it.
So far it's only day 1, and they really don't fully know all the implications of their transformations yet, and they're more susceptible to the elements, injuries, and the like. Also they're the only ones who changed into humans, which means you still have beings like Tirek, Dragons, Hydra, and the like, if they were powerless, and if some big bad wanted to invade and create havoc this would be prime time to do so if they didn't have their abilities. Also the time frame the portals were open, was enough for enough bad things to come in before Celestia and Luna got there, you as the readers just don't know what yet. So while your concerns are valid, I don't intend to have them be powerless by the time the villains enter the story, especially since the villains will have their powers since they're not human.
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And that's most of my complaint here. You're still at day 1. Well, that part is entirely up to you and when you decide to update the story.
But again, I repeat, the transformation into humans barely present them any challenge or hindrance. It's practically a minor inconvenience. At least you hint to that in some areas, like AJ has to buck apples differently, Fluttershy not being able to talk to her animals, RD getting wrecked after performing a Rainboom (which she should not be able to do in the 1st place.) But if they wouldn't be able to do the same things the same way, then why only apply it to a them?
IMO Pinkie shouldn't have Pinkie Sense anymore, shouldn't be zipping around like a cartoon, and should get tired like a normal person. Former pegasi shouldn't be able to fly due to the weight of the human body, much less walk on clouds. And former unicorns should be largely cut off from most of their magic. Even in fantasy settings where humans have access to magic, it is implied humans aren't the most magically adept race. Yet Twilight seems even more powerful for it, and Rarity can sew dresses faster than you can cook Sunday pancakes. Sure you don't want them to be powerless when the villain comes, but you've given them power all too easily. You've skipped the struggle in adapting, hence me pointing out;
In fact, they have adapted so easily to their human bodies, you've done away with most of the compelling foothold of your story. Their reason to adapt. Retaining their wings and magic (which should have been gone when they lost their horns) is another nail to the coffin, so the most crucial motivation to adapt and develop is largely lost. They are not vulnerable, thus there is no reason to grow in the way the story description promised.
Not only that, you're giving more focus than needed on describing their bodies and physical sensitivities in detail, and playing around with their insecurities. And no offense, but I can't help infer some ulterior motives here.
There is something bugging me about something on this chapter, other than the grammar issues. I tried to read it over and over in my head, but it doesn't make any sense. Here is what I'm talking about:
First, I want to say how illogical this whole thing is, the flow and all. Again, I must stress how confusing this thing was and still is. Second, I have to ask, how many showponies do you think they had to deal with? Because, I'm trying to figure out where your line of thought was going with that. Third, Twilight had never thought that Trixie was evil, maybe a little annoying during her second trip somewhat. She was more confused to why Trixie was acting the way she was during the second trip than anything else, but she eventually ended up making peace with Trixie (more-or-less) at the end of the episode (the next paragraph of your reinforced that point).
How about using this instead:
Technically, Twilight (as well as Pinkie and Fluttershy) didn’t actually provoked her, but I figured she didn’t want to just pin the blame on them like that.
While I’m at it, here is a grammar fix for the next paragraph, and added a new paragraph. After all, I don’t think Twilight never actually really answer Rarity's question to why she want to find Trixie in the first place.
As for the story, I'll hold off on talking about it until I can catch up, but it does look somewhat promising. Oh, and before I go and read the next chapter, a little tip: changing a word into a plural form does not make it a possessive. Ex. "Rarities" should be "Rarity's".
Okay, I have caught up to the last chapter and, I gotta say, I have some mixed feeling about the story. On the pro side of the story, it is pretty entertaining and the plot have enough pulled to keep me reading. However, on the con side, I was floored badly by bad grammars and illogic flow of a couple lines/paragraphs (one such example was the one I look at for Chapter 2). It also feels a little rushed in some areas of the story, and that there are some things that could been better left out of the story, or in the very least, have been more discreet (the shipping nonsense, which seems more distracting than anything else, and the fourth-wall breaking, which seems to come across a little too strongly).
As for the latest chapter, I’m curious to why Starswirl the Bearded would requested that one of the portals kept opened. And, I would like to see where this whole thing is building toward. I’ll keep my eyes out for more, but whatever or not I’ll fave and like it might depends on how future chapters will come out.
6210978 Well one part of the whole bad grammar bit is the fact of me doing this with no editor (due to no one being interested... the uh... last one stopped about a year ago). So yeah my bad on that, I do try and keep it reasonable I suppose you could say. As for the pace, that's a personal issue with me in thinking so far a head into the future, that I don't stop and take in everything that could be done, I try not to do it, but it usually ends up happening. I do however, thank you for those suggestions. As for the thought that was going through my mind, it wasn't so much that Twilight saw her as evil but her friends. Also yes, you are correct in the fact that Pinkie Pie or Fluttershy also didn't provoke her, and for the most part stayed out of it.
As for the shipping thing, that was meant to be a I guess you could call it a running gag? As in nothing serious would ever come from it, but in a sense it was still me slightly poking fun at all the other shipping out there... if that makes sense. As for the fourth wall breaking, I only give that to the characters who would use it, so in this case it would be Pinkie Pie, and Discord. As to why Starswirl is keeping the portal open, you'll find that out after the next chapter. Speaking of which, and I'm just throwing this out there, but if you are interested on helping me out, it would also mean you'd get earlier access to the chapters.
One last thing, while not showponies, the Flim Flam Brothers, in the way they perform, could be considered to be showponies, but they're also conartists so the group might see them as bad, which was another thing that went through my head.
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About the part with Starswirl, that wasn't actually a question, just talking about the chapter as a whole. As for your request, I'm afraid that I can't. To be honest, I am already acting as an editor to a couple of stories as it is, and sadly, I'm kinda falling behind on a few things. And, for the fourth-wall breaking dealing, try to be a bit more subtle about it...make it feel like a part of the story, rather than disrupting it. Many authors have done the same gags before, but so few did so without being so obvious about it.
Well, anyways, good luck with this, and I'll keep my eyes out for more.
Had a lot of potential, but didn't meet my expectations. Overly sexualiazed, with an obsession for breasts. Would not want to meet author irl. 3/10 would not read the first chapter again.