Feeling in my heart > Feeling in my pants.

That is all.

Another good chapter and you've made me wonder who Rainbow's lesmarian lover is/was. So he still has Fluttershy, Twilight and his sister to knock-up. I'm guessing the time he spent with Celestia and Luna already got the job done with them already.

I really really like this story. As much as it is about Mac knocking up a lot of the Ponyville girls and the Princesses, it still manages to be sweet and romantic at the same time. Always a pleasure to read <3

I think Marty Mcfly said best: "She's a peeping Tom!"

I fear for poor Mac, given Fluttershy has a very powerful persona hidden away. One that is demanding in a moral compass, yet borders on the line of possessive.

"You're going to love me!"

Ring any bells? This comet is going to unleash something in the Shy. I wonder what though...

Huh. So apparently the carpet DOES match the drapes.

warm and cool…

That doesn't make any sense what'd he fill her up with?....................Pop..Tarts?
IT'S NOT POP TARTS!!!!

Commence read.

Alright then. That was quite a wall.

Originally, I thought this story would be all valid plot to explain endless clop.
Then I heard Rainbow's story.

Hmm...the story progresses.
I'm assuming Dash will be like a pimp of sorts? Making the females Mac will be with more comfortable? I'm only guessing and could be entirely wrong, but, meh, I guess I'll just have to wait.

Super thanks for monster sized chapter BTW!

how in fucken hell do you do it it is insaine for gods sake you make chaters have inner personas that will drown an ocsen (dont get it, say this pinky logic 3x deal with it) and you just keep throwing curv balls some Like Rairty ,Luna and Molestia were obvies choices becuse of over use but jezis christ Pinky and Dash's personas in this story will blow Discord's mind man 6 words only WILL. YOU. BETA. READ. FOR. ME!!!!!

Awesome chapter.
So he told Rainbow everything? Even the pregnancy stuff? So she knew what she was getting into when she told him to leave it in?

It's a good thing Big Mac has Rainbow on his side now, because when the others find out that he's been getting with their friends behind their backs they're going to skin him alive. Seriously, I don't see how he could possibly make it out of this situation unscathed.

And here I thought that it'd just be a clop story with a justification to just the clopping. And then you just slammed RD's backstory down on our heads. I still got bruises.

That RD wouldn't be a virgin, I got that sussed from the start. That she would break the hymen in an accident, wasn't expectin' that. That she'd be insecure about going all the way with a stallion because of some jerk she hung out with who took her for granted? Wow. I kinda was thinking something about her freaking out about dating a colt, but this!? Eenope.

And now it's Fluttershy's turn. Shyness ahead in perilous amounts. Or it could be the other way 'round, I dunno, with the way you write things. Cheerilee might be an unexpected bonus, but I keep thinking about Twilight. No matter how much I keep thinking about how AJ might need some stallion of her own (Soarin' maybe), the idea comes that as much as Twilight would prefer to study and such, she would need to be reminded that she is still a girl with needs. Oh, Celestia's shiney hineys, what's Spike gonna think about all of this?

AN UPDATE! HUZZAH

Gah! Curse you! I'm too bothered and hot to go to sleep now!

You really got Dash's character down pretty well. Brash and impatient with a soft side. Well done.

I wonder who's going to be there to 'help' AJ out. eh?

Also, that bit with Pinkie at the beginning was incredible. Pinkie/Mac is one of my favorite ships, after all.

"Cultural Exchange", hah, straight out of a classic porno.

Like I said before, enjoy your Easter celebrations. This seems like a big setup chapter for future ones, so it didn't seem as focused, but I realize why that had to be the way it is, or we'd be stuck seeing many smaller chapters going off in different directions.

I would suggest this guy: shepherd0821
Here's one of their images:
shepherd0821.deviantart.com/art/MLP-Frienship-is-Magic-Mane-6-298154393?q=gallery%3Ashepherd0821%2F19508827&qo=112

2337593
Ah…her wild side.
At least Macintosh can just tell AJ his (future) injuries (brought on by sex-related ways I am unfamiliar with. Dominatrix, Frenzied rutting, take your pick) were caused by a wild beast.

