The Big Finish
Quizzical
Chapter 11 The Big Finish
Quiz awoke blind and in pain.
She set her horn aglow, and that fixed the first but made the second worse.
“Oh, good,” groaned Indy, seeing the light. “Quizzical is awake.”
“Indy, you are hurt!” cried Quiz, going to his side.
“Only a little bit. Indy cannot stand, or move without pain, or breathe deeply; but other than that Indy feels fine.”
“You saved my life,” said Quiz. “Why would you do such a thing?”
“Indy has already explained this,” said Indy. “Quizzical should stop being stupid and pay attention.”
Quiz was without a reply, so she regarded the pile of rock in front of them. “Most of the tunnel collapsed behind us; we seem to have fallen into the opening I predicted would be here.”
“There is much rubble to move,” said Indy. “And Indy cannot help Quizzical dig us out. Indy can only help Quizzical use up our air.”
“That does not concern me,” said Quiz.
“Indy tested with a torch, while Quizzical slept,” said the diamond dog. “There was no air flow, so Indy put the torch out.”
“Then I shall have to dig an airway,” said Quiz. She picked up one rock with her magic and one rock with her hooves, and threw them aside. She tried to ignore the pounding in her head.
“Before Quizzical gets to work,” said Indy. “She should raise the light level just a bit, and turn around.”
“I do not know what… oh, my,” Quiz turned and saw gems. Everywhere. “Well… that is just extraordinary.”
“Isn’t it just?” agreed Indy.
“It is like standing inside a geode,” said Quiz.
“Yes, except it is a geode 30 feet high, 20 feet wide, and 50 feet deep,” said Indy. “Indy does not know how to convert that into units ponies use. But, congratulations. Quizzical has made the greatest find in the history of the Diamond Dogs.”
“Then I really should get us out of here, so we may celebrate,” said Quiz, getting to work.
#
“This is better, but it’s still not enough,” said Twilight, regarding the little white hair bow floating just off the tip of her nose. “If this doesn’t work I don’t know what we can do to find Quiz.” She felt like crying.
“Can I try?” asked Sweetie Belle. “Please?”
“Sweetie Belle, please, let the older ponies work,” said Rarity.
“The fillies share a bond, and the bow was a gift from one to the other,” said Princess Celestia. “Sometimes that makes a difference. It will not hurt to let her try. Go ahead, Sweetie Belle.”
Sweetie Belle concentrated and her horn glowed. She sang, “Ah, ah, Ah, AH!” and the glow increased. The bow floated an inch into the air.
“Sweetie Belle, how did you do that?” gasped Rarity. She had never seen her sister perform any magic.
“I feel something,” said Sweetie Belle, uncertainly. She tried with all her might, but she couldn’t make the spell any stronger.
#
Sweetie Belle’s friends watched from the edge of the rocks. Sweetie Belle had been allowed close to the action because she had information that had been helpful, but the rest of the fillies had been kept back with the other onlookers.
“She needs a focus,” said Twist. “But none of us have any gemths.”
Apple Bloom thought about this. “I have an idea,” she said, and she whispered her plan to the others.
“Ithn’t thith going break our Pinkie Promith?” asked Twist.
“Not so much break it, as bend it a bit,” said Apple Bloom.
“C’mon, Twist, this is going to be cool!” said Scootaloo. “And you want Quiz back, don’t you?”
Twist nodded emphatically. “I’m in.”
#
“Hi, Diamond Tiara,” said Twist.
“What?” said Diamond. “Oh, Twist. What do you want?”
“Oh, nothing,” said Twist. “Justht look thith way for a moment.”
Diamond glared at her. “What are you talking about, Twist?”
“Oh, nothing much,” said Twist. “I’m justht trying to dithract you.”
“Are you losing your… Hey!” Apple Bloom had snuck up from Diamond’s other side, and stolen her tiara.
“Stop!” shrieked Diamond Tiara. “Stop, Thief!”
Diamond was causing so much commotion that all eyes were on her. They were looking the wrong way when Apple Bloom passed the tiara to Scootaloo.
Scootaloo slid through the legs of the nearest guard, and was sprinting for boulder before anyone knew what had happened.
“Sweetie Belle, use this!” called Scootaloo, tossing the tiara onto the boulder.
