• Published 14th Oct 2012
  • 11,786 Views, 511 Comments

Deadpool Vs. Equestria - Live Light

The Merc With A Mouth finds himself in Equestria. This'll take some getting used to.

  • ...

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Issue #31: You didn't need them anyway

Deadpool Vs. Equestria

Issue #31

Previously, now I finally have a fitting video explanation


Before we continue, I'd like to apologize for my outlandish behaviour yesterday.

I yelled at Deadpool, I yelled at White Caption Box, I yelled at Yellow Caption Box, I yelled at myself when I wasn't noticed by Tar- Twilight. It's all better now.


We're gonna continue now.


Deadpool and Fluttershy entered the cottage. Deadpool sat on the couch.

"Do you have any bruises?" Fluttershy asked.

"I think I have a few on my face. And my side. It'll all heal, though." He answered.

"I'll get something for that." Fluttershy said.

"I heal fast. Really fast."

"I know that, but I should still help you." She then trotted off into the kitchen.


{You have to admire how nice she's being. Giving unnecessary treatment. Reminds me of that movie Misery.}

I've never watched that.

{You mean you're making me assume I wasted (Insert number of minutes film took) minutes of my life?}

Well, to be fair, I'm writing this.


[I wonder if she's really just mad at you and is really going into the kitchen to stab you with knives.]

{No, surely she's just getting some cold meat for them bruises.}

[Ponies don't eat meat. Why would she have meat lying around?]

{...You're right... damn it.}

[I can only imagine this as the result...


{You see, now I can tell we're going to be okay, because she's probably not going to be interested in that, and she said 'ALL', not BOTH. Either Deadpool grew more balls as he lived, which would be rather uncomfortable and creepy, or you're just doing that to humour and/or scare us.}

[Can I say both?]

If Lily says you didn't need them anyway, you really didn-

"I-i'm back." Fluttershy called, before walking into view, wearing a saddlebag. She reached into it with her mouth, and pulled out an ice pack, before adjusting it to hold it on her hoof.



Fluttershy pressed the ice pack to the side of Deadpool's face.


Too big, if it even appears correctly.


FFFFffuck you, I want it related.

"Flutters, it's kinda cold." Deadpool complained.

Fluttershy quickly held the ice pack away from Deadpool. "S-sorry..."


{Well. I don't really know what to do.}

[It's always 'me, me, me' isn't it?]

{Do you have a better idea?}

[No, not really. I've been waiting for a chance for it to be 'ME, me, me'.]

{How was your day author?}

I was mayor for a while.


"So how are ya?" Deadpool asked.

{Hey! Don't you try to have conversations over our conver-}

"All the better for being next to you." Fluttershy said.


What just happened?

[Just look at her for a moment.]

Deadpool complied, and looked Fluttershy in the face. She looked relatively normal. Until he blinked twice. She looked different in the time during his first blink. He blinked one more time, and now when he looked at her, it seemed as though she was giving him the bedroom eyes.


{You know how your Pool-O-Vision sometimes eats the back of your brain?}


{It usually likes to amplify your libido at times. Or at least just give it a bit of meat to chew on. And we're assuming that your libido kind of adapts to this place too. So now... Pool-O-Vision has become... Pony-O-Pay-Per-Vision... or somethin.' Hence your slight attraction to Pinkie before.}

[Wait... where's the Author?]



Oh... hi.


Agh. Stop dragging me.

[I'm not, you're willingly walking.]



[Write this.]

Alrighty, but can I at least multitask? Please?

{If you're good at it. Meanwhile...}

Deadpool punched himself in the face. With hooves, it hurt intensely.

"O-oh no, i-is it happening a-again?" Fluttershy asked.

"No, that was intentional." Deadpool admitted.


"I see things. Some are good, some are bad, some are so good they're bad and vice versa." He explained.

"W-well... what did you see?" She asked.

"One of the good and bad thingies."

"A-and... that was?"

"Uhh... A bear on a motorcycle."

Fluttershy's eyes widened. "W-what's a motorcycle? Did something happen to one of the bears?"

"No... I was hallucinating, remember?"

"O-oh... good..." Fluttershy sighed, relieved.

{Phew. I thought she was gonna ask questions for a long time. Questions Only only works in real life.}

[Only only only only onlyleon... you come and go...]


[It's the best I could come up with!]

{Get out of here!}

[...I'm sorry...]

{Go on. Get.}




"Ow." Deadpool complained.

"Bruises again?" Fluttershy asked.

"No, one of those voices that help me get by just got evicted from making a terrible joke, and my head hurts whenever things like this happen. That, and the joke was really bad, too." He explained.

"...Um... okay."

"Hey, Fluttershy?" Deadpool asked.


"What's your test gonna be like?"

"Oh... it'll be very simple." Fluttershy answered.

"How simple?"

"So simple we could do it right here, right now." She said.

