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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Really interesting story and I like how he isn't instantly man whore but is trying to stay sane. Also using a biology student is definitely interesting considering most stories ginda gloss over the human character's background. Out of curiosity are you a bio major?
2002128
No, unfortunately I'm not...yet that is
Didn't her explanation for his wet hair already answer that question?
2003316
he asks himself about his wet hair when he wakes up. Daniel isn't entirely sure why his hair is wet until dash gives him the explanation.
2004722 Yeah I got that, but the explanation of rain was brought up twice: one for the hair and the other for the clothes. I thought wet hair was enough to assume that the clothes were wet as well.
Guy better have some good lungs cuz if he cant fight them off than he better be fast.
....someone get the mac signal this boy's in mare trouble and needs an extra phallus to help him!!
loving it, was kinda hesitant to read with the whole gore tag mixed with sex.....that stuff kills my....."apreciation" for the sex scenes, rough and dominating is ok and hot if done right but the few I have read with gore and sex I thought "naw no one would do that must be like fighting a manticor or somethng and having rescue sex" haunt me to this day
Rarity:
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4nxqopfJ01rwniqvo1_500.jpg
Us:
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Really nice! looking forward for more!plz?
2006735 Hey high wind
Very good.
I don't know how it works in the story, but don't you think that lesbian relationships would start forming if there was such a lack of stallions? Even if it was just for pleasure, it makes sense that so many sexually frustrated mares would eventaully vent with each other's help, even if many of them were only interested in stallions.
It's cool if that's not your thing, but it makes sense to me that lesbian activity would become normal in a world where there aren't many males.
2010298
Was hoping no one would spoil the lesbian thing. Now everyone knows how they were doing stuff before the next chapter.
Lawls just kidding, but yes, somehow you guessed how they kept 'sane' without stallions.
2010413 Now I'm REALLY looking forward to more of this!
2009599
global3.memecdn.com/Sup_o_93894.jpg
fuckin' amazin'. totally epic, continue the story please
2071707
Glad you like it.
He should just tell them he has a girl freind. That seems to stop them.
Entertaining so far. Here, have a song that will likely reflect a future chase scene:
Good thing he's there and not me. If someone tried to rape me, I'd try to kill them.
Bad ass OH MY GOD can't hold it any longer
Seems.... Intresting. For a clopfic that doesnt seem to be to realistic. If you were going for realism i would have to say my good sir, that you woud have faile din my eyes :)
oh crud the spa not the best move dude
good chapter but i better see the guy rut s pony or 2 eventually.
You luck bastard. Why can't that be me?!
2684997 .........I don't want to know what your holding
Rrrruuuuuuuunnnnnn!!!!!!!!! Just not to the spa.
If rape happened to me while in Equestria, I (most likely) would kill myself,with some implement,kitchen knife or 100 meter fall, either or....
While Daniel was out Twi be like:
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fqyjOc3EpT4]
Suprise!
4621665 but dis is noat raep?
2006735 Me: yes!
Very close to getting a dislike, but you redeemed yourself at the very end. I really hope his reaction is more realistic in later chapters.
4198782 static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11/117617/2752014-25043088.jpg
How did he knew twilight's name? Rainbow only called her Twi when she went downstairs and Twilight never introduced herself.
2006735 Before this gets any worse to keep my chastity, i have no other choice.
We have to RUN!
This story is promising but it really needs a lot of editing.
I wish the guy had some true balls and just fucking KO'd Rarity.
first impression are good so far just one thing
WHY ISNT IT EVER ME IN THESE HAREM SITUATIONS
I noticed a few errors, this being the first big one of the chapter
For one that b needs to be capitalized and the like needs to be connected by a hyphen to the word be for it, and that's just for starters. It's always a good idea to go over what you have posted a few hours or days after it's gone up to see if you can spot some errors.
I am enjoying the story so far, but sometimes errors can really ruin the immersion.
Normally I would call Daniel a pussy for not letting Rarity get what she wanted. But under these circumstances, plus he just got in MLP world, I understand his doubts. But wow now that he's in Ponysville Spa, I have a guess that things won't be pretty good for him, but at the same time I think he would die of happiness
Transitions like this come across as kinda insulting to the reader. We're not dumb. You made a clear scene transition, and then you label it with something we can easily gather from the text.
And you've lost me on this character. He's shown little but confusion and panic so far, albeit with some arousal. But he was angry with Rarity, and then he seductively grins at her...first off, what is a seductive look for him? Does he close his eyes and smile? Does he pinch his nipples? Does he stick his tongue out and lick his lips? You don't give any details. When you write about someone who is infuriated, you don't say "they're mad". You say, "their veins pulsed, teeth gnashed, hands clenched". Same with seductive looks. Unless you've already established the exact seductive look a character uses, show rather than say. Give details. Being told it's seductive is boring.
Secondly, where did this come from? This is from someone who is comfortable with their situation. He, on the other hand, was clearly uncomfortable a minute ago and you haven't established him as being a charming individual capable. In fact, I'd say he's not charming or distinctly average, considering his interaction with the professor.
Well, you've kinda really screwed up this character at this point. He acts as if he is uncomfortable and in a state of shock about the sexual advances and being,you know, around sapient anthromorphic horses, but he instantly switches to being seductive and giving back as much as he gets, then he refuses to fuck one despite gladly enjoying a blowjob.
At this point, he's not a character. he's a mix of contradictions. I have no idea how this guy is supposed to act. I wouldn't be surprised if a monster attacked and he's know martial arts and beat it to death, or if someone asked him to translate a druid text and ask him to perform a druid ritual to save Equestria. You've shown no consistency with him, so he could be anything.
Challenge Failed.
Half way through Chapter two, first chapter with a lot of interaction and there are two rape scenes. Holy hell dude.
8032287
i bet a good hard elbow to her nose would've really felt nice there
10404971
personally I would have gone ~just~ under the ribs where the diaphragm is