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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I have a bad feeling about this. I've got my eye on you Archer
Still don't tust him, something still feels of. I think I will force the night and twilight will only just be able to stop him. Just.
I'm concerned but optimistic.
Twilight is stupid if she thinks she can change someones nature like that. This isn't going to end well.
Don't trust Archer at all. I'm just glad Twilight is there to squash him if he gets uppity. If he is on the up and up, this mean he won't replace Twi as Archmage when she kicks the bucket? Onto the next chapter!
It occurs to me that Twilight made a mistake with his training. Luna spent a great deal of time and effort teaching Twilight restraint and how to submit before ever introducing her to the power of the Night. Twilight just dumped it all on him without doing anything to make him less prideful and impulsive.
This is going to backfire.
Not to mention the fact that they lied to her. Even if they indeed have good intentions, the way they handled this shows they are only going to cause more trouble later on.
Hwee typo.
And that, is why we love you Twilight, and you are a total badass
[Twilight]
Now, Archer my dear, I cannot express my delight
It's abundantly clear that, though insincere
I should teach you to harness the night.
[Archer]
I can't wait to get started, but first about that stunt that I pulled-
It's of utmost importance the less that is said
Is better so things are still cool
Twilight: Awesome, we're cool, got it.
I have so many wonderful lessons, just wait, you will see
[Archer]
I need something real big like a comet to crush enemies.
[Twilight]
Err, how bout a laser?
They're precise and concise and quick as can be
[Archer]
Precise? Concise? Have you even met me?
[Twilight]
Archer have faith
You see, I will bet you
Somewhere in here is the passion that drives you!
Twilight: C'mon, so fire's your element?
Archer: Fire is good. I'd like them to fry
Twilight: Really? Because I think you'll reconsider that once your name's put in history. For war crimes. Well, look, it suits you?
Archer: Pass.
[Twilight]
I have so many wonderful choices for you so don't cry-
There are rock walls and shields with massive appeal
[Archer]
Rock walls and shields do not fry.
Twilight: Maybe not, but I've seen this particular shield take dozens of blows and no breaches, no slaughter!
Archer: That's it. I'm outta here
[Twilight]
Wait! There must be a weapon that will hit the target
That can't only be found on the black market?
Archer: Fire. And lightning.
Twilight: Fire. Lighting. Right
I've got just the thing, see that tree? *CRASH*!
Meet your new flaming squat stump, see!
Archer: It's just some lightning
Twilight: Not just any lightning. Some frying lightning!
Archer: ...Yeah. So, like I was saying...
Twilight, pal, this won't cut it
I need a threat to keep back enemies
Something awesome, something frying
With destruction that defies morality!
Twilight: I'm sensing you want an arsenal that can fry
Archer: Ya think?
[Twilight]
I have plenty of big lethal spellforms which sizzle and fry!
Like a sweet friendship blast or a lightning strike from the sky
Archer: Better, but cooler.
[Twilight]
I see. How 'bout I scowl, as I grasp, at some straws here?
There's so many wonderful reasons I've left off hate.
There are nightmares and evils
Of you're quite capable
Or perhaps what you need is the dark and mysterious Night
Archer: Now you're talking. But instead of just one stand out, now that's too many
So many choices, and such power a plenty
Twilight: It's a big problem we'll have, if you betray me
[Archer]
The night would be awesome, but I'm not betraying you
D'you have something against teaching me about hate?
[Twilight]
No...
I've got a bad gut feeling, mass dying at your hooves...
[Archer]
What to do? What to do?. *GASP*
A fire! That's it! There's really just one way
To find out which weapon is best
Hold a contest, against shields, and enemies and such-
We will put each threat to the test!
[Twilight]
Don't forget style, that should be considered
[Archer]
Then we'll know for sure which best raze and cinders!
[Twilight]
The one which is passion and control
[Archer]
Just like me
Can't settle for less, 'cause I'm the best
[Twilight & Archer]
So a contest we will see
[Archer]
What's the number one, greatest, deadliest threat
[Twilight & Archer]
In the world for me!
[Twilight]
May training
[Twilight & Archer]
begin
Archer: And may the most death win!
I can see one flaw with all these promises none of them are pinkie promises
Commence read.
A deal made. Promises to keep. Circumstances to change...?
2656789
Don't think he'll live that long.
2656612
I hope you're wrong. We've already seen that plot.
I was so stupid today, didn't even check FimFiction... 2 WHOLE CHAPTERS
I really don't trust Archer...
