• Member Since 22nd Aug, 2011
  • offline last seen Apr 16th, 2019

Moxypony


T

Moxi is a pegasus pony forced to leave her small town home in order to spend her life with her beloved Chillwind in Manehattan, but things turn ugly when Cloudsdale decides to secede from the Holy Solar Empire, Moxi joins the fight for the New Lunar Republic in an attempt to learn the truth behind the fate of her missing love...

(Contains references to Sweet Dreams, Luna by Dreamcatcher174. Dreamcatcher and Melody are property of Dreamcatcher174. Radiant Sol is property of SirRadiantSol. Cheshire Grin is property of X-tatik)

Chapters (27)
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Comments ( 73 )

OMFG OMFG OMFG ITS FINALLY HERE!!!!!!!! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::moustache:

whoop now when are you gonna make another

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:derpyderp1:

Wow, I didn't think anypony was paying any attention to this, not to say I'm not thrilled! :raritystarry:

Sorry for taking such a long hiatus, I hope to continue writing more regularly now!

(Though, I am a little embarrased that my first comments were in response to what I feel was the worst chapter I've written :applejackunsure: )

18482

What are you kidding, ive been waiting for this fic's update for sooooooo long. This is by far my favourite, and deserves more attention that anyone cares it deserves :pinkiehappy:

20215

Wow, well I'm thrilled that you like it! I'm gonna try my best to keep up with my writing for as long as I can manage it!

bloody 'ell your really pumping these out now arent you! :ajsmug: Keep em coming ^^;

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It's the pony version of Navajo, that's a bit of an issue with this story, there are a few scenes that don't make as much sense if you haven't read "Sweet Dreams, Luna."

Dreamcatcher is the OC of a friend of mine who wrote a fic that I liked, so I set mine in the same universe as his, but 10 years later.

This says its incomplete...What is going on? Can you finally destroy my hopes of another chapter or reassure them?

OH MY GOD CONTINUE THIS STORY NOW!!!

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Haha, sorry to both of you, unfortunately my life has been a befuddling combination of extra-busy and writer's block. Every time I've sat down to write the next chapter I haven't been able to get out more than a couple of sentences. I hope you can be patient because I really do want to continue writing this story!

It might take a while, but hopefully fans like you guys getting on me to continue writing is just the kick in the pants I need to put pen to paper and get my flank to work!

There's something delightful about a mock Salt Lake City being a den of sin with London street urchin accents.

Ever since I wrote my story, I've always been interested to see other brony stories about the New Lunar Republic and the Solar Empire. Your story is awesome!

So when are we going to see Rainbow and Rarity? :rainbowhuh:

195832
Rainbow Dash will definitely be in the finale and Rarity will probably make an appearance around then as well.

195839 Ah I see... When is the finale gonna be? BTW, I'm starting a NLR vs SE fic... It's called By The Light Of The Moon! Ya might want to check it out!

195843
It shouldn't be too much longer, in the meantime, hope you enjoy the story.

AT LAST IT IS ABOUT TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

I honestly like Moxy as an OC. Shes modest and realistic, not over the top, spastic and looks like a purple Zebra :twilightsheepish:

What is moxy's special talent? Is there a story that I have missed somewhere?

663692
She's particularly skilled with dealing with hazardous weather, and no, you didn't miss anything. Moxi's special talent is kind of an afterthought as in this story she's been placed in a situation where she rarely has any skill with what she's doing.

(This comment is pretty much nothing but spoilers)

Overall, this was a very good story. I especially liked how you developed and portrayed Moxi - she is a great example of how OCs should be done. She had a past that was filled with boy joy and sadness, she faced real problems that she couldn't just figure her way out of right off the top of her head, and she had a fairly consistant, determined personality. Usually with OCs, they fall into one end of the spectrum or the other - either they're perfect any everything goes well for them, thus making them a Mary Sue, or everything goes wrong and their life sucks, making the reader feel sorry for them. Moxi, however, was a very well balanced, believable character. I liked her as an OC.

The progression of the story was also very well executed. At no point did one side seem to have a major advantage over the other. Instead, The Empire and The Republic both experienced their gains and losses throughout. Again, well balanced, and that kept my interest throughout the story, as up until the ending, it looked like things could shift either way very quickly, which keeps the story exciting. Though to me, it seems like the major turning point of the war was the broadcast, which started to turn the favor towards The Lunar Republic. I felt like you skipped over the aftermath of that a little bit too much - the broadcast is made, and then the next scene takes place six months later. It would've been interesting to see the intermediary there - how the ponies reacted the day of the broadcast, how things were a week later, how the Solar and Lunar forces reacted in the immediate aftermath, etc. Although it probably would've added limited effect to the overall storyline and outcome, I just felt that there was a lot of very powerful psychology play in this story, that it would've been cool to see the psychological effect that the broadcast had on the soldiers and civilians, and how that effect changed as time went on during those six months.