2338470 Don't forget Bondage, Toys, maybe a little cross species, role-play, back=door and last but not lest if it's flutters and my personal fav S&M. All of which I have done, except cross species.

Splendid chapter as usual
Poor RD, how can you fall down and break your hymen
Also, I wonder how (or better question, with whom) AJ will get the respite she so desperately needs.

A bunch of minor errors that I have noticed:

However, as she began to travels towards the nearest exit from the metaphysical plane, her small smile curled into a wickedly mischievous grin.

travel

Have you ever tasted yourself Big Mac? Your delicious!"

you're

Growling in frustrating, she between over further for more leverage before once again trying to open it, her struggles drawing the attention of Big Macintosh.

something is missing here

"Whoever it was gave you the very best advice ever than!"

then

Rainbow Dash helped steadied Big Macintosh's descent down the ladder

"Very," answered Applejack with a small, burrowing down into the comfort of her bed,

something is missing here

He continue to look up at her face while his tongue and fingers explored her lower folds, enjoying the silent film quality of her erotic reactions.

The warm, wet feeling of her throat and tight seal of he pursed lips confirmed this to be true,

her lower try moving up and down slowly as she tried to form words.

something is missing here

2339804 Dammit, I was just 25 minutes late... Oh well! *posts his introductory proofreading analysis comment on the story*

Not surprisingly, this will be sectioned into separate comments for proofreading and review. To my shock, though, this will be sectioned to separate comments for 'proofreading', alone! (I keep getting kicked off. )