Oh, good idea!, thought Sweetie Belle. She already knew the exact harmonic note of these particular diamonds. “Ah!” she sang, and the tiara’s stones glowed. The hair bow flew above their heads.
“Sweetie Belle, what are you doing?!” cried Twilight. “And how did you know how to do that?!!!”
“Hush, Twilight,” whispered Princess Celestia. “Watch.”
It’s still not enough!, thought Sweetie Belle. I can feel you, I…oh, Quiz, you’ve hurt your head! And…what are you so determined about? Then, in a moment of inspiration, Sweetie Belle sang again. Only this time she tried to imitate her friend’s flat delivery.
“Da, da, Da, DA! That’s it! I’ve found her! I’ve found her!” And Sweetie Belle was bounding away, across the rock face.
“Sweetie Bell, come back!” called Rarity.
“No!” yelled Princess Luna. “WE FOLLOW!!!”
#
“Rest, Quizzical,” said Indy.
“There is much left to do…” began Quiz.
“The rocks will wait for you, Quizzical, they aren’t going anywhere,” said Indy. “Rest.”
Quiz had to admit, she needed to rest. Quiz found a flat spot, and folded her legs under herself. It felt good to lie down. “I had an idea that if I could get closer to the gems it might be easier for my friends to find me. Gems do not interfere with magic as ordinary rock does. They can act as amplifiers. Not all of my ideas are very good.”
“Oh, well, nice try,” said Indy. A moment later, he asked, “Will Quizzical sing for Indy?”
“What?” asked Quiz. “Indy, you have heard my voice.”
“Quizzical has the best voice in this chamber,” said Indy. “Please, Quizzical.”
Quiz had to agree, it couldn’t hurt. She began to sing the only song she knew by heart.
“The fire of friendship lives in our hearts, As long as it burns we cannot drift apart…”
#
“Here!” declared Sweetie Belle, pawing the rock. “Straight down. Right below us.”
Almost everypony had followed Sweetie Belle, including the Greystones and their staff. The mining engineers immediately began to examine the outcrop. They soon had bad news.
“There’s definitely an opening below us,” said Greystone senior. “But it’s deep, and it will take hours to dig out. The digging will be noisy as well. The diamond dogs will hear us coming.”
The younger Chisel approached, shaking his head. “It’s bad, Dad. It’s all full of cracks and fissures. If we dig here we’ll collapse the ceiling.”
“Maybe we can find a diamond dog hole near by,” said Chisel senior. “That’s just dirt and loose rubble; we can dig through that fast enough.” The quarry ponies fanned out, searching.
“Everypony, search for a hole,” ordered Princess Celestia, and the ponies scattered.
“It’s not fair!” cried Sweetie Belle. “I found her! Quiz is right here! Why can’t we get her back right now?!”
Luna went to Sweetie Belle, and said, softly, “Try reaching out to her, Sweetie Belle.”
The filly nodded, and her face scrunched up with concentration. “I hear her… is that… is Quiz… singing?”
“Sing with her,” said Luna.
Sweetie Belle squeezed her eyes tightly shut, and tried to focus on the song in her head. “Though quarrels arise, there numbers are few…”
All Equestrians upon hearing this song instinctively join in. Usually, they just mumble along; Sweetie Belle’s voice was too beautiful and strong for just mouthing the words. Soon, all the ponies; Princesses, soldiers, quarry workers, and citizens; had all joined in full voiced song. The sound rose, and rose; reaching a peak with the final verse.
“A circle of friends we’ll be to the very end!”
When the last note faded, Sweetie Belle glowed like a star. Then with a “pop” she disappeared.
#
“Quizzical, were the gems just glowing?”
Before Quiz could answer, there was a ‘pop’ and something fell on her.
“What… how… Sweetie Belle?” gasped Quiz, trying to see around her friend’s hooves in her face.
“Wow!” said Sweetie Belle. “That was just extraordinary!”
“Quizzical, will any more of your friends be dropping out of the air?” asked Indy.
“I would think, no…’” began Quiz.
With a ‘Boom!’ Princess Luna appeared in the chamber. “SWEETIE BELLE!!! IF YOU EVER TELEPORT THROUGH SOLID ROCK AGAIN YOU SHALL BE GROUNDED FOR LIFE!!!”
