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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Commence read.
Aw....that ending. Hurt.
1850784
O.o
Nobody.
Touch.
A thing.
Ouch, dat chapter ending.
1850808 And if it changed?
1850877
It already did.
1850906 But in a positive manner, no?
1850911
1850914
Oh, ouch. That one had to hurt. Luna, you're going to have to bring out the big guns to make up for this one.
1850808
I guess the story has come full circle!
Loyal, this chapter was amazing, although that ending was rather heartrending. Something tells me that you have plans to keep Luna and Twi in some rather turbulent situations when it comes to matters of the heart, as that is the other main attraction of your story [the romance] beyond Twilight learning how to be an Archmage.
Looking forward to the next chapter here.
1850936
What makes you think that guns will help?!
Silly Thatguywiththemane, you make no sense
1850963 No, that would be 2π. But it is half way there WHOOA-OH!
1851165 Actually, it is 2πr, but not necessarily so, if it is pumpkin...
Now, time to go ask Pinkie what the square root is of i.
And, winner of the most poorly timed truth?
Anyone else think this Archmage gig is crap? I imagine Twilight will be much pissed at the two for keeping this from her. They seem to be pushing this Archmage gig a bit hard, and this isn't going to make it any easier.
1851199
Oh you poor, poor soul...
Just wait until next chapter
*dies*
Why? Why do you dash my Christmas cheer with such emotion, with words wrought of cold iron and rough stone?
......I'm going to the Clop Bin.
1851464
Celestia and Luna saw that coming too...
1851192
sqrt(i) = cos(45) + isin(45)
Anything else you would like to know?
1851537 Damn... I knew I should have taken calculus in college instead of business math
i LOVE this story! please please please post more chapters soon!
I know it needed to be addressed, but Twilight asking that question is kinda odd, and I can see how you tried to address the oddness, but it didn't totally come across.
Edited some stuff out here about Celestia and how Twilight is gonna have to have a talk with Celestia about the whole I knew your parents were dying thing.
As for Luna's past relationship problem, not as bad as I was expecting. Was expecting some form of emotional abuse, which I suppose this kinda qualifies, but not in the manner I assumed. Still. Dude was a prick. He had best pony, potential royalty status, and he went and fucked it up? REALLY stupid move on his part.
60 thousand words in with a majority focus on Twilight and Luna and I'm not completely worried this won't end in Twiluna, just a little. Or a decent amount. God forbid this ends in Twidash though. They're making it REALLY hard to get some relationship time in... In fact it's a little TOO rollarcoasterish at the moment. They go from teacher-student to banging, to one avoiding the other, to the other freaking out and then one confessing her love, then committing to a relationship, then having emotional talks of past loves then to "I knew your parents were dying but didn't tell you" bombshells. Seems like between committing to a relationship and the bombshell there should have been a small grace period where they just kinda... date I guess.
Hopefully Cadence is like, "Bitch, you love Luna. Go to her. Have hot angry makeup sex."
1852109
first, LOL
Second, i hope this happens :D
and third, (this is to iroh and loyal) i had a dream of this chapter last night...
PS. WHY!? Why did you have to make luna the bad guy again!?
PPS. GIMME MOAR! Give me another chapter like a christmas present for all of us, and this chapter isn't one because this was on christmas eve :D
1851644
Actually, that's Trigonometry.
Calc would be finding the area under the curve of sin(x) between 0 and n... or something like that... Its been a while since I took calc. (bragging warning) though I did get the highest possible score on the final exam...
1853057 Why cant we talk about something I understand... like rebuilding carburetors or clop or something lol
1853072
Because Iroh + Math = You're not talking about any fucking thing else for a while.
1853515 lol, thats like me and motorcycles... I'm the one in my family that got in trouble with the landlord for rebuilding an old Honda in the livingroom LMAO!!!
Too many ellipsis' in this chapter. Far too many. You kept using them where a hyphen, or even a full stop or a comma, would have sufficed. It was really distracting—as I was reading it my eye kept being drawn to them, breaking the flow of the prose. Normally, they are used to indicate extended pauses—which are not often found in narration, it's pretty much a dialogue thing. (Although I must admit that I am no expert on grammar, so don't take anything I say as gospel truth).(edit—it's also an indication of missing text, for when you are shortening a quote, although that doesn't see much use in fiction.)
If you want to know exactly how distracting it was, I am only half way through the chapter, and I feel the need to pull out of the story in order to mention it. This is obviously not a good thing, as my ability to immerse myself in the story is affected.
However, on a lighter note, I am enjoying what I have read so far. Keep up the good work.
(Edit—just done a 'Find on this page' search for '...' and found 100+. That is almost certainly far to many for a single chapter.)
I like the way you described teleportation.
1854208
You and my prereader share the same opinion. Trust me, I'm working on it. No promises. I feel ellipses really help make a point and add emphasis to dialogue, but you're right... They can muddy up narration.
Huh. Definitely a good update, and that cliffhanger. I feel another Twi-rage rant coming on.
Also, with that description of teleportation, it feels like a description of how VATS works in the Fallout game series. Not that it's a bad thing, but there's definitely more than just a few similarities.
awesome chapter!
another crazy cliffhanger, i don't see the same possibility of potential cataclysmic fallout on the same level as the last one, which didn't really happen, which actually worries me more, what if you do the fallout here instead...on the other hand; this could create more prolonged problems: "using" twi's feelings to advance her studies (seducing her) and then breaking her heart once the goal had been achieved would hurt, but could (and was) be expressed in rather violet and short fashion, while breaking her heart by withholding the news of her parents dying to advance her studies, that's probably gonna last. gonna be interesting to see how she handles this.
now, celestia's "problem"; to me, it can only be to things:
1. she actually does love twi, and is now suffering from sleepless nights as she battles her own emotions.
