• Published 14th Oct 2012
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Deadpool Vs. Equestria - Live Light



The Merc With A Mouth finds himself in Equestria. This'll take some getting used to.

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Issue #2: Welcome To Equestria: Part 2

Deadpool Vs. Equestria

Issue #1

Welcome To Equestria

Part 1


Previously, on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...


Deadpool was forced by Weasel, who had been assimilated into the herd, to watch an episode from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. The assimilation taking effect, Deadpool attempted to escape, but fell through Weasel's portal to Equestria. He made his way to Ponyville, and met Pinkie Pie... will this spell doom, or will adventures that have the label of enjoyment written around them occur? Tune in to find out...

[This is a fan-fiction, not a TV show.]

Meh.

______________________________________________________________

Deadpool had the weirdest dream. It was a dream he usually hated. It's basically him running about. Then, a foreboding building appears in front of him... and he would enter it. Then the camera broke. The dream he had just now was essentially had... except, he was a horse. And the camera didn't break. It showed him and what was inside the building... he was horrified to see the following... A G3 pony with an axe.


"AAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Deadpool screamed upon awakening. He looked around, and saw he was in a basement... filled with all kinds of science-y stuff. Flasks, wires, beakers, test tubes, the works. And... colourful ponies who looked all too familiar. There was a purple one, with a painful looking spike on her head that lets her do all sorts of voodoo, of which Doctor Strange would be proud. He remembered her name as Twilight Sparkle.

{Stephanie Meyer?}

[Oh, shut up.]

Next, there was a cyan horse with wings, and a rainbow-coloured mane and tail. He doesn't quite remember her name, as he didn't find her important enough in the episode he saw to remember, but figured the name had to do with her hair. There was also an orange pony, with a blond mane and tail, both tied up in a braid. She was also wearing a cowboy/girl/whatevs hat.

[Is that... OUTLAW!? SHE'S STUCK HERE TOO WITH YOU!? Quickly, repair everything with her, and you can still score... despite... the horsiness...]

{No, that's Applejack, the cowpony. Idiot.}

Next to her was an alabaster head-spiked horse with a purple mane and tail, which was styled to be the most fashionable it could be.

{Fricking fashion-obsessed.}

[Kids watch this show, you know.]

{Internet. Deal with it. I'm right, anyway.}

[She's not too bad...]

{She probably is.}

Next to her was a butter-yellow winged pony with a pink mane and tail, and teal eyes, who Deadpool remembered was Fluttershy, the defence-less one.

{You never mentioned the other ponies' eye colours.}

Because those ones weren't worth as much as her.

[That's unfair.]

I don't care, she's cute and adorable, and pulls off looking beautiful without trying, unlike the alabaster one.

{He's got a point.}

[Can we continue the story, we had a complaint about using the fourth wall too much.]

You're doing it too. Anyway. Next to her, was an all too familiar pink pony with a magneta mane and tail that was really frizzy and all over the place, and her name was Pinkie Pie. Now that Deadpool had a chance to look around, he was in the same basement that Pinkie was placed in for experimentation. He was even strapped into the same place as her, with wirey stuff on a helmet thing on his head which hides his brain. When he took a closer look at the ponies, he saw that some of them wore expressions of curiosity, fear, and, for Rainbow Dash, resentment. Deadpool yelled what came to mind.



"SAFEWORD!"





{You idiot. They don't like you that much.}

[And you're still a horse.]

{So are they, but they still don't like him. And they probably like him less.}

[Why's the pink one laughing then?]

{I dunno. Maybe it was funny. Wait, what?}

Indeed, the pink one was laughing. The other ponies looked at her confusion, with Deadpool still unaware of what's happening. Pinkie eventually calmed, and stopped laughing, but had a faint smile on her face. The other ponies rolled their eyes, and looked to Deadpool.

"...Hi. Nice to see you. How I have missed you, hallucinations." He greeted.

"We're very real, sir." Twilight responded.

"And so is the White House." Deadpool replied with obvious sarcasm.

[The White House is very real. But it doesn't matter now, it doesn't exist in here. But in Earth it does. That's what stops you from doing everything without the law getting in the way.]

"Shut up." He said out loud.

"Err... we didn't say anything..." Twilight said. "But... anyway... who are you, and what are you doing here with so many weapons?"

{Well, that explains the lack of hospitality one would usually receive.}

"I don't know." Deadpool replied.

"But you did know you went here, right?"

"I know. I was there..."

"So... by way of logic... you should have a reason for coming here."

"Yes. By way of logic."

"He doesn't seem to be one of logic." The alabaster unicorn said.

"Why do you have me here?" Deadpool asked. "This is so awkwark!"

"Shouldn't that be 'Awkward?'" Pinkie said.

"Yes. Damn typo."

Why you gotta pin everything on me.

"Uhm... you know... this might be a misunderstanding..." Fluttershy suggested.

"What's there to misunderstand about an armed intruder?" Rainbow said, with narrowed eyes at Deadpool.

"I bet your name has something to do with a rainbow. That'd be so cliché." Deadpool said.

Twilight raised an eyebrow.

"Jus' what is yer name?" Applejack said.

"Don't you remember me? ...No wait, not Outlaw, my mistake, err... I am Wade Wilson. And you can call me Deadpool. Aaand... your cartoon is... mediocre." Deadpool summarised, to keep his long-gone dignity.

