The girls have another attempt at finding their cutie marks, but when they try to see if kissing might be their special skill, Sweetie Belle learns more than she thought she would.
Chapters (1)
LordCruxis
Joined 4th Dec, 2012 ·
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WOW
Tracked because of DAWWWWW image
Haha oh god this sounds interesting. Adding to my read later list!
Dawww!
Awwww, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom are so adorable!
This was... cute!
This was cute, but I would like to point out that this needs some grammatical attention. If you'd like, I can go ahead and give a run through of what I found or if not, this was a good story anyways.
Cheers
~Cosmic
1744733
I'd welcome it
I read this in less than 5 minutes... i loved it
It was cute, looking forward to reading more.
Short, but nice! Having a fever right now and this is what i needed to cheer up a bit!
>inb5 featured
Read Descripton.
First thing said:
Ooooohh!!!
aaaaawwwww how sweet
need...chapter...two
chapter two is cure... I need it...
-
-but in all seriousness this was great
I hate shipping so bad the only reason i read this was to see what all the fuss was about and this was ugh i really hate... just kidding ha i really liked this story it was interesting Applebloom and Sweetie Belle are so cute together, it was short but it was good, some grammar errors but hey i'd give you 4
s out of 5, and i do love shipping its always so cute :3
DEMOLISHED SON![youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUH3JQjcweM]
Very Kool premise, but it needs a bit of flushing out, and expanding, maybe. Ore detail and less jumping from one thin to another. With a bit of a touch up this story could be really great!
Good job, and i hope ya consider revising :)
(if ya'd like, I could do a more detailed critique, but I know some people hate critiques)
Otherwise, cute read, great job!
1745736
By all means. This was really a test, you know to see if I could write something that doesn't suck.
My next one will be more than a oneshot so critique away.
Wicked :D I'm sorry, but it's super late, and I don't have time for a full critique, so I'll do a mini critique for ya :D
Things I liked;
-Creative idea, doesn't seem copied
-Did a good job capturing individual characters
-Good job setting up hurdles in the story to make it more interesting
Things I didn't like so much;
-A lack of description
-Lack of 5 senses
-Conversations seemed a bit to short to be realistic
Ways you can improve the story;
-Better transitions between scenes
-It is unclear when the scene has changed at the moment
-Describe the scene whenever it changes, don't assume reader knows it already
-Introduce characters a bit better
-Yes, if someone is on this website theybe probs seen the show, but still give a bitof info on a character when s/he enters, maybe putting a little twist on it to show your personal opinion of the character.
-Five senses
-To make the story really come to life, try to use all of the senses when describing a scene, or when action is taking place
-Sight, Smell, Touch, Sound, Taste
Anyways, that's all I got for now, but I'll be sure to keep an eye on your future works and keep pushing you to become a better writer :D
i really want more.
Cool story
why can't I find any ScootaBelle fics?
But this is still pretty awesome
2253056
because you haven't joined the Scootabelle Empire. :)
The ending... Is somewhat anti-climatic.
There were a lot of grammatical errors, so I would suggest finding someone to edit it before you publish it.
But that aside, a very cute fic!
And here I thought Scootabloom had my heart! Excellent work! Could use more description though.