2. she's feel really really bad about deceiving twi, and THAT is giving her sleepless nights.
i would say that nr 2 is almost guaranteed, but there is a possibility of nr 1 here as well
1854208
Loyal's writing... you don't... you just don't understand...
Those... Those three damn dots... I have nightmares about them...
It spreads... like a virus... get away... get away before it's too late for you too...
Seriously though, I'll take responsibility for this. I knew it was a problem and should have done more to fix it. Now that I know that it is even more distracting to readers than I thought, I will try to crack down on them even more. Expect future chapters to have more appropriate and varied punctuation.
Twilight Velvet and Luna's bitter pained smile-
Black as night in that harsh, governed style-
The Dark Equestrian, She'll break your heart, break the news.
Twilight Velvet... Rest in Peace.
Her parents deaths have crashed into her like a tidal wave
Secrets and lying, build up into a pile
Mama's baby wears the archmage mantle.
Brother Shield tends to her, mourners line the aisles
The service that moved her, needn't have been, and she know's it's true
Now that she knows more, it leaves her longing for-
Twilight Velvet and Luna's bitter pained smile
Cold as ice as she walks the marble tiles
A newfound passion in a Twilight she deceived
Twilight Velvet, Rest in Peace.
Every word, and every lie, that was said to you
In a flash they were gone, Night Light too... What could you do?
Twilight Velvet and Luna's bitter pained smile
Black as night in that harsh, governed style
Lies of omission and your parents are deceased
Not Murder... Useless pleas.
You could have done more...
They leave you longing for!
Twilight Velvet, damn the Archmage title.
Twilight Velvet and Nightlight slumped dead in a pile
Luna's decision to which Celestia agreed
Brings Twilight... To her kneeeees~
1860594
I love my fans.
1860954
Totally :D
though I'm sad, no one is asking about my dream i had, but i'll tell it ANYWAYS!
basically i was twilight, and i was putting up a shield so that bastion would be able to know i was ready to take responsibility, and the princesses were hammering it as the test.
though since i'm bad at magics, my shield broke, and i don't remember anything else.
ps. for some reason it made me reply to loyal, not you lol
1850808 NO! We still have a chance! We just have to get it to 3,141 likes and 592 dislikes! WE CAN DO IT IF WE TRY!
2456298
I suppose 31,415 likes and 92 dislikes would be a better goal. I will gladly assist in getting the first one right.
Tense first meeting between Twi and Bastion, but it was nice to see how it evolved. Also, Luna and Twi's conversation... that brought up some heavy feels. Can't wait to read on.
~SolidFire
Oh wow, I have to take time out a moment to comment...just wow.
Okay, so far, I have really loved this story. There were a fee times I was worried where it was going or how some of the characters where acting, but not any more. Everything that seemed odd to me thus far has been explained over time. The only thing I'm unclear regarding is Twilight's parents staying away so many years. Seemed that Celestia didn't even get that one. Ether that will be explained later on or not I don't know, guess I'll have to wait and see.
I have really enjoyed the shipping here as well as Twilight;s studies. I've seen a number of stories try to have Twilight learn about the ways of the night....and they all end with her having to just screw everyone o.O Not my cup of tea. I was so worried that would happen hear, mainly with the whole Twilight being a virgin talk. But for once I feel like that kind of plot element was handled really well. Twilight isn't told to just go get bucked by some random stallion or mare, but to find a mate, a lover, that special somepony! So refreshing. And they way Luna described the act of lovemaking, about sharing yourself with another and how special it is; really touching and a far far better show than so many 'lesser' fics acting like, oh, it's sex, just go do it.
The dialog, always being my fav parts in fiction, has been fantastic all through out this fic! Not only that, but the erotic scene where really great. Both the solo and sex scenes had the proper build up and emotion behind them that made it just another enjoyable part of the story and not mindless porn.
But now this chapter, man. You'ev really played with my expectation in this fic and I have to commend you for it. I thought this chapter would make everything okay, actions explained, hurts shared and together forgiveness can take place and a relationship can move forward. But then Twilight had to ask that last question...the question we all knew the answer to but didn't want to admit.....that's cold. I just, I can't see Twilight forgiving that. Only 14 chapter in of the 43m so I still got a ways to go.
Time for me to get back on the ride!
you know what I think. judging from your previous comments Iroh. and your descriptions of teleportation. I do believe you stole the idea from Tauph's earh-bending sight.
Have to say, although I like the characterization otherwise, I feel like the mistake Celestia and Luna made was too.. mortal. Millenia-old pseudo-deities don't make that kind of giant, and more importantly short-sighted, error. Especially when one has known the person in question since they were a child, hell is practically that person's mother.
hereby
allegiance
_____________
6506709
I disagree.
Being millennia + year old entities. They'd see the long game. If they truly believe that their actions would have a better outcome long term. Then they'd do it. Sure it'd hurt for the short term (one to thirty years) on single individual's emotions. But the one verse the many, the many win.
Then you take into account they say that Twilight needed to meet them on their death bed, but not before. That it was her destiny. We know that Celestia has prophetic dreams, books of prophesy exist (seen by Twilight discovering NMM in canon), and the supreme importance of destiny in MLP (cutie marks give magical boosts far beyond a normal being without it; the Tree of Harmony having Twilight's cutie mark on it; their talks of destiny in the show).
So if they knew that she needed to miss out on things till near the very end; and that things happening differently could be either catastrophic, or have more of a bad effect than a possitive. Then yet again, the needs of the many vs. the needs of the one.
Bastion
Meet
Bastion
One makes shields
One destroys them