On the topic of time, I felt like you skipped around a bit too much between past and present during the opening chapters of the fic. There were more than a few points where I found that I couldn't tell if a scene was describing what was happening in the present, or recounting a past event. This made the start of the story a little difficult to follow. However, as the story progressed, this became less of a problem, as things tended to stay in the present, and the flashbacks were presented more clearly. I could tell that your writing style clearly evolved during the course of the story, and reading the first chapter and then the last one, it is fairly obvious. Good job :twilightsheepish:

One thing I really didn't like though - General Sparkle. I understand that war changes people/ponies, and some time has passed since the TV series when the story takes place, but I don't think Twilight would ever be as violent as she was in this story. Could I see her taking prisoners, trying to capture enemies, perhaps inflicting minor injuries if absolutely necessary? Perhaps. But actually trying to kill another pony? No. She is far too timid and rational to actually even think of killing anyone. I can't think of anything that would change her personality enough to bring her to the point of being able to do such a thing. Furthermore, the story really didn't even attempt to explain her polar personality at all, simply dismissing it as "it's over a decade later and she stuck with Celestia". If you want to present Twilight as somepony who is able to willfully kill another pony, you need to explain how she got to be that way. If you want to take the Twilight we know and love and turn her into someone who is able to commit such a heinous act, you need to mold her into such a pony through character development, showing how she got from who she was to who she is. You can't just say "ponies change over time" - that makes it too difficult to believe her personality. And although the story followed Moxi primarily, perhaps including a brief interlude or something, flashing back a few years into Twilight's past, would've helped her characterization greatly, as it would've explained her behavior a lot better, and made it a lot easier for readers to say "yeah, after that explanation, I can see Twilight doing that".

Beyond Twilight, however, the rest of the Mane Six were mostly believable. It took me a few minutes to catch on that Pinkie was the high preistess, but that was believable, as she was simply sad considering the circumstances. We've seen, in canon, that Pinkie can loose all her cheer and happiness if the situation is gloomy enough, so although she wasn't really all that happy or cheerful, she was still very much in character considering the events around her.

Overall, I'd give this story a 7.5/10. Like I said, my major problem was how Twilight was presented in this fic, but the way you presented and developed Moxi's character did make up for that. The OCs in this fic were unique and very well done. The details and descriptions allowed me to follow along with what was going on easily, without bogging down/slowing the story. And finally, it was just an exciting fic filled with plenty of action throughout. Main thing - if you're going to use canon characters who differ personality-wise from the canon story, you need to explain the difference. Otherwise this was a great story. Keep up the good work.

874236

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

I understand it can be pretty jarring to see the character change in Twilight, but I didn't want to feature her or any of the official characters too much, as I prefer to use my own characters.

I suppose it's not completely established in the ending, but there was something of a reason given for why Twilight changed the way she did.

*************************SPOILERS************************************

You see the end result of Celestia being tampered with by forces of equal or greater power than her own. Her own personality being altered and overpowered by sudden, extreme anger. It was shown that while Wrath was manipulating Celestia, his power was also being exerted in other areas of Equestria. Twilight, as Celestia's primary student and protege, was overcome with anger at what she saw as a betrayal by not only the citizens of Equestria, who had sworn their fealty to the princess, but by her own friends, especially Rainbow Dash and Dreamcatcher. (if you've read "Sweet Dreams, Luna," in whose universe this is set, you'll see that Dreamcatcher has a history with the mane 6 and the princesses.)

With her mind being thrown off balance by her anger, Wrath was given a prime opportunity to change her, just as he changed Celestia and how Discord changed all the mane 6.

Twilight's altered personality is a culmination of subtle pushes in the right direction during her exposure to the horrors of war.

**********************SPOILERS END******************************
Hope that cleared some stuff up for you, and I hope you enjoy the sequel!

874647

(more spoilers)

I can understand that, and that is a sensible explanation. However that still did leave me confused for most of the story. It's kinda obvious that something's up with Celestia throughout the story. However, the entire time I thought it was an internal force causing such. Nothing wrong with revealing it to be an external one at the end - it gives an opportunity to make a final impression of a character and their actions, perhaps giving them a bit of redemption as we see it wasn't entirely her fault.

However, like I said, it was obvious something was up with Celestia, and the wrath was the answer to that question. With Twilight, I had no idea what was going on with her, as there was no indication that what was affecting Celestia was affecting her as well. For the entire story, that was just a big question mark for me, and even at the end it wasn't explained fully.

But otherwise, I do look forward to reading the sequel! :twilightsmile:

Great story I couldnt stop reading. But what happend or what did you intend to happen to firebrand!

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I've been waiting so long for someone to ask about Firebrand. XD

There was originally going to be a scene in the epilogue that showed Firebrand and Autumn Leaf's fate wherein Autumn woke up in the hospital a paraplegic, but with a scarred Firebrand at her side and it was going to be hinted that the two of them were going to be married.