“Yes, Princess Luna,” said Sweetie Belle, meekly. Then she brightened, “Look, I found Quiz!”
“Quizzical,” said Luna, and she went to Quiz and wrapped her wings around her. “Are you well?”
“Mostly. How did you get here?”
“Sweetie Belle seems to have had a lucky accident. And a teleportation leaves a magic trail that can be tracked. Once we could sense that Sweetie Belle was not encased in stone,” Luna paused to give Sweetie Belle a stern look, “we were able to follow. Now, what of this one?” she pointed to Indy, “Is he one of your captors? Does he need to be punished?”
“No!” cried Quiz. “He is my friend! He must be treated as an ally.”
“Well… in that case…” Luna touched Indy with her horn. The horn glowed, and then all Indy glowed as well.
“Whoa!” gasped Indy. “That feels Good! Indy feels good in places Indy did not know were sore! Thank you, Princess.”
“You are welcome… Indy.”
“If Indy were to throw himself against a wall would the Princess heal him again?”
“No,” said the Princess coldly.
“Oh, well,” muttered Indy, disappointed. “We are still trapped by a cave in.”
All of the rocks in the rubble pile glowed, and Luna gestured. The entire wall of fallen rock groaned and shifted. Fresher air filled the chamber. They could see torch light from the corridors outside. Just down the tunnel dirt and dust was falling from a hole in the ceiling.
“That would be your father and his employees, Quizzical. They will soon reach us,” said Luna. “Until then, I need to speak with Chief Bowser. Oh, and we claim this cavern in the name of Equestria.”
#
]“Chief Bowser,” said Luna. “We thank you for your efforts to return our little pony to us. However, we have found her ourselves.”
Bowser crossed his arms and glared at Luna. “Fine, you have rescued the worthless pony. What do you want now, pretty little pony princess?”
“We have a section of your tunnels currently under our control,” said Luna. “We wish to negotiate its return to you.”
“You hold the ragged end of a played out tunnel,” said Bowser. “Keep it.”
“Really,” said Luna. “Perhaps before you make a hasty decision, Chief Bowser, you should come and see just what it was that our little pony found for you.”
#
The next day Twilight Sparkle and the Princesses watched Quiz through the library window. The Ponyville Hospital had kept her overnight; despite a healing spell from Princess Luna, Quiz still needed a hot meal, some hydration, and a good night’s sleep. And now she needed to be with family, and her family needed her with them.
“We could have swept them all back to Canterlot in seconds,” said Princess Celestia.
“The old fashioned way will do,” said Luna.
“I’ll be riding home with them,” said Twilight. “Suddenly, I find I’m missing my parents more than I ever have.”
“And while we kill time waiting for the train, Quiz gets to do something else she needs,” said Celestia.
In the street, outside the library, Quiz and her friends were playing. It was a raucous game of tag, and Quiz was just watching. She was probably feeling up to it; but no matter how far Quiz had come, she wasn’t quite ready for tag. But while she was just watching, one thing would have been obvious to the most casual observer.
Quiz was happy.
“Sages, wizards, Equestria’s greatest thinkers, will all be arguing for years about just what Sweetie Belle did yesterday,” said Celestia. “They will make up all sorts of jargon to describe it, even though they do not understand any of it.”
“I prefer the simple explanation,” said Luna.
“And what is that, Sister?” asked Celestia.
Luna shrugged, “Friendship is magic.”
Outside, in an effort to draw Quiz into the game, Twist had tagged her. Quiz had tagged Twist right back. This precipitated a long argument over whether ‘touch backs’ were allowed.
“I do wonder if the magic has anything to do with something the girls did out on the barrens,” said Twilight. “And an emerald Rarity found put back on the wrong shelf.”
“Enough, Twilight Sparkle,” said Celestia. “Quiz will be with her real mother, my student; you are excused for an entire week from your guardianship duties. Investigate the trouble the girls got into next Monday.”
Outside, the argument had evolved into an impromptu sing-along. The girls were coming to the final note.
“…Friends!”
THE END
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How in God's name is this comedic? This is the flattest OC I've ever seen. If that's the joke, call me a killjoy.
How in God's name is this the end?
1762986
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1762986
you must have the wrong sense of humour for this story. I found a lot of this story hilarious.
