• Published 14th Oct 2012
  • 11,593 Views, 512 Comments

Deadpool Vs. Equestria - Live Light



The Merc With A Mouth finds himself in Equestria. This'll take some getting used to.

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Issue #3: Welcome To Equestria: Part 3

Deadpool Vs. Equestria

Issue #1

Welcome To Equestria

Part 1




Previously, on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...


Deadpool was forced by Weasel, who had been assimilated into the herd, to watch an episode from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. The assimilation taking effect, Deadpool attempted to escape, but fell through Weasel's portal to Equestria. He made his way to Ponyville, and met Pinkie Pie, waking up to be sort of interrogated by the 6 main ponies from the show. After a bunch of explaining, Pinkie Pie decides to accompany Deadpool as he explores his surroundings. But first, a trip to Sugarcube Corner...


[AM I STILL HARD FOR YOU TO READ!? HERE! NOW! YOU CAN READ ME! STILL CAN'T!? DAMN YOU! GO PUT ON THE DARK SETTING. IT'S ON THE UPPER RIGHT OF THE PAGE.]


{Shut up.}


__________________________________________________________________

Pinkie stared awkwardly at Deadpool as he tried to eat his Chimi-Cherry-Changa with his mouth. It seemed as if, at the same time, he was trying to hide the mouth. Pinkie wasn't really paying attention to that fact.

"Uh, Deadpool." Said Pinkie.

"Uh huh?" He said between eating.

"That''s not really how we all eat from plates... just letting you know..."

"Howh elsh d'yu eech t'en?" He said, just about finishing his food.

"With our hooves! What else?" She said.

Deadpool waited until he was finished eating, and just before Pinkie could get a look at his muzzle, he placed a handkerchief over it to clean it. Then, he pulled his mask down.

"No you can't." He said.

"Can't what?"

"Use your hooves to eat. You have no fingers. Don't even try to suggest you can do that. You'll only humiliate me more. It's painful enough I feel like my nerve endings have become ffff...." Deadpool attempted to say.

[Er. Wade. It's simple.]

"Ffffff."

{No, it's not.}

[...]

Deadpool had lost the ability to use Earthern swears. But his voices hadn't. That made it worse.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

{For the first time in ages, we win. To humiliate him further, I shall say, Buck his life. ...Agh.}

[Typo?]

{Yes.}

"I'm using that," Deadpool began. "It's painful enough I feel like my nerve endings have become bucked up."

"Nice improv, for not knowing that's actually a word we use in that situation!" Pinkie said.

"Really? Oh. I can read minds, I guess."

"Nope, you can't."

"No, I can't..." he said, disappointed.

"It's alright! So, whaddya wanna know?" Pinkie asked.

"Well. Tell me. Have you heard of the Brony?" Deadpool asked, combatting realistic-ness itself, hoping to have found a way to confuse Pinkie by the end of his stay in Equestria, if he ever gets out.

"You mean men near 18-usually under 50s who're into our show?"

"Yeah."

"Nope!"

"Whuh?"

"Now it's my turn to ask you something... Have you joined the herd?"

Confusing Pinkie didn't work out... it only confused him.

"Err... not really." He replied.

"You said you hadn't heard of the show! How can you not know if you joined or not?"

{She's trolling you now.}

"Are you trolling me?" Deadpool asked.

"Nope, that's Princess Celestia's job." She responded.

"You have a PRINCESS!?"

"I think we established that in the last issue."

"Good point. ..." Deadpool paused. "... ...You said last issue."

"Yah."

"..."

"What? I thought you noticed by now."

"I did. I'm just surprised."

[Why are you surprised?]

{Stop asking him. YOU'LL BLOW OUR COVER!}

"It's already blown!" Pinkie said out of nowhere.

{Uh?}

[What?]

"I like this one." Deadpool said.

Pinkie gave an impossibly large grin.

"So then... this princess. I'm gonna jump to a conclusion... this Princess is next in line for the throne, and when she's bored, she trolls other ponies, and it's usually up to her Mom and/or Dad, being the Queen and King respectively/other way around (this has happened before, I think), to stop her. Am I right?"

"Nope."

"Well, what then?"

"The Princess is our ruler. There's no King or Queen."





{That ain't right.}

"So... just a sort of Monarchy of nonsense then?" Deadpool asked.

"Maybe." She responded.

"How does she become Princess without being promoted to Queen?"

"Most of us think it's so she gets free cake." Pinkie nodded.

"Oooohhhh. Right. She certainly plans ahead."

"Yeah, while we're all happy with her as our ruler, she can be kind of annoying sometimes..."

"Really? Do tell." Deadpool responded.

"Well, let's see..." Pinkie began her rant... "In the first episode, she mysteriously disappears somewhere when the villain Nightmare Moon appears, and it's only when we unlock the Elements of Harmony that she equally mysteriously re-appears, as if our efforts weren't that necessary. Next, she gives two gala tickets, one to Twi, one to anypony she chooses, and so we start fighting over it, and it only takes Twi to mail her saying that if all her friends can't go, then she won't, then Celestia's all like, 'Why didn't you say so?" and sends the next 4 tickets back, as if it wasn't obvious we'd have some sort of problem with this. Another good one, in the beginning of the second season, she waits until everypony including Twilight becomes discorded to actually help, by sending Twilight back the friendship letters written to her so that she remembers the meaning of friendship, and also, her sister Luna, who was originally Nightmare Moon, appeared at the Nightmare Night celebration, only with her culture a thousand years behind, it'd be good logic for Celestia to tell her how we act nowadays, unless Celestia just told her we follow the same customs in this time, just because she thought it'd be funny, Luna was practically yelling at everypony because she thought ponies still liked being yelled at!"