{No, Pool-O-Vision, not that 'it.'}


[It's not answering.]

{It doesn't have a voice... why.}

"Okay... new question. Why exactly are your friends helping me with this before I go? Kind of a lost cause, isn't it?" He asked.

"Well... you've protected Pinkie on numerous occasions. Always made sure she was alright. If you could do that for her, you could always use your abilities for good in your world." She told him.

"But I don't wanna. I'm not the hero type. I leave that stuff to The Avengers. They only let the hero-types in anyways, they'll never let me join."

"Who're the Avengers?" She asked.

"A group of those guys with superpowers who decided to use their powers to battle those guys with superpowers who decided to use their powers to be bad people. I just use mine to get money and make a living and stuff."

"Well... how did all that kind of thinking come about?" She inquired.

"Some time ago, stuff happened in Canada. Then later, stuff happened in stuffland. Then, a guy got confused and said I was a guy from DC Comics. Screw that guy, I'm Deadpool. Then they made me a villain. I didn't say much to remember. Then I did other stuff, such as have my own adventures and work my way into fame! In real life. But anyway, then came the 2000s, and I started appearing in vidyah games, such as that one in which the X-Men did stuff they shoulda done in their animated series, only this time I'm not a silent cameo. Then I was in that one where everyone fought a really good villain because he wasn't too villainous at times, but here he was being really evil and stuff, and so we had to fight him and we won, but I wasn't significant in it. Not in the next instalment either. Then I started to just appear from time to time as an extra character, then they announced I'm getting my own video game! Nice! Then, they took some comic book pages out of DC's book and did a sort reboot... or maybe relaunch is a different thing. Anyway, now I'm in that team of Thunderbolts. They used to be attacking me back in 2008, but now I seem to be in their team. Nice and all, but I'm still waiting for my g-"

"U-um..." Fluttershy interrupted, now thankful that Deadpool noticed this, "That's a bit... too much incoherent information... but... whatever you want to do is fine..."

"Right. Err. ...I dunno. Read the back issues." He said.

"... U-um... you seem to be suggesting... you have some sort of... documented story that people read..."

"Yeah." He confirmed, nodding.

"I like that."

Deadpool blinked. "Could you repeat that?"

"I-i said I'm feeling a l-little b-bit worried now..."


{This entire conversation is beginning to get slightly boring.}

Are we not entertaining enough for you?

{You must get this test she said she could do today over and done with... then, GO HOME.}

But she said that during Pool-O-Vision, she probably didn't even say it!

{I don't care, just try it anyway.}

"Uh. 'Kay. So. Uh... Fluttershy." Deadpool began.


"Can we do that last test just now?" He asked.

"O-oh... u-um... okay..."

"What does it involve?" Deadpool asked, before being hugged.

{Okay. What.}

[He's being hugged. It's a friend of signship.]

{What the hell are you doing back here?}

[I got kinda bored of walking around carrying a board of wood and raising my voice just to say 'HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.']


I'm being hugged. Why?

{Because the Author wrote it to be really miss-able and now he's trying to make it more obvious.}


Fluttershy let go of him. Deadpool looked at her for a moment. Then out the window. Then at one of his hooves. Then at a part of the couch. Then at that Cry Alarm. Then at Fluttershy again.

"What was that for?" He asked... not really hostile about it.

"J-just showing you that kindness can be as simple as being near others... without hurting them..." She answered quietly.


{Well, not really, because nice people have been nice while hugging othe-}


{It can't be, because it just happ-}


'So can I go home now?' was what Deadpool wanted to ask. But it just didn't seem right to him.

Yes it did!

Did it really? Just think about it.


Shush, Stanley.

So instead, he said, "Thanks... I.. guess."

That's the way I think, but I didn't want to say that! YOU DIABOLICAL IDIOT!

That's no way to talk to your acquaintance who would have become your friend by now if he was in the same place as you. But he's in the real world, where you didn't like the cake I offered.


"A-anyway..." Fluttershy began, "It's starting to get a bit late, so you can leave Equestria tomorrow. We'll have to see if Weasel wants to leave too. You might go back by yourself, depending on what he wants to do..."

"It'll be fine. Weasel always bounces back. He's bouncy."

"...O-okay then... goodnight..." Fluttershy said, before trotting up her stairs. Deadpool looked outside. It was indeed nighttime. He scratched his head for a moment, confused about... something. Then, he went to the couch, and began to sleep.

Weasel'll come back for sure. He always comes back for more when the writers decide to include him in a series. It'll be just like old times.



To be continued in the next issue!

{Why is your daytime and nighttime stuff so hackneyed?}

I don't know what you're talking about.


Author's Note:

Sorry, WiseFox, I wasn't able to include you in this. It wouldn't have made sense.

I would have made a scene where you and the guy who looks like me both appear on the Helicarrier again.

But things would have been too obvious.

Have a good day, everyone.

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