• Published 14th Oct 2012
  • 12,149 Views, 511 Comments

Deadpool Vs. Equestria - Live Light

The Merc With A Mouth finds himself in Equestria. This'll take some getting used to.

  • ...

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Issue #4: Royal Canterlot Business: Part 1

Deadpool and Pinkie got off the chariot. Before them stood Canterlot Castle, looking all royal and imposing. Castles were never a problem with Wade. Once, in his 2008 comic series, he was in a castle filled with mildly hot plastic surgery zombies... and got everybody killed by switching the narrative to hours later, wiring the castle with what probably used to be his exploding chair, blowing it up, and kicking a zombie head so far it was GOOD.

But the privilleges of fingers were gone. No longer could he feel a trigger finger itch, or try to do a thumbs-up with his foot's big toe. He's now a horse. A FRICKLEMOOKING HORSE. ... Fricklemook? Really? ...Okay.

He's not here to make war anyway. Just to have a chat. Yes. That was it. He then realized something.

"Err, Pinkie, not that you're terrible company but... why are you here with me?" Deadpool asked the pink pony that was the stuff of extensive drug-use.

[Or Pool-O-Vision.]

{We've never had a moment like that in a long time, have we?}


{We need a moment like that. Anyway, what's she sayin'?}

"Because I still have to be your guide, remember? And plus, if you turn out to be dangerous, you need insurance." Pinkie nodded.

"I feel better already!" The two entered the castle. That silly, silly castle.

{What are you doing?}

I'm trying to make this chapter longer by adding more words in.

[Even pointless words?]

Yes, even pointless words.

{You've gone too far.}

I know... sadface. But anyway. As Deadpool and Pinkie entered the throne room, Deadpool was relieved by a comforting sight. Who else would be the princess of the sun in this evil- well, not evil, but unfamiliar place?

"BEA ARTHUR! YOU CAME FOR ME!" Deadpool said happily, as he ran up to the awaiting idol of his bucked up brain. Only for dreams to be shattered mid-run. The shape dissolved into a pony with both a head spike and wings.

"WHOA, OVERKILL HORSEY-TIME AAAGGHHHHHH!" Deadpool screamed, as he was levitated backwards.

{That's right. Pool-o-vision is back, and it's trollin'.}

"Greetings, traveller." The weird thing that was obviously Princess Celestia spoke. "What is your name?"

"Wade Wilson. But you can call me Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth. And you're Princess Trolle-I mean... Celestia?"

"Yes. I assume Pinkie Pie told you about that."

"Indubitably." Deadpool said, putting on a gentlemanly voice.

"Very well. You know why you have been called here, yes?"

"It's not for a hero's welcome, is it? This happens to everybody."

"...I'll note your strange sense of humour. But no, you're here because we need to deduce whether or not you will be a threat to my subjects, and by extension, Equestria."

"You have a mutant creature army? Because when you say 'Subjects,' that's what I think of."

"Actually, Wade, she means me and my five friends!" Pinkie said.

"You're MUTANTS!?" Deadpool exclaimed.

"We're MUTANTS!?" Pinkie exclaimed.

"You're not mutants, Pinkie. This strange pony merely has a different understanding, surely."

"I'm human, actually. I want my fingers and toes back. NOW!" Deadpool practically yelled.


"You may leave as soon as we find you a way to get home." Celestia said. "Until then, you may wait until we're ready to test your friendliness."

"What if I don't wish to wait?" Deadpool asked.

"Too bad."


"Okay. Fine. Bye." Deadpool said, and he and Pinkie walked out the door to go wait.

[Err, Wade.]

"I know, I know," Deadpool said behind the door. They walked back in.

"Errr.... where do we wait? Deadpool asked.

"The waiting room is that way." Celestia motioned from the door's direction, to the path that goes right.

"Got it." Deadpool said, as they both walked out the door again, and headed right.


Deadpool and Pinkie sat on the chairs. Deadpool was trying to sit in a more human way of sitting, while Pinkie sat on the chair as if it was the ground, as usual.

"You know, you look a bit like Lyra when you sit like that." Pinkie commented.

"Is she another pony-turned human?"

"No. I hear she believes in them."

"Ah. Cool."



[Ask her out.]

{Shut up.}

[And sleep with me, come on why don't you sleep with me, shut up, and-]

{NO! I don't want any musical numbers in this story!}

"Hey." Pinkie said. "What'cha thinkin'?"

"Sebastian?" Deadpool replied.

