- Member Since 22nd Dec, 2011
- offline last seen Aug 31st, 2023
Gabriel LaVedier
Just another University-edicated fanfiction writer who prefers the cheers and laughter of ponies to madness and sorrow.
Gabriel LaVedier
Joined 22nd Dec, 2011 ·
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Dude . . . that was the most eloquent describing of a sex scene I've ever read! As I read the beginning I thought, "Hmm, this author certainly has style," and when I delved into the intercourse part I was like ". . . by gosh dude." This is nothing like I've ever read when it came to sex. Such dovetailing of these words my eyes have never laid upon.
It's a shame this story is already underrated and undermined, and I know the reason: people who probably don't think to read the story before rating/commenting. Well this guy had, and this guy says you have done up and above excellent in this piece. You could make a writer envious with this (not saying I am XP).
My only and biggest problem is your using of the "d" word in here. Using coarse slang can soil the immaculateness of a story. I, and others, can tolerate seeing it, but I recommend using less offensive alternates.
Nonetheless, this is one Luna sex story I hold in high regard. 5/5
You certainly have a gift with words and this deserves a much higher rating. I'd love to read more from you in the future.
98946
Thank you! Thank you so much! You certainly made me feel good about this bit of self-indulgent clop. It made the effort worthwhile.
As for the word: It's hard to keep using euphemisms for penis. I didn't want to be too repetitious and didn't want to be too esoteric or cheesy. So I had to lay out at least one vulgar phrasing.
98957
I don't have any plans for clopfics in the future but plenty of regular fics are in the works.
I'm completely stumped as to why I enjoy reading this.
I'm hoping it was because of the high-quality vocabulary and it was so immaculate.
You have me wondering if I should read more clopfics. Especially since there is a sexual scene in my fanfic, Harvest.
You have me thinking - well played, good sir.
99057
Well, this is... sort of an abberation. It's a clop fic crafted by someone who cares about the characters involved with a deep understanding of how they work and act. Most clops aren't as lovingly crafted. So, beware.
But thank you for the kind words.
Damn, man. Dat vocabulary. I'm really impressed at how you handled Luna's character, and I got to say, this Bad Apple character is really growing on me.
Take my five stars. It's a damn shame that people immediately jump to the conclusion that because there's sex involved, that instantly makes it bad, and give it a bad rating. Good work.
99661
Oh, thank you. It's a pleasure to know this is appreciated. I have spent a lot of time crafting Bad Apple and working on English Renaissance Luna. Good to see it is appreciated.
100436 It's not hard to appreciate a sex scene when it's got meaning behind it, and does the genre of "romance" real justice. This did a great job capturing that romantic feel to it, and you should definitely consider doing more along these lines instead of a stand-alone oneshot that ties into your main work.
100446
Well, how do you mean? It's not so much a oneshot as a tableau, it illustrates a (non-specific) moment in their relationship. It's what they do, and who they are, condensed into passion, pleasure and selfless giving. Sharing, if you will. Each pleased the other without taking pleasure for themselves then they combined into something more precious than the two prior acts. I suppose I could expand on what Celestia was doing. But that means having to expand on what Crescent did for her before he was placed in The Mountains of Madness. Meaning the real thing became very infrequent.
Oh wow.
This has to be one of the most eloquent things I've ever read!
How much time did you spend writing this?
102687
Believe me when I say I do not intend for this to sound like bragging. Two days, but by that I mean I spread the writing out with a few hours a day. Idle typing in the background. I knew exactly what I wanted to have happen, all I needed to find were the words. I know these characters intimately. Bad Apple because I created him and know his motivations, and English Renaissance Luna because I've grown into her by all the writing I've been doing with her, especially "The Unsuitable" and "The Equestrian Resident."
Thank you for the kind words.
102862 hey, you're welcome!
)
(but damn, you really should be writing on a professional level...
104548
That's not my destiny, and I know it. I'm an educator at heart, and am on track for that.
