Honey Heart the filly
Joined 20th Apr, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Anonymo · 7.1k words · 180 24 · 4k views
- nodamnbrakes · 34k words · 751 78 · 11k views
- Dexter Helix · 42k words · 230 15 · 5.5k views
- Archvile · 3.6k words · 176 17 · 6.6k views
- EvilNaab · 6.2k words · 46 4 · 1.8k views
- StormHoof32 · 1.8k words · 167 17 · 500 views
- Lynked · 16k words · 122 11 · 4.7k views
- Dark0592 · 7k words · 125 16 · 1.5k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.227 seconds
Total duration
995 users online
171,142 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Is this a sequel to something? Or am I supposed to be confused?
It's still undergoing major plot development. its the way I write, sorry. Hang in there and you might get it better.
Huh... I haven't seen this concept before now.
2478163
That's what I said. There have been a few fics regarding Nightmare Moon's return not being stopped by the mane 6, thus rendering Equestria in eternal night, but nothing about Twilight (or anypony else) being sent to the moon WITH her. I'm exploring new territory :D but really, i agree, this is woefully under-done, both in exploring Nightmare Moon as a character with any kind of grasp with harmony and the moon as a place to be period.
I'm kinda curious to see how this progresses. Mostly because they aint got nothin to eat but rocks.
Edit: Well that was quite the....Read.
2478253
Um...Okay? I'm trying, here, really. It's kinda the opposite of the other story. in the other story, clop came to me, just begging to be written. but, it wasn't tagged for it and i didnt want to change it out of nowhere. so, i was hoping for the same, but this one doesn't do it. sorry if you think Celestia's attempt to come on to Twilight was rather lame, I kind of did too, but I promised clop, so there's a little teaser.
that sounded lame too.
2478288 OK lets take a deep breath and relax
I honestly didn't find Celestias advances awkward at all. She is a princess and getting everything she wants at a moments notice is definitely a plausible reason, but is it the reason why Twilight was booted?
Secondly, the big problem I had was the big chunks of paragraphs that had dialogue from multiple characters mushed together. It was messy and difficult to read! Space it out a little and make it nice and neat for the reader!
Thirdly, I don't want to insult or annoy anyone, but if you feel that it's awkward to type it up or if you find that the story isn't working out than you work on it until it does work! I have SIX stories waiting to be submitted! You have plenty of time to mold it into a proper story and there is absolutely no one here to force you to make it in the first place!
Interesting concept, but you really need to have each speaker have their own paragraphs rather than clumping entire exchanges in the same one. Otherwise it just gets confusing trying to figure out who is saying what.
2478356
In answer to your first question, yes, Twilight rejecting Celestia had direct repercussions towards her being sent to the moon. Though her attitude in the meantime didn't help...
About your second statement, It's in the submission rules that you can't write it out that way, or that's how I interpreted it. If you give dialogue its own line every time, it'll look like a play script.
Thirdly, this is mostly an exploration of my raw writing skill, unmodified by patience or anything like that. I have one clop and one non-clop to do this with. Basically, to put this in science, its the control group for my writing 'tests'. If that makes sense. ^-^ hope that helps you understand, or something.
2478395 Actually, giving each speaker their own line/paragraph is how things should be written. It just makes things infinitely easier to follow, and if you look in any work of fiction (for example, A Tale of Two Cities) you'll notice that it looks far neater than compressing entire conversations together into one paragraph where it is hard to figure out who is saying what.
2478395 here's a sample of what the administrators will and will not allow:
That was an example of what they won't allow, the following is an example of what they will allow:
I hope this helps you
PS sounds like an interesting story, will deftly give it a read.
2478484
Okay, since everyone seems to agree with that...
Another reason I dislike listing chat, is I interject actions between lines of dialogue quite often, and I wouldn't know what to do with that if I did as ya'll suggested. I mean, I'll try it, but I don't know how that would work.
So, I think that's how you were thinking? Separating dialogue from action somehow...I guess it looks okay.
2478505 Well I'm no expert, but that can be handled using proper usage of commas and periods, ie:
"Luna, I caught you red-hooved staring at her flank," growled Celestia.
"That is ridiculous." Luna stomped her hooves for emphasis. "We would never attempt to seduce thy student!"
I also hope I'm not coming across as a bossy jerk or anything!
2478592
So, you think I should not punctuate dialogue? hmmm, interesting. Let's give it a spin. i'll go back and do that, we'll see how it goes. if I find a way to make this work, I'll try to adapt my writing style to it.
