• Published 9th Feb 2013
  • 5,886 Views, 36 Comments

Pink Walls - Doldrum of Despair

Pinkie really wants Twilight to try something

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Comments ( 8 )

:pinkiehappy: This makes Pinkie Happy!

Nice chapter, but there are a few things you may want to edit.

Twilight tried not to squirm, but a chuckle from lotus told her the masseuse knew what her reaction had been.

You forgot to capitalize Lotus' name.

I always enjoyed when my sister would massage me from the outside.

Shouldn't that "inside", considering the subject matter?

She turned around so her rumb was on Twilight’s chest, and she could massage Twilight’s abdomen with her hooves.

That should be "rump".

But dammit Lotus was reeeealy good at this.

And I think there should be a second "l" in the there.


Shouldn't that "inside", considering the subject matter?

No, see, Lotus was the voraphile—she was the one wanting to be eaten. i.e. the prey. Lotus would have always been on the inside, and Aloe on the outside. Thus, by massaging her own belly to enhance the experience, Aloe would be massaging Lotus from the "outside".

Thanks for the feedback though. As you can see even after extensive edits, mistakes can still be missed. The rest of the stuff you mentioned should be and has now been fixed, thanks. :pinkiesmile:

This is the epitome of a fetish story. This chapter right here.

3208492 "Same-size? Guys pls. Micro is the best vore"

When it comes to soft vore I am inclined to agree with you - I prefer things to be plausible within the context of the story. Magically shrinking ponies makes more sense than them somehow being able to contain something the same size as them without having their organs crushed and bones broken.

Well that's trippy. I didn't know they could restore deleted stories like that. :rainbowhuh:

Me neither, otherwise I would have asked. Convenient though.:scootangel:

I like how Twilight actually takes a studious interest in the fetish as opposed to just being for it like pretty much every other clopfic, kudos. :twilightsmile:

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