A second-person telling of Ivan's day-to-day life in his ragtag relationship with Rainbow. Ragtag, because what they have is far from ideal. But that's what makes it enjoyable, right?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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klepto awesome
I sure enjoyed it^^ Dash seems in desperate need to get laid though^^ I wonder just how long shes been bottling everything up inside her. So yeah I'd like another chap^^ One question though.... why did Fluttershy try to steal "your" stuff?^^
its pretty good. It seemed a tad bit rushed a bit, but i liked it
Why did fluttershy pick pocket and steal?
Flutterthief! So... damn... adorable.... HHHNNNNNG!
MOAR please
this is great! keep up the good work
The love between two sapient species is OK in my books.
More would be great if you're up for it.
I would love to see more dude.
Keep writing, please!
flutter's is a thief?
2134951 then you might not like that RD isn't a sapient... She's a pony.
Awesome, please continue.
2135161
Uh, her body is irrelevant. She is a member of a sapient species that look like Ponies with Human like minds.
2135234 sapient usually means either wise, or acting wise, or a human of the species Homo sapiens
2135257
The ponies in MLP are sapient, bottom line.
I post this, go to bed, wake up, and have 51 notifications. Holy sh-t.
Oh, and yeah, Fluttershy's a klepto
2134623
She's a kleptomaniac, which means she has a compulsion to steal things. Usually small things, like candles or bits or suckers. There's no reason for it whatsoever, kind of like a bad habit.
2135310 I think you guys mean sentient... Like capable of higher thinking...?
Yay!! Ya got your self a Horny Rainbow Dash, Thats A Win!!
MOAR!
MOAR!
Looks like I'm continuing this story...
wright more plaez
2138093
ACHIVEMENT UNLOCKED
2135755
Derp, yes, sorry.
More. Now.
Looks like the only complaints are pacing and paragraph size, this will be noted for future chapters.
Constructive input, it's a good thing!
2179552
It may be closer than you think.
2179601
lol, not like i've got much else to do. time to hurry up and wait
2138093
The story is good so far, but why did you make Fluttershy a kleptomaniac?
"You spend all my damn money and make a mess out of my house!"
That's called called being married...
ooh a new romance for me to dive into :3 and several elements i like about the story too :D fluttershy with clepto-esk like habits is adorable (unless its been done to me...lol ) the human has good taste in music as well as liking an aggressive woman xD all in all this is a good first chapter :3 like from me :D
2520478
My guy got drunk through drinking a shit load and taking the consequences the hard way
yeessss another Dashxhuman fic thats well worthy of reading!
Question. How does Dash know the lyrics to "Time of Your Life"?
3481931
He might have sung it around her before... Or somethin
I've never seen Fluttershy portrayed as a kleptomaniac before, quite honestly.
[youtube=xo1_R9S9Ya4]
Well, let`s start.
Not complaining, but I started noticing most human shipping fics, are usually with Rainbow Dash. Odd.
Off to a good start so far. Also, have a Like for kleptomaniac Fluttershy.
Decided to give this one a shot on a whim, but i can't really get into it. Kinda a common problem i run into with this kind of story. Identifying with a protagonist that doesn't think the way I do can be hard enough, but it becomes near impossible when the characters and narrative keep referring to the protagonist and reader as if they're one in the same. It would be different if there were some degree of control over the character, but this is a story not a game.
all I have to say so far is I don't like green day.I I shall read on
I am still relatively new to this sight, and I see this is along story, so I know my comments won't effect much, but this is chapter one and you asked for comments especially for a down vote.
For ME, this story jumped in way to fast, and while VERY well written (Some of your descriptions, like the kissing scene were great I could really see it) you never set yer setting. The, is it Second Person? perspective confused me.... I could not tell if RBD was an anthro (at ONE point she reached her HAND out to him) or were ponys (Fluttershy had a candle in her mane and bits in her mouth) RBD was also out of character without any foundation. Saying fuck" drinking alcohol.... Id SEEN it, it's a reasonable assumption in an "adult" Equestria... I even like it, but it again confused me with what the setting was.
If RBD is non-anthro, you could have brought that out with hooves, and tail..ears etc.... I think your a VERY good writer, and I am not JUST looking for Clop...but without the foundation this felt contrived to me
Hello, have only read one chapter, will be back to read it again, and a few more after that.
I can't make a judgement about your story, to say I like it, but I don't did
Ike it, just tired, will read more later...
3481931 green day is multiversal?
5980495 Sure looks that way.
Ok why was Fluttershy stealing? I don't get it, thats way out of character for her. And Rainbow isn't as emotional. And seriously theres seems to be a trend, where humans can't or don't drink Alcohol or are at the other end of the scale, alcoholics. I've rarely seen a fic thats in the middle. And another thing, why is it, that when an author wants to start a fic, where the human has been there for some time, its ALWAYS a year. I have only once seen a fic where it started a few months later. I never seen one that starts 2 years+ after he/she got there.
I'm gunna give this story to at least chapter 5 before I decided wether to read on or not.
I don't downvote stories - that's just not my thing. That said, I couldn't possibly get into this one. Since you asked for an explanation, I'll give one. Well, actually, a few.
The paragraph structure is driving me nuts.
You seem to treat every sentence as a separate paragraph.
This makes your story look very messy.
The main character, Ivan/you, seems to be a bit unbalanced - he goes from being catastrophically pissed off to feeling like the bad guy after only a few words from Fluttershy (more on her in a bit) and it just feels... unnatural. To be honest, if I found out my roomate was acting like a total bitch because of something she just expected me to know, I would be even more pissed. This expectation that men are supposed to be able to read minds and just magically understand a woman's needs seems to permeate everything, and that annoys me to no end. It's just expected that when a woman is being completely unreasonable and won't actually say what's on her mind, it's the man's fault. Wow, that got away from me there.
Why is Fluttershy a klepto? It seems completely out of place, and frankly, the reveal comes completely out of the blue. It isn't even explained - all of a sudden, Fluttershy is stealing shit, and we're just supposed to be okay with it. Personality flaws are a good thing, but they have to have actual relevance. I would have had the same reaction if her wings had fallen off, or if she had walked into a wall because surprise! she's blind in this story.
what's up with klepto fluttershy, not sure i like that. That being said, i'll keep reading. You know that song is about break ups right? It was kind of jarring.
As much as I'd like to keep going, I just can't. I wanted to at least try 2nd person, but it's seriously throwing me off.
Sorry.
P.S. I'm saying this after I had already said 7187658 because I always make sure the story has updates before I read it.