GBAfterDark
Joined 27th Oct, 2017 ·
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GBAfterDark · 87k words · 220 16 · 4.1k views
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Featured In8
Alicorn Twilight2,143 stories ·2,854 members
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My Little Fetish16,610 stories ·8,576 members
X Becomes An Alicorn469 stories ·886 members
Rape2,197 stories ·3,948 members
Stories on Goodreads28,599 stories ·492 members
Chrysalis Is Best Pony48 stories ·41 members
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Bonner.
Oh man! Total title steal! (Not really)
I was writing a poem about the rage and stuff by the fandom and wanted to call it Alicornication.
well a title change is in order on my part i guess.
ahem
good job, Dashie approves.
Good ending, was expecting the normal violent ending that fics like this tend to have, but everything here ends on a happy note.
Ok, there are a few things you really should fix, or at least take a look at again. 1) The pacing. This story went by way too fast, you should slow it down at least a little. 2) You repeated things a few times where they shouldn't have been. 3) There are a few grammatical errors. 4) Some things are not really explained and you jump from idea to idea.(this might intersect with the pacing issue) Please take this criticism constructively, I do not mean to "flame" you or whatever. This is intended to make your interesting concept a joy to read.
The story was goo,d if a bit quick paced. Not unreadable, though. I was able to enjoy it. I especially loved the Twist against Chrissy. I wouldn't mind reading this same story again if there was more to it. That's quite notable in my book.
That was ..... Short.
That.... WAS........ AWSOME
Well... That was... Interesting
I liked it.
This story I like, very nice job.
no offense but twi was for all intents and purposes raped and i would think that she would be going killer insane twi on chrysilis
Moar!!!
How is THIS on the front page!?
This story is littered the grammar and pacing errors, and the dialogue is terribly robotic.
Really, I see no reason for this fic to be featured when you can't even write a description correctly. Looking over this, I doubt you even pre-read it before you posted it. In chapter two, I spotted two commas connected to one another.
In the description.
Was? This is plural, and was is singular.
I don't even think you know what a possessive term is.
The chapters are short and it all feels as rushed as rabbit breeding, and the sex is well... let's try and fine a word for it. Spoken of without knowledge or experience. The only thing you ever really stated was, 'it felt good'.
To be perfectly honest, this is rather bad. Now, this story really should have gotten its twenty likes or so and disappeared into the muddled mess of other stories on fimfiction, but there are enough people who don't know jack shit about how to write a real story and don't have the slightest grasp on sex, so this story received enough favorites to make it up to the featured box, which has been broken by no more than a bunch of 13-15 year old one-hand typists.
I have nothing against you, author, and I don't feel good to say this, but this story really shouldn't have ever gone anywhere.
I have nothing against clop. I cherish a good clopfic when it makes the featured box; sadly, this hasn't been happening much.
2110399 I feel ya'.
2110743 My respect for you has increased tenfold.
You're awesome.
2110743
Sorry if I was a bit harsh.
2110882
You have an Inquisitorial Seal as you avatar, and you are apologizing...?
BURN THE HERETIC!
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9arjdGTDl1rvofa7o1_500.jpg
2110916
Well excuuuuuuuuusse me, Princess!
Sorry, I'm not really a fan of this story. There are dozens of spelling/grammatical errors, which make it annoying to read. On top of that, the pacing is off. Things happen too fast, and are not given enough description.
I do like the premise of the story, and I have to admit that the ending is nice, what with Twilight giving Chrysalis a second chance and everything. But honestly, the grammar and pacing ruin it for me.
2110982
Heheh, it's kewl.
A princess that isn't my daughter!??!! WHAT MADDNESS IS THIS!!!!!!!!!! Sparta?
I don't nessisaraly disapprove of it though twilight would be a good princess.
I'll allow it
King Lazaro Sol of Ziolia
Alright, just some errors to correct before the main review:
... "She bid goodbye to her finance" - I think you meant "fiancée".
There were several grammatical errors her and there with apostrophes being needed, but I'll let 'em slide.
Hmm... for the beginning, this certainly has a decent build-up. Onto Chapter Two.
Again, only clear errors.
… “princess whsipered into” – ‘whsipered’ should be ‘whispered’.
… “how I look,,” – No need for two commas.
… “Twilight thiught about” – ‘thiught’ should be ‘thought’.
… “can't quiet get” – ‘quiet’ should be ‘quite’.
… “been silienced again” – ‘silienced’ should be ‘silenced’.
… “hadn't know what to expect, and the stalion seemed” – Two errors here: ‘know’ should be ‘known’, and ‘stalion’ should be ‘stallion’.
Well, it's... a story.
Really, there's not a lot to be said here, surprisingly. It was descriptive, but brief. The 'clop' wasn't bad, but again, brief. I found the sections nearing the end to be the most interesting: The psychological 'attack' by threatening her friends drawing me into the story far more than the 'clop material'. 
… “humming some the pairs – It should be ‘humming some of the pairs’ ’, but the main issue the lack of an ‘of’.
… “She telported the” – ‘teleported’ instead of ‘telported’.
Well, I have to agree with some of the others: There were certainly other fics worthy of a top spot. That aside, this is a very 'base' fic: The events occur quickly with minimal buildup or payoff, the errors seriously irk me
, but the most irritating thing... is that it all somehow 'fits' for what it is.
Yeah, I know this will sound dumb: I hate the things that MAKE this story, but the pieces all still form a 'complete puzzle'. I HATE how I feel like I need to like this story somehow, but... it's 'alright'.
If someone wanted to ask me "Hey, do you know any short, 'Alright' fics with reduced clop and not many words?", I'd probably point them to this. It's nothing I like... but I can't help but feel like, in its own way, it's 'complete'.
.......... except for "you're going to have to earn it". That was just a
tease, right there.
2105149 clop-clop-clop-clop-clop-clop-clop-clop-clop-clop-clop-clop-clop
This fic is... interesting... to say the least.
sequel...
Love it now to read the next story.
I call pacing! More pacing! NOT ENOUGH PACING! *Faints*
More plz
I couldn't continue reading this no matter how much I wanted to, I kept getting distracted by the constant grammar errors. Please proofread your stories before you post them :/
Go Chryssie go!
Chryssie wins, rapeality.
Well, at least Chryssie survived. Though I don't get why Twilight went Alicorn.
Huh. Well, this was a better ending. Still don't get why Twilight turned Alicorn.
7125723 Dream of Alicornicaton~ yeah, realised that soon after I posted that. Still like it, since there was no changeling genocide or dying Chryssie.
... Or Chryssie's cum is THAT magical... I kinda like that idea.
I'm hope the sequel involves Chrysalis earning the love she needs to survive.
That is a pretty weird excuse. If Twilight had gone missing after what happened they would be very worried for her. If she's so distraught she could do all sort of things she might later regret.
After what she did Twilight would take a small amount of sadistic glee in rubbing it in Chrysalis' face.
7125792
…That isn't a Sonic '06 reference, is it?
8595359
... No, it's a reference to Red Hot Chilli Peppers.