• Member Since 9th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 27th, 2012

McNeil


Comedies. I like those. Also, heartwarmers. Give those to me. Now.

T

Chaos Lord Crull of the World Eaters appears in Equestria for unknown reasons (probably due to Warp travel gone awry). Stranded on this strange world, he slowly discovers the meaning of the word 'friendship' as he forms bonds with a certain pink pony.

A Warhammer 40K crossover. What fun is there in making sense?


Proofreading done by Dramaideale. Big thanks to you, man.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 56 )

This had great potential, watching this.

:pinkiecrazy: This fanfic looks great... call the commander this is gonna b good
games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m490034_99060113002_TauPathfinderShasUiMain_873x627.jpg
:moustache: please keep up the good work my good sir

Thank you, people, didn't expect this to get such positive responses:pinkiehappy:
I will keep up with this, however, I would welcome any criticism and pointing-out flaws. I barely have anything to do with WH40K and any form of feedback that could help me improve would be greatly appreciated.

"Ponies! The slauuughter will-

Nevermind, FRENDSHIPZ."

Haha, oh man, he even yells inside his own head, that's fantastic. Please, do continue this if you can.

i hope you don,t mix it too much with 40k universe because its like mixing teletubbies with war world 2 its eather ends with hilarious crazyiness or it will end very very dark... anyway! i bit you will do fine and it would be great anyway it gose soo keep on writing magic! and if you want some info about 40k i could help you:scootangel:

I am interested in the universe of WH40K, so I give some things a read and watch some related vids and so on. It's just that I haven't gotten into it completely and thus would appreciate it if people could point out WH-related mistakes on my part.

PLEASE do more!!!

This just made my day. "sniff" im so happy!

A Warhammer crossover that doesn't look like it will end gruesomely? Finally! Also, Crull shouting inside his head is genius. Keep up the good work!

Looking good, just hope the warp doesn't open a portal here for some reason...

125621 :pinkiecrazy:GLASSES FOR THE HIPSTER GOD!:pinkiecrazy:

126936
Hah, I was tempted to put a METAL BOXES qute there, but it's not an actual quote from Crull :pinkiecrazy:

125596>>125596 will if you want knowledge of choas gods and chaos marines then i am your man! lets see you choas marine is champion of khrone right? if soo i got bad news for you the champoins of the dark gods are linked with there gods soo if there champion dies they take his soul and soo that means they are allways linked with there god in any dimension or time and since our space buddy of there is spouse to be champion of khrone... well its not going to end well for equistria since ha true champoin of one of the gods is nightmare to kill since it takes ha hole chapter of space marine to kill one champion and a chapter is 1000 space marine plus dreadnoughts and what not soo what do you do here?

will good thing you dent say wicth chapter he was with. soo it means he could be ha slave form one of the rouge worshipers ho pray and fight for there name but not sided with them soo they recive some minor blessings of the gods and if they die there soul gose to the warp to khorne wicth he will send them back as demons or semi demons why khrone dosent just take there souls and get on with his day? will khrone is god of war and hate soo the more people fight and filled with rage the more khrone belly is happy thats why he is toughist of all gods and its an endless war out there!

soo your space marine is self procliamed champion soo he has huge ego and form looks of it not soo tough since ha warior of khrone could stab and punsh tanks and destroy them with complete ease and ha champion? dosent need to touch ha thing to destory it scince his hate is soo great he is engulfed in flames and his powerful enough to call warp gates and demons and mederios and his melee hits .. will there is good reason why space marins use cloneing. soo what is he what his story how and why he became ha choas space marine? we dont know.. well not you of course :twilightsmile:you could think of some thing nice and sweat ha heart warming story scince after all its equistria we are talking and seting here soo in there future there is only love and friendship:twilightblush:
i hope i dent make it long reply and bored you:twilightblush: but i really tried to give ha smallist clearist idea of the warhammer universe scince the game is just ha small part of the story of warhammer and its very rich story you get lost in it and love it for the ideas of there world its huge! anything could happen! and the more you read about them the more you get lost in there sea of knowledge and you wonder what if? i hope i helped you with my knowledge here and i hope you keep on writeing for ten more chapters in the future!:twilightsmile: and ho i have few suggestion about the story
(you could right about him challengeing rainbow dash in diffrent things like pie eating raceing and flying wait flying!? he has no wings! you say buut ha! he is semi demon soo he could teleport but since he is but semi demon incidents do accoure and other fun stuff! and learns meaning of frindship form her and meaning kindness and love form fluttershy and meaning giveing life and nurture ho are younger or older of ho you love form apple jack and meaning of scrafice form twilight and pinky pie? just let her be pinky pie it will come to you rarity? she well probliy give him ha bath and new cloths or something since choas marins arent known for there high hygiene)

130371
Hah, thanks for all that info, I'm sure it will prove useful in the future :twilightsmile: I want to clarify two things: Crull is not my original character, he actually is a playable guy in Dawn of War: Winter Assault, so there IS info available about him. Secondly, I plan on having a liberal approach to all those rules because let's face it, if I treated this seriously, Crull would've already started a bloodbath in Ponyville.

And yes, I do have some plans regarding other ponies in the future, stay tuned :pinkiehappy:

huuuuhhh but i want ha bloodbath:fluttercry:

Oh god...no...I-its making me d-dd-do it....*Inhales*:twilightangry2:
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD:pinkiehappy:
SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE:pinkiecrazy:
FRIENDSHIP FOR KHO- Wait hmm...Nah:duck:
MILK FOR THE KHORNE FLAKES :rainbowdetermined2:
(I had to I'm sorry):facehoof:

:pinkiecrazy: This is getting awesome!