2478614 Hopefully that goes well for you. You can find web pages on how dialogue and their related actions should be formatted and stuff on the 'net - guides are a dime a dozen. If nothing else it'll make your stories look more professional.
2478665
alright, i finished another try on modifying it. let me know if that's any better?
2478773 That looks way better and far more readable. Good job!
2478163
Isn't it great? I love when I see a new concept in a story.
I feel I should mention you broke the first person style somewhere in the first few paragraphs, for just one word, by saying Twilight's instead of my. Other than that, wonderful job so far and I'm curious as to where this will go.
2479813
That was a slight internal monologue for her, sorry if it looked out of place.
though, if you think about it, the whole thing is an internal monologue.
I would like to address a few things that came to my head last night.
A. There is no correlation between this and any other story.
B. The clop and gore is coming, it's all the way I write causing the delay as I set up the plot.
C. Chapter 2 will be out soon. I plan on catching this up to Chapter 5 atleast, then writing a little more of my other story. This is for some reason a lot harder to write, but I embrace the challenge. Maybe it's the way I chose to relate the story, telling it directly from Twilight's perspective.
~shrug~ I hope everypony enjoys the story as it develops.
just cause she's a nightmare doesn't mean she can't have feelings. really, who thought of that?
2481031
Why thank you ^-^
This idea would NOT leave my mind while I wrote the other story, and it drove me to distraction. so I decided to write it out.
You know, I had an idea just like this some time ago. Never got it to work out properly though.
So it's great to see somebody with a similiar idea that can get it to work.
That being said, this story is awesome and I expect MOAR
TO THE MOOOOOOOOOONNNN!!!!!!! BEEEEEYYYYYTTTCCCHHHHHH!!!!!!
Love this, you get a like and a fav!
2481153
Nope. That was just a convenient excuse to send Twi to the moon. I did a good job cloaking the true point of the fic?
2481428
Glad you think so, and I'll put at least three more chapters on here without switching up.
Well this won't end well, two of the people Celestia love/hates (well she might not hate Twilight yet, but denial is quite the bitch slap and fury can quickly sour emotions) are coming to town, and they're going to royally fuck things up! Celestia may or may not regret banishing Twilight/Nightmare, or maybe banishing Twilight was all part of some plan to bring Luna back to goodness or whatever! Who knows, Celestia has had crazier plans before!
(seriously though, deus ex machina letters was, and always will be a horribly risky idea
)
2481820
Just curious what you mean by all that. Are you saying you like it, or you don't?
2481900
Basically I mean that I think it's up in the air as to whether of not Celestia did this while thing intentionally or if she's going to have a very Bad summer sun Celebration.
As for the letter thing, I was making a joke about how desperate a move that must have been for Celestia to make, that is and never will be a smart move.
2481579
i can almost see why you did that...but seriously.
wtf. did i. just watch. LOL
2481976
Ah dunno either?
Ah'm just as confused as ya'll are? Ah can't really see where ya're goin' wit all tha' about Celestia bein' desperate. Sorry. Also, this was somewhat difficult to type out.
i want moar
2482043
Indeed. I am working on the next chapter as we speak.
Edit: I need to quit replying impulsively to these comments. I weighed it in my mind and threw out the current idea. So, I'm still working on it. I'll find a way to put in that clop, and maybe it'll actually fit.
2482062 well i hope you update soon. im always watching from the shadows.
Shade out
2482108
yep, i'm working on it.
2482110 Im always wathcing and waiting
2482186
yay, creepy stalker fan?
This story seems to be gaining popularity more quickly than my other one. Hmm...
kay, everypony, feast your eyes on my first attempt at a clop scene? Celestia and Twilight didn't really count, as it didn't really go anywhere.
Well made clop, I must say.
Love the direction this story is going, can't wait for more.
2482307
Well made clop, I must say.
Love the direction this story is going, can't wait for more.
>Well made clop
>Well made
PSA: curveball, much? I think I overdid Twilight's irony.
2482322
I thought it was beautifully described-it didn't drag on and on and on, but at the same time is possessed enough length to increase the feels. You can really sense the passion, the spur of the moment love/lust.
It would be kinda hard for twilight to meet RD if luna was still on the moon...
2482496
Forgot the AU tag. my mistake. This is taking place a few years later than it should have, and Twilight had already studied friendship.
I should tack that on there. not sure if its allowed, though.
The feelings Nightmare has for Twilight feel kinda fast to me, granted she has been alone with rosy palm for the last 1000 yrs, and they are more or less kindred souls in that they both got banished by someone that held in very high regards .
But I'm not here to tear your story apart nor am I saying it's bad, keep on keeping on
2482194 lol