Normally i read this stuff for the shiping. since I don't think there would be any I am enjoying it more for how this is gonna end. So far got a few laughs.

Well...it's an improvement over Chapter 1, at least. Your writing in this chapter is very dialogue heavy, we don't really get a glimpse into the hearts of the characters. Maybe I expect too much for a clopfic, I don't know...

Will still track this because I like the story.

Hmm, I didn't expect that Twi would reveal her pregnancy to her friends so fast. I thought she would panic (lesson zero anyone?) and try to hide it for as long as she could, perhaps even cast an illusion spell on herself when her stomach would become too large. And then, the spell would somehow malfunction in the worst possible situation, revealing her secret!

Oh well, there's still the part with everypony (besides Celestia and Spike) not knowing that she is bearing her brother's foal.

This chapter was definitely an improvement over the first, especially for the erotic parts (although, it could still be a lot better!).

However, I have noticed many small capitalization and punctuation errors, but it's nothing big. You could get rid of them simply by carefully rereading the chapter one more time.

Also, it might be my personal taste, but I feel like you have broken the 'speed limit' multiple times in the two paragraphs quoted below:

The next morning, Shining Armor returned to Canterlot and Twilight resumed her normal everyday routines and activities, but as the next few days passed she started to feel increasingly strange…Ill, even, this continued until one fateful morning, she woke up and felt sicker than she had ever felt the past few days…She spent a good part of her morning being sick and throwing up (Lovely Image, isn’t it?)

After a lengthy discussion, the two ponies now had their plans set, and nopony would ever know the truth but them…Or would they? That night Twilight sent a letter to Celestia, telling her of Twilight’s state, the next morning Twilight received a letter summoning her to Celestia’s castle. Twilight immediately went to Celestia’s castle in Canterlot, when she had arrived Celestia had ordered everypony out of the hall so she may talk to her student alone, Twilight gave her bogus story to Celestia, who did not seem to be convinced.

aka, pacing problems. It just feels to me that you have quickly written these and proceeded to the next scenes without giving it a thought. I understand that these pieces aren't particularly important to the story, but you could have written them a bit more... subtly.

Another thing. Try to use page breaks:

In fiction, a section break signals to the reader the end of one scene and the beginning of another. It may indicate the passage of time or an entire switch in perspective. It helps to maintain the pace within a chapter or short story without leaving the reader feeling confused or lost. And, if used effectively, it can help the writer create great suspense.

a quote from here. On fimfiction you can use a pagepreak by simply writing [ hr] (without the space).

I hope this helps. Let's see what you can cook up next

memearchive.net/memerial.net/2201/why-my-pillow-has-a-boner.jpg
That is all.

Next chapter?

A definite improvement with the second chapter. I need to echo pretty much everything 1745873 said; there's some pacing issues and some spelling/grammar/capitalizations mistakes.

I do want to call out something that particularly struck me, which was Spike's dialogue. It was damn near perfect. Out of all the characters, he was presented the best. "The bedroom was a bit full" sounds like exactly the kind of quip he'd have, and everything else he said feels perfectly in-character for him. Good job.

1767782 lawl

oh my... please continue, i must read on.

1745873

Thanks for the tips, when I have time, I'll go back and edit the grammar/punctuation.

Yeah, I do have issues with pacing, I don't really know why...Just seems to be a thing with me.

At least it's better than chapter 1, that's a compliment to me.

1744723

Thank you...But I'm afraid I don't quite understand what you mean by "We don't get a look into the hearts of the characters.

Though you may be expecting too much out of a clopfic like you said.

P.S. Apologies to everypony, my internet got shut off for 5 days and I haven't been able to comment or do anything.

1777608
Oh, hey there. I honestly thought that you were dead Rejoice!

1777624
He meant that you don't write enough about how characters feel, what they think of their current situation, of their fears, expectations etc.

1777653

Na, I am alive, my internet was shut off for 5 days.

Ohhh.......Yeah, I've never been good at conveying emotions.

1756307

Thanks. I really could just hear Spike saying the things I was writing in my head. I'm glad you liked it.

Oh my, this is delishus!

Dat drama.

Who wants to bet that it will be Applejack of all of her firends that will actually discover the truth and to calm her down she will have to confess her that she and Big Mackintosh are the real parents of Applebloom

interesting, was not expecting drama, was expecting clop, despite expectations, was not disappointed.

dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1295_u6QAK.gif

*eagerly awaits the next chapter*

I DEMAND MORE!!!!

lol how'd i know Celestia would be so lenient, and Twilight always, almost ALWAYS expects to be throw'n on the moon for stupid shit like spilling milk or somethin

Are you planning on continuing this anytime soon?

more and more clop :-)

CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE!!! PLEASE!!! :D

MORE!!! I want to see Twilight's baby!

Really hoping for another chapter

Yo, Fic author here. I'm gonna try to work on adding a new chapter to this fic...If I can just battle my ADD long enough to do so. Not gonna be easy, I need to figure out where I want the next chapter to go.

Is it sad that I think Lovely Image would make a great name for a pony? I wonder what her Cutie Mark would look like?

Sure Twilight.... You read a book on 69ers .... For research ...... Just like when I ate a donut to get skinny , and paid 15% or more when I switched to Geico

Please make more, not only is this an interesting story, but its of my favorite ship! Shining x Twi! I need more!

3480793

This made me laugh, hard.

3500201

I'm working on it.

Human incest stories are fun! Not when they involve ponies, but Twilight's family is an exception. Hoping for more soon, pregnant sex is best sex. And Twilight's gonna be an animal.

This is quite obviously written by someone... Younger...

Regardless, if you ignore the grammatical errors and the cliche anime "I'm cumming!" You get a somewhat clop-worthy story.

Needs improvement. Editing, removal of grammatical errors, possible insertion of more romance and plot, less anime-style dialogue, etc etc.

3505114

Applejack looked at Rarity “Well, Ah don’t think we should judge somepony’s choices in life, even if they aren’t seen as ‘normal’”

i smell a Big Mac + Applejack = Applebloom story there.

this story has been in hiatus since 5th Dec 2012, im guessing this story is dead? if so then it's a shame it had potential

Omg the first comment was 142 weeks ago!

I need you to finish this, or I will probably slit my throat in about a week

I need to see more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update 3rd November 2016:

Wow...
Looking back, that was a little dark

3935953 agreed

are you plan on finsh this stroy

I don't know why, but I get the distinct impression this is a trollfic.

And my rule with trollfics is: I have to read them. Because YOLO.

i hope you continue this sometime soon

and twilight gets cadance to adopt the little thing! the end.

"Would anyone find out who the real father was? Would anyone get suspicious? Would the foal turn out okay? Would she be a good mother?"

Find out next time... On Pony Ball Z!