I enjoyed this story. How smart Quizzical was made it easier to follow her character. I'm glad this was featured!
Should be doing homework right now but nope reading storys
1762986
But i'm kill joy!
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1763390 Delightful!
1762396 "We named the dog Indiana."
Excellent story.
Soooo... It says the end, but the story is still marked is incomplete. Is there perhaps a another part or sequel in the works? If there is, I will read it.
Edit: Never mind, it says complete now. Was a very good story.
1757850
Testing. Perverts, honestly...
what..."The End"...awwww...
1764215
I wouldn't worry, there's a sequel somewhere.
1764215 Doesn't it feel finished? I did, after all, get to write my favorite line of the whole story ("Quiz was happy.")
1764239
Hmm, well, I suppose the main plot is wrapped up, but it feels like it ended too abruptly, like there are some loose ends that need tying up. An epilogue maybe? It is marked incomplete after all.
EDIT: Oh, tagged complete now.
I... I need more! MORE!
out of five happy Pinkies!
This is like... one of THE best stories I've read.
You receive
1757850 Damn it, third grade humor strikes again. i1197.photobucket.com/albums/aa435/professorbrackets/Gifs%20-%20Angry/shakingfist.gif
1764239 the thing is, It has potential to go further. I mean really. You could easily turn this into a sub fandom with your talents and some time. Imagine is now, the Quiziverse. You really could.
1764727 Those of you who know Quiz from other sites probably think I should stop teasing. OK. Here is a link to the sequel, it's four fifths written. http://earwig888.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=24#/d5b0bnv I'll be moving it to FimFic soon. Quiz-verse? I like the sound of that.
1764847 No link, grumble. Look for "Thweet Geniuth" by earwig888 on deviantart.com.
Seriously, why didn't luna turn Bowser into a crater on the moon?
1764500 There is more. But you don't get it unless you click "watch" and follow the nice author.
alll good, just diamond tiara needs to die
why is it always the deliberately bland OC's that are always the best.
this is the second story with one i have seen so far and, while not as bland, is much better.
1767746
What was the first?
1769842 im unsure of the name, but it was the life of john the stallion, who was a appliance manual salesman.
Sequel, Now, or else i hurt your baby
1773325 Well done - never tell a Corellian the odds or a pegasi the angles. Did you get the classic StarTrek reference on the same page?
I did find the quality of the fic going downhill since chapter one. It has interesting ideas and the overal story isn't bad, it's just that the story feels flat as Quizzical herself and in need of refinement.
I can't help but see Quiz as a sort of ponified Nagato, which pleases me. Thumbed, faved, watched, etc.
My only real complaint is that Indy is entirely too convenient as a plot device. I would have preferred to see Quiz outsmart the dogs and get herself out somehow.
1775831
I don't know if that would have been as good.
I believe part of the purpose of the ending was to show Quizzical that everybody did care about her.
1776740
I did think of that, and it makes sense, but I still can't help feeling that it puts Quiz in a perhaps overly passive role.
1776808
That's kind of who she is though.
1776817
Yes and no. She can take action on her own when she needs/wants to (e.g., standing up for Pip and organizing that experiment with the emerald). The story works well enough as it is, of course, but I think it might have been a bit more satisfying if Quiz had been allowed to get herself out of her predicament. Like I said before, Indy just seems a bit too convenient -- what would Quiz have done if there hadn't been a strangely sympathetic diamond dog to help her?
Very cute but the lack of explanation of what happened to Indy really grates.
I realy enjoyed reading this sire! And I hope there is some kind of sequal in the future
Only thing's I have the say though is fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/208/6/1/slow_down_maurice__by_mandella644-d58tnwo.gif
vibeus.wippiespace.com/pictures/gifs/clap%20clap.gif
1820908 Thank you. That means a lot, particularly as of the Mane 6 Pinkie is the character who's voice I write the least well (in all fairness, she's the hardest to write). I do a much better Rarity.
Excellent ending and an excellent story. I can't wait to see the sequel show up here.
What a cute story! I think a lot of people will see a little bit of themselves in Quiz. My favorite scene is the Surprise Welcome Party.
There are a few stories, at least one famous, where Twilight has to take charge of a filly. I find it interesting here that instead of taking a motherly role, she is more a cross of Dormitory Resident Assistant and Graduate School Professor.