… “its mighty swell” – ‘its’ should have an apostrophe in it, becoming ‘it’s’.
… “what I entered my head” – I don’t think ‘I’ is needed.
… “an expression of absolutely sincerity” – ‘absolutely’ should just be ‘absolute’, since ‘sincerity’ was the last word in the sentence.
… “ya two we'll keep Equestria” – Despite the accent, ‘we’ll’ still doesn’t feel right, being used here.
… “as she began to travels towards” – I think ‘travels’ should be either ‘travel’, or possibly ‘traverse’.
… “the Cutie Mark Crusader's recently” – ‘Crusader’s’ should actually be “Crusaders’”, with the apostrophe at the end, because there are multiple members of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, after all.
… “his morningwood, cooing and” – ‘morningwood’ isn’t a word, though ‘morning’ and ‘wood’ are, and used with spacing, mean what I think you were trying to establish by combining them. Regardless, “Have typo, will proofread!”
… “Big Macintosh's relished” – No need for the apostrophe, or the ‘s’. Since he’s relishing in the feeling, it should just be ‘Big Macintosh’.
… “"I'm real close darlin'..."” – Insert a comma between ‘close’ and ‘darlin’’.
… “Your delicious!” – ‘Your’ should be ‘You’re’… oddly enough, I like this typo, and feel a bit upset about pointing it out, knowing that doing so is a placement of the mark of being corrected.
… “I do eat a lot of lollipops silly,” – There should be a comma between ‘lollipops’ and ‘silly’.
Taking a moment to step out of ‘proofreading mode’, I can’t help but make a ‘commas save lives’ joke here. “Let’s eat, Grandma!” versus “Let’s eat Grandma!”
… “she between over further” – ‘between’ should be ‘bent’. This one took me a while to figure out, though. (How did ‘between’ get there? )
… “felt ever muscle” – ‘ever’ should be ‘every’.
… “him into quivering” – ‘a’ should be placed between ‘into’ and ‘quivering’.
… “clean up all the romantic thingies and puddles!” – Here’s a fun fact: Wood absorbs moisture, so those ‘puddles’ would likely leave a very prominent scent in the air, unless he used bleach or something to fix it, which would be even worse, even if the clubhouse is outside… Heh…
… “each of her friend's shoulders” – Since she’s draping an arm around a shoulder of Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, ‘friend’s’ should be ‘friends’’.
… “in anticipation,” still, how” – The quotation mark should be next to ‘still’ rather than ‘anticipation’.
… “very last stake!” – This was actually part of a question, so a question mark should conclude the sentence.
… “use my wings everyday to” – ‘everyday’ is a word, but not meant to be used in this context. As a result, there should be a space between ‘every’ and ‘day’.
… “The Cutie Mark Crusade's strategy” – ‘Crusade’s’ should be ‘Crusaders’’. Like before, the apostrophe will be at the end, since multiple members of the Cutie Mark Crusaders are planning their strategy.
… “Suspicious? Me? Never!” (Pinkie Pie) – I just… have to put this in as “Incorrect”… Feel free not to correct it, but every synapse in my brain refuses to let me pass this line up without saying “NO! JUST NO! WRONG!”
… “clearly see its open” – ‘its’ should be ‘it’s’.
… “we’ll it ain’t” – Is it ‘we’ll’ because of Apple Bloom’s accent? I remember in Sisterhooves Social, she clearly says “Well that’s silly!” I wonder if her accent would be prominent in the stating of ‘well’.
Section between, “the door girls.”” and “pie recipies she knew” – This is a bit of a different ‘error’: You have the tendency to place a tab at the start of each new ‘paragraph’. However, you failed to do so several times between the two lines I posted. Just a heads-up.
… “more letters do deliver” – ‘do’ should be ‘to’.
… “Big Macintosh grown quite accustom to” – ‘had’ should be placed between ‘Macintosh’ and ‘grown’. Also, ‘accustom’ should be ‘accustomed’.
… “the sun princess’ latest” – ‘princess’’ should be ‘princess’s’.
… “last evening.
However,” – The new line lacks the ‘tab’ at the start of it.
… “and started tease her” – ‘to’ should be between ‘started’ and ‘tease’.
… “give him knock” – ‘a’ should be placed between ‘him’ and ‘knock’. Again, a shame I had to correct this… it sounds like an a slogan. “Boyfriend not listening? Give him ‘Knock’!”
… “Well that's to ba...wait” – I think ‘to’ should be ‘too’, since they’d sound the same. Otherwise, what the heck would she be saying, uninterrupted? It seems like it would be “Well that’s too bad”, at the very least.
… “Her vision began blur” – ‘to’ needs to be placed between ‘began’ and ‘blur’.
… “what's wrong AJ!” – This is a strange one: I feel that, because the previous statement was simply Big Macintosh shouting “AJ!”, it would make more sense for ‘what’s’ to be capitalized. Even if that doesn’t occur, though, place a comma between ‘wrong’ and ‘AJ’, and end it with a question mark, since it’s a concern-based question.
… “helped steadied Big Macintosh's descent” – ‘steadied’ should be ‘to steady’, or ‘by steadying’.
… “can get if for ya” – ‘if’ should be ‘it’. (I actually missed this one when I first read it. Heh, it almost slipped by me! )
… “What I need is ta talk ta Dash about is somethin' for mare's ears only” – This is actually a fun little error: using ‘is’ twice makes this sentence grammatically incorrect. To fix it, just remove EITHER ‘is’ you want, but not both. The sentence will be correct, regardless of which of the two you remove. What an interesting error…
… “doin' ta Macintosh.” – The period should be replaced by a question mark.
… “made it to second” – Considering the lack of culturally-unique dialogue in the sentences by Applejack here, I recommend replacing ‘to’ with ‘ta’.
… “What was that sugar cube?” – A comma should be placed after ‘that’. Otherwise, the statement directly questions the noun shared with it: ‘sugar cube’, as if Applejack is questioning what a specific sugar cube ‘was’.
… “and swig of” – ‘a’ should be placed between ‘and’ and ‘swig’.
… “moonshine Applejack” – Place a comma after ‘moonshine’, since the entire sentence directly addresses Applejack, herself.
… “with a small, burrowing down into” – ‘small’ should likely be ‘smile’, or you should place a noun directly after ‘small’.
… “at the pegasus' head” – I won’t go into capitalizing ‘pegasus’, but I will say that it should be ‘pegasus’s’, because of how it’s possessive of a single pegasus. Under normal circumstances, you could have corrected this with ‘the pegasus pony’s head’, but since this is humanized, we go to Plan B: The fact that ‘Pegasus’ and “Octopus” both hold the same possessive traits, in writing. (See: ‘Octopus’s Garden’, or their pluralized forms, ‘pegasi’ and ‘octopi’, respectively.)
… “storm ya were talkin'” – Okay, this is a questionable one, but… could you make ‘ya’ be ‘ya’ll’? I tried saying the sentence out loud, and it never sounds right, the way it is, even with a southern drawl.
… “towards nearest exit” – ‘the’ should be placed between ‘towards’ and ‘nearest’.
… “Besides, I had the” – There are two spaces between ‘I’ and ‘had’.
… “than a innocent” – ‘a’ should be ‘an’.
… “her incredible sensitive breasts” – This is an error that can be corrected in two different ways: Either replace ‘incredible’ with ‘incredibly’, or put a comma after ‘incredible’, thus regarding her breasts as either ‘incredibly sensitive’, or ‘incredible and sensitive’, depending on how you correct the statement. Writer’s Choice!
… “why ain't this enough!” – This is a question, so end it with a question mark.
… “ya are gonna” – As earlier, it doesn’t sound right using ‘ya’ here. Consider substituting it for ‘ya’ll’.
… “Heart and Hooves Day” – It’s actually ‘Hearts’, not ‘Heart’.
… “Maybe I could…no she’d never believe that in a million years, plotted Big Macintosh, desperately trying to craft a convincing excuse, if I explain that…no, that is even stupider than the first idea.” – This section needs italicized text for the thoughts.
… “blind and or deaf” – Insert a forward slash in place of the space between ‘and’ and ‘or’.
… “enjoying her new found control” – Remove the space between ‘new’ and ‘found’, since ‘newfound’ is the correct word to use in that sentence.
… “make sure that my friends are, well, okay, got it!” – Replace the exclamation mark with a question mark. Other than that, the sentence itself doesn’t seem to ‘end’ in any grammatically solid manner, but at least the question mark will make it seem like a hastily-produced explanation on the part of Rainbow Dash.
… “late at night.” – Replace the period with a question mark.
… “something new. Big Macintosh” – While not essential, consider replacing the period with a colon.
… “but they kiss” – ‘they’ should be ‘the’.
… “The sparred” – ‘The’ should be ‘they’. (Wow, directly contrasting corrections, back-to-back. )
… “angles to lounge and” – ‘in’ should be placed between ‘lounge’ and ‘and’.

