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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Poor poor Twilight If it were anypony else, they would probably have cracked under all that pressure. I do find it unhealthy, and even scary that she is counting on Luna to always be there for her. Amazing chapter as always good sir!
As soon as I read about them barricaded in the room, I had a feeling that would happen. It clicked perfectly, not in the predictable sense, but the. . . unfortunately fitting one. Still surprising after getting the reason for it, though. Never expected that from Golden Crest.
The situation with Silver was sudden, completely unexpected. That said, it was pulled off pretty well. Sun Crest never struck me as the abusive type, he always seemed fairly relaxed and amiable. Not sure I approve of the sudden shift in personality, but we never got enough background on the character to really tell anything. This chapter kind of drives the point home that Twilight isn't the center of the universe and Celestia and Luna are neither all-knowing nor all-powerful. Which is a good thing to reinforce in a story where people throw power around like it was water.
The worst thing I can say about this chapter is I hated the pairing of Archer and Rainbow Dash. I dislike OC pairings with show characters on principle, but considering my reservations about Archer as a character in general it's more irksome than it would normally be. About the best I can hope for is that this relationship won't last.
Great update!
*In royal canterlot voice* WE LIKETH THIS CHAPTER! WE PRAY THEE MAKEST MORE LIKEST THIS FOR OUR AMUSEMENT!
I would give this chapter a 5/10 overall. The writing and form were up to your usual high stands, and nothing jumped out and made my inner Grammar Nazi screech about use of semicolons and whatnot. I hate the semicolon lecture. But as for the chapter, it's... nice. Unfortunately, the content of the chapter is less than stellar in my opinion.
I personally thought Twilight's "revelation" about her own mortality was forced and in this place a poor choice. If anything, it should have come at the Library, or even earlier while learning the power of the night where her own hubris could have endangered her. Here... it just feels like there was no element of danger to shock her into this state. The entire time, she was calm and collected, right up until she saw the bloodbath, and that seems to me more likely to nauseate than force intense introspection about one's mortality. Moreover, Celestia's role in the chapter seemed to be to tell the audience that this was supposed to be sad, so you should have a sad now. Not the most effective writing I've ever read.
Overall, this is one of the least focused chapters that's come from this story, really not going anywhere except to show that Twilight fears her own mortality. Granted, this could be setting up a possibility for Twilicorn to come in, but on it's own, there seemed to be no focus to it, and as a resolution for the foreshadowing from last chapter, it is thoroughly meh. Given what Twilight has already seen, would that really shock her? I'm not sure that it would.
Finally, I would like to say that I do enjoy the story, and wish to see it continue. Though given Twilight's vast powers, I have to wonder if there really is a viable and immediate threat to her other than massive invasion or surprise assassination... or Cthulhu. I hope to see more, and happy writing!
I had a strange feeling about RD and Archer when truth surfaced. I remembered his statement about lost V. In my mind it become "I did it! I fucked your friend, Rainbow Dash!"
Hmm... my only real complaint with this chapter is your usage of 'sanguine'. Whilst, yes, it's meaning does pertain to blood, the word 'sanguine' also refers to revelry and happiness (which is exact opposite of what you were going for in that scene).
Sanguineous has a more focused leaning towards blood and the colour red however, and that would be my suggestion if you felt like changing it.
I hope Celestia can get somepony, or even join in on twi. Bur really that is sad. and good kill silver.
It's likely intended to juxtapose Luna and Twi both in the present and possible future, but Celestia throws herself such a pity party I'm surprised Pinkie wasn't there.
Archmage mode Twilight is still fun to read and I like the expansion of the secondary characters. It adds flavor to the world without distracting from the main cast becasue it is still dealt with it through Twilight.
Huh, Archer and Rainbow Dash. Did not see that one coming. Bravo.
Good chapter, if a little dark and sad.
Whaddaya know, I was right about Silver being related to Golden Crest or Harbinger
That awkward moment where you forgot who Golden Crest and Silver were...
Archer and Rainbow Dash? Really?
