• Member Since 8th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 6th, 2013

William w2


E

This was the first fanfic I ever attempted to write. It got deleted by somebody... Well merge is about me going to Equestria when our worlds collide.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 11 )

Sounds... I don't know. Inb4 Regidar.

1784190 No, I'm going to get banned because of idiots like him.

1784196
ah, hadn't thought of that.... :twilightoops:

1784200 :ajsleepy: At least when I get first comment I'm productive, not just for the sake of beating others there. I only do this because everyone deserves at least one view and one comment.

1784267
Yup, even if super sort or just a gif. I can't recall the post ever not having at least something to do with the story.

And as for the story it was... how do I put this?
Both a delight and a real pain to read. I like the concept and the "poetry" and flow of it were nice but there were tons of "wrinkles".

For one thing its generally not a good idea to use parenthesizes or put yourself in situations where parenthesizes are needed in a story as it breaks up the flow. Another thing is that many points were repeated needlessly, such as where it was mentioned that spike was sleeping twice or where Twilight urgently told spike to hurry. I know the second example wasn't exactly repeated by the same narration but something about it felt off none the less, perhaps there could be another way to word it?

See, the thing here... why is this a crossover, and why is there no "human" tag?
1784338 Agreed.

1784338 yeah I'll look into that. Thanks for all the comments! Good or bad. It'll be awhile before I will put the next chapter so don't worry If I don't post for a while.

aw sad ^^ but an nice lil play

Login or register to comment