This is… part one of my proofreading. I shall return, but for now, this is my observations in terms of proofreading. I have over 5,700 words left, according to Microsoft Word. I’ll be back for it.

Humm, Big Mac in the woods with Fluttershy who is his next official target, Cherilee who has been seeking him for a while and Zecora who presumably is not immune to the comet and likely does not get much relief visit either... this could be a long busy night if BM takes side-jobs!

I seriously can't help but wonder what that comet will do to Twilight. It makes all the other mares crazy, so what will it do to her? Make here extra crazy? Make her normal?

Anyway, great chapter as usual. I find myself reading this more for the story and the interaction between the characters, than the clop.

2339122
It's always the quiet ones that surprise you, isn't it?

Wow these chapters are long but, thats a good thing.

I said I’d be back, and I’m back with the need; the need to read. (Could’ve used a default emoticon of “Determined Twilight Sparkle”, there… the frowny-face looks too angry...)

… “He continue to look” – ‘continue’ should be ‘continued’.
… “seal of he pursed” – ‘he’ should be ‘her’.
… “the cyan pegasus’ head” – ‘pegasus’’ should be ‘pegasus’s’.
… “did I do somethin’” – ‘did’ should be capitalized.
… “to hold stymie her tears” – both ‘hold’ and ‘stymie’ shouldn’t be used together, since they mean the same thing and are both verbs. Despite your tendency to use a broader, advanced vocabulary of words to describe events, emotions, et cetera, I suggest replacing ‘hold stymie’ with ‘hold back’, ‘hold off’, or even simply ‘repress’.
… “were don' it” – ‘don’’ should be ‘doin’’.
… “through the the large” – ‘the’ shouldn’t be used twice in a row.
… “through the partial opened” – ‘partial’ should be ‘partially’.
… “curling into the tightest possible inside the old” – Erm… I’ve got no idea what you could either add or remove to ‘simply’ fix this statement. H-Hold on, let me look at the whole thing.