2670812 2671356 2671186 2670913
I think something far more deeper is happening. Twilight all but admitted that Archer is one of the most strongest ponies ever, and unlike Luna as someone pointed out before never taught him restraint or mercy or anything like that. I believe Archer wants power and nothing else, and eventually he will fight Twilight. And now, if he is 'dating' Rainbow.... I think he is going to use Rainbow, as a weapon against Twilight. Either like Regal using Rarity against her, or even worse threatening to hurt/kill Rainbow to get to Twilight.
The newest choice in the book of Twilight's life, the last line, it could be 'Twilight must choose, the life of her friend or her own.'.
And thus was the drive to become immortal born.
Loyal...you complain about people always suspecting you are a, as you put it, "whoremongering cockgarbler" who forebodes everything. You had the right to...but then you do this.
You give us this wonderfully dark and sad chapter which follows a happy ending that basically states that nothing could mar how beautiful the world looked. In fact you basically did in fact foreshadow a dark thing would happen by doing that.
Shame on you loyal! For shame! Such a great chapter you damn dirty hypocrite
Silver? Called it. C'mon, I so called it, look it up.
2670844
Seriously though... Really? When someone goes into that super-focused crisis mode they get a series of rushes, like adrenaline, that all disappear the instant the 'crisis' is resolved. So not only do you have to deal with the crisis itself but massive chemical withdrawals in your brain. On top of that she's just opened the door onto the gruesome murder of not one, not two, but three full grown stallions. Have you ever walked in on festering corpses? If you don't want to vomit you need to take a slug of whiskey to stop the smell congealing at the back of your throat. No, really.
So, Twilight's now shocked out of her focus, rapidly going through withdrawals and now coping with three unexpected deaths as well as two dead guards. Five dead stallions that had absolutely no prior indication of being about to go from 'mortem' to 'post'. Yeah, mortality introspection is justified like no else.
You wrote this well. It doesn't come across as Twilight boasting, nor an attempt at modesty; It's a simple statement of fact so please get out of my way so I can do my job.
Dash and Archer make an adorable couple and we need at least thirty chapters of clop dedicated to their adorableness.
2670780
What, counting on her lover and immortal goddess girlfriend for guidance and advice? Besides, as we've seen countless times, Luna depends on Twilight just as much.as vice versa.
Reminds me of a story my mother has of her old teaching days, back in the rural outback. It's like the Australian equivalent of poor inner-city schools.
Her: "Okay, Class, homework was page 28-"
'Billy': "I didn't do it, miss, ok, you can't-" Stands up, flips table, pulls out switchblade.
Her: "Billy." Placating stare. "It's me."
'Billy': "Oh... Sorry miss..." *Gently pulls the table back up and goes back to his work.*
He did, however, stab the teacher of the next class who hadn't achieved almighty god tier like she had...
Ecchem, with that out of the way, time for the song selection!
Calling it now, twilight is going to seek immortality. It will probably go badly.
Oh Twily girl, the guards, the guards are calling
From stadium, and down by Dash's side
That cheer is gone, and all the teardrops are falling
'Tis true, 'tis you must go into the night.
But come ye back, the princess sought to mellow
But years she tallies brushed aside her beau (Translation; The sheer immensity of her age overwhelmed Twilight)
they without peers, in sunlight or like shadow
Oh Luna dear, oh Luna dear, I love you so.
The time will come, when I am lying here, dying
And when I'm dead, as dead I well must be
You'll come and find the grave where I lay, crying
And she will say "'twas valid in her ennui"
And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me
because my grave will stay inevitably (In accent pronounced in-evit-blee)
For I will know and tell you that I love thee
And I shall sleep in peace until you dream with me.
I know that lots of people liked the "Twilight becomes an alicorn too when dating one of the princesses to make there be nobody left alone forever" bit, but since the season finale more people are expecting it and don't want it to happen. Well guess what, i hope that last line of the book says "the Archmage shall ascend" or something along those lines, Luna deserves eternal happiness too you know. By the way, Archer and Rainbow Dash's kids will get in alot of fights, unicorn or pegasus... God some one needs to write a story about that.