"Uh... cartoon? Wha's that mean?" Applejack asked.

"He means our life so far, what else?" Pinkie said.

"See? One of you is smart." Deadpool said. "Now... who are you people, since I know four of you, but two of you aren't important enough to remember? And forget I said I know you, that's not important either."

"But how do you kn-" Twilight began, before Pinkie interrupted, appearing in front of Deadpool.

"Glad you asked! I'm Pinkie Pie, that's Twilight, That's Rainbow Dash, that's Applejack, that's Rarity, that's Fluttershy..." She introduced, pointing a hoof to the ponies as she named them, "And I'm Pinkie Pie! Did I say that?"

Deadpool had thoughts on only one thing.










"I KNEW HER NAME HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH RAINBOWS!"

{Big whoop.}

Rainbow rolled her eyes. Twilight asked again, "What are you doing here?"

"Weeeeelllll... you ever heard of an alternate dimension type deal?" Deadpool responded.

"I have!" Pinkie responded. Twilight just nodded, as did Fluttershy. The others shook their heads.

"See, the situation here is... it's like that, but I come from a different universe, so-"

"That's not scientifically possible." Twilight interrupted. "It's been theorized, but never worked. You are scientifically impossible."

"That's not a very nice thing to say, Twi!" Pinkie said. "Besides, it IS possible!"

"What?" Was all Twilight could say.

"Just think about it. Where have you seen a cannon like this?" Pinkie pointed a hoof towards a direction Deadpool couldn't turn around to look at, but she was probably talking about his sidearm or his rifle. "Or a blade like that?" Pinkie indicated his katana, presumably.

"Well, no, bu-"

"Can I get out of this? I really need to itch." Deadpool said, complaining about his predicament of being strapped in the same place.

"No," Twilight began, "I've locked it with a key. You won't be free until you ans-"

"There ya go!" Pinkie said, as she unlocked the straps with the aforementioned key.

"B-b-but..." Twilight looked at a table, not able to find the key she placed there.

"FINALLY." Deadpool said, as he was free. And not itching anything.

"I thought you needed an itch?" Pinkie said.

"I needed an excuse to get out. I can't answer your questions under pressure." Deadpool replied.

"How exactly did you find yourself here?" Twilight asked.

"It's always you, you, you, who has to ask the questions isn't it. GUH. Fine. I watched an episode of... ... ..." Understanding they don't know about their cartoon, and not sure where it'll take his dignity to admit this, "......thingy, and ran away from it, and accidentally fell through my friend's portal to... thingy."

"And you couldn't have walked?" Rainbow said.

"Different universe, remember. And besides, have you noticed, those 'cannons' as you falsely name them... DON'T FIT HOOVES!?" He spontaneously emphasized.

"...Now that you think of it..." Twilight began, before Deadpool continued.

"I am not a horse. I am a human being. Technically. And I want my fingers and toes back." He calmly stated.

"Humans... don't exist..." Twilight said.

"In my universe, neither do you. Well, not spike-headed horses-"

"Unicorns." Twilight and Rarity said in unison.

"Or winged horses-"

"Pegasi." Rainbow and Fluttershy said in unison.

"Just... well... what's your species, Pinkie?"

"Earth-Pony, why?"

"Ah. See. In my universe, Earth is a planet. With earth. Which means the ground. And there's the sky. And there are clouds and rainbows. And the sun and moon exist too." Deadpool explained.

"If there aren't any Pegasi in your place, does that mean there's no weather?" Rainbow asked.

"...Wha- Yo- I-... WHAT!? It's common sense that the weather changes by itself! You mean to tell me this place's weather changes depending on whether Pegasi think it should rain or not!?"

"Kinda... we have a schedule."

"And don't tell me... the sun and moon need help to move?"

"Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are the ones who move th-" Twilight began, before Deadpool interrupted.

"NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. I refuse to believe that this place doesn't have a space! Hey, that rhymed. Anyway, you need space. So you can have astronauts. And for the sun and moon to orbit by itself. Getting royalty to move it is WEIRD. WHAT IS THIS SORCERY!?"

"Magic." Twilight said.

"Shut up. Anyway. Since I won't be going anywhere soon, I might as well have a look around the place. By myself."

"I'll go with you!" Pinkie offered.

"Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnope." He simply said.

"Come oooon."

"No."

"Come ooooon!"

"No."

"OH, COME AWWWN."

"Stop stealing my possible mannerisms."

"Not until you let me come with!"

"...Fine. Let's go upwards."

And so they did.

And so five of the Mane 6 were left confused... before going up with them.

As Deadpool and Pinkie went outside the building Deadpool already knew was a library from the episode he watched but paid attention only to Pinkie in, Deadpool asked Pinkie an important question.

"Okay. I'm gonna ask you a question... and this is going to determine whether we'll get along well or not..."

"Okay!" Pinkie said.

"What do you know... of the author?"

"Everything."

Deadpool took a moment to think about this, and maybe also to conspire against me. Then he spoke,

"You're my new favourite!" He said, with a grin.

"That's good to know! So, where now?"

"I'm starving. Do you ponies do chimi-changas or tacos?

"Well, in Sugarcube Corner, usually, we do Chimicherrychangas, a-"

"I'M SOLD. LET'S EAT."

And so they galloped over to Sugarcube Corner.






To be continued in the next issue!



{You should be running, they're conspiring against you.}


Let them try...

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