Pinkie finished, then looked around, as if someone was listening to her heretical rant, and added, "If you believe such things."

"Ah. I see." Deadpool said, indeed believing the place was being ruled by a maniacal tyrant.

[Ask her out.]

{Wait, what? Did you read ahead in the script or something?}

[There is no script. Surely you remember, the Writer writes something, and sees where it takes him.]

He's right, you know.

{It's still too early. I know a commenter who recently got killed by us wanted it, but it's too early! Ask her for a platonic thing or something.}

"I have no idea what they just said." Deadpool said.

"Sorry, didn't hear ya, I thought I heard somepony suggest something concerning me."

"Probably not. Anyway, what sorta things do ya usually do?"

"I'm an excellent baker, but what I really love to do is PARTYING! *GAAAASP* We still haven't thrown you a Welcome to Ponyville party yet!"

"Yeah, yelling at the sky coming here was a party enough for me, thank you very much." Deadpool responded.

"It sounded like you were screaming!" Pinkie giggled.

"I was not. I was shouting. And I was on helium." Deadpool lied.

"I thought helium made you sleepy after having too much."

"...Nope."

"Anyway... Besides that..." Pinkie began. "I like to do pranks."

[Oh, yay. Mayhem.]

"Oh, really......." Deadpool began.

"Friendly pranks."

"Agh."

{Go do something pranky. Now.}

[And get a chance at love.]

{SHE'S A HORSE.}

[So's he.]

{Why would he be used to it right now?}

"I thought I heard somepony state the obvious about me for a moment." Pinkie said.

"You know what, me too. I wonder if whoever said that can hear me tell them to shut up." Deadpool responded cheerily.

{{We're sorry]]

"So anyway... I think we should do some pranking. What's your next course of action?" Deadpool suggested.

"Sorry. You're new. And you seem bored. So, I'll wait till your used to this place. That, and the author had trouble thinking of ideas."

Pinkie...

"Okay, sure. Anything exciting I can do?"

"Why don't you walk outside and in? I usually do that when I'm stumped on what to do!" Pinkie suggested.

"...Uh. Right. Akay."

Deadpool got out of his seat, and walked to the Sugarcube Corner entrance. Then, he opened the door, and went through it, into the open air. He looked around.














{Suddenly, you've got mail!}




Deadpool was hit in the face with an envelope. He tried his best to pick it up with hooves, but ended up only turning it over on the ground. He saw there was a royal seal on it. He picked it up with his mouth, used a hoof to keep in on a wall, and grabbed a knife with his mouth. He managed to cut the envelope open, and used the knife to pin the letter to the wall. It read,


To any traveller who should not have existed in this universe, now is the time for you to speak to me. I must assess your reason for coming here, and whether or not you are a threat. Five minutes after you receive this, a transport will be waiting for you.



Sincerely,



Princess Celestia.


[The plot thickens.]

HAH! PLOT!

[Shush, White box. We'll have none of your inappropriateness...ess.]

Deadpool shrugged his shoulder, used his mouth to place his knife in the knife sheathe on his suit, and walked back in. Pinkie appeared in front of him as soon as he entered.

"Hi! Did you come up with something?"

"A letter got thrown in my face, yeah! So now, I have to wait five minutes for a Celestia minion to collect me simply because I'm not from around here!"

"So... new adventure?"

"Yeah! I feel awesome already! I'm sure the readers wanna know what'll happen!"

"Totally!"

The other customers in the apparently edible building looked at the two with confusion, then shrugged. They were used to Pinkie's antics. Probably found a new friend, they guessed.





*5 minutes later*





Deadpool and Pinkie were waiting outside, debating about a very good point, after attempting something, and ending up in despair about it.

"How are we meant to play Rock Paper Scissors with hooves!?" Deadpool confusedly asked.

"I... I don't know!" Pinkie said, nearly at the verge of tears because of this stunning realization.

"Don't cry, Pinkie!" Deadpool assuredly unreassuringly unreassuringly assuringly. There. Triple assurance.

"Okay!" Pinkie said, immediately happy with the triple assurance, no doubt.

The wind starting blowing a bit faster. Deadpool looked around, and saw a chariot, pulled by two large pegasi, without actual passengers. One, who's name was Raindrop, looked naturally muscle-y, the other, who's name was Snowflake, looked as if he was taking steroids. In truth, this was a part time job he agreed to just so he could get more steroids. He has a stallion who is now a hermit to blame.

As the chariot landed, Deadpool looked at it for a moment. Then burst into hysterical laughter. Pinkie looked at him.

"What's so funny?"

"Th-they still n-need horses to c-carry the chariots h-here," Deadpool replied in between laughs, "E-even though th-the p-passengers, be-being horses, could p-pull it th-themselves!" He kept laughing about it. Pinkie, now understanding the hilarity, joined in the madness with him, both of them laughing at something that terrestrials to Equestria would find somewhat normal, albeit flawed. {You're so mature.}

Raindrop looked to Snowflake, and said, "These are two weird ponies, hm?"

"YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"You can say that again." Raindrop said to himself.

Eventually, after Deadpool and Pinkie recovered from laughter, they both went in the passengers seat.



_______________________________________________________________________________________________



To be continued in the next issue.



{Hey, Author, why'd you include Snowflake?}


I thought it'd be funny. Now go away.

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