Hey Loyal!!! After Melody's Tale could u do that? Anyone? Am I just rambling now?
... Yay for TwiLuna!!!!!!!
I totally knew Archer was gonna be with Dash just after it was said that Twi knew who it was. And it of course became that much more obvious whent he practice session grew closer
Great chapter, must have more!
2670844
Why is this comment downvoted so much? Guys, this user has given some very introspective views on an admittedly dodgy chapter. You bastards should be thanking him for his input.
For what it's worth, I gave your comment another thumb. Thank you for your very insightful opinion.
Honestly, I was expecting Archer's "marefriend" to be Fluttershy. I do not know why, though...
Also, this may be a far to strait-forward way of looking at it, the shields put up to by Silver were protecting the door. Could they not just go through the wall next to the door? I know that they wanted to cause no structural damage, but if you can fix a mountain that had the equivalent of several dozen atom bombs on it, you can fix a small portion of a stone wall.
Whelp, comment time! gonna be a bit harsh this time I think.
To sum up the way I felt about this chapter in a few words would be "it seemed rushed"
So Rainbow Dash and Archer, never really a fan of show characters and OC's but I can handle it when it's not Twilight or Luna involved. Some background would have been a bit nice though. Even a "how we met" or "why we like each other" kind of thing. As it is, it felt kinda like, "you two are now dating."
The thing with Silver was fairly abrupt and really abrupt in the scene change as well. You also didn't really go over what was up with that artifact, and it didn't really feel like it added anything beyond a few lines.
The murder suicide thing was quite out of nowhere as well, as was the revelations of abuse, which kinda go against the original portrayal of Golden, which is kinda sad. I did kinda like that though. Sometimes its the ones you least expect, but it also casts a darker shadow on the earlier chapters. In all, it escalated quickly. I would like to see the effect it has on Archer though, given that he wants to become powerful to protect ponies. The reality that sometimes they'll kill each other and you can't do much to stop it would be an interesting one.
Honestly, what jumped out at me most was Celestia's speech. It went from talking about immortals and dealing with mortality to "I'm single and that's sad." REALLY fast. It probably could have been rephrased better or had another sentence to provide transition, but as it is, it felt forced and again, abrupt.
I do like that Twilight is getting the mortality concerns again. Always a fun topic to deal with when Twilight gets shipped with Luna or Celestia.
2670812 Got to agree with you, not a fan of Dash and Archer. I still think Archer isn't what he appears to be and has ulterior motives. He doesn't deserve Rainbow Dash and he better not mix her up in anything like the way Regal mixed Rarity up in his shit show!
Oh, but great update! The feels man.
Looks like I wasn't far off the mark; I had assumed Silver was related to Regal, what with ruling parties usually having loads of precious metals and the like, but I had completely forgotten about Golden Crest. Silver and Gold makes more sense anyway. But that sure was one hell of a twist at the end there. Definitely wasn't expecting them to be slaughtered in cold blood.
On a lighter note, Archer and Dash do seem to fit well together. My only question: how did they come to meet? Was it through the guard? Is he a fan? I mean, it seems a bit odd and thick-headed to just meet somepony and rut 'em that night, even for Dash. ESPECIALLY for Dash; y'know, loyalty and all that jazz. That's more Pinkie's style. Ah well, all will be answered in time.
Alright, Twilight. Time to use those Archmage privileges to start researching the forbidden magics of immortality so this story won't end with the sad tag being invoked.
2674304
Hey man... It's there for a reason.
2674304 Don't worry Sad tag only means sad elements in the story of which there have been plenty, tragedy means at in the end, it will turn out badly, and this story is not tagged as a tragedy.
2674539
Forgive me if I withhold my enthusiasm.
2674563 Say it aint so , I don't think I could handle this ending badly in the end (and if it does I want a tragedy tag so I can just stop reading now >_>)
Is it bad that I immediately assumed that the murder-suicide was just a cover for the real plot?
