• Member Since 29th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen August 13th

Khakispony


An assembly of mediocre fics from a mediocre reviewer on ponychan as well as the place to go to if you want a mediocre review of smut.

T
Source

A tragic accident leaves a young filly dying in the Everfree Forest, but the intervention of Everfree magic saves her and an unlikely companion. However a fortunate intervention does not come without a price, as Roseluck is about to learn...

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 9 )

I like it. Only a few problems I've run into, and here they are: "A flash encompassed the fillies dying body." Fillies should be filly's. There's only one of them and the filly owns the body, so filly should be singular and an apostrophe should be added before the 's'. "The timberwolf struck swiftly pouncing on the fillies back before tearing" same problem as before. "She winced as she thought of her moms reacting to their prized flowers being over-watered," Moms should be have an apostrophe between the last m and the s, so it should be mom's. "her escape as she bursted through a patch of bushes." Bursted should just be burst.

Ah! Excited to see you got this out, man. It's a good read. Interested to see how you're going to take it further from here!

Wow, this is actually quite good, except for one thing...
THE CLIFFHANGER!! :raritydespair:
Pleeeease make some more, after all, there aren't that many fics like this out there that capture my attention like this, despite only having one chapter.

2508218
Well now I just feel like I have to write once summer break starts (tomorrow if you were going to ask)

I'm pretty sure it's Zyra not Zira. It not only looks a lot better spelled that way, but that's how it's officially spelled. And yes, I know where you got Zyra and Orianna from.

2665464
SHHHH. I'm trying to create an Easter Egg here. And yes I know its y in the game but in the story I went with i. But In all honesty, the Graves pony as my icon gives everything away :rainbowwild:

2666178 Yeah, once I saw that icon I was like "he knows and plays it and still spelled it wrong?! FOOL! :flutterrage:

I love it. Also, I tried harder in /fic/. Check it out.

Kewl, continue soon NAO

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