Wow, awesome fic
This has been an exquisite story, JMac. You succeeded in giving the reader in interesting character, which we quickly became interested and invested in. Throughout the story, you did a great job of keeping everypony in-character, a quality that unquestionably deserves praise. However, there were many areas of the writing that could have used improvement. Not things like pacing or overall content – as I said, those were spot-on – but in the technical aspects:
I spotted quite a few missing words, incorrect punctuation marks, double-spaces between words, and other small but repeated errors that could be rectified with closer attention to self-editing. Still, self-editing will only get an author so far, no matter how good said author is, so if I were you, I'd recommend getting yourself a couple of editors to help spot things that need improvement. Small things that, in the long run, make a difference; for example, I noted a few instances of character dialogue where they would say something along the lines of "You are [...]", when it would have sounded far more natural to say "You're [...]". This is nitpicky, obviously, but nitpicks are still warranted.
As far as the overall story content, there were only two things that I felt could use improvement. Firstly, Indy – He was just too much of a deus ex machina, to be honest. A reason was never really given as to why he is so friendly to Quizzical, despite being a diamond dog. Sure, the reader gets the idea that he's different from the rest, but again, Why? Especially considering that he appears to be the prison warden – You'd think he, out of all of the dogs, would be cruel. In the end, he was just too easy; too much of a help to Quiz; a plot device; a deus ex machina. He needed elaboration, a backstory, or perhaps more of a build-up of friendliness, instead of coming out of nowhere to be Quiz's comrade against his own kind.
The second overall plot detail that was weak was the ending: It was rather indecisive and rushed. Bowser gave up too quickly – He was dismissed from the story with just a few lines: "Fine, you have rescued the worthless pony", seems extremely passive for this supposedly rabble-rousing leader in this situation. Furthermore, it was never mentioned what happened to Indy! I mean, come on! He was Quiz's only solace for three chapters, and then was never given thanks of any kind! That's just a plain lack of finish-what-you-startedness. Lastly, the entire last scene felt off-rhythm; the dialogue was out of character, and it was too quick. This whole story, with Quizzical's development and all, was concluded in under a five hundred words. And that is just outright wrong – for the story itself and for the reader. It left me unsatisfied. We never quite figured out where Quiz fit into all of this. Sure, she was learning the meaning of friendship, but her problems were never properly resolved; it left me wanting more. Perhaps the idea was to leave it open-ended. Well, alright, that works, but again, more elaboration was needed than a not-even-four-hundred-word long scene.
I just... phew.... Sorry if this is coming as too much to take in all at once. Just know that this is the most I've ever written about a story, which shows my sense commitment toward it. That sort of commitment doesn't originate around a sub-par story. You've done a wonderful job of creating an interesting story, you just need some practice in the art of actual storytelling. But hey, since this is your first story (At least I think it is?), it's more than forgivable. I'd love, love, love to eventually see some sort of re-write for this story. With some polish, it would definitely by EQD worthy, for whatever that's worth to you.
Good day, and good luck in your future writing endeavors, JMac. Forward to Thweet Geniuth I go. :D
Just thought I'd let you know that I'm not adding Quizzical to Twilight's Library for the very simple reason that I already added it more than half a year ago. It is also in the Featured folder, in fact. And the sequels have been added as well, IIRC...
2927291 Oooops! Sorry about that.
I gotta say, Quiz has gotta be one of my top 10 spots for favorite OC characters.
I dunno what it is, but she just cracks me up. (It's gotta be the unintentional deadpan and how she turns 'scientific'. That always gets me.)
Definitely had a lot of fun seeing Quiz get a little more social, though I think the story lost some of it's development and pacing when it hit the Diamond Dogs part. Really, I would've loved to see more of her interacting with the town and Luna more, but that's what sequels are for, aren't they?
Also the formatting on this story is really...weird. I haven't read any of your other stories yet, so I'm not sure if this persists, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
Can't wait to read more JMac!
Perfect. Just perfect.
3599848 Thank you. I like Raven's voice for Quiz, but Quiz could never be that snarkey (out loud).
3619209 There's a reading here (I haven't promoted it as the fellow doing this is having trouble editing chapter 2) link Thanks for reading.