I can think of two ways off the top of my head: quickly steal something that won't be missed, then teleport it to an accomplice; or some/all of those bodies are fake, they just stealthed themselves outside of the reach of the artifact's barrier, and ran off during the scramble to switch from a broad area containment to surrounding the barrier.
2674321 Wow. Do people often complain about sad happenings? That's life. It happens.
Also. Great chapter. Alot goin on here. Can't say as I'm too thrilled about Rainbow's involvement with Archer, but that's just my headcanon talking. Still, that's a very interesting element. Alot could happen with it.
Anywho...Great stuff as usual. As always, thank you, and keep up the good work.
2674539
One could argue that it ending with Twilight having lived a long life with Luna, then finally dying, is not a bad way to go.
Wouldn't call that a tragedy.
Otherwise, along those lines of thinking, almost every story ever involves some form of tragedy.
2675334 But in most situations everybody is bound to the same rule of mortality, a situation in which one slowly grows older and can feel the life slipping away while the other stays still in time forced too watch as her loved one slowly grow older and weaker until she is once again left alone, for eternity... is quite tragic......
2675425
Then I guess you could say that any story involving immortality in any way, is automatically tragic somehow.
2675532 Yes, I most certainly think that any shipping with Celestia or Luna that focuses on their immortality Vs. the mortality of their partner or indeed any story that focuses on their immortality and place in the world can be described as tragic. It is true that you could simply see it as the way of things and therefore not a tragedy on its own. But when a story makes a focus on it as this one is doing and indeed makes the main character see it in that way then yes, I feel that would be a tragedy if it came unfold.
2675588
I'm not sure that this story is focusing on it. It's definitely been talked about, but never as more than just a small plot point for their developing relationship.
I don't think the focus is great enough to warrant an inclusion of the tragedy tag.
2675595 I somewhat agree with you on that, after all the main story is about Twilight becoming an Archmage and her experiences not her relationship with Luna (though that is certainly a big part of it). And also lets not forget that we do not know how things will come to unfold in the end, the prophesy is not yet finished and therefore the future still open to debate.
2675602
Wow. We had an argument on the internet, had a clear discussion, brought up valid points, and no one was insulted.
Shouldn't the universe be exploding right now?
2676492
Under normal circumstances, yes. However, these are not normal circumstances, as both parties are actually reasonable adults capable of carrying on a civilized discussion, rather than bickering four-year-olds.
Commence read.
That thought.
2670844 I feel that I must disagree, respectfully. Sometimes, the most morbid of realizations come in the dark hours of night when the threat is gone. I'm going to pretend for a minute that you have at least seen a bad car accident in person, either you were driving by it or caused it but semantics. Now think for a minute, when your watching that all your mind can focus on is "Oh that poor person(people), that's so horrible." And it is, but later, when the moment has passed and your mind is calm, that is when your thoughts betray you. That is when you're most likely to start thinking "Oh shit, what if that was me? What if I left 10 mins earlier, would I be dead right now?"
And maybe your mind doesn't work like that, who knows. As I said, not trying to flame you, just give a counter-point to your argument. (I have a problem, I enjoy playing devils advocate far FAR to much)
Rainbow Dash: "Hey Twilight, for the first time in forever I finally found somepony I've never been shipped with!"
Anyway, very emotional chapter. Celestia's speech about bonds and being alone brought tears to my eyes.
beginning of chapter, already a typo.
'You're' is the compound of 'you are.' You used it as 'your' here.
Now that I think about it, the Archer and Rainbow Dash pairing makes perfect sense. They both have that kind of air about them. Archer strives to become stronger with his magic, become a living weapon and whatnot, while Rainbow strives to be a better stuntspony. They both want to impress: Archer > Twilight, and Rainbow > either crowds of ponies with her shows or the Wonderbolts themselves (to imply further master-and-student connections).
I swear this story could inspire anyone. Sometimes i fell like just jumping up and making a speech of it to myself and anyone around me. These are the kinds of things that you express to a nation after a great tragedy and there are a number of those in the world. This is the kind of story that inspiers others to do great things.
I was going to save all this for the last chapter but i couldn't wait any longer so sorry if it seems out of place.