I like to write a lot supernatural and Rainbow Dash stories so expect me to do that
Stein was a pony that was not liked. He dreamed that one day he will become the ruler of Equestria but when the princess told him that he couldn't he was upset and he ran away from home and found himself on an island. He finds an orb that sucks the life energy out of the mane 6 and the princesses. he uses it to make him ruler of the kingdom. Rainbow Dash happens to escape his lab and tell Celesta that the other 5 are dead. What will she do?
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A pony tells you he will stop at nothing to dethrone and kill you.
Making this statement earns him his cutie mark.
Nothing suspicious at all.
OW-
The lack of grammar- IT HURTS
Okay I'll stop trolling now.
This story- It could be good. It really could.
BUT!
You need to learn how to write well first. You need to learn punctuation, and flow, capitalization, and pacing.
And to do that, you need to read.
A lot.
First up on your recommended reading, I would suggest books of your favorite movies. (Unless that would be the Twilight trilogy. I'm not going to say they're bad- But they aren't the kind of books you can LEARN from.) I would also suggest you read some of the guides that the wonderful authors on here have written up for new writers.
Good choice on who to keep alive, Dashie is the best of the mane 6, but Luna is the best princess, I put in my favorites so I can read after the fic I am reading right now!
dtlux1
Other than the spelling and grammatical errors, the first part of the story is pretty decent. But then we get to the Celestia scene. The story went downhill faster than the woman out the window at the Whyte House in Diamonds are Forever. ("I didn't know there was a pool down there").
If you want to revive this story at all, remove the psychopathic (correct terminology) character and the whole island thing. The first part of the story can definitely be salvaged. Maybe it can be turned into a great story. But you need to first fix the plot. And to do that, follow the advice of 1552360 and learn more about writing. I suggest that you keep the background information but replace the next part completely. Try showing how Stein sees where a law can be put in place, suggests ot, and eventually starts making a difference. It doesn't need to be an exciting fic. If what I'm reading is good writing, as well as not psychopathic like Stein right now, I WILL definitely support you.
Sudofox
Alright, I'm watching this now.
I need to make a correction to my previous comment: I meant you should keep (revise a bit though) the story up until the end of the 3 little pigs story.
Can't really argue with that.
1552691 sorry I can't see that in the story I can't find it and i'm going to try and fix it
1552691 nevermind I found it in the description
TWE's Scribblestick here to scan the area for possible downvote magnets!
All right, first up: pacing. This story goes by way too fast for anyone to understand the characters or their motivations. Slow down and describe things. Slow down and let your characters interact so we can get to know them and make a connection with them.
Which brings us to my next point: show vs. tell. You tell us a lot, but that's not very interesting. For example, you say Stein gets teased. Why not show it?
Let us see what's going on. That's what makes a story interesting.
The last thing I'll comment on is the random orb of strange specificity.
We don't know much about the Elements of Harmony, but we do know Celestia and Luna weilded them against Discord, and that Celestia used them against Nightmare Moon. If these two can use them alone, who's to say there's always an "Elements of Harmony group?" Also, who's to say that the rulers of Equestria will always be princesses? Heck, if somepony had discovered this orb during Luna's banishment, he or she would have been very confused. The orbs description is just too specific to be credible. And that doesn't even begin to touch on the ridiculous powers it bestows. No one likes a character with limitless power, and this is pushing it.
Anyways, that's all from me. Hope it helps!
~Scribblestick, TWE's notoriously friendly moderator
1552360
I'm not a good speller and books don't help me
1552787
Thanks
So tell me Opus, are you doing this for fun and profit or do you have another motive in mind because I'm just not getting it.
You join 5 days ago and have so far written 3 very bad stories. You complain about your spelling, when you've been told to use a spellcheck yet still misspell words. Now your excuse is that you're not a good speller and books don't help.
So what's your angle here? Are you trolling or just clueless?
The description as a summary. And it's a bad one. In my opinion.
SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK!
1553302 CREEEEEEED!
1553189
I am doing this for fun
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7lp2dLqLi1r6fge6.gif
1554658
SSSSSSINDRIII!
>>opuscon789 Did you see my comment on the previous chapter?
1556419 yes
1553189
I did spell check some of the words underlining just disappeared. I have no idea why it did that but it happened. I am also autistic
155278
I will put the teaser thing in there right now but the orb will be explained in another chapter
1553189
So I was looking around the websites stories and found that you are commenting on stories that have problems in them. you were making horrible comments and its getting on my nerves. I support these writer even if they make mistakes. your just making it worst for them and me because you're putting up nasty comments. I am not a clueless brat and no one is. you're seeing it like I am stupid or something. next time just tell the writer that you're improving and that will help them.