Rainbow Dash visibly shrank at this declaration, curling into the tightest possible inside the old wool mackinaw she'd found.

O-Okay, let’s see… taking only what I need to keep to retain the meaning of the sentence, I remove some, add a bit, and… Hm. This isn’t easy.

Rainbow Dash visibly shrank at this declaration as she curled herself into a ball from within the fabric of an old wool mackinaw she'd wrapped herself in.

Truth be told, I still think you could come up with something better than I did, given your immersion in the story, as it is your story, so you likely have a better idea of what’s going on than anyone. I wish I could have provided a sound replacement. Ugh…
… “here with me.” – This should end with a question mark rather than a period.
… “eyes and inhaling and exhaling a deep” – Replace ‘and’ with a comma.
… “didn't want to listen them” – ‘to’ should be placed between ‘listen’ and ‘them’.
… “she visible relaxed” – ‘visible’ should be ‘visibly’.
… “I was just mad”” – Place a comma between ‘mad’ and the quotation mark.
… “but balling by the bucket” – ‘balling’ should be ‘bawling’.
… “much needed pancea at” – I think you meant ‘panacea’, since ‘pancea’ isn’t a word.
… “Celestia personal hedgerow maze” – Add an apostrophe and ‘s’ after ‘Celestia’.
… “the princess’ flowing” – ‘princess’’ should be ‘princess’s’, as it is a possessive, singular term.
… “used to bath herself” – ‘bath’ should be ‘bathe’.
… “left off due before his” – ‘due’ isn’t needed at all, nor does a word need to be substituted in its place.
… “looks out there window” – ‘there’ should be ‘their’.
… “pulling gentle on” – While I suppose this can also work as it is, I recommend replacing ‘gentle’ with ‘gently’.
… “yeah know” – ‘yeah’ should be ‘ya’.
… “say their hot” – ‘their’ should be ‘they’re’.
… “pressing more it home” – ‘of’ should be placed between ‘more’ and ‘it’.
… “The stayed like this” – ‘The’ should be ‘they’.

Time for the analysis of the story. First off, this Read, Proofread and Review was done while listening to the following song, playing on an infinite loop.

Wanted to test to see if this could feel even more immersive with suitable music: I just took a chance on which track to loop.

Review in the next comment.

“Cutie Mark Crusader exorcists, yay!”

And that is why we must now offer daily sacrifices to our merciful Windigo overlords!
Now who wants snowcones?

2337673 Oh! God! !LoL!

exorcism cutie marks! Dafuk! ;P

2342329 I know, it was the perfect setup.
PLAY ME OFF PAUL! *Paul Schafer and the band start playing*

2342202 "I for one, welcome our new Windigo overlords!"

2342357
Then you shall be the flavor of our next frozen dessert!
Hold still, it won't hurt for long!
...
...
Okay, I think I'm done with that.

3 down.....2 to go. And if turns out that there's a sixth name on that list....*Male Opera Singer's Voice* NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! *Normal Voice* NO! NO! Cut to something else! CUT TO SOMETHING ELSE!!! Wait what's that King Arthur? What should Big Mac do if there's a sixth name on that list?

2342335
Padre Bloom, Padre Belle, and Padreloo? TECHNICALLY it'd be 'Priest' as a direct translation... unless it's Latin, of course.

... I suppose they could be "Mystics", in that case, though... but "Padre Bloom, Padre Belle, and Padreloo" just sound so much better when said in a deep, commanding, movie-trailer voice.

This chapter was by far, one of my favorites. Before delving into it, I want to explain something else worth noting: The ‘style’ of this chapter, as well as the previous one: Dream intro, then a scene involving sex, followed by plenty of dramatic buildup and culminating in a sex scene that invokes the passion that had been built up throughout the aforementioned dramatic buildup.

