- Member Since 3rd Jul, 2012
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Biker_Dash
The Goal... 200+ mph in the Standing Mile. To Tartarus with academy records, I want to hold a Land Speed Record.
Biker_Dash
Joined 3rd Jul, 2012 ·
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- Biker_Dash · 4.3k words · 18 2 · 1.4k views
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I finally got around to reading it!
On the positive side of things, I'm liking this OC and I'm very interested to see what happens next as regards the whole 'war' thing mentioned in the summary. I also like the whole 'office' scene with Mile High and Bright Charm.
My favourite portion of a sentence has to be, 'Stopping at the jukebox, he puts his bit in'.
Saucy!
On the negative side of things... this feels as if it hasn't been proofread at all. My enjoyment of the story was somewhat hindered as I noticed mistake after mistake, pretty much from start to finish. There were several times where 'your' was used improperly instead of 'you're'. You swapped between 'Silverwing' and 'Silver wing' at one point. There were several sentences that just plain didn't make sense: (The spot they choose could not have been any better. It was under the tree which the first met.) (You're don't mind teleporting, do you?) (The Sun Princess did not the bombshell that was about to hit them.) There were other spelling errors such as 'forlegs' instead of 'forelegs', 'sandwishes' instead of 'sandwiches', 'Cadency' instead of 'Cadence' plus others that I just can't remember right now such as missing speech marks and commas etc.
I'd happily proofread for you in future if you wanted. I can tell that you've got a long, complex story to tell and I'm all for reading it through until its end.
Any idea when the next update will be? Will you be working on Twist's Loss next?
1683557 proofreading would be awesome...
Problem is this bucking cheap-flanked Samsung Acclaim droid I did this on. I did find a writing app for this phone that at least allows me to write, but editing things is a buckin cast-iron bitch. Same goes for dealing with Google Docs.
That's ok though, because, by the 4th of next month, I will be back fully online, which will allow me to easily edit, and also set up docs, or whichever means any potential prereader/proofreader/editor might prefer.
While reading it over this afternoon, I did notice several grammatical mistakes that I will need to fix. (My dyslexia I blame for the your/you're errors lol)
Next is working a little on a Berry Punch x Mayor Mare ship, then start cranking away on Chapter 2 of Twist's Loss.
I must keep you in mind once I am back on a real puter, and not on this POS phone. Gonna get as much help as I can in polishing up my stories, to make them as good as they can be.
Did you hire Pinkie to spy inside my head?!?!?!?
I swear, some of those parts seemed to come straight out of my head canon for my OC Luna ship/Nightmare Moon Rising Fic!!
I guess great minds think alike.
1684988 lol I shall have you know that psychic talents supposedly run in my family
YAY for the 2nd chapter!!! Nicely done and very looking forward to more. Don't understand why this story doesn't have more views and votes.
1962789 Still a newer writer, and I have a bad habit of not having a proofreader lol. I only have 33 followers, so my fanbase is not all that big.
Very happy to see that you enjoyed this 2nd chapter. And I hope to start updating more often.
Don't know why people are such grammer Nazi's. Most fanfic writers I've seen display better grammar then published novels and even whats printed in newspapers. I mean the spelling mistakes can be horrible sometimes.
1962937 I don't know... I have seen some HORRIBLY written fanfics, here and in AFF.net, where I used to write. (chiefly Ranma 1/2 fics)
Trying to decide what to work on now... Should I work on my story inspired by all the Tom Clancey novels I read, or should I work on my Pinkie Pie story where it is discovered that she was not born an Earth Pony?
I have TOO MANY stories to work on lol
1962960 AFF.net ain't a real site. limited search options and very lacking in the number of stories.I'd say there probably 20 thousand or less stories on that site but I'm just guessing. I only ever hit that site to see if theres any updates to just a few stories. As for the horrible spellers, yes there are writers like that but I usually avoid those. The well written stories actually have less spelling mistakes then some adult length novels I've read lol.
1962981 www.adultfanfiction.net IS a very real site. I should know, I have stories written there. I prefer AFF.net over FF.net, mainly due to at one point, I found AFF a lot easier to navigate. (don't know if that is still the case)
I could ask Apollo or maybe another staff member if they could check just how many stories their archive actually contains.
1963046 By not a real site I meant you can't search by just certain characters or anything. You have to wade through all the suck fics to find any worth reading lol.
First things first. This was bloody good!
The story flowed well, and your version of Equestria is believable. There were twists and turns, and I can tell that you're building up to something big. Also, I only noticed a very small number of errors. This was well written, and I can't wait for the griffin war to begin! 
The only thing I didn't like was the clop, but that's your choice if you want to include that kind of material.
Keep on writing!
(reading this actually gave me an idea for a scene in my own fic)
1963828 There won't be too many chapters with sex in it.
1963716 Ah... Well, it would be hard to create character tags, where as there are so many different animes, books, TV shows, movies, ect. that the site covers.
I have a suspicion that on this website that if you don't start a story with a cover image, people are less likely to click on it.
And nice cover image by the way
1992465 I NEED a cover image made up for this one...
Silverwing the One-Winged Pegasus?
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…
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Estuns interus, ira vehementi
Estuns interus, ira vehementi
Silverwing
Silverwing
By both Nomura and Faust, the name works!
2989373
1685021 removing message cause its a fucked u link thats a friggin three miles long
2989515 Come on, you've never heard of Sephiroth, the One-Winged Angel? Main villan of Final Fantasy 6?
2989852 The only two FF movies I have watched would be The Spirtis Within and Avent Children, and it has been a long while since I have watched them lol. I have not played any of the games either.
Now, if you had made an Appleseed or Ghost in the Shell reference, I would have recognized it immediately.
2989863 Seph makes an appearance in Advent. When Kadaj absorbs Jenova's head and becomes Sephiroth?