Well I had wanted to hear more about those two...though that was not exactly what I was expecting. Quite nicely done, very descriptive. Not sure what else I can say.
Oh, almost forgot; you have quacksalver instead of quicksilver in there.
108638
You're the second person to make that mistake (And the first was my pre-reader/editor. Oh my...) "Quacksalver" is an actual word, and a respectable one. Ever wonder where "quack" came from as a term for a... quack? It's shortened from Quacksalver, the kind of quick-talking medicine-show mountebank. In the story it means Bad Apple got his quick tongue from quacksalver sales (Bad Apple Chronicles part three will address one instance of that.) The More you Know
136876
Thank you, thank you. Writing for Luna is a distinct pleasure. So much so that I find myself driven to do it more and more often.
The only thing I could think of when reading this is 'My god, so this is what high society British porn looks like.'
255325
I suppose on some level I was going for that.
This story is always good for another read. I swear, it's so interesting to listen to Luna talk. She could go on about absolutely anything and she would still capture my interest and admiration.
Listening to her TALK about sex is just as interesting as the act itself!
286660
When it comes to sex, or at least bawdy innuendo, the Elizabethans/Jacobeans were just as good at entendre as us, if not more so, because they had plenty of double-meaning words and phrases that were genuinely innocent without a nod and a wink. I play that to the hilt, according to the inches of the jest
Fair is foul and foul is fair!
I loved the use of the language in this story. The most impressive I've seen yet, believe it or not (why do clopfics keep pushing the barriers of fics, I wonder?)
287441
They are already transgressive, being sexual. Experimentation is easier since the author already feels as though they are pushng an envelope or crossing a line. So they can try interesting new things. And sometimes they work.
Thank you for the kind words.
Great piece of clop. Really really really put me in the mood for a good session. ~__~
I don't normally get into OC's, but I kind of liked Bad Apple. So much that I wish we could have gotten some backstory on him. And I loved how Luna's speech sounded like something to be found in Shakespeare. It got kind of hard to follow at times, but it was mostly very enjoyable. I think the only part that really irked me was that one use of "dick". Kind of vulgar for my tastes, but I got over it quickly.
No wonder everyone wanted to put this in Cream of the Clop!
388033
Reading this before any other stories of mine is a bit like walking in on the middle of a movie and wondering who the heck this "Protagonist" fellow is.
Bad Apple's story and personality comes in drips and drabs in "Bad Apple Chronicles" as well as others. His relationship with Luna is detailed in a thread running through "The Unfavorite", "The Nightwatch", "The Equestrian Resident" and "All I ask of you."
As for Luna's speech, that too is explained earlier. I took her "flowery archaic Ye Olde Englishe" to the logical extreme and started making her sound like characters from actual Elizabethan/Jacobean plays I read in class. And her difficult-to-understand speech is because, at the suggestion of readers, i stopped adding glosses/notes. I brlieve the last time I used them was "The Unsuitable." Now I just sort of hope context and common sense lets folks understand what she's saying.
But I thank you for the kind words. it makes me feel good about this. and now that I've had two complaints I think I'll go back in there and take it out. I'll replace it with another word.
255325
not so actually, any true British Gentleman worth his whipping stick would turn his nose to anything not involving an fur cap, three oranges and of course a portrait of Her Royal Highness the Queen of Great Britain and Ireland Alexandrina Victoria Empress of India.
438156
I don't even want to know just what high society Britain uses three oranges and a fur cap for...
You know, now that I think about it, I'm kinda curious who this 'Crescent' is that Celestia appears to be fantasizing about during her...session.
1114334
See: "Elements of Discord Interlude: The Poison Apple Tree" and "Las Canciones de Voltaire: Anniversary." He has a SHORT scene at the end of "The Bad Apple Chronicles: Apple Shrugged" but is not named. And those two show him off best.
Need to read "The Taming of the Shrew" again. I read it and enjoyed it, especially the part about the bee and their stingers.