This chapter format that you’ve used for the previous chapter, as well as for this one, is absolutely fantastic for your story. I could just as easily say “intro, clop, filler, clop’, but the scenes complement one another to ease us into what you’ve written. It never feels like you rush to the next parts in terms of ‘structured sentences’; they flow very nicely.

With that in mind, on to the chapter, itself. There are a lot of things I could say from previous chapters that apply here, such as how well-characterized Pinkie Pie was, how your use of Ditzy Doo is both endearing, yet adorable, and how well-developed Big Macintosh is in terms of his character. I was honestly worried about how this would be handled, though a few events I didn’t foresee as being plausible, kept this significantly interesting, such as the use of casual comedy through simple quips from characters or the occasional use of physically humorous actions (Big Macintosh’s last events at the clubhouse), or events (Applejack in Big Mac’s room).

The comedy didn’t take away from the drama, and the drama didn’t take away from the comedy. There was a balance between the two that was kept in check through clear and precisely written descriptions, explanatory dialogue and narrative scenes, and emotionally written interactions and moments of self-reflection.

Now for a few ‘give and takes’: Applejack drove me up the wall with how her dialogue was written at times. Sometimes it didn’t bother me too much, but other times were actually capable of making me type “Change this” in my proofreading section, before I edited those parts out. (Personal opinion should not be reflected in an official proofreading)
Her accent was laid on thick, and I found myself wondering if she had always been like that in other chapters. She could say “I” (“I reckon” as opposed to “Ah reckon”), but “ya” was what really threw me off. When used next to a word that starts with a vowel, it becomes almost impossible to say in a fluid tone without comma placement or HEAVY struggling, making me wonder if anyone could possibly say the line coherently, even to those familiar with the drawl.
As for Big Macintosh, allowing others to talk for him is still a preferred course of action, at least to me. Is he in-character? Yes, but it’s more than that. He doesn’t mince words. I’m glad that the scene in the barn was explained in the narrative, rather than by Mac himself. It kept the drama of the scene perfectly level.
Inversely, there were some scenes that would be brought up that never happened in the story, such as Apple Bloom talking about ‘something exciting’. Essentially, it was ‘dinner table conversations’ that were omitted, yet referenced.
Remember that these moments of reprieve from the story can always be inserted in order to bring up the status of another character, and should not be ignored as a result (The Apple Family often visits the market on their own, so Big Macintosh could use this time to learn of the other mares’ whereabouts, or better yet, to learn if anypony else in his family has noticed strange events.) Never underestimate the use of a side-character for nudging a plot device closer to the forefront of the drama in the story.
Speaking of character usage and plot devices, the following events could have either been expanded upon, or should be considered for the next chapters:
- What happened with Pinkie? Did Big Mac see her yet?
- When Applejack went to town, what did she go for? She saw others acting inappropriate, but what, did she just go to say ‘hi’ to someone? Or maybe she’s recalling her trip with the Devil’s food cake? I dunno…
- Why did you make Canterlot sound so interesting? Seriously, guards needed to break up public displays of indecency (guards who will undoubtedly succumb to these desires at some point… ), Princess Celestia undoubtedly being affected by this comet, and then there’s what’s going on with Luna!
- Ditzy Doo’s getting her own side-plot, which I’m impressed by. The only question is, what will come of it?
- Characters need management! Fluttershy, Cheerilee, Rainbow Dash, and Celestia are all guaranteed appearances, and all are mares as well (Zecora might be bypassed, in terms of who’s in the chapter). Big Mac wants to keep an eye on Apple Bloom, but clearly won’t be able to do that. So now he’s torn even further between family and his obligations to the Princess.
- Applejack’s heat has her bedridden. What of Rarity and Twilight’s current status’? Hmm…
So clearly, an awful lot of homework, but thankfully, they can be considered at your leisure rather than “FILL THESE GAPS, FILL THESE GAPS, ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, YAYORNEIGH PLEASE FILL THESE GAPS, ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR” needed to be sung from the gallows.