Unfortunately, I was having trouble writing at the time of the epilogue and when I tried to write the scene it felt forced in, so I ultimately scrapped it.

Firebrand and Autumn Leaf were always an interesting little bit for me, I created them for the Christmas special I did last year and had no idea if anyone would care about them at all. I wrote it with the intention that, if their story caught the eyes of the readers, I would write more for them, but that piece never really got much attention, so I let them rest until it was time for my 'epic' conclusion.

I know it's more than what you asked for, but here's the tl;dr Autumn Leaf is a paraplegic now, but she and Firebrand are married and living happily together. :raritywink:

Hi! I just finished reading, and it was great! I love it!
Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease Please continue writing! ;)

This is the first fanfiction I have read and I love it! It was amazing and I really connected with it, do I raged at some parts I teared at other! I can't wait to read the next part! Great work!:trollestia:

Seems legit being a follower of the NLR myself

I finished reading it recently, and I look forward to as many stories you are able and willing to create. It was wonderful! :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by Hikarou deleted Jan 15th, 2013

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I know this is a bit late, please forgive me, but I just wanted to say to you all, thanks so much for the feedback!

Every little bit helps and keeps me wanting to make more pony fiction!

I'm so so so sorry I haven't been able to post anything, writer's block has been hitting me terribly hard, but I hope I can continue soon!

1966727 :pinkiegasp::yay:, your back! :pinkiegasp::yay::pinkiehappy:

1966742


Haha :rainbowlaugh:

I actually pop on every day to check for new notifications, I just haven't had anything to post for a while :pinkiesad2:

I was just looking at the comments on here a minute ago, and realized I received these lovely comments on my story but I hadn't responded to any of them!

Just wanted to make sure you all know how very much appreciated they are and how much I want to return to writing for you guys!

1966879 It did not seem that you were on. So, have you put any work in on "The Hooves of Wrath"? I named it without looking at it. Did I get the name right? I will be so happy if I got it right. :pinkiehappy:

1966900

Haha, well there's no "the," but it is Hooves of Wrath.

I'm sorry to say that I haven't, but I am planning to start setting aside time regularly to sit down and either write or stare at a blank screen for a couple of hours in an attempt to force myself to begin creating new content.

I have a side piece that I started around the time I last published anything for HoW which was supposed to tell a bit of what's happened in the years between the end of FtNLR and the beginning of HoW, but I wasn't able to finish it, so I may just throw up a link to the WIP if I don't know if I'll actually finish it.

I sincerely hope I can get some new content to you guys soon and thanks so much for your patience!

1966933 I love your stories, and I can wait until you are ready to post your work. take as much time as you need.:pinkiehappy:

I'm not sure how to reply to comments, still :twilightoops: but I'm gald you are back, I hope you can start writing again soon, I enjoy your work! Best of luck to you on your journey of life! :raritywink:

Moxi... this is perhaps not normal for the Empire but it's touching that i'm happy to read this :raritywink:

Is this the original fic?

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Depends on what you're referring to, I suppose.

It's the original story in my series, yes, but the original For the New Lunar Republic was a song by NotACleverPony.

2078163
Wait... the Lunar Republic originated with the THEME?! (Flips off site that gave me intel that Lunar Republic originated with a fanfic)
*Plays theme, holds hoof over heart* I only do this for two things. The American National Anthem when I'm living my life as normal dude. But, when I am a brony, I do this for both the anthem of the US and of the Lunar Republic :rainbowdetermined2:
Here, have a recruitment poster and a Lunar Republic background :twilightsmile: Oh, and the orchestral New Lunar Republic theme :pinkiehappy:
Le Poster:
fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/259/4/c/random_new_lunar_republic_post_by_12rooster-d4a1iau.png
Le Wallpaper:
fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/257/3/7/new_lunar_republic_wallpaper_by_overdrivenzx-d56in05.png
Le Theme:

(Edit: Sorry about the holding hoof over heart comment in case I offended anypony. Got a little caught up in the moment...)

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Haha, love it.

Well, it's possible that my info is wrong, but I got in on the ground floor of the fandom, before the NLR was a thing, and I know the first I, and most bronies I know of, heard of the NLR was from NotACleverPony's song.

My story was inspired by her music and the real inspiration to write came from a friend of mine named Dreamcatcher's story, Sweet Dreams, Luna. If you haven't read Dreamcatcher's yet, I would suggest reading it as well, as I tied several aspects from his story into mine. (Most notably, the characters Dreamcatcher and Melody.)

2080729
Alright, I'll check it out :twilightsmile: What'd you think of the theme? Oh, (and as much as I hate to admit it,) you should hear the Sun Tyrant's Empire's theme. During the day in Heaven, they must play that song. However, they play the Lunar Republic song at night, obviously :rainbowlaugh:

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