"Who's Sebastian?"

"To be honest... I don't know... and is Sebastian even a name here?"

"Not really."

"How'd you know it was a 'who' then?"

"It didn't sound like a 'what' word!"







[Now will you ask her out?]

{You do realize that you were hitting on him in the first issue?}


{... ... ...Uh. Well. Seems weird.}

[When are we never weird?]

"Hey, look, a unicorn!" Pinkie said, pointing her hoof upwards on a walkway, where there was indeed, a silhouette of a unicorn waiting.

"My common sense is tingling..." Deadpool said.

{Geez. You haven't made that joke in a looooooooooooong time. It's been so long that usually, people only find it on Youtube tributes to you, or Google Images.}

The unicorn ran elsewhere, disappearing from sight.

"So, Pinkie. Wanna get off these waiting chairs to avoid probable death?"

"Hmm... okay!" Pinkie said. They both jumped off, and behind them, the chairs broke apart, as a sort of blade fell down from the sky and sliced them. Deadpool and Pinkie looked back to their attacker, It was indeed a unicorn. This unicorn had the build of a convincing supermodel, a noir coat, a grey mane, and the blade in question was a switchblade being levitated via magic.

"Oh, of course, there are weapons. Nice. Hi, Psycho-lady."

"Hello. Nice to meet you." She replied, in a tone of 'Hi, nice to meet you, now die.'

"I do ever so wonder what in hell's name you're doing with that deadly object. And what's your name?"

"Not very gentlemanly for a guy to get a girl's name first."

"I ain't a gentleman."

"Heh... good. We're on the same page."

"Literally." Deadpool and Pinkie said.

"I noticed." The unicorn said.

"No you didn't." Deadpool said. "Again. Name?"

"Call me Mise Lock."



"I'm going to call you... Tootsie."

"And what's your name supposed to be?"

"Wade Wilson. But you can call me Deadpool. That is... if ya want." Deadpool replied, raising his eyebrows twice under his mask.

"Aw. Charming." Tootsie said, noticing the eyebrows. "Now, please stand aside."

"Why?" Deadpool inquired.

"Because I have a score to settle with Pinkie Pie there." She pointed a hoof at Pinkie, who looked confused.

"Why?" Deadpool asked.

"Because she"

{I'm bored already. Oh, viewers, this is what's going through Wade's head right now. Enjoy.}

"And there is your reason why I'm after Pinkie."

[You shoulda listened. Think of something smart to say.]

"Why?" Deadpool asked.


Mise Lock sighed frustratedly, and took a stab at Pinkie from where she was standing, by magically levitating the knife towards her at high speeds. Deadpool jumped into the path, and was stabbed in the gut. Pinkie cupped her mouth with her hooves. But both Mise Lock and Pinkie were surprised to see him look around awkwardly.

"Uh... guys? What's wrong?" He looked at the switch blade. "Oh, that little thing?" Deadpool tried concentrating, and managed to use his hoof to take hold of it, and get it out of him. He then put it in one of his empty knife sheathes, as he was losing grip. He grinned maliciously at Mise Lock.

"Finders keepers."

Since his belt was still operational, he teleported in front of Mise Lock, and punched her in the face.

"No attacking friends of mine without any given reason." He said sinisterly.

Mise Lock growled, and tried to use her horn as a spike... which it is, technically, and stab at Deadpool again. He did get stabbed, but this just made him angrier, and he pushed her down, then crouched down to choke her with one hoof. He picked up a knife from his sheathe, and quickly dismembered half of the horn, causing Mise Lock to scream in agony.

"I'm the only psycho around here, ya little ssssslllll..." Deadpool tried to say.

{You can't human swear remember.}


[Is that even profane?]

"I don't know..."

He stood up, and stopped choking Mise Lock, feeling her broken horn is punishment enough.

"So, Pinkie... think I did g-"

Canterlot Guards burst the door open.


And he was dragged back to Celestia's throne room before he could even turn around to see Pinkie's reaction.

{Okay, now Pinkie probably hates you.}

[How do you know?]

{I'm willing to bet my Rarity doll for it.}

You hate Rarity.

{That's why I'm betting it.}


To be continued in the next issue!

{Err... why'd you include a zombie's OC?}

I don't know, he wanted it. And he's not quite a zombie, he just survived in untold circumstances.

{What untold circumstances?}

I dunno. That's why they're untold.

{I'll tell them if you give me a Fluttershy doll.}


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