Keeping a steady pace with drama and comedy seems to be the key to this story being successful, but the last two mares were both highly comedic in personality. Fluttershy isn’t, nor is Cheerilee (in most representations). Applejack’s down, and Rainbow’s up in the air (she’s also the guardian of Scootaloo, which is a good angle to work). The question now, is how you’ll be able to pull it off.

… You BET I’ll keep reading this! I’ll watch you like an eagle… on a perch… very high in the air… in Italy… with assassins.

……… Why no, I HAVEN’T turned the Assassin's Creed music off. Review’s not over, after all. *Sends* Okay, now it is.

2341915 exactly. They also scream the loudest.

2342453 "William Friedkin's: The Exorcist"
Starring Linda Blair, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo.

"Your mother sucks cocks in hell!"
-The Exorcist

2342904 Next time on "Ponies in the Human World"...

2337399

I went right for the feels with this chapter. Bullseye!

2337549

You'll actually find out the answer to that question in the next chapter. Stay tuned!

2337563

I really look at it as a story for adults more than just a "one and done" clop narrative. I'm glad you like it though. I really try to make it humorous, heartwarming, and sexy.

2337573

What has been seen cannot be unseen.

2337593

I'm definitely going over some old episodes for Fluttershy's chapter. Me thinks things are going to get raunchy. Yay!

2337625

I laughed pretty good too writing that little exchange. I figured you guys would enjoy it too.

2337673

I actually changed that little bit at the end. It was late and I was trying to get it posted. I read it again the next morning and face-palmed. Ugh.

2337680

I admit it was a lot (20,000 words ), but I hope you'll give it another shot if you didn't get through it the first time. I promise most of the content is good (I think anyways ).

2337686

I told you dudes/ladies that I was upping the drama. I wanted to give Dash's character a plausible, yet still tragic, background story. It seems to have been received well, so I'm relieved it worked out.

2337801

No, not a pimp. More of a helper is what I had in mind. I guess she'd have an unending supply of feathers to put into pimp hats though.

2337860

After I finish this story (three more chapters to go), I'll probably try to do some community projects like beta reading or coauthoring. Until then, I just want to focus on my own work.

2337948

Brony, this space rock is making mares do crazy things . This will escalate in the next chapter, and really become a big hurdle in the sixth and final installments.

2337990

I was aware of the accidental hymen breakage from a biology class, but I double-checked just to be sure. Fluttershy is going to be a challenge, but I look forward to writing about our favorite yellow and pink ball of meekness.

2338043

Joyous rapture! The YayOrNeigh giveth a gift.

2338119

Thanks for the compliments! Glad you liked the Pinkie Pie bit, and hopefully you managed to get some rest too.

2338189

Yes, I had a lot that needed to be setup in this chapter, such as the impending civil unrest, etc. Things are going to get more chaotic from here on out.

2338311

The picture didn't load for me. I'm thinking about making an account on deviantART and messaging some artists I like.

2338470

I've said this before, but it bears repeating: the mind is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

2339122

I'm about to diving into a bit more of the kinky stuff in order to keep the intimate scenes fresh. Nothing too extreme though.

2339804

Thank you for those corrections brony. I'll probably get around to making them tomorrow. Applejack is a work in progress...I'm gonna have to do some thinking about her future.

2339919

Thank you too for the corrections brony. You've been a big help so far.

2340187

Remember, the last chapter will be about a mystery mare! Who will it be? I'm not telling...

2340255

I've got some funny and sexy ideas for Twilight, so hopefully you guys will enjoy it. She is an observant, clever girl though...

2341915

That is actually a good bit of advice. It really is always the quiet ones. Truth.

2342002

I hope the length is more of a positive than a negative. Sometimes when I read stories on here that range from 1,000 to 3,000 words, I kinda wonder where the rest went. One-shots can be done in ~3,000 words, but 1,000ish is like flash fiction. Tough to pull off well.

2342188

Once more, thanks for these corrections. I appreciate the help, especially considering the size of this behemoth.