:flutterrage: PROPAGANDA TIME!!!
media.desura.com/images/groups/1/3/2055/Tau_Propaganda.png
:moustache: Please keep up the good work my good sir

This is one of the most hilarious things I have ever read. Good job so far!

Eh Eh Eh AHA AHA AHAHAHA! Let chaos consume the weak willed ponies!
LET THE FEAST COMMENCE!

this story is such a disrespect to Chaos and Crull's Reputation :trixieshiftleft: but its SOOO BUCKING FUNNY :rainbowlaugh:
:rainbowlaugh: please continue and keep up the great work :pinkiehappy:

Goddamn it you made me laugh myself to death...lucky I regenerate :ajsmug:

A Fanfic worthy of Khorne lol made my day I always enjoy reading this.:scootangel:

THIS AMUSES ME GREATLY! ITS CONTINUATION WILL BRING MANY BLESSINGS FROM THE BLOOD GOD!

Oh man, I'm loving this so far. You've done a great job with Crull's character, even though I didn't like him in DoW: WA. I also like how you've had his personality slowly change, how he couldn't bring himself to kill the ponies who saved him.

„Forces of Chaos, FILL ME WITH POWER!”
Two unnecessary commas at the start of that line.

“You can come with me to Ponyville! I'm sure Gummy will love you
Double indent on that line?

I would normally ask you to take away all that ALLCAPS, but I know Crull speaks like that, and I love it. I'm also waiting to see Lord Crull turn into a die-hard Chaos Brony-Marine. Good job, I'll keep reading.

158779
Thanks for the comment and pointing out those commas. Those were actually supposed to be the beginning of quotation marks, but I hadn't switched Open Office's language to English, so it ended up this way (yep, quotation marks are like that in my language).
I'm glad you liked it, I'm currently thinking how to handle ideas for chapter 4, don't wanna rush it :twilightsmile:

Great stuff, I'm tracking this now. I love Crull's slow bronification. :scootangel: This fic closely resembles Luna Eclipsed.

Yes. Just yes. I love everything about this. The only thing that could make this better if a Warboss entered Ponyville, or had more DoomRider. But I was wondering while I was reading, What if there was a game store in Ponyville, and Crull went in, and found 40k miniatures? Obviously ponifed. Also, Isn't Mark VI Power Armor heavy? Like, way too heavy for anyone but Crull to lift?

161044
Well, uh... A wizard did it. Yes, a wizard.

161487
That makes sense. Just a good thing they didn't try to lift it with their hooves. I thought Crull would be mad too. Most Chaos armor's taken from a lot of different places, and I'm sure he had some that was Pre-Horus.

Great, great stuff. Throughout the chapter, I was really excited to continue reading. I just can't stress how funny this is, enough.

My most important desire right now is to make FRIEDS with you!
*FRIENDS

Really though, I'm so glad I tracked this right now. Probably the best chapter you've written for this fic so far. :scootangel:

184455
Fixed, thanks for the feedback:twilightsmile:

This story is so stupidly hilarious, and that's what I love about it.

How is a story about a chaos lord hilarious?! And why is it so good?!

Whatever the reason, more of it deserves to be made.

By the gods...

moar... please...

Hah great read, keep it up mate.

“You can come with me to Ponyville! I'm sure Gummy will love you becauseyouhavesuchbeautifulteethandI'llintroduceyoutomyfriendsandmakepartiesforyouand-”
This line had really weird formatting. I get that Pinkie is talking fast in the second line, but the first has large spaces, and I'm not sure they're intentional. If they are, then I'm not sure how I'm supposed to interpret them.

The yelling in his thoughts is pretty hilarious, as others have noted. I'm almost tempted to suggest putting it in caps, or at least maybe a few words for emphasis. Normally, I'm a firm believer that caps should be used to show volume only in very very few special cases. Being a follower of Khorne is one of them. Therefore, I won't penalize you from using them in Crull's dialogue, as long as it's in reason.

“This Ponyville... I want to KNOW what it is like!”
And there you kinda lost me. No matter how I play that in my head, it never makes any sense to emphasize the word "know." The yelling caps are a scalpel, to be used with sparingly and with a light touch, lest they grow dull too quickly. Pretty much only for yelling, too. If he raises his voice in the middle of a sentence, great, but otherwise italics are just fine for emphasis.

"Crull suspected it might had been been his looks, but he decided not to think about it too much."
"Been is there twice.

"Despite what he thought a perfect encouragement,"
You accidentally something here, but I'm not sure what. "thought of as perfect"

It took me until the third chapter to realize how you paired the character from each universe most likely to be punctuated entire in exclamation points. Well done.

All in all (I'm not sure if it's over or not), top drawer. Clever, immensely entertaining, and dare I say, a little heartwarming. My hat's off to you.

377276
Single capitalized words are there to show that Crull randomly emphasizes words as he speaks... yells. It's his speech pattern.

Also, 'think (noun) a (adjective) (noun)' is a proper form, unless I'm using some outdated language.

Currently correcting the double 'been' issue, thanks a lot for the feedback.

P.S.: I know I'm taking my time on the update, but I simply need to get my writing shit on :fluttercry:

no offense but noooooooo self-respecting chaos lord would were an apron. they would sooner die, even if under mind control.

So....no more?

But it's so funny :(

"PONYVILLE WILL TREMBLE WITH MY KINDNESS!”

I laughed my ass off at that one :rainbowlaugh:

718858 Why did you think he put ketchup on it to look bloody?
-----
as for the up-coming party
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/296/322/c6f.gif

I think it is safe to say that you have given up

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