"Its" in all these cases You only use "it's" when you can replace it with "it is" without the sentence losing its meaning.
Been a while since I've commented here, new job, less time, and all that fun stuff, but I've kept reading.
It seems to me that "becoming a living weapon" is something that should be run past the Princesses for approval first. I kinda though Bastion was more responsible than to try and plan something like that. but at least he has decent intentions, even if his methods aren't so great. Has Archer even killed anything before too? I would think for a young pony the idea of obliterating up to what I assume would be an army would be a task one would have to mentally prepare themselves for. On the other hand, I can see where they're coming from and all that. In the course of this story alone, there's been a lot of assassination attempts and various problems, however I don't think that any of them really required the kind of firepower Archer is looking to harness. It puts me in mind of Rites of Ascension where Celestia is so strong that any attempts to exert her power would incinerate Canterlot and have lots of collateral damage.
So, commencing (hopefully) constructive criticism,
I feel like there's too much "telling" going on here, because of the focus on the events, or the "what". Some scenes, such as the one with Mist, seem really pointless, other than to say that Mist is still here, and that Twilight is "understanding" of Archer to a fault.
[maybe some payoff later off, but it was poorly foreshadowed. I might come back and edit this]
(also, really, you're going to let 'an honest mistake' slide with no threat of 'what if it was a fireball and you made an honest mistake of not realizing there was an innocent pony there' [this could be a subtle characterization of Twilight + Archer's relationship; if so, good, more please; if not, then it's just confusing])
We aren't ever giving enough detail about the "who".
I personally would like to know more about Archer and Mist, rather than just seeing caricature. Important: We don't really know any more about Archer or his relationships with other ponies than we did in the previous chapter, and this chapter was almost exclusively about Archer.
I mean come on, Archer gets laid and Twilight doesn't ask? The narrator doesn't tell? It's a great opportunity for characterization. Did he find prostitute (if such things exist in Equestria)? And old friend, who maybe later feels used? Actually, I bet it was Mist (who's romantic interest in Archer is really the only reasonable reason for the aforementioned scene)
Why does he want to be a living weapon? Why does everyone think it's a good idea having a living weapon? It could be at least justified a bit. I mean, there should be some moral dilemma about teaching Archer powerful magic, especially when he gives no justification about his wanting to be a living weapon. For example,
"Archer, Equestra is being obviously attacked by a swarm of angry gryphons. What do you do?"
"Are they danger to Equestria's people?"
"Yes"
"Then I destroy them to protect Equestria"
(Details intentionally left vague for various shades of gray)
Bringing me to another thing. Get into ethics and the more subtle things. Twilight wouldn't think "Attack is balanced with Defense" (which, is quite possibly the dumbest line of reasoning I've heard, no offense), and this seems like the only given justification. Ethics cannot be simply hand waived with achieving balance, or reaching your potential. Sure they're arguments, but the conversation needs to be had, ideally in this chapter.
I've enjoyed the series so far, and I hope these comments are helpful.
(cause this took awhile to write... [Also I like parenthesis {except when they're brackets (then I love them)}])
*commences read on next chapter*
Very Nice. I joined this site so I could follow this story. MUST READ MORE!!!
Came for the clop, stayed for the story. I like how this is a STORY not just clop using a story to hold it together. When is the next Clop chapter, btw? that way I know what chapter to skip.
2657060 YOU ARE A MASTER!!!!
2657060 Dude, you are some kinda wizard.
2657060
I lost my shit at them to fry. Well done. Your dedication is great.
I had some sort of clever comment thought through when I finished this chapter, but then I noticed his (2657060) comment. Damn, that was amazing, and it totally threw off what I was going to say. Otherwise, I still kind of worry for Archer and Twilight. I can tell that some bad shit is going to hit the fan. Also, while I love the story, I just want a tiny bit more sex in it. Spaced out enough so that, right when we haven't seen any for a bit, BOOM, there is the sexy sex.
~SolidFire
That's it? That's the nefarious plot they were brewing? Talk about a letdown
On a different note, perhaps Twilight should have considered teaching Archer humility and self-control before inducting him into The Night, just like Luna did. Okay, maybe not by beating the ever-loving crap out of him, but teach discipline first and the tools that require it later.
4139412
Not that she very well couldn't
2657060 Whelp, with the only song I've actually transcribed being Let it Go, and the poems I write mostly short, I must say that I bow to you and your mastery of rhythm.
2657060
This is the best one yet