1556667
You "Supporting" these bad stories is more a detriment to them. They make them better, not worse. Maybe if you stopped writing bad fictions, you wouldn't run into them as much? Just saying.
And yes, there are clueless brats on this site, quite a few of them. Take the advice and experience they have to offer.
To be honest, it sounded like you're whining because people don't like your stories.
1556667
Oh god what the fuck...First of all, Evil Homer has told multiple people how to improve.
Secondly, claiming you're autistic does nothing for you.
Third, c'mon man... Spell check, get a prereader, read over your story and so on. It's not that hard to have proper grammar and spelling in a story, so don't give me this crap about "spell check is not working" or "books do nothing for me" because we both know that's bullshit.
1556763
In a mean way
1556667
Arrgh! So... child... as I know not if ye are a lad or lass and don't wish to insult ye, ye know not of Evil Homer's methods.
Aye, he be a caustic one and I wouldst like not to be on the receivin' end of his comments but that don't mean he does it to be mean. Neigh, that be simply his way. Homer has helped many on this site, and there be folks that be very grateful for his aid. It be those that take his words personally that have a problem with him. Also, he be replyin' to comments if they reply to him. If ye don't want him to continue replying with a broadside of sarcasm an' abuse then ye should simply not respond, ignore him or thank him for his time and say ye'll try to fix the issues with yer story.
And claimin ye be autistic for yer problems will not win ye any sympathy here. Evil Homer himself has the Aspergers as do many in the TWE.
There be a spellcheck, that mean you use it. There be editors and proofreaders on this site, take advantage o' them.
And, finally if this truly be writin' for fun then yer best bet is to ignore all comments be they good or not. If ye are the only one that matters to yer writin' then the words of others be worth nothin'.
Yaargh! The Crimson Brony has spoken!
1556749
I don't like them personally
TWE needs to stop telling bad story writer and trolling and start appreciating them and just read what you have. I am not the only one that have people not liking my stories. The guy I following has no likes on it. so at least ignore the bad spelling and punctuation.
1556892 you act like you you worship him
1556910
Neigh, The Crimson Brony bends the knee to no man but I give him th' respect he deserves.
Tis up to ye if'n you be listenin' to our words but attackin' yer critics who are tryin' to help ye is never a good thing.
1552320
In his defense, I doubt Celestia has an Equestrian version of Homeland Security checking for her.
1556972
That would be awesome
1556958
I Don't get it
1556983
What be it than ye be not gettin'?
1556901
No, YOU need to stop being butthurt and just take the criticism.
Ignore the...DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU ARE DOING?!
You're writing stories, no one wants to read a poorly written story! And when your story manages to get more than, at most, three people, THEN you can talk down the TWE. But until then, you can't, most of them have been featured on this site. You only get appreciation for writing a good story, if I read crap I'm not gonna be thankful for someone writing it. You're asking for charity, and this site is not the place to get it. You want that? Take your crappy story to Fanfiction.net
In the words of one of my favorite songs, "I think you need a shotgun blast, a kick in the a$$."
1557027
I'm already on fanfiction.net I just started this acount and I don't care what you say
1557041
Of course you don't, because you're a bad author.
The difference between fimfiction and fanfiction, is that we expect quality and will call you out when it's not there.
Well guess what, buddy.
RING RING!
1557059
I don't get the ring ring part
1557070
1557027
Arrgh! Methinks we have another Chris-Chan on our hands.
1557076
I don't know what that is
1557090
Google be yer friend. The Crimson Brony will not do yer homework fer ye.
Ye've been given good advice by the good people here, more than ye deserve but nobody here can force ye to take it.
Keep tiltin' at windmills lad and ye'll never improve.
1557076
Forsooth, the foreigner shows himself to be informal to the basics of literary knowledge. I say unto you that one should not assault this horse, 'tis already passed away. And lest ye wishes upon thyself to be filled with frustration, leave the foolish to their tomfoolery. Any attempt otherwise would simply be farce.
1557113
Aye, ye be right. Tis' a shame he could not be reasoned with.
Arrgh! It be time for me rum. I be havin' a spot o' dinner now then some time with me wench.
Har Har Har! She be seeing me Long John Silver tonight!
1557131
stop talking like a pirate
1557145
It's not by choice you know. He has an incredibly rare syndrome called ARRRRspergers.
1557767
who does
1557767
ooo I get it
1557767
does that even exist
1557781
...
Okay,
1: I was referring to the guy you were just talking to.
2: you need to edit your story. BADLY
3: My humor is completely Gorram lost on you, isn't it?
1557797
Just drop the conversation I don't want to talk about this anymore