2342202

Ha! I loved writing that part. I could almost hear them say it...

2342335

That is an upcoming episode in season 4. I swear.

2342357

Hear, hear.

2342545

A few of those loose ends were purposefully left like that to be introduced as points of conflict in the next chapter. I thought I did mention that Applejack went into town for the roofing supplies? If not, I'll amend that. Also, some of the information is intended to come through indirect revelation, i.e., Big Macintosh washing the dinner dishes, then later going up to Applejack's room. Next, Applejack telling him about the field trip. Finally, him saying she had mentioned something during dinner, but hadn't specified a field trip. I do admit the Texan dialog is vexing sometimes. I'll try to work on that in the next chapter. As for characters like Ditzy Doo, etc., I use those incidents as comic relief. She will play a bigger role eventually, but I'm not sure how big it will be at this point.

2343236 Leave that bit about the warm and cool. It's comedy gold!

2343236 I thank you for your kind words in my efforts at correction. Really, the music helped a lot with getting through scenes, in terms of how immersive it was. It's a very peaceful song, after all, and perfect for Equestria as a result, even if its' real purpose is... rather depressing.

As for the size of the story? The only problem was me getting kicked off the computer due to being on it for almost the entire day, reading this chapter. Heh... Didn't want to get away from it. I'm just sorry that I couldn't proofread it faster, since I had to keep leaving and returning. Ugh... my apologies.

Woah. Big Mac actually told someone about what he's doing? Can't say I expected that when I walked into this rather massive chapter. I also can't believe that he somehow managed to pull off lying to the Element of Honesty herself. That takes some serious skill. I feel as though, for some reason, AJ's sudden heat-induced incapacitation on the roof of the barn was a little long-distance aid from Princess Celestia... that being said, it was probably just a very helpful coincidence.

I had a feeling that Pinkie Pie all hanging out the window like that wouldn't go unnoticed for several reasons; one, she's bright fucking pink. Two, things are rarely focused on in much detail in stories unless they serve a purpose to the plot or the characters, and the way you emphasized Pinkie's thoughts about someone catching her and Big Mac in the act really showed that. Not to say that this story's predictable, it's just that after so many English classes and fan fictions, one starts to pick up on things like this.

I'm impressed that Mac was able to get Rainbow Dash over her past experiences so easily, but I guess the whole feeling of trust they established with each other made it more possible.

Great chapter, yes- and now that there are only two ponies to go (Twi and Flutters, unless you decide to turn around and put Mac with Applejack (something I really don't see happening)) maybe Mac will have some time for... side quests. I hear Cheerilee's been asking about him, after all.

2343236
Did you try opening it in a new tab?

Make it fast....and sexy. Oh, and when your finished, say "Ooohhh, what a lovely tea party."

Err mah gerrd. I literally cannot express in words how much I love this story. It's so god damn sexy and yet is chock-full of an extremely motivating plot line. It's also extremely well-written. How is it that you swing so quickly from feels to smexiness? Such an awesome work you have here. And with a 20,000 word update...unf. I came before I even started lol.

So good. Keep 'em coming. I cannot praise this enough.

Real quick:

but balling by the bucket load

Should be 'bawling.' I'm not sure Rainbow is the...'ballin'' type. Or maybe she is...

And you simply must do a Ditzy Doo chapter! Stop it with the teases! Don't make me write it myself!

So warm and so cool is appropriate to be sure.

2343236 l.wigflip.com/a/jH4P5BVt/roflbot.jpg

2343236

Um... Applejack and Big Mac have Tennessee drawls, not Texan accents.

These are not interchangeable, either.

If you need advisory on that, I live near the Alabama-Tennessee border. Just ask me. I know the accent very well, as most of my family lives in the latter state.

2344518

I live near the MS/TN border as well, but you are right, they do speak with an Ozark accent. I originally thought Texan because of Applejack's Stetson, but there are a lot of apple orchards in the Appalachian mountains too. Maybe I'll try to cut down on the phonetic-style of writing I'm using for the Apple family. Well see.